How good do you have to be?

I was talking with a submissive last night and he related an incident with a former Domme of his.

The details aren't overly important; suffice it to say that She said something to him that hit him wrong; that came off, to him, as well, not very Domme-like.

I suggested to him that that might have been an opportunity to grow in his submission, in that there were multiple ways Her comment could've been taken, and searching for those multiple ways could be seen in and of itself as an exercise in submission.

And that got Me to thinking: How good does a submissive have to be? Should s/he be better than his or her Master/Mistress?

Meaning . . . since none of use are perfect, in any D/s relationship that encompasses more than random intermittent play there are going to be missteps. It's easy for a submissive to slip into thinking that the Other is omniscient, and more or less infallible. But, My favorite phrase -- stuff happens. And what's the submissive's obligation there?

I'm of two minds about it. I do like to think that there is, within the multi-flavored world of D/s, a certain absolute standard. Some few things that are aximoatic in this lifestyle. So any submissive should at the very least be focused on and stay true to those axioms regardless of his or her Owner's occaisional mistakes. The end result of that might be a submissive being "better" than his or her Owner actually needs him or her to be.

Then there is the inevitable "but." Namely, that what matters most for the submissive should be conforming to his or her Owner's wishes. And if that's the absoslute "absolute," then the logical consequence of that is that a submissive only has to be as good as his or her Owner requires.

Well, I hate being of two minds about anything for long, so I come down on the side of the first approach. While the submissve obviously needs to be motivated by what his or her Owner desires/requires, s/he also has to have an inner voice that fuels submission, a voice that guides the submissive even when the Other has a little mental vacation (or is physically unavailable, etc.).

This (as everything seems to) rounds Me back to a few of my favorite themes:

1. Communication. This is an isue that needs to be discussed frequently. When the submissive isn't sure about how to proceed, it's almost always because of a lack of clearly-expressed guidance from the Other. The submissive also needs to know that s/he can take this kind of issue to the Other and know what it won't be perceived as a challenge, or a criticism of the Other's leadership.

2. The humility of the Dom/me. For a lot of Dom/mes, the words "I fucked up" are very difficult to say. Even when both parties know that's what happened. Being able to express that, and hopefully explain it, eases the sitaution and makes the Dom/me stronger, not weaker. And makes the Dom/me easier for the submissive to follow and learn from.

3. Not everything that happens to a submissive is about the submissive. When the Other makes a misstep, it's not necessarily becasue S/he is a weak Dom/me, or doesn't care, or doesn't really know the submissive after all this time. A million things at in play in our minds and hearts all the time; We want to think We're omniscient and infallible, trust Me . . . but it just ain't so. And there are 1,000 reasons why the wrong note gets hit from time to time. Precious few of them are sinister or relationship-threatening. It's healthy to take a pause and remember that.

So, how good do you have to be? As good as you know you should be, regardless of whether you're being actively "watched" or not. And good enough to realize that your Owner needs to know that it's something you struggle with, if you do.