I was talking last night with iris . . . I wasn't in a good mood. I'd been vaguely sick all weekend, not truly ill, but not quite right either. Last night a couple of things happened that got Me rather annoyed. The details don't matter; but the conversation was somewhat tense.
At a certain point, frustrated, I felt compelled to explain to iris that Me being the Dominant deosn't make Me immune from having to learn, to change, to grow . . . to "move." There are a lot of lessons I'm trying to impart to My girls -- some of them I'm still working on, too.
iris confessed that she never thinks about that aspect of things. To her, I've always got all the answers.
What to make of that? In one sense, iris' perception of Me is exactly what I want it to be -- I strive to always know the right thing to do or say, to really be that, for her and for her sisters.
But there's another side to it of course. I want and need to be seen, felt, loved for the person I really am . . . and love, even in a D/s relationship, means being able to show all of one's self, to be able to have all the highs and lows and in-betweens that we're all subject to.
I am not sure there is a 100% solution. It's more or less impossible to achieve the level of submission that I want from My girls and then have them see Me as . . . well . . . just Me.
I end up feeling it's a necessary tradeoff. My girls can feel who I am, they understand that in a very real sense I am learning much of what I'm teaching them as we move through this incredible journey together. But all that doesn't preclude them from wanting, and needing, to have Me "up there" on that pedestal. And it doesn't preclude Me from wanting to be there.
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This is a topic of periodic discussion for my Mistress and me. I think it's emblematic of, and intrinsic to, any healthy, deep D/s relationship.
If this isn't occasionally happening, then there's not total acceptance, or else, not total involvement.
I know my Beloved is really just a human being, heir to the ordinary problems of body and mind. Were she actually Venus or Aphrodite I'd probably be scared to death.
For me the defining attribute of the D/s portion of our love is that when I offer my adoration she is willing to accept it. I don't feel any less humble. If she's given me one gift it is to escape the fantasy and learn to enjoy the human but nonetheless ecstatic reality.
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