A Wonderfully Difficult Week

I've been absent from here the past few days . . . but for a very good reason.

About 2 1/2 months ago, My girl sorceress asked for her release. I reluctantly, sadly, granted it.

This past week, she asked Me to take her back.

Even thought I'd never stopped loving her, I went into a long think about her request. I've written before about how for Me, love is an essential ingredient in relationship D/s, but I've also written a lot more (implicitly) about how love in and of itself isn't enough.

And looking back on the two-plus years we'd been together, there were problem areas. And those hadn't improved in late June when sorceress asked to be released. So there was a lot to think about.

For three days I rolled this over in My mind, really examined everything. her failures, and just as importantly Mine. We had, some important ways let each other down." The issue now was how would it be different, if I took her back? Would I be capable of what I for whatever reason wasn't totally capable of before? For her part, the same questions . . . would she be able to get over certain hurdles that in the past were serious stumbling blocks?

I am process-oriented. That is, I seek a defineable path, at least on the strateic level. The actual tactical steps to be taken can be devised/adjusted as the situatoins dictate. So, I tried to define a process for this. Perhaps for Me, the mere existence of a process was more important than the actual contents of the process, as it allowed Me to start to consider the big questions in a calmer, more rational way.

The process itself was very simple.

1. she made a formal request to be taken back.
2. I then had her write Me an e-mail, addressing the following questions:
a. What had gone wrong?
b. Why?
c. How would things be different this time?
d. Is it reasonable to expect that improvement could be achieved?
3. I would then give her My answers to the above questions.
4. We would then discuss the oue answers to those questions at length.
5. At the conclusion of that process I would make My decision.

The process was valuable for her, too -- she needed a structure in which work through this, too.

Thus My absence from here. It was very difficult to blog, to even think about much else the past few days.

And the process was valuable, regardless of the result. In thinking over the questions above, I had to examine My own handling of certain situations and emotions, and My entire approach to Dominace as a result. I've written before about a Dom/me's humility; this exercise was humbling in a very good way. Becasue I was able to see (to re-establish to Myself, as it were) that:

1. I'm not perfect (of course), but
2. I'm pretty darn good.

The process also reinforced a number of other themes I"ve written about here, both practical and spiritual. So it was highly benefical, even if the original reason for it (sorceress leaving) was painful and horrendous in the extreme.

But, as the saying goes, the world doesn't care about the labor pains . . . they just want to see the baby. So I know the results of the process are of interest more than are the details of said process.

I have taken her back. I am so incredibly joyful that she is back. Words honestly can't express how joyful.

she has been re-named. she is natahsa now.

Welcome back home, natasha. I love you so incredibly much.