freya recently wrote:
"On my side, wrists bound to ankles in front, I'm bent and he's behind me. Fucking into me with feral intensity. This angle is deep. I can't move and struggling is futile.
Yet I pull against my bonds anway, held fast. Not because I want free but because it's in my nature.
I have gooseflesh even now as I think about the feeling."
This post struck Me, even though I know that freya is not submissive outside the bedroom. It got Me to thinking about the concept, "yet I pull against my bonds anway, held fast. Not because I want free but because it's in my nature."
Many submissives have similar feelings -- the struggle against the force that seeks to be overwhelming, that needs to be overwhelming, is for many a large part of the thrill, the attraction. They want (need) to struggle, yet seek to ultimately "fail" in that struggle.
This hits on a very deep thing for Me. Because what I seek, is ultimately the end of struggling.
My power, My authority, seek to be total, final. I need them to be. For Me, there is no eroticism in the struggle. The question, as I see it, has been decided. For the other to struggle against empirical truth is debiliating for her and frustrating for Me.
But there is a deeper point here as well. It is only when the struggle ceases that the real learning can begin. The lessons I seek to impart can't be heard and absorbed over the noise of lingering struggle.
It's a difficult, narrow way to proceed. And there are hazards. I am blessed in that My girls embrace and udnerstand all this . . . and their embracing of it allows Me to not only dominate the way I must, but also to love them -- completely, unreservedly. The way I have to. There are no questions on either side of that equation.
One Post at a Time
One of the little frustrations of blogging is that it's single-threaded. Meaning one can only write about one thing at a time. While that's good for the resulting posts (it helps when posts actually make sense and move from point A to point B) and good for the readers, it doesn't reflect the fact that at any given time, most of the stuff I've ever written about is going on in Me. (Full disclosure: OK, I am not actually a private detective.)
So by the nature of blogging, certain things get left behind, because once one' s words roll off the front page they more or less never existed. Until you write about them again. While I'm aware of and not entirely unhappy with the tradeoff of persistence for immediacy, it doesn't give a totally accurate picture.
Case in point. I did a long series of posts on the spritual side of things, then a few more posts at intervals following those. It occurred to Me how long it's been since I addressed that topic, and the inconvenience/inaccuracy of "single-threading" made its presence felt, strongly.
But of course I can't leave well enough alone. I start to think about whether this is a common phenomenon, the frustration of knowing that what one writes about today is just one little part of the big picture, and that most parts of that picture are "lost" in the archives, or somehow not able to be addressed. I can't come to any reliable answer about that without doing massive one on one research. So . . .
From there, I start to theorize that blogs, rather than just being the expression of the effect, might actually be an element of the cause. Because thinking, writing, editing, editing some more, thinking, writing, editing more then finally pushing it out to the world for immediate digestoin and feedback isn't exactly a normal or natural way to approach thinking about one's life and the issues that affect it. So is it possible that blogs actually create a new way of thinking in us? An inherently different approach to finding our place in the world and coming to terms with that place?
Blogging about blogging. I have wandered into a Fellini film, I think. But like any good character trapped by that fourth wall I'll carry on. More on this another time.
So by the nature of blogging, certain things get left behind, because once one' s words roll off the front page they more or less never existed. Until you write about them again. While I'm aware of and not entirely unhappy with the tradeoff of persistence for immediacy, it doesn't give a totally accurate picture.
Case in point. I did a long series of posts on the spritual side of things, then a few more posts at intervals following those. It occurred to Me how long it's been since I addressed that topic, and the inconvenience/inaccuracy of "single-threading" made its presence felt, strongly.
But of course I can't leave well enough alone. I start to think about whether this is a common phenomenon, the frustration of knowing that what one writes about today is just one little part of the big picture, and that most parts of that picture are "lost" in the archives, or somehow not able to be addressed. I can't come to any reliable answer about that without doing massive one on one research. So . . .
From there, I start to theorize that blogs, rather than just being the expression of the effect, might actually be an element of the cause. Because thinking, writing, editing, editing some more, thinking, writing, editing more then finally pushing it out to the world for immediate digestoin and feedback isn't exactly a normal or natural way to approach thinking about one's life and the issues that affect it. So is it possible that blogs actually create a new way of thinking in us? An inherently different approach to finding our place in the world and coming to terms with that place?
Blogging about blogging. I have wandered into a Fellini film, I think. But like any good character trapped by that fourth wall I'll carry on. More on this another time.
YouTube Tuesday: Life Begins at the Hop; it ends . . . ?
Well, the inevitable happened. YouTube is to be acquired by Google for $1.65 billion. What this means for youtube is difficult to know right now, but from what I've read, Google intends to meet the copyright issue head on, by means of making deals with rights holders where it makes financial sense and aggressively keeping the other stuff off of the service. Meaning that you will most likely be paying in many cases for what's free now. Add to that the massive increase in advertising that is sure to happen and well, I'm not sure that the resulting youtube is going to be nearly as much fun as the one we currently enjoy.
I don't know what this means for youtube Tuesday (and I know you're all on pins and needles here) . . . I've no interest in "Google Video Tuesday" . . . we'll see what happens. As long as I can keep finding stuff that appeals to Me out there for free and with a minimum of hassle, I'll keep YTT going. If some upstart picks up youtube's mantle and keeps it fun and free with the same uninhibited attitude about copyright, perhaps YTT becomes presenations from whatever that new service is, if and when that happens.
But I do have to enjoy all this copyrighted stuff while I still can. So tonight, a video of one of My favorite songs ever -- "Life Begins At The Hop" by XTC. The video is cheesy and silly in a way that only a group of gifted but overly clever lads in the late 1970s could pull off. But the song is so uplifting and mood-brightening for Me I was thrilled to find the video out there and happy to post it here.
I don't know what this means for youtube Tuesday (and I know you're all on pins and needles here) . . . I've no interest in "Google Video Tuesday" . . . we'll see what happens. As long as I can keep finding stuff that appeals to Me out there for free and with a minimum of hassle, I'll keep YTT going. If some upstart picks up youtube's mantle and keeps it fun and free with the same uninhibited attitude about copyright, perhaps YTT becomes presenations from whatever that new service is, if and when that happens.
