You Don't Say

I've written a number of times about the importance of communcaition between Dominant and submissive. But there are times, in D/s, and especially in life, when silence truly is golden.

I'm not talking about those very intense moments of subspace, or Topspace. Words are unnecessary and in any event inadeqaute at those times. Nor am I takking about those times, and every Dom/me and sub has had them, where one just knows that discretion is the better part of valor (or obedience). I'm talking about times when it's simply not necessary to say anything, or, more to the point, to say a particular thing.

I am fond of saying to My girls that "I notice everything." And I think they would concur that I pretty much do. But I only express a small fraction of what I notice. And not only with them; that behavior carries over into other interactions, both in D/s spheres and in daily life.

Certainly it pertains here in the blogosphere. I read a lot of blogs. I comment rarely, and I blog on a small percentage of things that I might blog about.

Why?

The big aspect, for Me, is that it's a matter of control. Control starts with controlling One's own responses. People say and write a lot of things. Often those things could be responded to. But part of Me being Me, and feeling good about Myself, is remembering that other people's negaitvity diminishes them, not Me. When I don't respond, I feel stronger, not because I was the "bigger person," but becasue I'm reminded that I've held onto the one thing that is truly, immutably, totally Mine -- self-control. What others do, and how they do it . . . well, that's on them, for good or ill, ultimately. But watching what I say and how I say it makes Me feel good.

When communcation was almost exclusively one on one, there were natural buffers, unspoken norms that constrained behavior and choice of words, tone, etc. And there were natural constraints on the length of interactions, often. In the net age where there is "anonymity" and asynchronicity all bets are off. In a medum of immediacy and essentially universal access, the goal seems to be to not only say whatever you like however you want to, but also to say absolutely everything that one might be thinking/have thought. I think that overall we are worse off as a result.

And there is no hierarchy of intelligence here. In fact, the smart people are the worst offenders, since, well, being smart, they tend to have more to say.

And speaking of which . . . I've said more than enough already. KAHTATUS.