I don't know all the gory details and background, but it's come to My attention (a few months late apparently) that sitemeter, the hit counter you (used to) see at the bottom of the page, has been allowing the placement of spy tracking cookies in the sitemeter code.
Apparently, sitemeter will move users to a special server if they don't wish this to happen, or I could revert to the non-Javascript version of the counter.
The easier solution for Me is to just use a different counter.
Not that I think that third-party marketers are necessarily clamoring for My meager readership, and certainly I'm not selling anything. But on principle it seems to Me the right thing to do is to dump sitemeter.
The counter that now appears at the bottom of the page is spy-cookie free.
YouTube Tuesday: Don't Talk About The War
Tonight's clip is a snippet from Fawlty Towers, perhaps the best sitcom ever created on either side of the Atlantic. There are, I think, only twelve episodes of Fawlty Towers. Watching them, on realizes that the reason for that is that there are really only twelve basic sitcom plots, and Fawlty Towers does each and every one to perfection.
In this clip, Basil (John Cleese) tries to "not talk about the War" as he waits on a table of German guests. I must've seen this twenty times, and I still laugh as hard every time.
In this clip, Basil (John Cleese) tries to "not talk about the War" as he waits on a table of German guests. I must've seen this twenty times, and I still laugh as hard every time.
YouTube Tuesday: Hesitation Blues
A little too much soul-searching in the YTT clips lately . . . I had intended to resume the search for the World's Greatest Pop Song but then this caught My eye.
Tonight's clip is Hot Tuna performing one of the many many recorded versions of "Hesitation Blues."
As simple as it gets. A guitar and a bass. A blues song that is as straightforward as they come. But what Jorma Kaukonen and Jack Cassidy are able to do with these simplest of ingredients really is magical.
Tonight's clip is Hot Tuna performing one of the many many recorded versions of "Hesitation Blues."
As simple as it gets. A guitar and a bass. A blues song that is as straightforward as they come. But what Jorma Kaukonen and Jack Cassidy are able to do with these simplest of ingredients really is magical.
YouTube Tuesday: A Case Of You
Tonight's video is a little slide show, but I chose it for the song.
"A Case Of You" by Joni Mitchell.
"A Case of You" is Joni at her mesmerizing best, showing why she's head and shoulders above any of her so-called singer/songwriter contemporaries. Listen to Mitchell's voice in this video and it's clear (no pun intended) she sings Judy Collins or Joan Baez or anyone else of that era (or this) under the table. Her songwriting is on a par with anyone's . . . "A Case Of You" is a perfect little bittersweet bullet of a song, pure -- one of the few pieces of music I'd ever consider applying the word "luminous" to.
"You are in my blood like holy wine
Taste so bitter and so sweet
Oh, I could drink a case of you
And still be on my feet . . .
I would still be on my feet"
"A Case Of You" by Joni Mitchell.
"A Case of You" is Joni at her mesmerizing best, showing why she's head and shoulders above any of her so-called singer/songwriter contemporaries. Listen to Mitchell's voice in this video and it's clear (no pun intended) she sings Judy Collins or Joan Baez or anyone else of that era (or this) under the table. Her songwriting is on a par with anyone's . . . "A Case Of You" is a perfect little bittersweet bullet of a song, pure -- one of the few pieces of music I'd ever consider applying the word "luminous" to.
"You are in my blood like holy wine
Taste so bitter and so sweet
Oh, I could drink a case of you
And still be on my feet . . .
I would still be on my feet"
My health troubles of late have kept Me from doing much here aside from doggedly maintaining the weekly YouTube Tuesday video clips (I can tell from the barrage of comments on each one how much that's appreciated).
A bit more on the health stuff. It is serious but not life-threatening, ranging in severity from annoying to semi-debilitating. Good days and bad days. I do go to work every day, and I make it to the end most days.
So I still have a more or less normal life. The problem is that by the time evening comes, the energy I have I put into being with My girls and the odd baseball article for armchairgm.com. Plus, on some evenings I take a pain pill and well, responsible bloggers don't blog under the influence of controlled substances. Weekends I need the extra rest.
It is slowly getting better, however, and before too long I expect the health issue to be pretty much an afterthought, and I'll have more energy for the thought pieces and the fiction.
Until then, you are in My thoughts . . . and I look forward to really settling down and being able to catch up on everyone's lives, update/clean up the link list, and resume link-whoring with vigor.
KAHTATUS.