But I do have to enjoy all this copyrighted stuff while I still can. So tonight, a video of one of My favorite songs ever -- "Life Begins At The Hop" by XTC. The video is cheesy and silly in a way that only a group of gifted but overly clever lads in the late 1970s could pull off. But the song is so uplifting and mood-brightening for Me I was thrilled to find the video out there and happy to post it here.
YouTube Tuesday: Watching the Detectives
This week's clip is apropos -- Elvis Costello performing his classic "Watching the Detectives" from a 1977 episode of Saturday Night Live. Costello's homage to film noir is entrancing, from the halting rhythms to the razor-sharp lyrics. This song is one of the inspirations for the "Lenora X" character.
I'm not totally thrilled with this version . . . the audio is not great, and Costello has the tempo jerked up a bit, throwing the song off a bit in My mind. The bass player overdoes the flourishes to the extent that it's distracting, and the keyboards came out sounding like a bad accordion.
But the alternatives on youtube were a much later version, where an older, bloated Costello hardly seems interested in one of his best songs ever, and a much better, older version from Top of the Pops, but that one's abbreviated, the dancing British teens around the stage are annoying and the video quality is poor.
But ultimately, any version of "Watching the Detectives" is a good one.
I'm not totally thrilled with this version . . . the audio is not great, and Costello has the tempo jerked up a bit, throwing the song off a bit in My mind. The bass player overdoes the flourishes to the extent that it's distracting, and the keyboards came out sounding like a bad accordion.
But the alternatives on youtube were a much later version, where an older, bloated Costello hardly seems interested in one of his best songs ever, and a much better, older version from Top of the Pops, but that one's abbreviated, the dancing British teens around the stage are annoying and the video quality is poor.
But ultimately, any version of "Watching the Detectives" is a good one.
The Proper Way to Link-Whore
A look at sitemeter tells Me I've had 23,467 visitors to this point.
For a blog in existence eight months that is hardly impressive, and in the great blogging scheme of things I am, as the song goes "A-1 on the Jukebox But Nowhere on the Charts."
But that's fine. I never went into this to be a star. I write what I like, some people respond to it. It works for Me.
But one does have to have some readers, else having a blog doesn't make a whole bunch of sense. And of course, getting readers is largely the result of being linked to. And getting linked to is largely a function of linking to others.
Thus, link-whoring.
Starting out, I realized in short order that I needed some damn links . . . in order to hopefully start getting some inbound links.
So I started out, plugging some search terms into Blogger and reading what came up that seemed remotely relevant. Fortunately, since all bloggers understand the importance of link-whoring, most blogs I found had many links . . . well, that tree quickly gets out of hand but out of that process I did find a number of good blogs. So I linked to them.
OK . . . step 1 of the whoring process complete -- "putting out." Now, as is sometimes the case in real whoring, step 2, getting paid, is a lot harder than putting out.
1. The blog you're linked to has to know you've linked to them.
2. The owner of that blog has to then take the affirmative step of linking back to you.
Well, as to Item #1. One could just go into the blog owner's profile, e-mail them all nice and friendly like, and hope for the best. A la:
"Hi . . . just read your blog and I love it! I'm really picky about who I link to but I enjoyed your writing and insights so much that it was a no-brainer! I've linked to you now. Keep up the good work -- I can't wait until your next update!"
Now, note that nowhere in there is there an actual request for a reciprocal link. But, by pointing out that "I'm really picky about who I link to," you make the recipient feel like someone special, and make yourself seem like not an abject link-whore at all. The downside of this approach is that the recipient might actually visit your blog and see that you have 452 links there. But for a first approach it's not too bad -- you might be perceived as an airhead but not as an abject link-whore.
But subtlety is like single-malt Scotch -- wasted on most people. A more direct approach might be called for . . . .
"Hi . . . just read your blog and I really enjoyed it. I don't usually do this, but I've added a link to your blog on my own (http://www.will-suck-cock-for-links.com) . . . I'd appraciate a reciprocal link, since I think we have convergent readerships and a really powerful synergy could develop."
Note the touches here. The lack of !'s immediately lends a more serious air to the message.
"Convergent readerships" and "synergy" really crank up the scholarly quotient; it's obvious to anyone reading that you are truly interested in the intellectual benefits of blogging and most definitely not an abject link-whore.
The other way to let the blog owner know you've read/linked to his or her blog is by leaving a comment. These can vary from the extremely unsubtle to the truly sublime. It's important to be careful here so as not to strike the wrong note. For example:
Bigger Breasts in Three Weeks!
http://www.will-suck-cock-for-links.com
Isn't likely to get a reciprocal link no matter how much the blog owner wants bigger breasts.
This one isn't much better:
Great site! Where can I get the layout for mine?
http://www.will-suck-cock-for-links.com
The important thing about the comment, of course, is getting the reader to look at, and, hopefully, link to you. (Well, ok, forget the readingpart, that's optional -- you want the damn link.) But leaving a comment with no substance but your blog address makes you look like, yes, an abject link whore. And the single most important thing about being an abject link whore is: Not looking like an abject link- whore. So your comment must:
a) Show that you actually read the post in question. Think of it like the reading comprehension section of the SATs. It might be painful but actually stick it out and read the blog post you're going to comment upon.
b) Add something to the discussion. When in doubt, go for a little humor. Doesn't matter if it's funny or not . . . make a little joke, drop your link, and get the hell out.
c) Not contain the phrase: "I am an abject link-whore -- please link to me!"
Carefully applied, you'll get in-links, readers, and general admiration for "doing it the right way," i.e., not coming off like an abject link-whore.
For a blog in existence eight months that is hardly impressive, and in the great blogging scheme of things I am, as the song goes "A-1 on the Jukebox But Nowhere on the Charts."
But that's fine. I never went into this to be a star. I write what I like, some people respond to it. It works for Me.
But one does have to have some readers, else having a blog doesn't make a whole bunch of sense. And of course, getting readers is largely the result of being linked to. And getting linked to is largely a function of linking to others.
Thus, link-whoring.
Starting out, I realized in short order that I needed some damn links . . . in order to hopefully start getting some inbound links.
So I started out, plugging some search terms into Blogger and reading what came up that seemed remotely relevant. Fortunately, since all bloggers understand the importance of link-whoring, most blogs I found had many links . . . well, that tree quickly gets out of hand but out of that process I did find a number of good blogs. So I linked to them.
