Tonight's offering is a cute little piece about the first day on the job for a supposed "YouTube Customer Care" representative.
Yesterday devolved into the day from hell . . . and YouTube Tuesday was one of a few casualties.
Update
1. Still smoke-free! It's just about a month now. To be honest, I don't feel markedly better, or even different. But I'm glad I did it. And yes, I was (sadly) right about one thing. People STINK, and when you don't smoke you're completely open to exactly how much people stink. I am seriously considering carrying little department store spritz bottles with Me.
2. Daily visits to the blog hit a low about a month ago, coinciding with the latter stages of the long Lenora X story. Visits at that time were down to about 110 daily. Lately they are back up and in fact higher than ever, verging on 150 a day. I attribute this largely to adding a number of links to the link list . . . and, wonderfully, I got a bunch of links in return without any actual link-whoring! But I won't let serendipity throw Me off course -- link-whoring can and must continue.
3. The girls are fine, and their usual wonderful selves. They are a continual source of pride, joy, and inspiration to Me. I gladly repeat Myself to say that I love them, so incredibly much.
4. Judging by the comments and allowing for the typical ratio of readers to commenters, the erotic fiction seems well-received. Which is nice. I am not sure exactly how long and where "The Taking of anni" will go; contrary to usual practice I just sort of tossed Part I out there without having any grand plan in mind. The little snapshots of Miss and anni will continue at least for a bit . . .
5. I have another Lenora X story forming, and a more structured D/s-type story on the horizon as well. And the one "mini-erotica" post I did is the first of hopefully many; I enjoy the short-short form. With the long stories it's a matter of time, and "spacing" -- as I was explaining to someone recently, I find that when I'm doing a story it's difficult to stop and do normal blog posts. And I don't want this to become strictly a fiction blog. My goal is to have the three main things in the title banner -- essays, fiction, and slices of life -- is more or less equal balance. It's a work in a progress.
6. I hope that everyone out there is doing well and blessed with all the love and happiness that is possible in life. KAHTATUS.
P.S. Please don't make Me write another pathetic post about how no one e-mails Me! I'm certainly not above it but I'd really rather not. Do your part!
Believing
I read a lot of blogs. I see at least some of the thoughts of many different people (all more or less in the very big tent that is sex/D-s/BDSM/spanko blogs).
And I read a lot of what could be construed as "cries for help."
I won't quote or link them here . . . anyone who reads enough blogs in this arena knows what I'm talking about.
Sometimes the cry for help is couched strongly in terms of "help is the last thing I need." The tone of these entries is basically "I'm fucked up and I like it."
Sometimes the cry for help is in the obliviousness of the author. S/he will describe hideously self-destructive behavior in a matter-of-fact, seemingly clueless, way. One reads it and feels as though the question "cry for help?" would be met with a sincere blank stare.
Sometimes the author understands quite readily that s/he needs help, but is resigned to being the way s/he is. Occasionally the author will post an entry where s/he allows a little glimpse into the real problem, the sadness and loneliness of his or her life, and then quickly and emphatically negates that in the next post, revelling in the fabulousness of it all.
There's a hundred different flavors. Reading it all, I end up at the same place, over and over: How much to believe?
Perhaps it's more of an issue for Me than for most people, because, on some deep level, I've come to realize that I want and need to believe that it's all true. Not because I want there to be actually be so many miserable people out there, but because I want (need) this place, the blogoshpere, to be about people reaching out, working their way through the issue(s) in their lives, with other people reading about it, caring, and offering through the anonymous distance of cyberspace their concern, their understanding . . .
My way of dealing with this is to act as though it is all true. There are a few cases where the blog author openly states that not everything presented is factual; those are obvious exceptions. But when people are writing about their lives, in the absence of any reason to not believe, I take it as the real thing.
Understand, I am not going around trying to "help people," at least not in the sense of suggesting they need help, or any other sort of intrusive or presumptuous action(s). I realize that what I read in someone's blog is at best part of the story, even if what's presented is 100% factual. If something I read makes Me think of a similar situation or experience, I offer My thoughts in the form of a comment or e-mail, in as unobtrusive a way as I can.
No, "believing" isn't for their benefit, directly . . . ultimately it's for Mine. Since it's what I need to believe it has value for Me in and of itself.
Before you start thinking that I'm a candidate for some professional help, let Me be clear. I understand completely that I might well be hopelessly deluded. My believing, My wanting to offer (mostly) silent support, My offering the brief word of encouragement here and there, etc., is Me offering Me, as I believe we all are.
If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. I accept that. And being wrong will totally have been worth it.
KAHTATUS.
And I read a lot of what could be construed as "cries for help."
I won't quote or link them here . . . anyone who reads enough blogs in this arena knows what I'm talking about.
Sometimes the cry for help is couched strongly in terms of "help is the last thing I need." The tone of these entries is basically "I'm fucked up and I like it."
Sometimes the cry for help is in the obliviousness of the author. S/he will describe hideously self-destructive behavior in a matter-of-fact, seemingly clueless, way. One reads it and feels as though the question "cry for help?" would be met with a sincere blank stare.
Sometimes the author understands quite readily that s/he needs help, but is resigned to being the way s/he is. Occasionally the author will post an entry where s/he allows a little glimpse into the real problem, the sadness and loneliness of his or her life, and then quickly and emphatically negates that in the next post, revelling in the fabulousness of it all.
There's a hundred different flavors. Reading it all, I end up at the same place, over and over: How much to believe?
Perhaps it's more of an issue for Me than for most people, because, on some deep level, I've come to realize that I want and need to believe that it's all true. Not because I want there to be actually be so many miserable people out there, but because I want (need) this place, the blogoshpere, to be about people reaching out, working their way through the issue(s) in their lives, with other people reading about it, caring, and offering through the anonymous distance of cyberspace their concern, their understanding . . .
My way of dealing with this is to act as though it is all true. There are a few cases where the blog author openly states that not everything presented is factual; those are obvious exceptions. But when people are writing about their lives, in the absence of any reason to not believe, I take it as the real thing.
Understand, I am not going around trying to "help people," at least not in the sense of suggesting they need help, or any other sort of intrusive or presumptuous action(s). I realize that what I read in someone's blog is at best part of the story, even if what's presented is 100% factual. If something I read makes Me think of a similar situation or experience, I offer My thoughts in the form of a comment or e-mail, in as unobtrusive a way as I can.
No, "believing" isn't for their benefit, directly . . . ultimately it's for Mine. Since it's what I need to believe it has value for Me in and of itself.
Before you start thinking that I'm a candidate for some professional help, let Me be clear. I understand completely that I might well be hopelessly deluded. My believing, My wanting to offer (mostly) silent support, My offering the brief word of encouragement here and there, etc., is Me offering Me, as I believe we all are.