YouTube Tuesday: The (Analog) Digital Music Video As Performace Art
Tonight's clip is a video of a vinyl record playing on a turntable.
That the song, "Blank Generation" by Richard Hell and the Voidoids, is a major favorite of Mine ends up being almost an afterthought.
Perhaps it's just Me, but I sat and watched that turntable spin for three minutes and it felt like thirty seconds. It was hypnotic -- watching (and listening) to the analog . . . digital . . . something about it carried Me away.
And the song, well . . . I love the song.
"I was sayin' let me outta here
Before I was even born
It's such a gamble when you get a face
It's fascinatin' to observe what the mirror does
But when I dine
It's to the wall that I set a place . . . "
That the song, "Blank Generation" by Richard Hell and the Voidoids, is a major favorite of Mine ends up being almost an afterthought.
Perhaps it's just Me, but I sat and watched that turntable spin for three minutes and it felt like thirty seconds. It was hypnotic -- watching (and listening) to the analog . . . digital . . . something about it carried Me away.
And the song, well . . . I love the song.
"I was sayin' let me outta here
Before I was even born
It's such a gamble when you get a face
It's fascinatin' to observe what the mirror does
But when I dine
It's to the wall that I set a place . . . "
The Cosmic Pep Talk For The Cosmic Pep Talker
I was talking to a girl who had just broken up with her Mistress, and I mean just, at the time we were talking.
I've written before of The Cosmic Pep Talk, which can be summarized as follows: Not everything that happens to the submissive is about the submissive.
And that is meant in both the positive and negative senses, in that, not only is everything that goes right not necessarily the sole result of your wonderfulness, but also everything that goes wrong certainly isn't a result solely of your horribleness. It's amazing how easily a submissive will accept the first part yet have a very difficult time accepting the second part.
In this particular case I didn't deliver the Cosmic Pep Talk per se. The breakup was a little too fresh . . . it wouldn't have had the appropriate impact, I thought.
But being in that situation, talking to someone fresh from the loss and the hurt (and the anger, simmering beneath the surface, but there) ends up being good for Me, because it reminds Me of the simple truth and overwhleming importance of the Cosmic Pep Talk.
Because, after all, if everything that happens to the submissive isn't about the submissive, then there's no escaping that everything that happens to the Dominant isn't about the Dominant, as difficult as it can be at times for My ego to accept.
YouTube Tuesday: Who Do You Love?
One of my favorite things about youtube and its ilk are the videos where someone just decides that X might go with Y, even though X and Y are so seemingly different.
Tonight's clip is a great example of that. Take clips from the movie adaptation of Anne Rice's Queen of the Damned and pair them George Thorogood's perfect, rollicking cover of the Bo Diddley classic, "Who Do You Love?" To call that non-obvious is an understatement.
It's hot, it's creepy, it's nutty, by turns. It works. Kudos to its creator.
Tonight's clip is a great example of that. Take clips from the movie adaptation of Anne Rice's Queen of the Damned and pair them George Thorogood's perfect, rollicking cover of the Bo Diddley classic, "Who Do You Love?" To call that non-obvious is an understatement.
It's hot, it's creepy, it's nutty, by turns. It works. Kudos to its creator.
Brief
Health issues have been more or less consuming lately, and the blogging/writing energy just isn't there.
Will be better soon. KAHTATUS.
Will be better soon. KAHTATUS.
YouTube Tuesday: Sabotage
Sometimes, it just has to be the Beastie Boys. They've been around a long time in a crushingly competitive, relentlessly forward-moving genre where acts come and go like fireflies.
They've done that by maintaining a unique sound while not coming off as inflexible. Their videos are far above the hip hop standard for creativity, and they can still write and still rhyme.
"Sabotage" takes 70s cop shows (particularly Starsky and Hutch, I get the feeling) as its inspiration. It's fun, ridiculously exaggerated, yet somehow reverent to that style at the time.
"I can't stand it I know you planned it
But I'm gonna set it straight, this Watergate
I can't stand rocking when I'm in here
Because your crystal ball ain't so crystal clear
So while you sit back and wonder why
I got this fucking thorn in my side
Oh my, it's a mirage
I'm tellin' y'all it's a sabotage"
They've done that by maintaining a unique sound while not coming off as inflexible. Their videos are far above the hip hop standard for creativity, and they can still write and still rhyme.