OK . . . step 1 of the whoring process complete -- "putting out." Now, as is sometimes the case in real whoring, step 2, getting paid, is a lot harder than putting out.
1. The blog you're linked to has to know you've linked to them.
2. The owner of that blog has to then take the affirmative step of linking back to you.
Well, as to Item #1. One could just go into the blog owner's profile, e-mail them all nice and friendly like, and hope for the best. A la:
"Hi . . . just read your blog and I love it! I'm really picky about who I link to but I enjoyed your writing and insights so much that it was a no-brainer! I've linked to you now. Keep up the good work -- I can't wait until your next update!"
Now, note that nowhere in there is there an actual request for a reciprocal link. But, by pointing out that "I'm really picky about who I link to," you make the recipient feel like someone special, and make yourself seem like not an abject link-whore at all. The downside of this approach is that the recipient might actually visit your blog and see that you have 452 links there. But for a first approach it's not too bad -- you might be perceived as an airhead but not as an abject link-whore.
But subtlety is like single-malt Scotch -- wasted on most people. A more direct approach might be called for . . . .
"Hi . . . just read your blog and I really enjoyed it. I don't usually do this, but I've added a link to your blog on my own (http://www.will-suck-cock-for-links.com) . . . I'd appraciate a reciprocal link, since I think we have convergent readerships and a really powerful synergy could develop."
Note the touches here. The lack of !'s immediately lends a more serious air to the message.
"Convergent readerships" and "synergy" really crank up the scholarly quotient; it's obvious to anyone reading that you are truly interested in the intellectual benefits of blogging and most definitely not an abject link-whore.
The other way to let the blog owner know you've read/linked to his or her blog is by leaving a comment. These can vary from the extremely unsubtle to the truly sublime. It's important to be careful here so as not to strike the wrong note. For example:
Bigger Breasts in Three Weeks!
http://www.will-suck-cock-for-links.com
Isn't likely to get a reciprocal link no matter how much the blog owner wants bigger breasts.
This one isn't much better:
Great site! Where can I get the layout for mine?
http://www.will-suck-cock-for-links.com
The important thing about the comment, of course, is getting the reader to look at, and, hopefully, link to you. (Well, ok, forget the readingpart, that's optional -- you want the damn link.) But leaving a comment with no substance but your blog address makes you look like, yes, an abject link whore. And the single most important thing about being an abject link whore is: Not looking like an abject link- whore. So your comment must:
a) Show that you actually read the post in question. Think of it like the reading comprehension section of the SATs. It might be painful but actually stick it out and read the blog post you're going to comment upon.
b) Add something to the discussion. When in doubt, go for a little humor. Doesn't matter if it's funny or not . . . make a little joke, drop your link, and get the hell out.
c) Not contain the phrase: "I am an abject link-whore -- please link to me!"
Carefully applied, you'll get in-links, readers, and general admiration for "doing it the right way," i.e., not coming off like an abject link-whore.
Quick Hits
This and that . . .
--New Link: A Spanking Good Time . . . thanks for the link, Tiggr.
--Everything's really good . . . the girls are great, work is well, work, but it could always be a lot worse.
--Tiggr: I have a number of thoughts about the question you posed but don't necessarily want to share them with the world. Click on the profile link and e-mail Me, and I'll reply by e-mail.
--The chat room currently is experiencing one of those periods of lower popularity. Which is really good, in one way, since it allows Me to focus better on the girls and other things. These things come and go; we ride them out and find what there is to enjoy in each phase.
--This girl: Was sooooooooo sad to read what I read. I wish you all the best . . . hang in there and don't hestiate to e-mail/IM Me if you want to talk . . . hugs . . .
--I am really very impressed with people, in general. About three(?) months ago I put that link up that shows My Yahoo IM status, and in all that time I've not recieved one inappropriate contact. Obviously I have a pretty high-class readership . . . (in truth I never doubted it).
--I can't speak for all of you out there, but I always play the piano in lingerie and boots.
--Taylor: Thanks for adding Me . . . your blog brightens My day.
OK, that's it. Have a great weekend. More incisive analysis, thought-provoking humor, detective fiction, and general obscurity soon. Kisses and hugs to all the usual suspects . . .
YouTube Tuesday: Lego Gangsters
Lots of people are doing lots of creative, funny, and sometimes truly sick stuff with Legos. Thankfully a lot of those people are also recording their work and sharing it with the world.
Today's youtube Tuesday presents a nicely-done "trailer" for a video game that really should exist -- Grand Theft Auto: Lego City. The director has done a really nice job of hitting many of the "high notes" from the much adored/villifed/feared/praised/played Grand Theft Auto series of video games. And, just to rein in the surrealism a bit, bear in mind that there actually is a video game, based on Star Wars, that uses Lego characters.
Legos. Video game thuggery. Perfect match.
Today's youtube Tuesday presents a nicely-done "trailer" for a video game that really should exist -- Grand Theft Auto: Lego City. The director has done a really nice job of hitting many of the "high notes" from the much adored/villifed/feared/praised/played Grand Theft Auto series of video games. And, just to rein in the surrealism a bit, bear in mind that there actually is a video game, based on Star Wars, that uses Lego characters.
Legos. Video game thuggery. Perfect match.
Grabbing On
I've written several times on the importance of a submissive moving from an orientation of holding on to an orientation of letting go. I write about it often because it's crucial, ultimately, not only for the deepening of submission and for the value of the reationship for both parties, but also for the overall emotional health of the submissive in question.
But nothing has value in a vacuum, so it's important to discuss the converse. Namely, that the Dominant has a responsibility to "grab on" when S/He feels the submissive let go.
Properly motivated, a submissive can handle almost anything. But one thing that no submissive can handle and remain submissive for very long is that feeling of being adrift. That horrendous feeling in the pit of the stomach when the realizatoin hits that one has put something very big out there, at great emotional risk, and there is no converse feeling flowing back from the Other.
It's surprisingly easy for the Dom/me to miss it, too. I know. I've missed it at times. And too often missed, it starts a slow cycle of deterioration wherein the submissive, despite his or best intentions, begins to drift away, disengage. The Dominant either wises up and puts the hammer down, and probably thus saves the situation, or doesn't, and then things are doomed.