If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. I accept that. And being wrong will totally have been worth it.
KAHTATUS.
More On That Personality Test
Yesterday I posted the results of a personality test I took. You can read all the details of the results in that post, but one item did get Me thinking.
The results showed that I exhibited "low authoritarianism."
That seems a little odd for a Domme. Doesn't it?
Dictionary.com defines authoritarian as follows:
–noun
OK, toss out #2. But #'s 1 and 3 . . .
"favoring complete obedience or subjection to authority as opposed to individual freedom."
"exercising complete or almost complete control over the will of another or of others."
On the face of it, that seems exactly what happens in an archetypal D/s relationship. One "exercises control over the will of another". One "favors complete obedience." "Individual freedom" is not highly valued in a submissive as an abstract goal (and, to be honest, is usually not actively sought by the submissive).
But of course, this isn't Gor or some other idealized existence. In matters of two people, there truly is "no government without the consent of the governed." And while I appreciate the simplicity of simple absolutes, I understand that to Dominate a real person calls for a whole mix of skills and behaviors.
And it turns out that the farther you go along the path with someone, the better you know each other, authoritarianism becomes increasingly less necessary in that mix of skills on a day to day basis. It is of course still needed at that times when the Dominant has to "put the hammer down" but as a rule the submissive over time develops a level of respect for the Dominant suh that His or Her "authority" is just . . . there, always present but rarely if ever mentioned or thought about because it's no longer necessary to invoke it.
And for the submissive, the state I seek to bring about for My girls is the state where the full nature of the paradox becomes not only apparent but the operating principle in their lives: Namely, that the less freedom they aspire to have, the more actual freedom they end up having. This is a very difficult point to get across, but in My experience the most effective way to do so is to rarely talk about it, but rather have them experience it. My "authority," in the end, is difficult to define yet it is unquestionably there. As is their freedom. And the growth of each stimulates the growth of the other.
The results showed that I exhibited "low authoritarianism."
That seems a little odd for a Domme. Doesn't it?
Dictionary.com defines authoritarian as follows:
| 1. | favoring complete obedience or subjection to authority as opposed to individual freedom: authoritarian principles; authoritarian attitudes. |
| 2. | of or pertaining to a governmental or political system, principle, or practice in which individual freedom is held as completely subordinate to the power or authority of the state, centered either in one person or a small group that is not constitutionally accountable to the people. |
| 3. | exercising complete or almost complete control over the will of another or of others: an authoritarian parent. |
| 4. | a person who favors or acts according to authoritarian principles. |
OK, toss out #2. But #'s 1 and 3 . . .
"favoring complete obedience or subjection to authority as opposed to individual freedom."
"exercising complete or almost complete control over the will of another or of others."
On the face of it, that seems exactly what happens in an archetypal D/s relationship. One "exercises control over the will of another". One "favors complete obedience." "Individual freedom" is not highly valued in a submissive as an abstract goal (and, to be honest, is usually not actively sought by the submissive).
But of course, this isn't Gor or some other idealized existence. In matters of two people, there truly is "no government without the consent of the governed." And while I appreciate the simplicity of simple absolutes, I understand that to Dominate a real person calls for a whole mix of skills and behaviors.
And it turns out that the farther you go along the path with someone, the better you know each other, authoritarianism becomes increasingly less necessary in that mix of skills on a day to day basis. It is of course still needed at that times when the Dominant has to "put the hammer down" but as a rule the submissive over time develops a level of respect for the Dominant suh that His or Her "authority" is just . . . there, always present but rarely if ever mentioned or thought about because it's no longer necessary to invoke it.
And for the submissive, the state I seek to bring about for My girls is the state where the full nature of the paradox becomes not only apparent but the operating principle in their lives: Namely, that the less freedom they aspire to have, the more actual freedom they end up having. This is a very difficult point to get across, but in My experience the most effective way to do so is to rarely talk about it, but rather have them experience it. My "authority," in the end, is difficult to define yet it is unquestionably there. As is their freedom. And the growth of each stimulates the growth of the other.
YouTube Tuesday: A Classic, Deconstructed
Tonight's clip is the video of Devo's rendition of the Rolling Stones' classic "Satisfaction."
I look at this version as basically a "political" statement. It's not painting facial hair on the Mona Lisa, its creating a second painting below the original showing the model naked from the waist down. (For even more extreme "desecration" seek out the cover of "Satisfaction" by San Francisco art-rock freaksters The Residents).
It challenges without mocking, it defies without defiling. It walks some crazy line, somehow. It's art.
And it rocks.
I look at this version as basically a "political" statement. It's not painting facial hair on the Mona Lisa, its creating a second painting below the original showing the model naked from the waist down. (For even more extreme "desecration" seek out the cover of "Satisfaction" by San Francisco art-rock freaksters The Residents).
It challenges without mocking, it defies without defiling. It walks some crazy line, somehow. It's art.
And it rocks.
I Am An Amimated Idealist
I found this on a blog (unfortunately I can't remember which one or I'd glad give credit) . . . one of these personality test things. My results are as follows:
According to this test . . .
As an IDEALIST, you are distinctive for your integration of confidence, imagination, willingness to explore, and desire for competence over style.
You have a strong capacity to comprehend the inner workings of things, finding new ideas and innovative insights to feed your curious nature.
You are quite comfortable in the realm of abstract thought. You don't need a practical solution to every one of life's questions.
You are comfortable with the decisions you make in life. You don't need to second-guess yourself, or seek a lot of opinions before you make up your mind.
You enjoy the routines that you have created in your life, and don't feel the need to shake things up just for the sake of change.
You generally succeed at what you do, and others would describe you as successful.
It is important to you that products be efficient – looking good has to come second to working well.
You aren't the kind of person who needs to collect stylish items in an attempt to create an attractive environment – you know that what matters most is function, not style.
You're not afraid to let your emotions guide you, and you're generally considerate of others' feelings as well.
You prefer to have time to plan for things, feeling better with a schedule than with keeping plans up in the air until the last minute.
You do your own thing when it comes to clothing, guided more by practical concerns than by other people's notions of style.
You tend to believe that things happen for a reason, and that not everything is under our control.
You are outgoing, comfortable with others, and up for anything, which makes you ANIMATED.
Some people find crowds and parties exhausting, but not you! You are able to be yourself in many situations.
Sometimes it is hard for you to understand why others feel the way they do, but that doesn't stop you from trusting them or having faith that they are good people.
You know the world is complicated and that there is often more than one side to a story, so you are careful not to make judgments about others too hastily.
You would rather experience the world than sit back and observe it—you are not one to sit on the sidelines.
You are an independent thinker and don't get too worried about how others might perceive you—you are not self-conscious about being the active, engaged person that you are.
