Today is 2 years that iris has been with Me.
In a way that makes it a very special day; in another, it's a day like any other, becasue that is the beauty of iris -- the absolute consistency and depth of her submission and love and devotion, the unwavering focus she brings to all things, big and small.
Happy second anniversary, iris. I love you so incredibly much. Thank you for being you.
YouTube Tuesday: No Commercial Is Safe
There's a large sub-genre on youtube that consists of parodies of popular/notorious TV commercials.
So it's not surprising that the self-congratulatory "Mac vs. PC" ads from Apple are a prime target. There are hundreds of spoofs of the Apple ads on youtube, ranging from really terrible to very funny. I picked this one almost ramdomly from among several I couldn't decide between.
Enjoy watching . . . and remember to give your PC a hug every now and then.
So it's not surprising that the self-congratulatory "Mac vs. PC" ads from Apple are a prime target. There are hundreds of spoofs of the Apple ads on youtube, ranging from really terrible to very funny. I picked this one almost ramdomly from among several I couldn't decide between.
Enjoy watching . . . and remember to give your PC a hug every now and then.
Joining The Club That Wants You As A Member
swan recently wrote:
"I know that I long for "companions" on this path. When I get lonely, frightened, confused, lost... I wish there were others who could see what I am seeing, hear the voices in my head, speak to my heart with wisdom and experience and calm. I wish there were mentors and guides. That is the one thing that I have longed to find as long as I have written in the online universe. Those people are as rare as hen's teeth."
I'm sure many share or have shared swan's feelings on this, perhaps more strongly at times than at others.
And while finding someone who sees that one sees or "hears the voices" in one's head has to be exceedingly rare, in My experience, companions are lot easier to come by.
The first impulse, and it's certainly a sensible and useful one, is to be wary . . . . there are a lot of players and bozos out there. Potential stalkers, too. There are people who gravitate to D/s, esepcially on-line, for the wrong reasons. And obviously one needs to have enough radar to avoid those people.
The obvious evil types avoided, there's a large segment of people who are perfectly nice, apparently sane, but simply, well, not very dynamic. It's not a matter of intelligence -- I've met tons of very smart, very boring people on-line. Some people simply aren't particularly insightful, creative, funny, or sexy. Sometimes just it's the combination of two people that isn't right. For whatever reason, one will encounter a lot of people who one can be friendly with, but with whom friendship will never develop.
In the remaining small segment are the potential friends, companions, mentors, or guides. And here is where many people, I find, cut themselves off from the possibilities. The title of this post refers to the old joke (Groucho Marx?), chacterizing a person who "wouldn't join any club that would have him as a member." I find we do that a lot. Why does another person go down somehow in our estimation when it's apparent they want to be friends with us?
Now there are friends and there are friends. Perhaps no one will ever be in one's head to the degree swan wrote about, but there's a continuum there, that stretches from a person who one can casually talk about one's day with to a very trusted friend/mentor/guide, someone who understands and truly helps one navigate the complexities of this lifestyle. But it has to start somewhere. I think that often we're too picky, sometimes from fear, from the lingering pain of bad past experiences, or simply from holding others to an imposisble standard that we, perhaps unconsciously, are also holding ourselves to.
Mentoring/Guiding is more complex, especially for a submissive, since the mentor in question will almost always be a Dominant, and there can be a confusion of feelings there as the mentoring process (perforce) delves into sensitive, edgy areas. I consider Myself to have been a mentor to several people, in varying degrees, and in My experience finding a mentor is mostly a matter of dumb luck. Dumb luck and being open to the possibility that one might actually find one.
So consider that simple posisbility that the club that wants you as a member really really likes you, and that liking you is a rational, normal thing, since you have lots of good qualities and should be liked.
What a concept!
"I know that I long for "companions" on this path. When I get lonely, frightened, confused, lost... I wish there were others who could see what I am seeing, hear the voices in my head, speak to my heart with wisdom and experience and calm. I wish there were mentors and guides. That is the one thing that I have longed to find as long as I have written in the online universe. Those people are as rare as hen's teeth."