But there is a very fine line. For a D/s relationship to function long-term, it cannot become "mercantile." I mean by that the Dominance and submission can't be seen as "transactions." Often in life, we adopt this mentality. "I did X for her . . . I am entiteld to Y in return," etc. Whether or voiced or not, those sorts of thoughts are the root cause of much of people's unhappiness in life, because people are forever not following through with what we think we've got a right to expect. And in a D/s relationship that transactional mentality is deadly.
However there are going to be expectations. It's unavoidable. And this letting go/grabbing on area is one where the submissive is entitled to expect that the Dom/me will, well, do the Dom/me thing and take what's being offered up. In fact, if the Dom/me sees/feels what's being let go of and can't/won't grab it, then that's a fairly strong indicator that the two people are mismatched on a basic level in D/s terms.
But nothing has value in a vacuum, so it's important to discuss the converse. Namely, that the Dominant has a responsibility to "grab on" when S/He feels the submissive let go.
Properly motivated, a submissive can handle almost anything. But one thing that no submissive can handle and remain submissive for very long is that feeling of being adrift. That horrendous feeling in the pit of the stomach when the realizatoin hits that one has put something very big out there, at great emotional risk, and there is no converse feeling flowing back from the Other.
It's surprisingly easy for the Dom/me to miss it, too. I know. I've missed it at times. And too often missed, it starts a slow cycle of deterioration wherein the submissive, despite his or best intentions, begins to drift away, disengage. The Dominant either wises up and puts the hammer down, and probably thus saves the situation, or doesn't, and then things are doomed.
But there is a very fine line. For a D/s relationship to function long-term, it cannot become "mercantile." I mean by that the Dominance and submission can't be seen as "transactions." Often in life, we adopt this mentality. "I did X for her . . . I am entiteld to Y in return," etc. Whether or voiced or not, those sorts of thoughts are the root cause of much of people's unhappiness in life, because people are forever not following through with what we think we've got a right to expect. And in a D/s relationship that transactional mentality is deadly.
However there are going to be expectations. It's unavoidable. And this letting go/grabbing on area is one where the submissive is entitled to expect that the Dom/me will, well, do the Dom/me thing and take what's being offered up. In fact, if the Dom/me sees/feels what's being let go of and can't/won't grab it, then that's a fairly strong indicator that the two people are mismatched on a basic level in D/s terms.
YouTube Tuesday: Financing Your Project?
Today's youtube offering is a "trailer" for a movie that hasn't yet been made. In the comment introducing the clip, the author writes:
"Preview trailer for 'sexually-infused murder mystery.' We are seeking funding or a Sugar Daddy to make the rest of this Indie."
Now, I'm sure youtube isn't the most efficient way to go about finding financing for an artistic endeavor, and maybe right now youtube's demographics aren't conducive to the "right" people seeing the pitch, but in the coming disintermediated world, maybe this is the cutting edge of movie financing. Maybe someone who could make film happen sees this, and finances it. Or maybe 25 people out of the thousands that will see it and each put up a little $$ and the thing gets made that way. Or perhaps a studio hates the filmmakers but loves the concept and script and buys the project up. Etc.
The sky's the limit.
"Preview trailer for 'sexually-infused murder mystery.' We are seeking funding or a Sugar Daddy to make the rest of this Indie."
Now, I'm sure youtube isn't the most efficient way to go about finding financing for an artistic endeavor, and maybe right now youtube's demographics aren't conducive to the "right" people seeing the pitch, but in the coming disintermediated world, maybe this is the cutting edge of movie financing. Maybe someone who could make film happen sees this, and finances it. Or maybe 25 people out of the thousands that will see it and each put up a little $$ and the thing gets made that way. Or perhaps a studio hates the filmmakers but loves the concept and script and buys the project up. Etc.
The sky's the limit.
A Wonderfully Difficult Week
I've been absent from here the past few days . . . but for a very good reason.
About 2 1/2 months ago, My girl sorceress asked for her release. I reluctantly, sadly, granted it.
This past week, she asked Me to take her back.
Even thought I'd never stopped loving her, I went into a long think about her request. I've written before about how for Me, love is an essential ingredient in relationship D/s, but I've also written a lot more (implicitly) about how love in and of itself isn't enough.
And looking back on the two-plus years we'd been together, there were problem areas. And those hadn't improved in late June when sorceress asked to be released. So there was a lot to think about.
For three days I rolled this over in My mind, really examined everything. her failures, and just as importantly Mine. We had, some important ways let each other down." The issue now was how would it be different, if I took her back? Would I be capable of what I for whatever reason wasn't totally capable of before? For her part, the same questions . . . would she be able to get over certain hurdles that in the past were serious stumbling blocks?
I am process-oriented. That is, I seek a defineable path, at least on the strateic level. The actual tactical steps to be taken can be devised/adjusted as the situatoins dictate. So, I tried to define a process for this. Perhaps for Me, the mere existence of a process was more important than the actual contents of the process, as it allowed Me to start to consider the big questions in a calmer, more rational way.
The process itself was very simple.
1. she made a formal request to be taken back.
2. I then had her write Me an e-mail, addressing the following questions:
a. What had gone wrong?
b. Why?
c. How would things be different this time?
d. Is it reasonable to expect that improvement could be achieved?
3. I would then give her My answers to the above questions.
4. We would then discuss the oue answers to those questions at length.
5. At the conclusion of that process I would make My decision.
The process was valuable for her, too -- she needed a structure in which work through this, too.
Thus My absence from here. It was very difficult to blog, to even think about much else the past few days.
And the process was valuable, regardless of the result. In thinking over the questions above, I had to examine My own handling of certain situations and emotions, and My entire approach to Dominace as a result. I've written before about a Dom/me's humility; this exercise was humbling in a very good way. Becasue I was able to see (to re-establish to Myself, as it were) that:
1. I'm not perfect (of course), but
2. I'm pretty darn good.
The process also reinforced a number of other themes I"ve written about here, both practical and spiritual. So it was highly benefical, even if the original reason for it (sorceress leaving) was painful and horrendous in the extreme.