Although you have a keen understanding of different people's life circumstances, you occasionally have trouble seeing why people get so upset and emotional about things—they should just lighten up and have fun!
In addition to having faith in the world, you have faith in the people around you—you trust others to do the right thing and to be honest.
You're not afraid to let your emotions guide you, and you're generally considerate of others' feelings as well.
You prefer to have time to plan for things, feeling better with a schedule than with keeping plans up in the air until the last minute.
You do your own thing when it comes to clothing, guided more by practical concerns than by other people's notions of style.
I guess that's mostly accurate . . . . there's a few things I could quibble with, but, anyway it's a dun exercise and the test uses some clever little scaling things in certain sections (whether this is for greater accuracy or to take one's mind off the fact that you're being asked the same thing in different ways, I'm not sure.)
So . . . what are you?
According to this test . . .
As an IDEALIST, you are distinctive for your integration of confidence, imagination, willingness to explore, and desire for competence over style.
You have a strong capacity to comprehend the inner workings of things, finding new ideas and innovative insights to feed your curious nature.
You are quite comfortable in the realm of abstract thought. You don't need a practical solution to every one of life's questions.
You are comfortable with the decisions you make in life. You don't need to second-guess yourself, or seek a lot of opinions before you make up your mind.
You enjoy the routines that you have created in your life, and don't feel the need to shake things up just for the sake of change.
You generally succeed at what you do, and others would describe you as successful.
It is important to you that products be efficient – looking good has to come second to working well.
You aren't the kind of person who needs to collect stylish items in an attempt to create an attractive environment – you know that what matters most is function, not style.
You're not afraid to let your emotions guide you, and you're generally considerate of others' feelings as well.
You prefer to have time to plan for things, feeling better with a schedule than with keeping plans up in the air until the last minute.
You do your own thing when it comes to clothing, guided more by practical concerns than by other people's notions of style.
You tend to believe that things happen for a reason, and that not everything is under our control.
You are outgoing, comfortable with others, and up for anything, which makes you ANIMATED.
Some people find crowds and parties exhausting, but not you! You are able to be yourself in many situations.
Sometimes it is hard for you to understand why others feel the way they do, but that doesn't stop you from trusting them or having faith that they are good people.
You know the world is complicated and that there is often more than one side to a story, so you are careful not to make judgments about others too hastily.
You would rather experience the world than sit back and observe it—you are not one to sit on the sidelines.
You are an independent thinker and don't get too worried about how others might perceive you—you are not self-conscious about being the active, engaged person that you are.
Although you have a keen understanding of different people's life circumstances, you occasionally have trouble seeing why people get so upset and emotional about things—they should just lighten up and have fun!
In addition to having faith in the world, you have faith in the people around you—you trust others to do the right thing and to be honest.
You're not afraid to let your emotions guide you, and you're generally considerate of others' feelings as well.
You prefer to have time to plan for things, feeling better with a schedule than with keeping plans up in the air until the last minute.
You do your own thing when it comes to clothing, guided more by practical concerns than by other people's notions of style.
I guess that's mostly accurate . . . . there's a few things I could quibble with, but, anyway it's a dun exercise and the test uses some clever little scaling things in certain sections (whether this is for greater accuracy or to take one's mind off the fact that you're being asked the same thing in different ways, I'm not sure.)
So . . . what are you?
Lists, Etc.
spring wrote:
"I hate those smarmy lists like 'what a real dom is/isn't,' and 'guides for a true/natural submissive,' and 'natural submissives vs bedroom submissives' or 'submissives vs slaves' discussions.
They seem ok on the surface, like nice little guidelines to aim for, but when you really think about it, it's just another list of what a 'true' dom/sub is, and if you're not doing/acting what's on the list, then you're not 'there/real/doing it the right way.' "
This whole subject is really tricky and there have been endless debates about it whether there is a need or a force to any standards. I end up differentiating it as follows:
If there is a community, then there is some legitimacy to the concept of standards, norms, etc. If there is no community (or one is not a part of any community) then it is a totally one on one endeavor and standards and norms and terms like "true" submissive, etc., have no particular meaning.
Note that the community in question can be virtual. Since few people live in Gorean communes, The Other World Kingdom, The Estate, or The Femdom Ranch and Basket Weaving Cooperative, the notion of in-person community for most is severely limited. That's both a good and a bad thing. Since people feel invincible in what feels like the total anonymity of on-line, personality traits tend to get magnified. (For whatever reason the bad ones seem to get magnified more.) The norms that regulate in-person conduct are absent; in an arena like D/s that's emotionally charged to begin with that's especially dangerous, potentially.
So what about those lists, in this largely community-free existence?
I think spring had it right with her first impression: they are just nice little guidelines. Often when someone is writing about a topic that he or she is passionate about, the writing can take on a preachy, or dictatorial, or condescending tone.
But if one can separate out the tone, the passion, the incredible excitement that someone often feels after discovering the thing that makes his or her secret desire suddenly, magically seem OK, then honestly more often than not what you have is a bunch of motherhood and apple pie nice little guidelines. Common-sense things to aspire to.
A Ferrari and a Yugo require very different levels and kinds of maintenance, but both are capable of doing 60 in a 25 mph zone, and it's an equally bad idea for both. The speed limit sign doesn't offend us because it has no tone. If the sign said "if you were a truly good driver you'd be doing 25" the underlying message might be the same but there would be a lot of pissed-off drivers and nervous pedestrians.
"I hate those smarmy lists like 'what a real dom is/isn't,' and 'guides for a true/natural submissive,' and 'natural submissives vs bedroom submissives' or 'submissives vs slaves' discussions.
They seem ok on the surface, like nice little guidelines to aim for, but when you really think about it, it's just another list of what a 'true' dom/sub is, and if you're not doing/acting what's on the list, then you're not 'there/real/doing it the right way.' "
This whole subject is really tricky and there have been endless debates about it whether there is a need or a force to any standards. I end up differentiating it as follows:
If there is a community, then there is some legitimacy to the concept of standards, norms, etc. If there is no community (or one is not a part of any community) then it is a totally one on one endeavor and standards and norms and terms like "true" submissive, etc., have no particular meaning.
Note that the community in question can be virtual. Since few people live in Gorean communes, The Other World Kingdom, The Estate, or The Femdom Ranch and Basket Weaving Cooperative, the notion of in-person community for most is severely limited. That's both a good and a bad thing. Since people feel invincible in what feels like the total anonymity of on-line, personality traits tend to get magnified. (For whatever reason the bad ones seem to get magnified more.) The norms that regulate in-person conduct are absent; in an arena like D/s that's emotionally charged to begin with that's especially dangerous, potentially.
So what about those lists, in this largely community-free existence?
I think spring had it right with her first impression: they are just nice little guidelines. Often when someone is writing about a topic that he or she is passionate about, the writing can take on a preachy, or dictatorial, or condescending tone.