I'm sure many share or have shared swan's feelings on this, perhaps more strongly at times than at others.
And while finding someone who sees that one sees or "hears the voices" in one's head has to be exceedingly rare, in My experience, companions are lot easier to come by.
The first impulse, and it's certainly a sensible and useful one, is to be wary . . . . there are a lot of players and bozos out there. Potential stalkers, too. There are people who gravitate to D/s, esepcially on-line, for the wrong reasons. And obviously one needs to have enough radar to avoid those people.
The obvious evil types avoided, there's a large segment of people who are perfectly nice, apparently sane, but simply, well, not very dynamic. It's not a matter of intelligence -- I've met tons of very smart, very boring people on-line. Some people simply aren't particularly insightful, creative, funny, or sexy. Sometimes just it's the combination of two people that isn't right. For whatever reason, one will encounter a lot of people who one can be friendly with, but with whom friendship will never develop.
In the remaining small segment are the potential friends, companions, mentors, or guides. And here is where many people, I find, cut themselves off from the possibilities. The title of this post refers to the old joke (Groucho Marx?), chacterizing a person who "wouldn't join any club that would have him as a member." I find we do that a lot. Why does another person go down somehow in our estimation when it's apparent they want to be friends with us?
Now there are friends and there are friends. Perhaps no one will ever be in one's head to the degree swan wrote about, but there's a continuum there, that stretches from a person who one can casually talk about one's day with to a very trusted friend/mentor/guide, someone who understands and truly helps one navigate the complexities of this lifestyle. But it has to start somewhere. I think that often we're too picky, sometimes from fear, from the lingering pain of bad past experiences, or simply from holding others to an imposisble standard that we, perhaps unconsciously, are also holding ourselves to.
Mentoring/Guiding is more complex, especially for a submissive, since the mentor in question will almost always be a Dominant, and there can be a confusion of feelings there as the mentoring process (perforce) delves into sensitive, edgy areas. I consider Myself to have been a mentor to several people, in varying degrees, and in My experience finding a mentor is mostly a matter of dumb luck. Dumb luck and being open to the possibility that one might actually find one.
So consider that simple posisbility that the club that wants you as a member really really likes you, and that liking you is a rational, normal thing, since you have lots of good qualities and should be liked.
What a concept!
Housecleaning Successful
Finally updated the link list to remove dead links and adjust a couple of URLs where people had moved.
On a few entries, I've added the phrase "not updated recently" after the name . . . these blogs haven't been updated in 3 months or so . . . I'll remove them the next time I update the link list if there's no updates by then.
Newest Links (I think I've isolated them all): Art Through Service . . . Destiny and Her Pet Chance . . . Fit to be Tied . . . Notes on an Unremarkable Life . . . Pleaseletme's Progress . . .
OK . . . time for My toal veg-out weekend to resume . . . few things in life are better than absolutely nothing that has to be done.
On a few entries, I've added the phrase "not updated recently" after the name . . . these blogs haven't been updated in 3 months or so . . . I'll remove them the next time I update the link list if there's no updates by then.
Newest Links (I think I've isolated them all): Art Through Service . . . Destiny and Her Pet Chance . . . Fit to be Tied . . . Notes on an Unremarkable Life . . . Pleaseletme's Progress . . .
OK . . . time for My toal veg-out weekend to resume . . . few things in life are better than absolutely nothing that has to be done.
A Familiar Theme
Sometimes an idea for a post will occur to Me, but then I'll decide against it, on the basis that "I've already written about that before." But in thinking on it, I realize that:
1. Certain ideas bear repeating.
2. The nature of this ever-rolling medium means that anything not on the current front page more or less never happened.
So, in the spirit of repeating something that bears repeating . . .
I was talking to a girl the other night. she was talking about a certain area in D/s that frequently gives her trouble as a submissive. And that had to do with her unease when she feels out of control. This is a common problem area, in My experience. Few submissives are a blank canvas, and truthfully, as a Dominant I wouldn't want that -- personally I can't image D/s being much fun without the unqiue contributions of the submissive.