But, as the saying goes, the world doesn't care about the labor pains . . . they just want to see the baby. So I know the results of the process are of interest more than are the details of said process.
I have taken her back. I am so incredibly joyful that she is back. Words honestly can't express how joyful.
she has been re-named. she is natahsa now.
Welcome back home, natasha. I love you so incredibly much.
About 2 1/2 months ago, My girl sorceress asked for her release. I reluctantly, sadly, granted it.
This past week, she asked Me to take her back.
Even thought I'd never stopped loving her, I went into a long think about her request. I've written before about how for Me, love is an essential ingredient in relationship D/s, but I've also written a lot more (implicitly) about how love in and of itself isn't enough.
And looking back on the two-plus years we'd been together, there were problem areas. And those hadn't improved in late June when sorceress asked to be released. So there was a lot to think about.
For three days I rolled this over in My mind, really examined everything. her failures, and just as importantly Mine. We had, some important ways let each other down." The issue now was how would it be different, if I took her back? Would I be capable of what I for whatever reason wasn't totally capable of before? For her part, the same questions . . . would she be able to get over certain hurdles that in the past were serious stumbling blocks?
I am process-oriented. That is, I seek a defineable path, at least on the strateic level. The actual tactical steps to be taken can be devised/adjusted as the situatoins dictate. So, I tried to define a process for this. Perhaps for Me, the mere existence of a process was more important than the actual contents of the process, as it allowed Me to start to consider the big questions in a calmer, more rational way.
The process itself was very simple.
1. she made a formal request to be taken back.
2. I then had her write Me an e-mail, addressing the following questions:
a. What had gone wrong?
b. Why?
c. How would things be different this time?
d. Is it reasonable to expect that improvement could be achieved?
3. I would then give her My answers to the above questions.
4. We would then discuss the oue answers to those questions at length.
5. At the conclusion of that process I would make My decision.
The process was valuable for her, too -- she needed a structure in which work through this, too.
Thus My absence from here. It was very difficult to blog, to even think about much else the past few days.
And the process was valuable, regardless of the result. In thinking over the questions above, I had to examine My own handling of certain situations and emotions, and My entire approach to Dominace as a result. I've written before about a Dom/me's humility; this exercise was humbling in a very good way. Becasue I was able to see (to re-establish to Myself, as it were) that:
1. I'm not perfect (of course), but
2. I'm pretty darn good.
The process also reinforced a number of other themes I"ve written about here, both practical and spiritual. So it was highly benefical, even if the original reason for it (sorceress leaving) was painful and horrendous in the extreme.
But, as the saying goes, the world doesn't care about the labor pains . . . they just want to see the baby. So I know the results of the process are of interest more than are the details of said process.
I have taken her back. I am so incredibly joyful that she is back. Words honestly can't express how joyful.
she has been re-named. she is natahsa now.
Welcome back home, natasha. I love you so incredibly much.
YouTube Tuesday: Tivo For Everyone
A lot of the videos out on youtube are clips, and in some cases, entire episodes of various TV programs from around the world. Miss something on TV the first time around? Or just feel like sampling what the rest of the world thinks is good TV? It's out there on youtube. It's kind of like having access to a gigantic (albeit somewhat random) TiVo that's free and searchable.
Technically, I'm sure, none of this should be out there, of course. But either the rights-holders don't know (increasingly unlikley as youtube's popularity escalates), or, more likely, they know but don't care all that much, since no one's charging for it, and really, having a hundred "trailers" for your program(s) out there accessible to the whole world anytime isn't really such a terrible thing.
For this week's offering a hot little clip from "The L Word."
Technically, I'm sure, none of this should be out there, of course. But either the rights-holders don't know (increasingly unlikley as youtube's popularity escalates), or, more likely, they know but don't care all that much, since no one's charging for it, and really, having a hundred "trailers" for your program(s) out there accessible to the whole world anytime isn't really such a terrible thing.
For this week's offering a hot little clip from "The L Word."
Of Depression and Giant Sausages
Funny how the stupidest little things can shake One out of a funk.
I pretty much hate Labor Day. The childhood experience of it, the last hurrah of summer vacation, the gateway to the numbing repetition and regimentation of the educational process, has never left Me, I suppose. So I was feeling pretty blah.
A baseball game in on the TV . . . The Brewers and Dodgers. Baseball at least survives Labor Day, like a defiant Indian Summer it blazes on into October, its heat rising with each passing day, a stark counterpoint to the suddenly chilly evenings and the slowly-fading green.
And, in baseball games played in Milwaukee they have a quaint custom. At a certain point between innings, mascots dressed liked a hot dog, a Polish suasage, an Italian sausage, and a Bratwurst race around the field, much to the delight of the crowd. (In the interest of diversity, Chorizo will be added next season. I kid you not.)
Just now, before resuming live action, they showed a little snippet of the just-concluded sausage race. And, amazingly, stupidly, confoundingly, just seeing that little bit of completely unrepressed goofiness has lightened My mood considerably.
Now, some would stop and think about that, to really try to get at "why." Not Me. "Why" is the question of gift-horse dentists. I'll pass, and simply enjoy the improvement in My mood.
Hope everyone is doing well. Kisses and hugs to all the usual suspects.
I pretty much hate Labor Day. The childhood experience of it, the last hurrah of summer vacation, the gateway to the numbing repetition and regimentation of the educational process, has never left Me, I suppose. So I was feeling pretty blah.
A baseball game in on the TV . . . The Brewers and Dodgers. Baseball at least survives Labor Day, like a defiant Indian Summer it blazes on into October, its heat rising with each passing day, a stark counterpoint to the suddenly chilly evenings and the slowly-fading green.
And, in baseball games played in Milwaukee they have a quaint custom. At a certain point between innings, mascots dressed liked a hot dog, a Polish suasage, an Italian sausage, and a Bratwurst race around the field, much to the delight of the crowd. (In the interest of diversity, Chorizo will be added next season. I kid you not.)
Just now, before resuming live action, they showed a little snippet of the just-concluded sausage race. And, amazingly, stupidly, confoundingly, just seeing that little bit of completely unrepressed goofiness has lightened My mood considerably.
Now, some would stop and think about that, to really try to get at "why." Not Me. "Why" is the question of gift-horse dentists. I'll pass, and simply enjoy the improvement in My mood.