But if one can separate out the tone, the passion, the incredible excitement that someone often feels after discovering the thing that makes his or her secret desire suddenly, magically seem OK, then honestly more often than not what you have is a bunch of motherhood and apple pie nice little guidelines. Common-sense things to aspire to.
A Ferrari and a Yugo require very different levels and kinds of maintenance, but both are capable of doing 60 in a 25 mph zone, and it's an equally bad idea for both. The speed limit sign doesn't offend us because it has no tone. If the sign said "if you were a truly good driver you'd be doing 25" the underlying message might be the same but there would be a lot of pissed-off drivers and nervous pedestrians.
YouTube Tuesday: Sin City/Club Slut
One of My favorite things about youtube and its ilk is that they provide a forum for people to create and share the music videos that should have been officially made but never were.
Tonight's selection is a perfect example: Clips from the deeply flawed but engrossing film Sin City paired with the song "Club Slut" by Hot Action Cop.
It's a match made in . . . hmm, well, you get the idea . . .
Tonight's selection is a perfect example: Clips from the deeply flawed but engrossing film Sin City paired with the song "Club Slut" by Hot Action Cop.
It's a match made in . . . hmm, well, you get the idea . . .
Being yourself . . . yikes!
sprialsubmissive wrote:
"But what happens when the persona that you're asked to show is simply...yourself? From the beginning of our relationship, Sir has said that he only wants me to be who I truly am with him, that there is nothing I have to hide, nothing I have to craft. This has proven more difficult than it would seem."
This touches on one of the inherent paradoxes of D/s. I talk to My girls, often, about how there is a real "freedom" in their situation. The freedom to not have to decide. The freedom to focus on the one thing that matters at any given moment. The freedom to fail.
All that adds up to the freedom to be themselves. And as spiralsubmissive wrote above, that's not so easy. Especially when it's required.
In normal daily life, we have certain "versions" of ourselves that we show the world. It's necessary, of course. In order to get along in society, hold down a job, etc., we have to filter and buffer certain parts of ourselves. We usually have multiple configurations for various situations: one for work, one for family, one for acquaintances, one for close friends. For many of us perhaps that "close friends" version is very close to the "real" us.
In a D/s relationship, both parties, but especially the submissive, really need to work hard at doing exactly the opposite: that is, being totally ourselves. Being the real us, all the time.
That's not only difficult, it's scary. As I've written before, a Dominant often has to deal with His or Her submissive trying to be "too good," that is, not being him or herself out of a desire not to trouble the Dom/me with what are perceived to be petty issues, or not wanting to disappoint the Dom/me by backsliding on something that the Dom/me might think has been resolved, etc. The net result is the submissive ends up just using another "version" of him or herself, just like for work or Thanksgiving Dinner with the family.
And that, at least for Me, won't do. It bears repeating: Ownership, real ownership, is owning the whole, real person. Including everything -- the fears, the neuroses, the doubts, along with all the good things, too. I work to be strong enough to want that. one who is owned by Me must arrive at being strong enough to offer all that, and just that, all the time. I can't envision relationship D/s that could work any other way.
As spiralsubmissive wrote: " . . . that there is nothing I have to hide, nothing I have to craft." It is, one one level, just what it sounds like -- a license to be one's true self. And on that level it's a wondrous, powerful gift. But it is also like a magic spell that once cast can't be uncast, that transports both submissive and Dominant to a place where there is nothing to come between them. It is magical, but very difficult. And once glimpsed, once understood for what it really is . . . it means that nothing is the same, ever.
"But what happens when the persona that you're asked to show is simply...yourself? From the beginning of our relationship, Sir has said that he only wants me to be who I truly am with him, that there is nothing I have to hide, nothing I have to craft. This has proven more difficult than it would seem."
This touches on one of the inherent paradoxes of D/s. I talk to My girls, often, about how there is a real "freedom" in their situation. The freedom to not have to decide. The freedom to focus on the one thing that matters at any given moment. The freedom to fail.
All that adds up to the freedom to be themselves. And as spiralsubmissive wrote above, that's not so easy. Especially when it's required.
In normal daily life, we have certain "versions" of ourselves that we show the world. It's necessary, of course. In order to get along in society, hold down a job, etc., we have to filter and buffer certain parts of ourselves. We usually have multiple configurations for various situations: one for work, one for family, one for acquaintances, one for close friends. For many of us perhaps that "close friends" version is very close to the "real" us.
In a D/s relationship, both parties, but especially the submissive, really need to work hard at doing exactly the opposite: that is, being totally ourselves. Being the real us, all the time.
That's not only difficult, it's scary. As I've written before, a Dominant often has to deal with His or Her submissive trying to be "too good," that is, not being him or herself out of a desire not to trouble the Dom/me with what are perceived to be petty issues, or not wanting to disappoint the Dom/me by backsliding on something that the Dom/me might think has been resolved, etc. The net result is the submissive ends up just using another "version" of him or herself, just like for work or Thanksgiving Dinner with the family.
And that, at least for Me, won't do. It bears repeating: Ownership, real ownership, is owning the whole, real person. Including everything -- the fears, the neuroses, the doubts, along with all the good things, too. I work to be strong enough to want that. one who is owned by Me must arrive at being strong enough to offer all that, and just that, all the time. I can't envision relationship D/s that could work any other way.
As spiralsubmissive wrote: " . . . that there is nothing I have to hide, nothing I have to craft." It is, one one level, just what it sounds like -- a license to be one's true self. And on that level it's a wondrous, powerful gift. But it is also like a magic spell that once cast can't be uncast, that transports both submissive and Dominant to a place where there is nothing to come between them. It is magical, but very difficult. And once glimpsed, once understood for what it really is . . . it means that nothing is the same, ever.
Change Is Evil, But . . .
After much messing around, and thanks to tasha's help and patience and brilliance, as you can see the design's been changed. Let Me know what you think . . .
Thanks again, tasha . . . kissssssssssssss
Thanks again, tasha . . . kissssssssssssss
Patience / Housekeeping notes
lil pig wrote:
"Honestly...it is difficult being so solitary right now.
i will certainly get past it, and i certainly understand that it is not in my best interest to rush and be hasty...yet that does not take away the difficulty factor.
While i need, crave, and expect to be owned again...at the same time i feel myself terrified of the possibility. And truthfully...i can not give you an exact reason for my fear. i have ideas of why that feeling is there, but truly i am not sure if those ideas are the correct reasons behind the fearfulness.
i find myself skimming my toes on the edge of Dominant waters here and there...then i pull back and think to myself..."no, not yet"...but the thought, ideals, and desire never leave. Eventually, the dipping of a toe will end and i will dive in.
i know how well i serve...not to blow my own horn too much; but really i am a good slave. i devote myself fully, and i work very hard and love being capable and pleasurable property. i am also a smart cookie, who understands the need for my own pro activity, strength, and self sufficientness. Even though i feel a little needy and off balance now...i am not a needy owned slave."
