Due to a number of cirucmstances, but mostly becasue I'm an IDIOT, I ended up having to go to the grocery store after work on the afternoon before Thanksgiving.
I was lulled into a false state of optimism by the ease with which I got a parking space. Hey, this isn't going to be so bad. I'm in and out of here in no time! Yessss!
I get up to the entrance to the store and reality slaps Me, hard. There are NO carriages. None. I walk to the other entrance. None there either. So much for getting in and out in short order . . . I can't even get in!
I can wait for the carriage-retriever guy to come back with a load of empties from the parking lot. Or I can try to find him in the parking lot and snag one. I look to My left and to My right -- there are a number of other would-be shoppers standing, carriageless, considering the same options I am. I start cruising through the parking lot. Eventually I find the guy, with all of FOUR empty carts. I grab one and start wheeling it towards the store, My fellow carriage-lottery losers closing in on the carriage guy and this three remaining carts.
OK, I'm in. And it's not as bad as I'd feared.
It's worse. Every aisle is clogged. It's one of those moments when your entire body just gives up for a moment, in some undefineable but very real way. The moment passes, I resist the urge to shout FIRE! at the top of My lungs, and plunge in to the pre-holiday mass of humanity.
Thankfully I don't need that much. It's slow going but I resign Myself and fall into the torturous rhythm of it. I manage not to run up the back of an ultra slow-moving elderly couple. A nifty last-second move prevents Me from running over the toes of a five-year old driving a little "Customer In Training" cart (whose Ipod-wired mother is blissfully unaware of her son's near-brush with injury). I'm not exactly filled with the holiday spirit but I'm making it, I'm getting the grocery shopping done.
I approach the checkout lines and now the real tricky part comes. Every line has 2-3 people backed up, so the trick is to scan carefully and try to find the line where there won't be the "Customer With A Problem." Nothing sends Me to the edge of grocery store rage faster than a long delay while the cahsier and customer scan the flyer, trying to determine if it's the Maxi Pads or the Thin Freshness variety that's actually on sale this week.
It's an art more than a science, avoiding the Customer With a Problem. There are a few tipoffs, though.
Coupons. Avoid any line where any shopper who has lots of coupons.
A cart piled way over the top with stuff. The law of averages dictates that the more stuff in there, the greater the chance of there being one or more items that won't scan, or which will come up with the wrong price.
Change purses. Anyone with a change purse is a checkout delay waiting to happen.
One of those little clicker things that helps you calucalte your bill as you go along. Enough said.
But in the end, it's a "feel" thing. Some people just have that look. That "I'm ever vigilant that the evil grocery store conglomerate is going to try to rip Me off, so don't fuck with Me, missy!" look.
Well, I actually for once make a good choice and get checked out in a reasonable, delay-free amount of time. Yay. I rock, totally.
I leave the store, and everything's great (except for the three people following Me waiting for My soon to be empty carriage).
I suddenly stop, that totally drained feeling stabbing at Me again. Where the hell did I park?
UberDomme indeed.
4 comments:
That was a hilarious story. It's funny how we're both on the same continent yet subtle differences stand out between our two countries. Up my way i've never heard anyone call a shopping cart a "carriage" in fact i thought carriages where reserved for babies and Cinderella. LOL Even our groceries have odd little differences because i hear that across the border, milk still comes in jugs where i believe most of us Canucks have switched to the 3 bag deal. And of course just to be different, our Thanksgiving was a few weeks ago although i think Americans get a better deal because ours is only a 3 day weekend.
I had to chuckle at your checkout line strategy because it's funny how we all have a system. For me (and i'll probably get flogged for this) but i look for lines with young or middle aged men. We spend no time looting through a purse to pay for our purchases, we can work the debit machine with lightening fast speeds, and we have no idea that coupons or sales even exist. We get what we are looking for, and we pay for it. Job done. No fiddling for silly club points or air miles cards either. Around my parts, we have a Native reserve close by too so i avoid lines with our fellow Indian brothers as well. Here they are eligible to produce a "tax free" card that makes the checkout process yet even longer.
I hope you have a good Thanksgiving and for sure i'll be thinking about this post the next time i'm picking up a few things at grocery store.
At least you didn't forget an item and have to go back for it!
Lovely story...thank You for the laugh and i hope Your Thanksgiving was wonderful.
Funny. Reminds me of a piece I once read by a ProDomme.
She was commenting on how, out of session, she still had to stand in line at the post office, call to argue over phone bill mistakes, and be put on hold for various customer service issues.
It's a rare person, indeed, who can fully express their D/s orientation 24/7, if they ever leave their house, or some other 'friendly confine.'
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