Hope everyone is doing well. Kisses and hugs to all the usual suspects.
What Al Gore Intended?
Very late one night, a policeman was walking his beat and saw a man, looking a bit tipsy, furtively searching around the base of a lamppost. He asked what the man was doing.
"I lost my keys," the inebriated man said. The policeman wondered, "well, is this where you dropped them?" The man said "no, I lost them over there," pointing down the dark street. The policeman somewhat incredulously asked "then why aren't you looking over there?" The man, slightly exasperated, replied "because the light's better over here."
--Old Story
A recent post on Sugarbank points out that half of the top 10 most-read articles on Wikipedia in August had to do with sex. The top 10 list:
Going to the ultra long-term view, here are the top 10 search terms of the last 10 years, from Lycos:
1. Pamela Anderson
2. Dragonball
3. Pokemon
4. Britney Spears
5. WWE
6. Tattoos
7. Las Vegas
8. NFL
9. September 11
10. Christmas
Not a porn search in the bunch. (Although some might consider the entire top 10 list "pornographic" in the larger sense.) But 10 years is way too long a timeframe. The net and its usage patterns have changed too much over that time.
Google has an interesting site called Google Trends, that measures the popularity of search terms.
Below is a graph comparing the popularity of the search terms "porn" and "terrorism."
The blue line represents porn, the red line, terrorism. The top chart is relative searches, the bottom chart is relative news references. Strikingly, terrorism is in the news a lot more than porn is, but people are searching for porn a whole lot more than they are for terrorism. (The letters represent the dates of (apparently) randomly selected news items about terrorism).
Well, in turns out that that doesn't necessarily prove too much. The following terms all trumped terrorism handily in searches:
Mircosoft
Biology
Spyware
Coffee
Diabetes
And so it goes. Substituting "current events, "current affairs," or "politics" for "terrorism" yields similar results. And it's not just news, per se. Porn and the above terms were searched for a lot more than investments, health care, Democrats, Republicans, Congress, etc. (For what it's worth, the search volumes of "porn" and "weather" run pretty much neck and neck over the last 2-plus years. Make of that what you will.)
But the Internet, it would seem, is not so much "for porn" as it is a convenient place to look for it. If one wants to know about terrorism, one has multiple sources for that -- most cable subscribers have access to three or more 24-hour news channels, for instance. Porn's harder to get at anywhere else. Similarly, the term "mp3" is searched on more than "porn" is. Another item where the Internet is the primary place to look.
People look for stuff where they can find it and quickly become efficient at it. The stuff they can find elsewhere (or are exposed to without their necessarily requesting to be exposed to it), they're less likely to go and find the streetlight to look under.
"I lost my keys," the inebriated man said. The policeman wondered, "well, is this where you dropped them?" The man said "no, I lost them over there," pointing down the dark street. The policeman somewhat incredulously asked "then why aren't you looking over there?" The man, slightly exasperated, replied "because the light's better over here."
--Old Story
A recent post on Sugarbank points out that half of the top 10 most-read articles on Wikipedia in August had to do with sex. The top 10 list:
- Wikipedia
- Pluto
- United States
- List of gay porn stars
- Sexual intercourse
- Wii
- Wiki
- List of sex positions
- Kama Sutra
- Pornography
Going to the ultra long-term view, here are the top 10 search terms of the last 10 years, from Lycos:
1. Pamela Anderson
2. Dragonball
3. Pokemon
4. Britney Spears
5. WWE
6. Tattoos
7. Las Vegas
8. NFL
9. September 11
10. Christmas
Not a porn search in the bunch. (Although some might consider the entire top 10 list "pornographic" in the larger sense.) But 10 years is way too long a timeframe. The net and its usage patterns have changed too much over that time.
Google has an interesting site called Google Trends, that measures the popularity of search terms.
Below is a graph comparing the popularity of the search terms "porn" and "terrorism."
The blue line represents porn, the red line, terrorism. The top chart is relative searches, the bottom chart is relative news references. Strikingly, terrorism is in the news a lot more than porn is, but people are searching for porn a whole lot more than they are for terrorism. (The letters represent the dates of (apparently) randomly selected news items about terrorism).
Well, in turns out that that doesn't necessarily prove too much. The following terms all trumped terrorism handily in searches:
Mircosoft
Biology
Spyware
Coffee
Diabetes
And so it goes. Substituting "current events, "current affairs," or "politics" for "terrorism" yields similar results. And it's not just news, per se. Porn and the above terms were searched for a lot more than investments, health care, Democrats, Republicans, Congress, etc. (For what it's worth, the search volumes of "porn" and "weather" run pretty much neck and neck over the last 2-plus years. Make of that what you will.)
But the Internet, it would seem, is not so much "for porn" as it is a convenient place to look for it. If one wants to know about terrorism, one has multiple sources for that -- most cable subscribers have access to three or more 24-hour news channels, for instance. Porn's harder to get at anywhere else. Similarly, the term "mp3" is searched on more than "porn" is. Another item where the Internet is the primary place to look.
People look for stuff where they can find it and quickly become efficient at it. The stuff they can find elsewhere (or are exposed to without their necessarily requesting to be exposed to it), they're less likely to go and find the streetlight to look under.
Marking the Occaision
Today is 2 years that iris has been with Me.
In a way that makes it a very special day; in another, it's a day like any other, becasue that is the beauty of iris -- the absolute consistency and depth of her submission and love and devotion, the unwavering focus she brings to all things, big and small.
Happy second anniversary, iris. I love you so incredibly much. Thank you for being you.
In a way that makes it a very special day; in another, it's a day like any other, becasue that is the beauty of iris -- the absolute consistency and depth of her submission and love and devotion, the unwavering focus she brings to all things, big and small.
Happy second anniversary, iris. I love you so incredibly much. Thank you for being you.
YouTube Tuesday: No Commercial Is Safe
There's a large sub-genre on youtube that consists of parodies of popular/notorious TV commercials.
So it's not surprising that the self-congratulatory "Mac vs. PC" ads from Apple are a prime target. There are hundreds of spoofs of the Apple ads on youtube, ranging from really terrible to very funny. I picked this one almost ramdomly from among several I couldn't decide between.