"Sabotage" takes 70s cop shows (particularly Starsky and Hutch, I get the feeling) as its inspiration. It's fun, ridiculously exaggerated, yet somehow reverent to that style at the time.
"I can't stand it I know you planned it
But I'm gonna set it straight, this Watergate
I can't stand rocking when I'm in here
Because your crystal ball ain't so crystal clear
So while you sit back and wonder why
I got this fucking thorn in my side
Oh my, it's a mirage
I'm tellin' y'all it's a sabotage"
YouTube Tuesday: Super Freak
Tonight's clip is "Super Freak" by the late Rick James.
There are things in life that one might describe as "compellingly hideous" (or "hideously compelling," I suppose), but few can match early 80s style in that category.
Rick James, with "Super Freak" takes it all to some other level. The girls. The clothes. The glitter in his hair. The song about sex, more or less, that is incredibly non-erotic.
This video takes the carbon of a time and style and presses it into a cheesetastic diamond of pure, wildly enjoyable, horribleness.
Enjoy. You will feel physically dirty after doing so. But at the same time, so right. I promise.
There are things in life that one might describe as "compellingly hideous" (or "hideously compelling," I suppose), but few can match early 80s style in that category.
Rick James, with "Super Freak" takes it all to some other level. The girls. The clothes. The glitter in his hair. The song about sex, more or less, that is incredibly non-erotic.
This video takes the carbon of a time and style and presses it into a cheesetastic diamond of pure, wildly enjoyable, horribleness.
Enjoy. You will feel physically dirty after doing so. But at the same time, so right. I promise.
Dice-table Wisdom
I have been known to go the casino every now and then and I can be found at the craps table when I go. Of all the casino games, craps has the ambiance I like and, if you're smart, a reasonable chance of winning without the mechanical feel of system blackjack.
One night I was playing craps and a guy not far from My spot was in the midst of a modest comeback after a protracted bad streak. "Rome wasn't built in a day," he said as he collected another small winning bet, meaning by that aphorism that if he kept his discipline and didn't try to win it all back at once, he'd end up all right.
On the other side of Me, another patron, straight out of a casting call for Guys and Dolls, glanced somewhat skeptically at the fellow and said, out of his hearing, "but it only took one night to burn it down."
I had to laugh. Now, if I recall My history, Nero's fire in Rome actually burned for something like a month. But I knew what the gentleman was getting at with his sotto voce assessment. Mr. "Rome wasn't built in a day" found himself where he found himself more from his own lack of discipline than as a result of any astoundingly bad run of dice, and that it wouldn't be long before the plunger reverted to his unshakable habits.
I've incorporated that "but it only took one night to burn it down" saying not only into My supply of humorous remarks but also into My thinking about life, and about this lifestyle.
We work and work and work . . . we struggle to be better . . . as Dominant or submissive. And I have written, more than once, about how progress is that long long string of infinitesimal notches forward, only seen when we turn and stop to look at how far we've come. And while that's true, it's also true that it's so easy to let ourselves down, (and others), to undo so much of what we've done, to unthinkingly cut that string, our hard-earned pearls falling and scattering everywhere.
I have no particular reason for calling this idea to mind, tonight. No profound conclusion. Just perhaps a reminder to Myself, and to whomever might find it the right thought today, to always be on the lookout for unwittingly setting that fire that burns the whole thing down.
One night I was playing craps and a guy not far from My spot was in the midst of a modest comeback after a protracted bad streak. "Rome wasn't built in a day," he said as he collected another small winning bet, meaning by that aphorism that if he kept his discipline and didn't try to win it all back at once, he'd end up all right.
On the other side of Me, another patron, straight out of a casting call for Guys and Dolls, glanced somewhat skeptically at the fellow and said, out of his hearing, "but it only took one night to burn it down."
I had to laugh. Now, if I recall My history, Nero's fire in Rome actually burned for something like a month. But I knew what the gentleman was getting at with his sotto voce assessment. Mr. "Rome wasn't built in a day" found himself where he found himself more from his own lack of discipline than as a result of any astoundingly bad run of dice, and that it wouldn't be long before the plunger reverted to his unshakable habits.
I've incorporated that "but it only took one night to burn it down" saying not only into My supply of humorous remarks but also into My thinking about life, and about this lifestyle.
We work and work and work . . . we struggle to be better . . . as Dominant or submissive. And I have written, more than once, about how progress is that long long string of infinitesimal notches forward, only seen when we turn and stop to look at how far we've come. And while that's true, it's also true that it's so easy to let ourselves down, (and others), to undo so much of what we've done, to unthinkingly cut that string, our hard-earned pearls falling and scattering everywhere.
