Where You Are Is Where You Belong (For Now)

Lady Janon wrote:

"As for me, pet has done a good job of chronicling all of our exploits. I can feel her, the real Domme, lurking beneath a surface, like a tiger behind a thin pane of glass. I just have to figure out how to break through. She paces back and forth, waiting, watching, wanting.

But the thin glass was a steel fortress months ago, so we've definitely come forward. And that is good."


Reading that made Me think of one of the "lectures" I've given My girls, oh, once or 200 times now. Namely, that we are, pretty much, exactly where we should be, at the moment. That simple statement, almost inane in its obviousness, is much more profound than it seems at first glance.

In D/s, perhaps more than in any other field of human endeavor, there's a tendency to worry about where we are versus where we've come to believe we should be. I am not sure if that is because the Internet has made so many people's adventures/stories/philosophies available to a wide readership, or to some factor inherent in the pursuit of D/s. Perhaps an arena where one party by definition gives up control to a greater or lesser degree and wants to be dictated to creates a natural self-imposed competition against some perceived ideal. I honestly don't understand all the underlying dynamics there.

Aspiring to an ideal isn't a bad thing in and of itself, of course. The submissive, hopefully, is geared towards "improving" him- or herself in his or her service and submission to the Dominant. And, certainly, while I can understand and even endorse the idea that there is some objective standard to be aspired to, however loosely defined, in the end each D/s relationship ends up being shaped by individual desires/history/limits etc.

And if that's the case, then we truly are right where we must be at any given moment. We can hardly be otherwise. Where the problems come in, as I see it, are in three areas:

1. Being happy with the fact that we are where we must be right now.
2. Understanding that temporary sidetracks and missteps are just that, temporary.
3. Realizing that the Dominant and the submissive won't always be at the same state of acceptance of the current place they find themselves.

And this is where Lady Janon's quote above struck Me. I would say that the "real Domme" is already there. It's Her. Now. And that "real Domme" incorporates all the perceived hesitancy, the watching, waiting, and wanting . . . along with everything else that makes Her, Her. That makes us all what we are.

Does that imply that things never can or will change? Not at all. We are all on a continuum in this. We move along it, how and when we can, sometimes prodded to act, to move, by forces unnameable and incomprehensible, sometimes urged by those same forces to slow down, to consolidate, to ponder. One state has no less "realness" than the other. For Dominants, especially perceptive ones, it can be especially difficult since often We can feel, strongly, the submissives' desires to be pushed, challenged. And I know from personal experience the guilt that can accompany those feelings.

For Me, only a deep acceptance that I am where I must be, right now, and that My girls are too, gives Me the confidence, the calmness that I need to be Me. All of Me.