Enjoy watching . . . and remember to give your PC a hug every now and then.
So it's not surprising that the self-congratulatory "Mac vs. PC" ads from Apple are a prime target. There are hundreds of spoofs of the Apple ads on youtube, ranging from really terrible to very funny. I picked this one almost ramdomly from among several I couldn't decide between.
Enjoy watching . . . and remember to give your PC a hug every now and then.
Joining The Club That Wants You As A Member
swan recently wrote:
"I know that I long for "companions" on this path. When I get lonely, frightened, confused, lost... I wish there were others who could see what I am seeing, hear the voices in my head, speak to my heart with wisdom and experience and calm. I wish there were mentors and guides. That is the one thing that I have longed to find as long as I have written in the online universe. Those people are as rare as hen's teeth."
I'm sure many share or have shared swan's feelings on this, perhaps more strongly at times than at others.
And while finding someone who sees that one sees or "hears the voices" in one's head has to be exceedingly rare, in My experience, companions are lot easier to come by.
The first impulse, and it's certainly a sensible and useful one, is to be wary . . . . there are a lot of players and bozos out there. Potential stalkers, too. There are people who gravitate to D/s, esepcially on-line, for the wrong reasons. And obviously one needs to have enough radar to avoid those people.
The obvious evil types avoided, there's a large segment of people who are perfectly nice, apparently sane, but simply, well, not very dynamic. It's not a matter of intelligence -- I've met tons of very smart, very boring people on-line. Some people simply aren't particularly insightful, creative, funny, or sexy. Sometimes just it's the combination of two people that isn't right. For whatever reason, one will encounter a lot of people who one can be friendly with, but with whom friendship will never develop.
In the remaining small segment are the potential friends, companions, mentors, or guides. And here is where many people, I find, cut themselves off from the possibilities. The title of this post refers to the old joke (Groucho Marx?), chacterizing a person who "wouldn't join any club that would have him as a member." I find we do that a lot. Why does another person go down somehow in our estimation when it's apparent they want to be friends with us?
Now there are friends and there are friends. Perhaps no one will ever be in one's head to the degree swan wrote about, but there's a continuum there, that stretches from a person who one can casually talk about one's day with to a very trusted friend/mentor/guide, someone who understands and truly helps one navigate the complexities of this lifestyle. But it has to start somewhere. I think that often we're too picky, sometimes from fear, from the lingering pain of bad past experiences, or simply from holding others to an imposisble standard that we, perhaps unconsciously, are also holding ourselves to.
Mentoring/Guiding is more complex, especially for a submissive, since the mentor in question will almost always be a Dominant, and there can be a confusion of feelings there as the mentoring process (perforce) delves into sensitive, edgy areas. I consider Myself to have been a mentor to several people, in varying degrees, and in My experience finding a mentor is mostly a matter of dumb luck. Dumb luck and being open to the possibility that one might actually find one.
So consider that simple posisbility that the club that wants you as a member really really likes you, and that liking you is a rational, normal thing, since you have lots of good qualities and should be liked.
What a concept!
"I know that I long for "companions" on this path. When I get lonely, frightened, confused, lost... I wish there were others who could see what I am seeing, hear the voices in my head, speak to my heart with wisdom and experience and calm. I wish there were mentors and guides. That is the one thing that I have longed to find as long as I have written in the online universe. Those people are as rare as hen's teeth."
I'm sure many share or have shared swan's feelings on this, perhaps more strongly at times than at others.
And while finding someone who sees that one sees or "hears the voices" in one's head has to be exceedingly rare, in My experience, companions are lot easier to come by.
The first impulse, and it's certainly a sensible and useful one, is to be wary . . . . there are a lot of players and bozos out there. Potential stalkers, too. There are people who gravitate to D/s, esepcially on-line, for the wrong reasons. And obviously one needs to have enough radar to avoid those people.
The obvious evil types avoided, there's a large segment of people who are perfectly nice, apparently sane, but simply, well, not very dynamic. It's not a matter of intelligence -- I've met tons of very smart, very boring people on-line. Some people simply aren't particularly insightful, creative, funny, or sexy. Sometimes just it's the combination of two people that isn't right. For whatever reason, one will encounter a lot of people who one can be friendly with, but with whom friendship will never develop.
In the remaining small segment are the potential friends, companions, mentors, or guides. And here is where many people, I find, cut themselves off from the possibilities. The title of this post refers to the old joke (Groucho Marx?), chacterizing a person who "wouldn't join any club that would have him as a member." I find we do that a lot. Why does another person go down somehow in our estimation when it's apparent they want to be friends with us?
Now there are friends and there are friends. Perhaps no one will ever be in one's head to the degree swan wrote about, but there's a continuum there, that stretches from a person who one can casually talk about one's day with to a very trusted friend/mentor/guide, someone who understands and truly helps one navigate the complexities of this lifestyle. But it has to start somewhere. I think that often we're too picky, sometimes from fear, from the lingering pain of bad past experiences, or simply from holding others to an imposisble standard that we, perhaps unconsciously, are also holding ourselves to.
Mentoring/Guiding is more complex, especially for a submissive, since the mentor in question will almost always be a Dominant, and there can be a confusion of feelings there as the mentoring process (perforce) delves into sensitive, edgy areas. I consider Myself to have been a mentor to several people, in varying degrees, and in My experience finding a mentor is mostly a matter of dumb luck. Dumb luck and being open to the possibility that one might actually find one.
So consider that simple posisbility that the club that wants you as a member really really likes you, and that liking you is a rational, normal thing, since you have lots of good qualities and should be liked.
What a concept!
Housecleaning Successful
Finally updated the link list to remove dead links and adjust a couple of URLs where people had moved.
On a few entries, I've added the phrase "not updated recently" after the name . . . these blogs haven't been updated in 3 months or so . . . I'll remove them the next time I update the link list if there's no updates by then.
Newest Links (I think I've isolated them all): Art Through Service . . . Destiny and Her Pet Chance . . . Fit to be Tied . . . Notes on an Unremarkable Life . . . Pleaseletme's Progress . . .
OK . . . time for My toal veg-out weekend to resume . . . few things in life are better than absolutely nothing that has to be done.