But as with so much in this lifestyle there's a fine line. And it's not always clear where that line is. What some Dominants might see as playful, creative, or funny, Others might see as Toppy, bratty, or disrespectful. It's not easy for the submissive to always know when to "contribute uniqueness" and when to let go and just "be good." And the submissive, no matter how strong his or her desire to please, still has his or her own motivations, things that he or she responds to especially strongly. Those compulsions can be nearly irresistible. Add physical restraint and/or sexual excitement and/or teasing, humilation, etc., and the submissive often finds him- or herself in a sitaution that can feel impossible, even scary, sometimes.
Here's where I haul out the previously-discussed idea: The submissive, in the end, has only one thing to worry about controlling: the quality and completeness of his or her effort. Because that is the only thing the submissive can ever be sure about. And, importantly, pursued correctly, there is a great comfort in that. It is a clear, easily understood goal. An unwavering direction.
The tough part of course is that while the statement is simple, the execution is far from simple. The reason it's so difficult is that really focusing on that requires a change in one's basic orientation. A change from acting from the standpoint of holding on to acting from the standpoint of letting go.
This is very difficult since it goes against much of what we've been taught throughout our lives. Every fiber of our being tells us to hold on. Being "submissive" generally is no antidote to those poisonous thoughts. The bad news, interestingly enough, is the same as the good news: There is no way to "practice" it -- it starts as a mater of "Acting as If" consistently (another old post) and over time becomes a change in basic orientation. The reason I say that that's equally bad and good news is that it's not as if anyone's "missing out" -- it is what it is, and thus is universally and equally embraceable. (And of course universally and equally unattainable, viewed the other way.)
The final "proof" is that every time I talk to a submissive about this issue, they always end up feeling that the times when they have attained the "control" they felt they needed, they invariably feel bad about it.
Hm.
Waste of energy.
Makes you feel bad.
Illusory.
That's the trifecta. Try another way.
1. Certain ideas bear repeating.
2. The nature of this ever-rolling medium means that anything not on the current front page more or less never happened.
So, in the spirit of repeating something that bears repeating . . .
I was talking to a girl the other night. she was talking about a certain area in D/s that frequently gives her trouble as a submissive. And that had to do with her unease when she feels out of control. This is a common problem area, in My experience. Few submissives are a blank canvas, and truthfully, as a Dominant I wouldn't want that -- personally I can't image D/s being much fun without the unqiue contributions of the submissive.
But as with so much in this lifestyle there's a fine line. And it's not always clear where that line is. What some Dominants might see as playful, creative, or funny, Others might see as Toppy, bratty, or disrespectful. It's not easy for the submissive to always know when to "contribute uniqueness" and when to let go and just "be good." And the submissive, no matter how strong his or her desire to please, still has his or her own motivations, things that he or she responds to especially strongly. Those compulsions can be nearly irresistible. Add physical restraint and/or sexual excitement and/or teasing, humilation, etc., and the submissive often finds him- or herself in a sitaution that can feel impossible, even scary, sometimes.
Here's where I haul out the previously-discussed idea: The submissive, in the end, has only one thing to worry about controlling: the quality and completeness of his or her effort. Because that is the only thing the submissive can ever be sure about. And, importantly, pursued correctly, there is a great comfort in that. It is a clear, easily understood goal. An unwavering direction.
The tough part of course is that while the statement is simple, the execution is far from simple. The reason it's so difficult is that really focusing on that requires a change in one's basic orientation. A change from acting from the standpoint of holding on to acting from the standpoint of letting go.
This is very difficult since it goes against much of what we've been taught throughout our lives. Every fiber of our being tells us to hold on. Being "submissive" generally is no antidote to those poisonous thoughts. The bad news, interestingly enough, is the same as the good news: There is no way to "practice" it -- it starts as a mater of "Acting as If" consistently (another old post) and over time becomes a change in basic orientation. The reason I say that that's equally bad and good news is that it's not as if anyone's "missing out" -- it is what it is, and thus is universally and equally embraceable. (And of course universally and equally unattainable, viewed the other way.)
The final "proof" is that every time I talk to a submissive about this issue, they always end up feeling that the times when they have attained the "control" they felt they needed, they invariably feel bad about it.
