swan writes here on the subject of poly relationships. It's a longish post, and to really get the best out of it you'll need to also read an externally-linked short story, but the investment in time is well worth it.
swan discusses briefly, the "easy" notion that "more love makes more love":
Poly people are fond of saying that "more love makes more love." It is one of those cute, clever, insider slogan-ish bits that we toss off to try and make things sound bright and easy and palatable to all the ones from outside who would look into our lives and make negative judgements. It is right up there on a par with the ubiquitous BDSM slogan, "SSC" (Safe, Sane, and Consensual). It really doesn't mean nearly as much as it seems to on the face of it, and once you start to know a little bit about the reality of things, that quick, glib, clever little throwaway line starts to pale some.
I have to say . . . yes, and no. The reason we "make things sound bright and easy" is not only to deflect negative judgments. It's also because 1) being positively-oriented is inherently less draining than being negatively-oriented, and 2) we sense the grain of truth in the "easy" statement, and we can't help responding to that, even though the wizened, hardened folks we want to think the world has made us would dismiss the idea completely.
In some cases more love actually does make more love. All? Most? No, I won't go there. Life and jealousy and sickness and petty annoyances and all those negative (if mostly silent) judgments do get in the way. And certainly, as swan notes, there is no standard configuration, no neat, logically-consistent (albeit tenuous) hierarchy of infinities like those that govern transfinite mathematics. So, to say it trivially but truthfully, your mileage will vary. A lot.
But it occurs to Me that the most radical thing one can do in this is to be the romantic. Wow. I wonder how many of us are strong (or foolish?) enough, often enough?
In any event, I encourage you to read swan's post. Poly or not, you'll find it thought-provoking and intelligent. And the story she links is to pretty entertaining as well.
2 comments:
Lenora-
I did read her post, but, somehow, did not see, find, or recognize, the story.
I have learned from friends and acquaintances with poly relationship experience, that they are reported as typically rather short-lived, explosive and unstable.
I don't personally know of many, if any, people who have managed one single, whole, healthy monogamous relationship, let alone several at once.
Perhaps it's because poly falls into that hard to define/describe category that they can be limping along, and yet explained as working just fine, thank you very much.
Who would really know, if there's no means by which to gauge their relative health or fulfillment?
Regards,
-saratoga
OK- I finally did find the right post, and link.
The link failed, so I couldn't read the story. Swan's own comments seemed to echo my own.
-saratoga
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