On a few entries, I've added the phrase "not updated recently" after the name . . . these blogs haven't been updated in 3 months or so . . . I'll remove them the next time I update the link list if there's no updates by then.
Newest Links (I think I've isolated them all): Art Through Service . . . Destiny and Her Pet Chance . . . Fit to be Tied . . . Notes on an Unremarkable Life . . . Pleaseletme's Progress . . .
OK . . . time for My toal veg-out weekend to resume . . . few things in life are better than absolutely nothing that has to be done.
A Familiar Theme
Sometimes an idea for a post will occur to Me, but then I'll decide against it, on the basis that "I've already written about that before." But in thinking on it, I realize that:
1. Certain ideas bear repeating.
2. The nature of this ever-rolling medium means that anything not on the current front page more or less never happened.
So, in the spirit of repeating something that bears repeating . . .
I was talking to a girl the other night. she was talking about a certain area in D/s that frequently gives her trouble as a submissive. And that had to do with her unease when she feels out of control. This is a common problem area, in My experience. Few submissives are a blank canvas, and truthfully, as a Dominant I wouldn't want that -- personally I can't image D/s being much fun without the unqiue contributions of the submissive.
But as with so much in this lifestyle there's a fine line. And it's not always clear where that line is. What some Dominants might see as playful, creative, or funny, Others might see as Toppy, bratty, or disrespectful. It's not easy for the submissive to always know when to "contribute uniqueness" and when to let go and just "be good." And the submissive, no matter how strong his or her desire to please, still has his or her own motivations, things that he or she responds to especially strongly. Those compulsions can be nearly irresistible. Add physical restraint and/or sexual excitement and/or teasing, humilation, etc., and the submissive often finds him- or herself in a sitaution that can feel impossible, even scary, sometimes.
Here's where I haul out the previously-discussed idea: The submissive, in the end, has only one thing to worry about controlling: the quality and completeness of his or her effort. Because that is the only thing the submissive can ever be sure about. And, importantly, pursued correctly, there is a great comfort in that. It is a clear, easily understood goal. An unwavering direction.
The tough part of course is that while the statement is simple, the execution is far from simple. The reason it's so difficult is that really focusing on that requires a change in one's basic orientation. A change from acting from the standpoint of holding on to acting from the standpoint of letting go.
This is very difficult since it goes against much of what we've been taught throughout our lives. Every fiber of our being tells us to hold on. Being "submissive" generally is no antidote to those poisonous thoughts. The bad news, interestingly enough, is the same as the good news: There is no way to "practice" it -- it starts as a mater of "Acting as If" consistently (another old post) and over time becomes a change in basic orientation. The reason I say that that's equally bad and good news is that it's not as if anyone's "missing out" -- it is what it is, and thus is universally and equally embraceable. (And of course universally and equally unattainable, viewed the other way.)
The final "proof" is that every time I talk to a submissive about this issue, they always end up feeling that the times when they have attained the "control" they felt they needed, they invariably feel bad about it.
Hm.
Waste of energy.
Makes you feel bad.
Illusory.
That's the trifecta. Try another way.
1. Certain ideas bear repeating.
2. The nature of this ever-rolling medium means that anything not on the current front page more or less never happened.
So, in the spirit of repeating something that bears repeating . . .
I was talking to a girl the other night. she was talking about a certain area in D/s that frequently gives her trouble as a submissive. And that had to do with her unease when she feels out of control. This is a common problem area, in My experience. Few submissives are a blank canvas, and truthfully, as a Dominant I wouldn't want that -- personally I can't image D/s being much fun without the unqiue contributions of the submissive.
But as with so much in this lifestyle there's a fine line. And it's not always clear where that line is. What some Dominants might see as playful, creative, or funny, Others might see as Toppy, bratty, or disrespectful. It's not easy for the submissive to always know when to "contribute uniqueness" and when to let go and just "be good." And the submissive, no matter how strong his or her desire to please, still has his or her own motivations, things that he or she responds to especially strongly. Those compulsions can be nearly irresistible. Add physical restraint and/or sexual excitement and/or teasing, humilation, etc., and the submissive often finds him- or herself in a sitaution that can feel impossible, even scary, sometimes.
Here's where I haul out the previously-discussed idea: The submissive, in the end, has only one thing to worry about controlling: the quality and completeness of his or her effort. Because that is the only thing the submissive can ever be sure about. And, importantly, pursued correctly, there is a great comfort in that. It is a clear, easily understood goal. An unwavering direction.
The tough part of course is that while the statement is simple, the execution is far from simple. The reason it's so difficult is that really focusing on that requires a change in one's basic orientation. A change from acting from the standpoint of holding on to acting from the standpoint of letting go.
This is very difficult since it goes against much of what we've been taught throughout our lives. Every fiber of our being tells us to hold on. Being "submissive" generally is no antidote to those poisonous thoughts. The bad news, interestingly enough, is the same as the good news: There is no way to "practice" it -- it starts as a mater of "Acting as If" consistently (another old post) and over time becomes a change in basic orientation. The reason I say that that's equally bad and good news is that it's not as if anyone's "missing out" -- it is what it is, and thus is universally and equally embraceable. (And of course universally and equally unattainable, viewed the other way.)
The final "proof" is that every time I talk to a submissive about this issue, they always end up feeling that the times when they have attained the "control" they felt they needed, they invariably feel bad about it.
Hm.
Waste of energy.
Makes you feel bad.
Illusory.
That's the trifecta. Try another way.
The Place Is A Mess . . .
I know I'm behind on the housekeeping stuff. There's new links over there -- I added them but forgot to note that they're there in a post. Now I'm not totally sure which ones they were.
And I know some of the links over there are dead, and some of the blogs linked to have apparently been apparently abandoned. One or two, I think, have moved to new URLs . . . if your blog is one of those in that latter cateory, please leave a comment or drop Me a line and let Me know the new address and I'll change the link.
Well, as with real housework, hopefully the weekend will be the time to catch up.
And I know some of the links over there are dead, and some of the blogs linked to have apparently been apparently abandoned. One or two, I think, have moved to new URLs . . . if your blog is one of those in that latter cateory, please leave a comment or drop Me a line and let Me know the new address and I'll change the link.
Well, as with real housework, hopefully the weekend will be the time to catch up.
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