Hm.
Waste of energy.
Makes you feel bad.
Illusory.
That's the trifecta. Try another way.
The Place Is A Mess . . .
I know I'm behind on the housekeeping stuff. There's new links over there -- I added them but forgot to note that they're there in a post. Now I'm not totally sure which ones they were.
And I know some of the links over there are dead, and some of the blogs linked to have apparently been apparently abandoned. One or two, I think, have moved to new URLs . . . if your blog is one of those in that latter cateory, please leave a comment or drop Me a line and let Me know the new address and I'll change the link.
Well, as with real housework, hopefully the weekend will be the time to catch up.
And I know some of the links over there are dead, and some of the blogs linked to have apparently been apparently abandoned. One or two, I think, have moved to new URLs . . . if your blog is one of those in that latter cateory, please leave a comment or drop Me a line and let Me know the new address and I'll change the link.
Well, as with real housework, hopefully the weekend will be the time to catch up.
YouTube Tuesday: More Alike Than Different?
I'm always amazed by how we're all so different. So different that even a notion of "community" becomes hard to define and harder still to hold on to in practice.
And yet, every so often something reminds Me that we're alike in so many ways. This video, for whatever reason, reminded Me of that today and made Me smile. Your mileage can and most likely will vary . . .
And yet, every so often something reminds Me that we're alike in so many ways. This video, for whatever reason, reminded Me of that today and made Me smile. Your mileage can and most likely will vary . . .
Back . . .
Back from vacation -- it was fun but it's great to be back. Thanks to those who have read and commented in My absence . . . I'll start catching up on things tomorrow. Hope everyone's had a wonderful week . . . byeee for now . . .
Standards
Some recent conversations with saratoga and reading various blog posts have got Me thinking about the whole concept of "standards" in D/s.
Specifically: Is it all so unqiue and personal that there is no point in trying to define/pursue standards of any kind?
The "uniqueness" argument for Me is the most compelling one mitigating against the existence of practical standards. No two Dom/mes are going to be alike, either in what They want or how They want it, exactly. That's simply a fact, and that fact argues strongly against there being any realistic common standard, against any set of "norms" that One might seek to generally "train" a submissive to that is not One's own.
The "growing and learning each other argument" I feel is weak. A Dom/me and a sub will have a million things to learn about each other once together in a relationship, regardless of how much or how little formalized "training" the sub may or may not have had at the hands of Another. One could even argue that the more experiences the submissive has had, of whatever kind, create the opportunity for a richer learning experience once in a relatoinship with an Owner.
But the strength of the uniqueness argument more than makes up for the weakness of the growing and learning argument. But perhaps there is another way around this.
I posed Myself the following question: "If there was a 'boot camp' for submissives, what would it consist of?" This is important becasue if that question can be answered, intuitively, without pouring a ton of analysis into it, then that fact creates a sort of emprical reductio ad absurdum disproof of the hypothesis that standards are not possible. And if they are possible, then it's a very short distance to "desireable" and "achieveable," and at least in the neighborhood of "enforceable."
So, what would subbie "boot camp" consist of? I think it's fairly clear that the sexual stuff, by and large, isn't worth training for. Aside from a very basic knowledge of anatomy, and certain basic aspepcts of physical training, the uniqueness monster is way too formidable to make "How to Eat Pussy" a worthwhile "class." In the non-sexual arena . . . I can see where a sub knowing how to make a bed or fold a T-shirt is a useful thing, or knowing that fabric softener doesn't go in the pot roast, etc. But do those really require a formalized "training?" They are more or less average adult skills (to varying degrees, of course). And, since there is no government without the consent of the governed and no "school" without a minimally engaged student body, I find it hard to imagine "subbie school" that consisted of "how to iron" and "the handling of delicate washables" a very rewarding educational experience for the typcial submissive. (As saratoga has writen, learning those things at the behest of one's Owner, however, is a totally different thing.)
So, no "subbie boot camp" cirriculum immediately and convincingly suggests itself. No help there, and that lack of such lends a bit more support to the "no standards" argument.