I have no particular reason for calling this idea to mind, tonight. No profound conclusion. Just perhaps a reminder to Myself, and to whomever might find it the right thought today, to always be on the lookout for unwittingly setting that fire that burns the whole thing down.
YouTube Tuesday: Not The Kind of "Girl Fight" You're Used To
Tonight's clip is a fight scene from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, featuring Ziyi Zhang and Michelle Yeoh. While fight scenes in general and martial arts in particular aren't typically My thing, this clip is great on several levels.
1. There is none of the catoonish unreality that has become the stock and trade of martial arts films. This is one of the more plausible fight scenes you'll see in a movie.
2. While being realistic/plausible, still the choreography is there, and it's stunning.
3. The whole "girl fight" thing. Hollywood and the male imagination have a hard-on for a "cat fight"; this fight scene, with two undeniably attractive women, turns that whole thing on its head . . . and really brings that different fighting energy to the fore.
Enjoy this compelling, gorgeous clip.
1. There is none of the catoonish unreality that has become the stock and trade of martial arts films. This is one of the more plausible fight scenes you'll see in a movie.
2. While being realistic/plausible, still the choreography is there, and it's stunning.
3. The whole "girl fight" thing. Hollywood and the male imagination have a hard-on for a "cat fight"; this fight scene, with two undeniably attractive women, turns that whole thing on its head . . . and really brings that different fighting energy to the fore.
Enjoy this compelling, gorgeous clip.
YouTube Tuesday: When I Say "Energy Drink," You Say . . .
"Latex Catsuit!" Of course!
Tonight's video is a behind the scenes look at a photoshoot for Hype Energy Drink. Hype's marketing strategy seems to be "hot blondes in black latex always sell." Not exactly original but it might well end up being effective. You know the girls are hot because you actually tune out the annoying music after a minute or so.
I've never tried Hype, and I don't drink energy drinks, so I have no idea if Hype is any good or not.
Nice ads, though.
Tonight's video is a behind the scenes look at a photoshoot for Hype Energy Drink. Hype's marketing strategy seems to be "hot blondes in black latex always sell." Not exactly original but it might well end up being effective. You know the girls are hot because you actually tune out the annoying music after a minute or so.
I've never tried Hype, and I don't drink energy drinks, so I have no idea if Hype is any good or not.
Nice ads, though.
This/That
1. I hope everyone's summer is gearing up nicely. Summer here in the Northeast seems to flash by so quickly . . . I try hard to savor it.
2. I've not been a great blogworld citizen lately. I haven't been reading My link list a whole lot, and I know there are some now-dead links there. And a couple of once-regular reads have gone invite-only. Please, I need invites. If I can't see your blog I can't see your profile and that means I can't e-mail you to ask for said invite.
I will get caught up on My reading and get the link list in order. It is also time for a fresh round of link-whoring so I'll have to work that in at some point, too.
3. The writing projects are creeping along. The motivation is fairly low right now; it will return.
4. Tiggr, I have not ignored/discarded the interview questions you sent Me. I just haven't yet given Myself the time to sit down and address them in the thoughtful manner they deserve. I also will see what I can do about writing another Fantasy Friday story one of these days.
5. I hope everyone is doing really well, and getting what you each want/need out of life. I may not be reading as often as I should, but I'm thinking about you . . .
KAHTATUS.
YouTube Tuesday: Let Forever Be
Tonight's clip is the Chemical Brothers' "Let Forever Be."
I love this video . . . of course like most videos I like it went totally unnoticed (not sure it was ever played on MTV or VH-1), which is a real shame.
"Let Forever Be" so perfectly captures the dreams and daydreams we all have . . . the random thoughts and urges that come to us, waking and sleeping, the jumbled-up way things happen in dreams, and the way "reality" seems to often come on in bites too big to swallow.
"How does it feel like, to make it happening?
How does it feel like, to breathe with everything?
How does it feel like, to let forever be?"
I love this video . . . of course like most videos I like it went totally unnoticed (not sure it was ever played on MTV or VH-1), which is a real shame.
"Let Forever Be" so perfectly captures the dreams and daydreams we all have . . . the random thoughts and urges that come to us, waking and sleeping, the jumbled-up way things happen in dreams, and the way "reality" seems to often come on in bites too big to swallow.