I left her an encouraging comment to the effect that 1) it will happen when it's supposed to, and 2) the waiting is, in and of itself, potentially rewarding.
Waiting is an aspect of all our lives and admittedly it pretty much sucks. It throws us off when we weren't expecting to have to wait. I have a day full of errands planned. I expect the post office to be in and out but end up having to wait; there goes My carefully-thought-out schedule. Or I'm running late for an appointment and every damn light is red. Then when I finally get there the elevator takes forever to come and ends up having to stop at every floor between the lobby and My floor.
While the "trivial" waiting like that can be annoying (and, I realize now, it was often a source of many "unnecessary" cigarettes I smoked), I have the ability to look at the size of the line and come up with an expectation of X number of minutes of waiting time, and in fact coming up with a reasonable expectation is important to making the wait more manageable.
But when there's no way to know how long the wait will be, and when what we are waiting for is something we long for, need, crave, something that speaks to the deepest promptings of our nature, the stakes are so much higher. And it's a waiting that never goes away until it's over. We might not feel it acutely every minute of every day, but it is always there, and the slightest prompt -- one line of a blog, a picture, a sound, a gesture, anything can bring the intensity of our craving crashing back to us.
So, where do I come off saying that such waiting can be almost as rewarding as the (hoped for) end result of the waiting? Am I really saying that standing there watching the timer while the cookies bake can be as much fun as eating the cookies?
If the first part of what I commented to lil pig is correct, i.e., that it will happen when it's supposed to, then the second part, that the waiting itself can be rewarding, more or less has to be true. The difficult part is accepting the first condition.
If one considers that statement "it will happen when it's supposed to happen," and assume for the moment that that is true, there are two basic possible reactions. One, inaction. One does nothing, since the statement implies that our actions can't influence the outcome anyway. Inaction eventually leads to depression and despair, though, as feelings of powerlessness overwhelm our desire to do anything. We end up closed off, isolated. Difficult to be with and ultimately, difficult to love.
The second possible reaction is patience. Patience is not inaction. Patience is a sort of "active waiting," in which we understand that we can not force the action, as it were, because we know that it will happen when it must happen, but at the same time we don't lapse into inaction and despair. A quiet but unshakable certainty informs our actions because we have the knowledge that it will happen and the understanding that the waiting, this interim period, is in and of itself a integral part of the process.
What differentiates one reaction from the other?
Time to haul out one of My favorite chestnuts. The thing that allows for true patience is the ability to let go. If we can let go of the expectation, if we can shed that feeling that our craving and need creates some justification for itself, and at the same time let go of the opposite urge to give up and feel deserving of nothing, we can arrive, eventually, at real patience. We are creatures conditioned to hold on; in our undifferentiated clinging desire we latch onto and jealousy guard the most damaging things, along with the good things. As long as we continue to do that, waiting for what we need the most is going to feel like a never-ending post office line, and that will crush and contort anyone's spirit.
"Honestly...it is difficult being so solitary right now.
i will certainly get past it, and i certainly understand that it is not in my best interest to rush and be hasty...yet that does not take away the difficulty factor.
While i need, crave, and expect to be owned again...at the same time i feel myself terrified of the possibility. And truthfully...i can not give you an exact reason for my fear. i have ideas of why that feeling is there, but truly i am not sure if those ideas are the correct reasons behind the fearfulness.
i find myself skimming my toes on the edge of Dominant waters here and there...then i pull back and think to myself..."no, not yet"...but the thought, ideals, and desire never leave. Eventually, the dipping of a toe will end and i will dive in.
i know how well i serve...not to blow my own horn too much; but really i am a good slave. i devote myself fully, and i work very hard and love being capable and pleasurable property. i am also a smart cookie, who understands the need for my own pro activity, strength, and self sufficientness. Even though i feel a little needy and off balance now...i am not a needy owned slave."
I left her an encouraging comment to the effect that 1) it will happen when it's supposed to, and 2) the waiting is, in and of itself, potentially rewarding.
Waiting is an aspect of all our lives and admittedly it pretty much sucks. It throws us off when we weren't expecting to have to wait. I have a day full of errands planned. I expect the post office to be in and out but end up having to wait; there goes My carefully-thought-out schedule. Or I'm running late for an appointment and every damn light is red. Then when I finally get there the elevator takes forever to come and ends up having to stop at every floor between the lobby and My floor.
While the "trivial" waiting like that can be annoying (and, I realize now, it was often a source of many "unnecessary" cigarettes I smoked), I have the ability to look at the size of the line and come up with an expectation of X number of minutes of waiting time, and in fact coming up with a reasonable expectation is important to making the wait more manageable.
But when there's no way to know how long the wait will be, and when what we are waiting for is something we long for, need, crave, something that speaks to the deepest promptings of our nature, the stakes are so much higher. And it's a waiting that never goes away until it's over. We might not feel it acutely every minute of every day, but it is always there, and the slightest prompt -- one line of a blog, a picture, a sound, a gesture, anything can bring the intensity of our craving crashing back to us.
So, where do I come off saying that such waiting can be almost as rewarding as the (hoped for) end result of the waiting? Am I really saying that standing there watching the timer while the cookies bake can be as much fun as eating the cookies?
If the first part of what I commented to lil pig is correct, i.e., that it will happen when it's supposed to, then the second part, that the waiting itself can be rewarding, more or less has to be true. The difficult part is accepting the first condition.
If one considers that statement "it will happen when it's supposed to happen," and assume for the moment that that is true, there are two basic possible reactions. One, inaction. One does nothing, since the statement implies that our actions can't influence the outcome anyway. Inaction eventually leads to depression and despair, though, as feelings of powerlessness overwhelm our desire to do anything. We end up closed off, isolated. Difficult to be with and ultimately, difficult to love.
The second possible reaction is patience. Patience is not inaction. Patience is a sort of "active waiting," in which we understand that we can not force the action, as it were, because we know that it will happen when it must happen, but at the same time we don't lapse into inaction and despair. A quiet but unshakable certainty informs our actions because we have the knowledge that it will happen and the understanding that the waiting, this interim period, is in and of itself a integral part of the process.
What differentiates one reaction from the other?
Time to haul out one of My favorite chestnuts. The thing that allows for true patience is the ability to let go. If we can let go of the expectation, if we can shed that feeling that our craving and need creates some justification for itself, and at the same time let go of the opposite urge to give up and feel deserving of nothing, we can arrive, eventually, at real patience. We are creatures conditioned to hold on; in our undifferentiated clinging desire we latch onto and jealousy guard the most damaging things, along with the good things. As long as we continue to do that, waiting for what we need the most is going to feel like a never-ending post office line, and that will crush and contort anyone's spirit.