The "light," as it were, in this muddle, is a two-part sort of answer. And that is:
In a 1-on-1 situation, there is comparatively little value to a submissive having been trained by Another (little value to the current Owner and thus by extension to the submissive). But, where (if?) there is or could be a community, then standards and training can have significant value.
Why? Because any community runs more smoothly where there are agreed-upon (or least assented-to) norms. These norms define interactions between people who don't know each other intimately and allow all parties to function with at least surface safety and harmony.
Our daily vanilla lives are full of them, many of which we have never explicitly been taught and don't think about but which we know instantly and expect others to also. Example. You are waiting for a elevator. The doors open. There is one other person you don't know, already in the elevator. You enter the elevator and push your button. Now, everyone knows you don't stand six inches from the other person. You don't stand facing the other person. You don't sit down. Etc., etc. There are probably 50 "rules" about riding elevators that we all know intimately without ever having been taught them.
Now, elevators are fairly simple. As the interactions get more complex, it's necessary to write them down, analyze them, and undertake specialized training in order to understand them. We all know that "a deal's a deal," but there are lawyers who specialize in contracts because "deals" in the modern world can take on a complexity far beyond what our native "knowledge" of them can encompass. Society reognizes that complexity by not letting those who haven't passed the bar exam practice contract law.
D/s is, similarly, a highly complex set of interactions (again, this is a community setting we're discussing here -- whether such community does or can exist is a separate question). The norms are going to differ greatly in such a setting (perhaps submisisves kneel in elevators in this community?) and complexity and difference from what one's accustomed to are two strong arguments for formalized training.
It's a small thing to have salvaged from the whole issue, because D/s communities are rare, of course. For Me it was important, though, becasue while I endorse the "big tent," and judge no one's kink, etc., I do worry about any field of endeavor where the practice becomes so unique, so esoteric, so "roll your own" that there is no commonality at all.
Interestingly enough, on-line is the closest thing there is for most people to a D/s community. What norms I seek and enforce in that arena (and why) is the subject of another post.
Specifically: Is it all so unqiue and personal that there is no point in trying to define/pursue standards of any kind?
The "uniqueness" argument for Me is the most compelling one mitigating against the existence of practical standards. No two Dom/mes are going to be alike, either in what They want or how They want it, exactly. That's simply a fact, and that fact argues strongly against there being any realistic common standard, against any set of "norms" that One might seek to generally "train" a submissive to that is not One's own.
The "growing and learning each other argument" I feel is weak. A Dom/me and a sub will have a million things to learn about each other once together in a relationship, regardless of how much or how little formalized "training" the sub may or may not have had at the hands of Another. One could even argue that the more experiences the submissive has had, of whatever kind, create the opportunity for a richer learning experience once in a relatoinship with an Owner.
But the strength of the uniqueness argument more than makes up for the weakness of the growing and learning argument. But perhaps there is another way around this.
I posed Myself the following question: "If there was a 'boot camp' for submissives, what would it consist of?" This is important becasue if that question can be answered, intuitively, without pouring a ton of analysis into it, then that fact creates a sort of emprical reductio ad absurdum disproof of the hypothesis that standards are not possible. And if they are possible, then it's a very short distance to "desireable" and "achieveable," and at least in the neighborhood of "enforceable."
So, what would subbie "boot camp" consist of? I think it's fairly clear that the sexual stuff, by and large, isn't worth training for. Aside from a very basic knowledge of anatomy, and certain basic aspepcts of physical training, the uniqueness monster is way too formidable to make "How to Eat Pussy" a worthwhile "class." In the non-sexual arena . . . I can see where a sub knowing how to make a bed or fold a T-shirt is a useful thing, or knowing that fabric softener doesn't go in the pot roast, etc. But do those really require a formalized "training?" They are more or less average adult skills (to varying degrees, of course). And, since there is no government without the consent of the governed and no "school" without a minimally engaged student body, I find it hard to imagine "subbie school" that consisted of "how to iron" and "the handling of delicate washables" a very rewarding educational experience for the typcial submissive. (As saratoga has writen, learning those things at the behest of one's Owner, however, is a totally different thing.)
