I read somehwere that the secret of life lies in the ability to balance positive and negative forces.
I am, today, this week, lately . . . out of balance.
The way I look at the world, at life, is at base, lonely, non-comforting. For better or worse, I know too much to get comfort from the simple reassurances that once used to have the ability to fill Me up and keep Me going. I see the world for what it is: A carefully, relentlessly maintained collective agreement. Real, but hardly all-encompassing. That fact can be deeply reassuring, and often is. At times that fact is crushingly draining. Like now.
I have been not well physically for a week or so now, and I know that the main reason for it is emotional, spiritual, whatever word one wants to put to it. I have no symptoms other than a terrible lack of energy. I left work early yesterday, went home, and slept for hours. I awoke more tired than when I went to sleep. That's not physical.
I have written often about how what I seek in D/s requires many iterations, may tellings and retellings, teachings and reteachings. To believe in that, to stay on that course, requires maintaining that fine balance between the positive and the negative. In My UberDomme moments I can make Myself honestly, sincerely think that I can maintain that balance indefinitely and continually throw handfuls of sand aginst the stone, knowing that in the end the sand wins out, infinitesimal bits at a time. At times like this I wonder how I will ever have the strength to pick up that next handful of sand.
Two things keeps Me going.
1. The love and devotion of My girls.
2. The feeling of standing on the ground, feeling it's alive, the knowing that it is being a part of that, of everything, small as My part of it may be, is in the end everything. The smallest thing is everything that matters. There is no "comfort" in the things I was raised and taught to think comfort could be derived from; there is comfort only in pressing on, acting as if, continuing the struggle to understand the way to embrace that smallest thing and use it to become everything. And to help My girls every way I can in that same effort.
5 comments:
" I read somehwere that the secret of life lies in the ability to balance positive and negative forces."
Lenora,
There is such wisdom in these words, and what you read was quite correct. The universe functions on such a balance of four forces; Positive Energy, Negative Energy, Electromagnetism, and Gravity. Of the four, gravity is the weakest.
Being out of balance means that gravity is off center, and physical illness can certainly cause this. I too have been unwell for about the last couple of weeks, and am only now truly feeling centered again.
Please allow me to suggest this to you - Out of all of the souls I have encountered in this jungle called cyberworld, if there was ever anyone who I thought would have the strength to pick up the next handful of sand, it would be you.
I hope you feel better soon, and please never doubt your own strength.
xoxo,
nina
nina . . . thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement. they are much appreciated and greatly needed today.
"The trouble with you is......." which is an expression not found in "How to Win Friends and Influence People.........that you are like everyone else, this Englishman included! You look a a current state and read too much into it. There is a philosophy which states, "when hot, remember how you felt when cold...when hungry, how you felt when sated...etc." Feel well, soon.
Englishman.
Thank you very much, englishman. Yes, stuff happens. And yes, stuff stops happening. And it will.
I hope you find whatever refreshes and replenishes you, soon. None of us can continually "go to the well" without also tending to the source of our own ebb and flowing. Tend to your own well-being, for just as the airlines still remind us all -- it is necessary to "put your own oxygen mask on before assisting others."
Wishing you balance.
swan
Post a Comment