~~~~~~~~
1. I've added some blogs to the link list and fixed a link or two that had changed. I"m still out scouring, looking for more links to add and beginning the somewhat tedious but ultimately rewarding process of link-whoring.
2. Tomorrow will be two weeks smoke free! I am, slowly, starting to feel like a non-smoker. The other day at work I joked to two smoking co-workers that their "second-hand smoke was killing Me." I promise never to be that kind of non-smoker.
3. As always, KAHTATUS.
2. Tomorrow will be two weeks smoke free! I am, slowly, starting to feel like a non-smoker. The other day at work I joked to two smoking co-workers that their "second-hand smoke was killing Me." I promise never to be that kind of non-smoker.
3. As always, KAHTATUS.
Pride, Bitchiness, and Balance
desiree wrote:
"Pride - As in, how do you know you have to much of it? When are you being unreasonable and just stubborn? Where’s that line between a healthy dose of self respect and just fucking being a bitch? And how in the hell do you know when you passed it? And having passed into the realm of The Bitch, is that a bad thing?"
There's a lot packed into those few lines.
In practical terms, I don't think it's always possible to know. But in general a good rule of thumb is: One person often is wrong, two people can easily be wrong, three people are wrong close to half the time, but four or more people are right most of the time. Meaning, if everyone thinks you're an unreasonable, stubborn, arrogant bitch, then you probably are one. Of course if you are one you most likely don't consider what others think often enough to even pose the question. So if you have enough perspective to pose the question then you pretty much aren't an unreasonable, stubborn, arrogant bitch.
In terms of D/s, it's complicated.
1. For the submissive, the opinion of "Everyone" matters a lot less than the opinion of One in particular. It's little comfort if everyone thinks you're great but your Owner seems to constantly have difficulty with you. And that may be a sign that 1) you're not with the right Person, or 2) you're not in the right flavor of the lifestyle.
2. Being a good submissive is a tremendous balancing act. The submissive does need a very healthy sense of pride and self-respect in order to fully, freely submit. Without sounding too much like a self-help book cliche, there has to be strong, deep reserve of something inside to draw from. At the same time being unreasonable and stubborn aren't going to work either, for obvious reasons. Finding and maintaining that middle ground is one of the most difficult things for a submissive and too often I think Dom/mes are not conscious enough of how difficult that balancing act is.
3. The balancing act isn't limited to submissives. I've written before about the humility that a Dom/me needs in order to lead well. It's so easy, being adored and worshipped, being the object of love and devotion and submission, to lose perspective and start to "believe One's own press clippings." Down that road lays disaster. At the same time, being "too nice" is just as poisonous.
4. D/s interactions are subject to aggressive norming behaviors. Meaning, there is a process of natural selection that goes on. In this field of endeavor often it's immediately apparent whether one is going to "click" with another -- often a two minute exchange that amounts to "what's your kink(s)?" is sufficient. The good part of this is that people tend to end up with who they should end up with and are comfy with; the bad part is that it leads to a certain judgmental outlook, which is ironic in an arena where everyone loves to talk about "tolerance." But in terms of pride, bithciness, etc., the system is highly efficient at putting together those with the biggest "bitch" factor and those with the highest tolerance/appreciation for that bitchiness (and conversely, those on the other end of that scale tend to find each other as well). Mismatches of this type tend to be short-lived.
"Pride - As in, how do you know you have to much of it? When are you being unreasonable and just stubborn? Where’s that line between a healthy dose of self respect and just fucking being a bitch? And how in the hell do you know when you passed it? And having passed into the realm of The Bitch, is that a bad thing?"
There's a lot packed into those few lines.
In practical terms, I don't think it's always possible to know. But in general a good rule of thumb is: One person often is wrong, two people can easily be wrong, three people are wrong close to half the time, but four or more people are right most of the time. Meaning, if everyone thinks you're an unreasonable, stubborn, arrogant bitch, then you probably are one. Of course if you are one you most likely don't consider what others think often enough to even pose the question. So if you have enough perspective to pose the question then you pretty much aren't an unreasonable, stubborn, arrogant bitch.
In terms of D/s, it's complicated.
1. For the submissive, the opinion of "Everyone" matters a lot less than the opinion of One in particular. It's little comfort if everyone thinks you're great but your Owner seems to constantly have difficulty with you. And that may be a sign that 1) you're not with the right Person, or 2) you're not in the right flavor of the lifestyle.
2. Being a good submissive is a tremendous balancing act. The submissive does need a very healthy sense of pride and self-respect in order to fully, freely submit. Without sounding too much like a self-help book cliche, there has to be strong, deep reserve of something inside to draw from. At the same time being unreasonable and stubborn aren't going to work either, for obvious reasons. Finding and maintaining that middle ground is one of the most difficult things for a submissive and too often I think Dom/mes are not conscious enough of how difficult that balancing act is.
3. The balancing act isn't limited to submissives. I've written before about the humility that a Dom/me needs in order to lead well. It's so easy, being adored and worshipped, being the object of love and devotion and submission, to lose perspective and start to "believe One's own press clippings." Down that road lays disaster. At the same time, being "too nice" is just as poisonous.
4. D/s interactions are subject to aggressive norming behaviors. Meaning, there is a process of natural selection that goes on. In this field of endeavor often it's immediately apparent whether one is going to "click" with another -- often a two minute exchange that amounts to "what's your kink(s)?" is sufficient. The good part of this is that people tend to end up with who they should end up with and are comfy with; the bad part is that it leads to a certain judgmental outlook, which is ironic in an arena where everyone loves to talk about "tolerance." But in terms of pride, bithciness, etc., the system is highly efficient at putting together those with the biggest "bitch" factor and those with the highest tolerance/appreciation for that bitchiness (and conversely, those on the other end of that scale tend to find each other as well). Mismatches of this type tend to be short-lived.
Acting As If (Again . . . Still . . . Always . . . Forever)
Some time ago I wrote about the concept of acting as if as an aspect of "fully exploring the known," which I see as a precursor to any true exploration of the unknown, i. e., spiritual matters.
But to confine acting as if to that arena does a disservice to a very useful and necessary part of a submissive's behavioral makeup.
For something so simple, acting as if is hard to explain. I have on multiple occasions attempted to explain the concept, both to My girls and to others. I would rate My own success in conveying what I am trying to convey at about 50-55%. And since I can objectively say that I'm good at explaining, I must conclude that the difficulty lies largely in the concept itself.
But I have to take into account that perhaps I just haven't yet hit on the right way to put it. Thank goodness life allows for 1,843 attempts. As the saying goes, the 1843rd time is the charm!