So, no "subbie boot camp" cirriculum immediately and convincingly suggests itself. No help there, and that lack of such lends a bit more support to the "no standards" argument.
The "light," as it were, in this muddle, is a two-part sort of answer. And that is:
In a 1-on-1 situation, there is comparatively little value to a submissive having been trained by Another (little value to the current Owner and thus by extension to the submissive). But, where (if?) there is or could be a community, then standards and training can have significant value.
Why? Because any community runs more smoothly where there are agreed-upon (or least assented-to) norms. These norms define interactions between people who don't know each other intimately and allow all parties to function with at least surface safety and harmony.
Our daily vanilla lives are full of them, many of which we have never explicitly been taught and don't think about but which we know instantly and expect others to also. Example. You are waiting for a elevator. The doors open. There is one other person you don't know, already in the elevator. You enter the elevator and push your button. Now, everyone knows you don't stand six inches from the other person. You don't stand facing the other person. You don't sit down. Etc., etc. There are probably 50 "rules" about riding elevators that we all know intimately without ever having been taught them.
Now, elevators are fairly simple. As the interactions get more complex, it's necessary to write them down, analyze them, and undertake specialized training in order to understand them. We all know that "a deal's a deal," but there are lawyers who specialize in contracts because "deals" in the modern world can take on a complexity far beyond what our native "knowledge" of them can encompass. Society reognizes that complexity by not letting those who haven't passed the bar exam practice contract law.
D/s is, similarly, a highly complex set of interactions (again, this is a community setting we're discussing here -- whether such community does or can exist is a separate question). The norms are going to differ greatly in such a setting (perhaps submisisves kneel in elevators in this community?) and complexity and difference from what one's accustomed to are two strong arguments for formalized training.
It's a small thing to have salvaged from the whole issue, because D/s communities are rare, of course. For Me it was important, though, becasue while I endorse the "big tent," and judge no one's kink, etc., I do worry about any field of endeavor where the practice becomes so unique, so esoteric, so "roll your own" that there is no commonality at all.
Interestingly enough, on-line is the closest thing there is for most people to a D/s community. What norms I seek and enforce in that arena (and why) is the subject of another post.
YouTube Tuesday: Extraordinary
Remember when music videos didn't have to be $3 million mini-movies? Or the time when music videos existed for some reason other than as promotional tool for some other form of entertainment?
Today's youtube Tuesday feature is an alternate version of "Extraordinary" by Liz Phair. This is an alternate version -- a black-and-white low budget rendering of Liz just well . . . singing her song. The "official" video is largely a promo for the movie "Raising Helen," and while it has some cool effects and such, there's something about one of one's favorite songs, simply rendered, no bogus story line, no movie tie-in, no 3-week location shoots or cameos by various and sundry B-list celebrities, that can't be beat.
This video is simple, and like the song, simply extraordinary.
Today's youtube Tuesday feature is an alternate version of "Extraordinary" by Liz Phair. This is an alternate version -- a black-and-white low budget rendering of Liz just well . . . singing her song. The "official" video is largely a promo for the movie "Raising Helen," and while it has some cool effects and such, there's something about one of one's favorite songs, simply rendered, no bogus story line, no movie tie-in, no 3-week location shoots or cameos by various and sundry B-list celebrities, that can't be beat.
This video is simple, and like the song, simply extraordinary.
About Pain, Part 1
saratoga has a nice recent post about pain play. Some semi-rambling thoughts on the subject.
I'll start out by saying that I don't "get" sadism. That is, I derive no particular thrill from the infliction of pain in and of itself. But that said, pain play has a lot going for it in My mind, still.
Pain, for Me, is a gateway -- in those moments when the submissive is focused on taking all that she can, on taking as much as she thinks I want to give, something magical can happen. The submissive (and Me, by extension) can move beyond the here and now -- her into what some call "subspace" and Me into "Topspace," for lack of better words. At those moments, it can become a communion between Owner and owned that, as a true voyage into the unknown, is more encompassing, deeper, than seems rationally possible.
