alena wrote:
"Sometimes I need to be reminded, to know that I can mess up... that I can disappoint Her. Sometimes it's helpful to realize that there is a difference between pushing, and taking advantage."
There is a trap that submissives can fall into, even experienced ones. That trap is the feeling that mistakes are forever. Many Dom/mes unwittingly play into this perception -- the more intense a Dominant is, the better S/he is at expressing His or Her emotions, the more strongly the submissive is going feel the expression of displeasure.
It's helpful to bear in mind that:
1. Disappointment is temporary.
2. But so is being pleased.
Which is wonderful and terrible both at once, really. Because while it implies that there is no mistake that can't be overcome, it also implies that there's no . . . "completion," no end to the process. And while that latter fact is almost trivial in its obviousness, it can feel like a heavy weight on the submissive's shoulders at times. But as with everything else, it balances out -- there are times when the fact that "disappointment is temporary" will fill the submissive with joy and relief. And so:
3. There is no perfection but there is always redemption.
The Dom/me's part in this is to be the Keeper of the Perspective (the "KOP," conveniently enough!). For the submissive, it's not just "power" that's surrendered; if his or her submission is deep enough, perspective in large measure gets given over as well. Being the KOP means that the Dom/me has numbers 1-3 above in mind, all the time, and is leading in such a way that the submissive is being pushed/challenged/kept sharp while at the same time not allowed to fall into the trap of thinking that mistakes are forever.
Just like a good cop, a good KOP never uses His or Her power in anger. The KOP's actions are measured, sharply drawn, and strictly limited to the particular situation at hand. And, just as a cop has some discretion to let the offender off with a warning, the good KOP takes everything in account before deciding among laughter, lecture, penance, or punishment within the constraints of an overall consistent approach.
Redemption is that sturdy net below you as you walk a high wire across a canyon so wide there is no seeing the other side. Knowing the net is there gives you the courage to keep inching along.
3 comments:
You know, I *still* haven't gotten around to reading your story, and I am *still* promising myself that as a reward when I feel sufficiently "caught up" with my mental list of things to do.. but I do want to say that, as much as I enjoy your fiction, I'm glad to see you posting these kind of posts again too. I enjoy them every bit as much, if not more. If/when you work around to my neck of the woods, I do want to point you to a particular post that was written somewhat with you in mind - it's the one entitled "Pride." No offense intended to you or your readers at all, but I thought you might find it interesting...
P.S. Grats on the smoking!! I haven't quit yet myself.. bluh.. read the "Oopsie" post for more on that LOL.
Thanks taylor. Today's Day 8. I have to say . . . today was a breakthrough day of sorts in that I realized that today was the first day since I've stopped that I had basically no cigarette-related thoughts except when I actually saw someone smoking, or saw someone's cigarettes or lighter. This was a big change from the previous days where I spontaneously thought about it every 15 minutes or so, at least.
Huggs and best of luck and hte best of all things to you . . .
*smiles* Good perspective. (use of word intentional).
Syr often tells me that i am far harder on myself than She is on me and often punish myself far more effectively than She could.... but she often reminds me that mistakes are merely that, and all that matters in the end is that I learn from them. *smiles* She is an excellent KOP. ;)
~alena
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