OK. Here's a definition for acting as if:
Acting as if is a method for bringing about desired changes in personality, habits, etc., that is based on actions, not on thoughts and plans or desire to change. One simply acts as though the desired future state already exists and over time said state does become reality.
I'm not going to issue the 112 disclaimers that I conceivably could issue about the above statement. I am not talking about diving headlong into a delusional state, stalking the object of one's affection, pretending that one is the Queen of England, ignoring one's own or someone else's hard limits, doing anything illegal, you get the idea please tell Me you get the idea if you don't get the idea read this paragraph over and over and over until you do please thank you thank you very much whew.
What I am talking about are the situations that constantly come up, both in normal vanilla relationships and with amazing regularity in D/s relationships. The areas where the submissive is up against some blockage in his or her movement along the path. Not a limit, per se, but something that s/he is having trouble with. Often these are issues of consistency or completeness, inability to "remember" certain things, etc.
The typical way to approach this is to apologize, then to "think about it." This is preceded by a promise to "work on it." Then one goes off and "thinks about it," presumably to be followed in relatively short order by the "working on it."
The apology and the promise, 95% of the time, are genuine, as is the desire to improve. The "working on it" entails genuine sincere effort.
And yet, more then 95% of the time . . . it's not successful.
The reason that is is because we are captive to our own reflexive thought processes. That is, there is no way to "think about it" or "work on it" without engaging all the things (whatever they may ultimately be) that are holding us back from performing better in the first place.
Ideally, acting as if breaks through all that. One doesn't promise to do better. One does, and it ends up being better.
There is no way to talk about it without making it sound overly simple. In fact, nothing could be further from the truth -- it's the opposite of simple, even if it does involve simple base concepts. One does, in effect, trick one's self . . . one does turn off the thinking/analyzing part. One . . . lets go (another pet concept of Mine) of something very close to ourselves, in a very real way. And that is not at all easy or simple.
But acting as if is composed of simple units.
1. Simplify. Boil a submissive's existence down to the simplest three words. Serve. Please. Obey. Faithfully applied, that covers 99.9% of the D/s stuff (note we are not talking about normal daily vanilla life here).
2. Be Open. Do not commit to embracing a huge change in how you do things overnight, but at least leave yourself open to the possibility that there is another way -- a way not only not tried but likely not even conceived of to this point.
3. Put the cart before the horse. Start at the end -- that is, instead of trying to design a way of remembering to do X every day, do X today. After you do X, smile for a moment at your success, then do X tomorrow. Rinse. Repeat.
4. There are no big or small things. I talk to My girls often about this point. I tell them that all they do serves Me. And on that basis, all things they do are equal, because what is the same about them is much more important than the ways in which they might differ. The effect of thinking about all actions on this basis is that acting as if over time permeates one's approach to everything, and not only becomes easier to apply but also more effective. This approach also brings the proper consistency to one's thoughts and words and replaces the cycle of think/plan/try/fail/self-criticize/apologize with true self-respect as one's stockpile of tiny successes constantly grows in the background.
Acting as if works in this context because it recognizes and respects the paradoxes and difficulties of a D/s relationship, and instead of trying to apply typical responses and thought patterns to those difficulties, seeks to address them with an approach that succeeds by tackling that enormity with minuscule but absolutely consistent steps.
But to confine acting as if to that arena does a disservice to a very useful and necessary part of a submissive's behavioral makeup.
For something so simple, acting as if is hard to explain. I have on multiple occasions attempted to explain the concept, both to My girls and to others. I would rate My own success in conveying what I am trying to convey at about 50-55%. And since I can objectively say that I'm good at explaining, I must conclude that the difficulty lies largely in the concept itself.
But I have to take into account that perhaps I just haven't yet hit on the right way to put it. Thank goodness life allows for 1,843 attempts. As the saying goes, the 1843rd time is the charm!
OK. Here's a definition for acting as if:
Acting as if is a method for bringing about desired changes in personality, habits, etc., that is based on actions, not on thoughts and plans or desire to change. One simply acts as though the desired future state already exists and over time said state does become reality.
I'm not going to issue the 112 disclaimers that I conceivably could issue about the above statement. I am not talking about diving headlong into a delusional state, stalking the object of one's affection, pretending that one is the Queen of England, ignoring one's own or someone else's hard limits, doing anything illegal, you get the idea please tell Me you get the idea if you don't get the idea read this paragraph over and over and over until you do please thank you thank you very much whew.
What I am talking about are the situations that constantly come up, both in normal vanilla relationships and with amazing regularity in D/s relationships. The areas where the submissive is up against some blockage in his or her movement along the path. Not a limit, per se, but something that s/he is having trouble with. Often these are issues of consistency or completeness, inability to "remember" certain things, etc.
The typical way to approach this is to apologize, then to "think about it." This is preceded by a promise to "work on it." Then one goes off and "thinks about it," presumably to be followed in relatively short order by the "working on it."
The apology and the promise, 95% of the time, are genuine, as is the desire to improve. The "working on it" entails genuine sincere effort.
And yet, more then 95% of the time . . . it's not successful.
The reason that is is because we are captive to our own reflexive thought processes. That is, there is no way to "think about it" or "work on it" without engaging all the things (whatever they may ultimately be) that are holding us back from performing better in the first place.
Ideally, acting as if breaks through all that. One doesn't promise to do better. One does, and it ends up being better.
There is no way to talk about it without making it sound overly simple. In fact, nothing could be further from the truth -- it's the opposite of simple, even if it does involve simple base concepts. One does, in effect, trick one's self . . . one does turn off the thinking/analyzing part. One . . . lets go (another pet concept of Mine) of something very close to ourselves, in a very real way. And that is not at all easy or simple.
But acting as if is composed of simple units.
1. Simplify. Boil a submissive's existence down to the simplest three words. Serve. Please. Obey. Faithfully applied, that covers 99.9% of the D/s stuff (note we are not talking about normal daily vanilla life here).
2. Be Open. Do not commit to embracing a huge change in how you do things overnight, but at least leave yourself open to the possibility that there is another way -- a way not only not tried but likely not even conceived of to this point.
3. Put the cart before the horse. Start at the end -- that is, instead of trying to design a way of remembering to do X every day, do X today. After you do X, smile for a moment at your success, then do X tomorrow. Rinse. Repeat.
4. There are no big or small things. I talk to My girls often about this point. I tell them that all they do serves Me. And on that basis, all things they do are equal, because what is the same about them is much more important than the ways in which they might differ. The effect of thinking about all actions on this basis is that acting as if over time permeates one's approach to everything, and not only becomes easier to apply but also more effective. This approach also brings the proper consistency to one's thoughts and words and replaces the cycle of think/plan/try/fail/self-criticize/apologize with true self-respect as one's stockpile of tiny successes constantly grows in the background.