In terms I've used in earlier posts about the spiritual side of things, pain is, for Me, another way of "cracking the shell" . . . or opening it further. And as such its value can't be underestimated. Which tool(s) get used when is a function of the circumstance, time, and the individual personalities and quirks of the people involved.
Given that, a true pain slut is not going to find Me very satisfying. Once it becomes obvious to Me that the submissive is chasing her own singular desire ahead of the shared, guided goal, that's the end of the pain I'm dispensing (at least the physical kind). Note that I am not condemning anyone here -- we all need what we need and I support anyone's sane and considerate efforts to get that. Being with a pain slut makes Me feel like a ProDomme, and that's something I'd rather not feel like (especially for free! :) )
I should also differentiate punishment from pain play. A number of spanking-oriented blogs seem to use the terms interchangibly. That's understandable, given the orientation of those blogs. But for Me, the two are inherently different:
Pain Play is 1) the discretionary use of pain by Me as a means to addressing the deeper connection between Owner and owned, or 2) serves a non-corrective "educational" purpose.
Punishment is the direct expression of My displeasure. It involves pain but there is no "pleasure" involved in the dispensing or receiving of it.
I think My girls can attest that it's unmistakeable which is which, when. (I should add that I can count on one hand the number of times I've had to punish them.)
More another time.
I'll start out by saying that I don't "get" sadism. That is, I derive no particular thrill from the infliction of pain in and of itself. But that said, pain play has a lot going for it in My mind, still.
Pain, for Me, is a gateway -- in those moments when the submissive is focused on taking all that she can, on taking as much as she thinks I want to give, something magical can happen. The submissive (and Me, by extension) can move beyond the here and now -- her into what some call "subspace" and Me into "Topspace," for lack of better words. At those moments, it can become a communion between Owner and owned that, as a true voyage into the unknown, is more encompassing, deeper, than seems rationally possible.
In terms I've used in earlier posts about the spiritual side of things, pain is, for Me, another way of "cracking the shell" . . . or opening it further. And as such its value can't be underestimated. Which tool(s) get used when is a function of the circumstance, time, and the individual personalities and quirks of the people involved.
Given that, a true pain slut is not going to find Me very satisfying. Once it becomes obvious to Me that the submissive is chasing her own singular desire ahead of the shared, guided goal, that's the end of the pain I'm dispensing (at least the physical kind). Note that I am not condemning anyone here -- we all need what we need and I support anyone's sane and considerate efforts to get that. Being with a pain slut makes Me feel like a ProDomme, and that's something I'd rather not feel like (especially for free! :) )
I should also differentiate punishment from pain play. A number of spanking-oriented blogs seem to use the terms interchangibly. That's understandable, given the orientation of those blogs. But for Me, the two are inherently different:
Pain Play is 1) the discretionary use of pain by Me as a means to addressing the deeper connection between Owner and owned, or 2) serves a non-corrective "educational" purpose.
Punishment is the direct expression of My displeasure. It involves pain but there is no "pleasure" involved in the dispensing or receiving of it.
I think My girls can attest that it's unmistakeable which is which, when. (I should add that I can count on one hand the number of times I've had to punish them.)
More another time.
YouTube Tuesday: Ritual
This week's installment of youtube Tuesday is from paperlillies, a young British woman. This video is a sped-up clip of her putting on and then taking off heavy makeup, inspired to try a geisha-type look by Memoirs of a Geisha.
There is something oddly compelling, and even more oddly, relaxing about this short video. Perhaps it's the music. Somehow, the sped-up motion doesn't feel cartoony, as fast motion video often does. But it ends up being a fascinating peek inside another's world, a tiny slice of life that reveals nothing, per se, but somehow the viewer comes away with something. An amazing little piece of work. Enjoy . . .
There is something oddly compelling, and even more oddly, relaxing about this short video. Perhaps it's the music. Somehow, the sped-up motion doesn't feel cartoony, as fast motion video often does. But it ends up being a fascinating peek inside another's world, a tiny slice of life that reveals nothing, per se, but somehow the viewer comes away with something. An amazing little piece of work. Enjoy . . .
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)