Being yourself . . . yikes!

sprialsubmissive wrote:

"But what happens when the persona that you're asked to show is simply...yourself? From the beginning of our relationship, Sir has said that he only wants me to be who I truly am with him, that there is nothing I have to hide, nothing I have to craft. This has proven more difficult than it would seem."

This touches on one of the inherent paradoxes of D/s. I talk to My girls, often, about how there is a real "freedom" in their situation. The freedom to not have to decide. The freedom to focus on the one thing that matters at any given moment. The freedom to fail.

All that adds up to the freedom to be themselves. And as spiralsubmissive wrote above, that's not so easy. Especially when it's required.

In normal daily life, we have certain "versions" of ourselves that we show the world. It's necessary, of course. In order to get along in society, hold down a job, etc., we have to filter and buffer certain parts of ourselves. We usually have multiple configurations for various situations: one for work, one for family, one for acquaintances, one for close friends. For many of us perhaps that "close friends" version is very close to the "real" us.

In a D/s relationship, both parties, but especially the submissive, really need to work hard at doing exactly the opposite: that is, being totally ourselves. Being the real us, all the time.

That's not only difficult, it's scary. As I've written before, a Dominant often has to deal with His or Her submissive trying to be "too good," that is, not being him or herself out of a desire not to trouble the Dom/me with what are perceived to be petty issues, or not wanting to disappoint the Dom/me by backsliding on something that the Dom/me might think has been resolved, etc. The net result is the submissive ends up just using another "version" of him or herself, just like for work or Thanksgiving Dinner with the family.

And that, at least for Me, won't do. It bears repeating: Ownership, real ownership, is owning the whole, real person. Including everything -- the fears, the neuroses, the doubts, along with all the good things, too. I work to be strong enough to want that. one who is owned by Me must arrive at being strong enough to offer all that, and just that, all the time. I can't envision relationship D/s that could work any other way.

As spiralsubmissive wrote: " . . . that there is nothing I have to hide, nothing I have to craft." It is, one one level, just what it sounds like -- a license to be one's true self. And on that level it's a wondrous, powerful gift. But it is also like a magic spell that once cast can't be uncast, that transports both submissive and Dominant to a place where there is nothing to come between them. It is magical, but very difficult. And once glimpsed, once understood for what it really is . . . it means that nothing is the same, ever.