Acting as if works in this context because it recognizes and respects the paradoxes and difficulties of a D/s relationship, and instead of trying to apply typical responses and thought patterns to those difficulties, seeks to address them with an approach that succeeds by tackling that enormity with minuscule but absolutely consistent steps.
YouTube Tuesday: My Day Was . . . Monstrous!
It was one of those days where I really just wanted to destroy stuff. And it wasn't anything to do with nicotine withdrawal -- that part really is pretty much over. It wasn't hormonal. It was just . . . one of those days where the best recourse at any given moment, the only way to be heard, understood, appreciated, was via the random destruction of inanimate objects.
But of course you can't do that. It's in the not-so-fine print in the Employee Handbook.
But when I got home and I knew what youtube Tuesday needed to be tonight.
The Best Japanese Import Ever!!!
GODZILLA!!!!!!!!
(Oh, and a great Blue Oyster Cult song too.)
OK, I'm feeling much better now.
But of course you can't do that. It's in the not-so-fine print in the Employee Handbook.
But when I got home and I knew what youtube Tuesday needed to be tonight.
The Best Japanese Import Ever!!!
GODZILLA!!!!!!!!
(Oh, and a great Blue Oyster Cult song too.)
OK, I'm feeling much better now.
Temporary Things
alena wrote:
"Sometimes I need to be reminded, to know that I can mess up... that I can disappoint Her. Sometimes it's helpful to realize that there is a difference between pushing, and taking advantage."
There is a trap that submissives can fall into, even experienced ones. That trap is the feeling that mistakes are forever. Many Dom/mes unwittingly play into this perception -- the more intense a Dominant is, the better S/he is at expressing His or Her emotions, the more strongly the submissive is going feel the expression of displeasure.
It's helpful to bear in mind that:
1. Disappointment is temporary.
2. But so is being pleased.
Which is wonderful and terrible both at once, really. Because while it implies that there is no mistake that can't be overcome, it also implies that there's no . . . "completion," no end to the process. And while that latter fact is almost trivial in its obviousness, it can feel like a heavy weight on the submissive's shoulders at times. But as with everything else, it balances out -- there are times when the fact that "disappointment is temporary" will fill the submissive with joy and relief. And so:
3. There is no perfection but there is always redemption.
The Dom/me's part in this is to be the Keeper of the Perspective (the "KOP," conveniently enough!). For the submissive, it's not just "power" that's surrendered; if his or her submission is deep enough, perspective in large measure gets given over as well. Being the KOP means that the Dom/me has numbers 1-3 above in mind, all the time, and is leading in such a way that the submissive is being pushed/challenged/kept sharp while at the same time not allowed to fall into the trap of thinking that mistakes are forever.
Just like a good cop, a good KOP never uses His or Her power in anger. The KOP's actions are measured, sharply drawn, and strictly limited to the particular situation at hand. And, just as a cop has some discretion to let the offender off with a warning, the good KOP takes everything in account before deciding among laughter, lecture, penance, or punishment within the constraints of an overall consistent approach.
Redemption is that sturdy net below you as you walk a high wire across a canyon so wide there is no seeing the other side. Knowing the net is there gives you the courage to keep inching along.
"Sometimes I need to be reminded, to know that I can mess up... that I can disappoint Her. Sometimes it's helpful to realize that there is a difference between pushing, and taking advantage."
There is a trap that submissives can fall into, even experienced ones. That trap is the feeling that mistakes are forever. Many Dom/mes unwittingly play into this perception -- the more intense a Dominant is, the better S/he is at expressing His or Her emotions, the more strongly the submissive is going feel the expression of displeasure.
It's helpful to bear in mind that:
1. Disappointment is temporary.
2. But so is being pleased.
Which is wonderful and terrible both at once, really. Because while it implies that there is no mistake that can't be overcome, it also implies that there's no . . . "completion," no end to the process. And while that latter fact is almost trivial in its obviousness, it can feel like a heavy weight on the submissive's shoulders at times. But as with everything else, it balances out -- there are times when the fact that "disappointment is temporary" will fill the submissive with joy and relief. And so:
3. There is no perfection but there is always redemption.
The Dom/me's part in this is to be the Keeper of the Perspective (the "KOP," conveniently enough!). For the submissive, it's not just "power" that's surrendered; if his or her submission is deep enough, perspective in large measure gets given over as well. Being the KOP means that the Dom/me has numbers 1-3 above in mind, all the time, and is leading in such a way that the submissive is being pushed/challenged/kept sharp while at the same time not allowed to fall into the trap of thinking that mistakes are forever.
Just like a good cop, a good KOP never uses His or Her power in anger. The KOP's actions are measured, sharply drawn, and strictly limited to the particular situation at hand. And, just as a cop has some discretion to let the offender off with a warning, the good KOP takes everything in account before deciding among laughter, lecture, penance, or punishment within the constraints of an overall consistent approach.
Redemption is that sturdy net below you as you walk a high wire across a canyon so wide there is no seeing the other side. Knowing the net is there gives you the courage to keep inching along.
Housekeeping, Etc.
Now that the lonnnnnnng Lenora X story is finally done, I can get to some updates I've been meaning to do.
1. I removed the dead links. And along those lines, I get an error when I try to access Katja Minx's blog, sadomasokitten. Does anyone know if that blog has poofed, or is that just a temporary error?
2. A few blogs seem to have ceased, and others announced that they ceased. Those blogs I moved into a new section, called "Emeritus." The difference between putting blogs in this section and removing them completely is that the Emeritus blogs left their content up.
3. I'm behind on My blog reading, way behind. And further behind on exploring new links so that I can grow My link list as Ithreatened promised to do a couple weeks ago. I know everyone's anxious -- TEPB is all about finding masses of high-quality links and shamelessly whoring sharing them with My readers.
4. Still smoke-free! And I haven't killed any one, caused Myself grievous bodily harm, or committed any willful acts of property damage. Thanks to My girls for their support during this time . . . it's meant the world to Me.
5. Have a great weekend. KAHTATUS.
1. I removed the dead links. And along those lines, I get an error when I try to access Katja Minx's blog, sadomasokitten. Does anyone know if that blog has poofed, or is that just a temporary error?
2. A few blogs seem to have ceased, and others announced that they ceased. Those blogs I moved into a new section, called "Emeritus." The difference between putting blogs in this section and removing them completely is that the Emeritus blogs left their content up.
3. I'm behind on My blog reading, way behind. And further behind on exploring new links so that I can grow My link list as I
4. Still smoke-free! And I haven't killed any one, caused Myself grievous bodily harm, or committed any willful acts of property damage. Thanks to My girls for their support during this time . . . it's meant the world to Me.
5. Have a great weekend. KAHTATUS.
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