Rolling Your Own And Enjoying It Less?

A girl came into the room yesterday. A first-time visitor I'll call saturnia (not her real nickname). Those who have ever visited #Enchanted_Palms know that I really bend over backwards to be welcoming and gracious to first-time visitors (sometimes to My own detriment, but that's another story). I do have, however a few very simple rules.

So saturnia comes in . . . she seems pretty normal, nice, etc. Great.

One of My simple rules has to do with the use of "Sir" and "Ma'am" by submissives when addressing Dominants. [The purpose of this post isn't to explain why, but there is a short explanation and a long explanation. The short explanation is "because it's My room and I say so." The long explanation is considerably more enlightening, well thought-out, and, umm . . . longer.]

I do, however, attempt to convey what the rules are in the gentlest way possible. I honestly do find I catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

So, after waiting a couple minutes, and being addressed just by My name, twice, I say, and I quote:

Lenora smiles . . . it's Sir/Ma'am in here, saturnia . . . thank you

saturnia says "Oh!," "Bye," and leaves.

I understand there are bottoms and there are submissives. I understand that each person feels free to define his or her submission however s/he sees fit and to pursue opportunities to experience that uniquely-defined submission, in day to day life, on-line, in one's fantasy life, etc.

I get all that. And in and of itself it's perfectly reasonable and probably healthy.

But I do cling to the (apparently unpopular) notion that "roll your own"submission is inherently limiting. There is a value in submitting to a situation in which one is not being catered to to the nth degree.

When I say "submitting," I mean . . . bending one's will a bit, not surrendering. Anyone who doesn't understand the difference between submission and surrender shouldn't be exploring any of this in the first place until s/he learns that difference.

Submitting to the situation means putting aside for a little while that idealized menu we all carry around in our heads, and looking, experiencing, considering, another way. Not to change everything about one's self, but simply to add something new to the inventory. Perhaps it's discarded soon afterwards, perhaps not -- in either case one is richer for the experience.

Exploring submission is not like learning basket-weaving or auto repair or real estate law. Unlike just about any other field of human endeavor, exploring submission of necessity entails moving outside of the totality of what one thought one wanted to do.

I am not talking about exposing one's self to anything illegal, dangerous, damaging, etc. I am talking about stopping a moment, considering the possibility that 100% self-defined submission might not be all there is, since it lacks the essential "other" element: that entity to be submitted to. And in that, the realization that there is not only a value, but a real beauty in simple, non-dramatic, garden variety, non-surrendering submission. And along with the beauty, afterwards, a quiet sense of accomplishment that can feel very warm and real.