"How does it feel like, to make it happening?
How does it feel like, to breathe with everything?
How does it feel like, to let forever be?"
Thinking Styles Applied to subspace and Topspace , Part 1
D'jaevle recently posted a piece discussing how the Dominant feels in a scene, contrasting the not-very-well analyzed phenomenon of what I refer to as "Topspace" with the (excessively?) discussed phenomenon of subspace.
For whatever reason, the difference between what the Dominant is thinking/feeling as opposed to what the submissive is thinking/feeling brought to mind a recent article I saw in some magazine or other about problem-solving approaches (I can't for the life of Me remember what magazine; if I did I'd hunt down the article an credit the author).
I just skimmed the article but the part that came to mind in reading D'jaevle's post had to do with the author's definition of three types of thinking in problem-solving situations. The author defined a hierarchy of increasing complexity and usefulness, starting with "event thinking" at the bottom, moving up to "pattern thinking" and finally "structure thinking" at the top.
Event thinking is essentially, reacting. X happens -- what do I do?
Pattern thinking takes into account that X happens a lot and looks for a consistent approach that can be applied in a non-reactive way. High-gloss, highly-touted "improvement" programs like Six Sigma are essentially pattern thinking dressed up to look complex (and expensive).
Structure thinking seeks to take the entire system into account and to thus be truly proactive. Carried to its fullest extent, theoretically at least, structure thinking transcends problem solving because it seeks to prevent problems from occurring. Obviously that is an ideal -- there will never be 100% success.
So how does this relate to the varying ways in which submissives and Dominants think and feel during a scene?
Much of what a sub does in a scene is, perforce, event thinking. he or she is at the mercy of the Other, and assuming the parties are not simply acting out a rehearsed scene, the submissive has to be in "reacting" mode most of the time.
And really that is the way it should be. The beauty and power of subspace is precisely that it is not a thinking state. It is not fostered by complex analysis and is more or less immune to being rationally analyzed.
For the Dominant, I'm going to draw a distinction: A good Top need only concern Him- or Herself with pattern thinking, whereas the relationship Dom/me must incorporate structure thinking in His or Her approach.
More on that in Part 2.
For whatever reason, the difference between what the Dominant is thinking/feeling as opposed to what the submissive is thinking/feeling brought to mind a recent article I saw in some magazine or other about problem-solving approaches (I can't for the life of Me remember what magazine; if I did I'd hunt down the article an credit the author).
I just skimmed the article but the part that came to mind in reading D'jaevle's post had to do with the author's definition of three types of thinking in problem-solving situations. The author defined a hierarchy of increasing complexity and usefulness, starting with "event thinking" at the bottom, moving up to "pattern thinking" and finally "structure thinking" at the top.
Event thinking is essentially, reacting. X happens -- what do I do?
Pattern thinking takes into account that X happens a lot and looks for a consistent approach that can be applied in a non-reactive way. High-gloss, highly-touted "improvement" programs like Six Sigma are essentially pattern thinking dressed up to look complex (and expensive).
Structure thinking seeks to take the entire system into account and to thus be truly proactive. Carried to its fullest extent, theoretically at least, structure thinking transcends problem solving because it seeks to prevent problems from occurring. Obviously that is an ideal -- there will never be 100% success.
So how does this relate to the varying ways in which submissives and Dominants think and feel during a scene?
Much of what a sub does in a scene is, perforce, event thinking. he or she is at the mercy of the Other, and assuming the parties are not simply acting out a rehearsed scene, the submissive has to be in "reacting" mode most of the time.
And really that is the way it should be. The beauty and power of subspace is precisely that it is not a thinking state. It is not fostered by complex analysis and is more or less immune to being rationally analyzed.
For the Dominant, I'm going to draw a distinction: A good Top need only concern Him- or Herself with pattern thinking, whereas the relationship Dom/me must incorporate structure thinking in His or Her approach.
More on that in Part 2.
YouTube Tuesday: Underworld
Tonight's clip is the trailer for the movie Underworld.
Underworld and its sequel, Underworld: Evolution tell the story of the vampires, and the lychens, werewolf-like creatures created by the vampires to be a servant race.
I picked this clip because even though I loved the two films, I realize that they might not be everyone's cup of tea. But what should have more or less universal appeal is the absolutely gorgeous Kate Beckinsale, often in leather. Immortal indeed.
Underworld and its sequel, Underworld: Evolution tell the story of the vampires, and the lychens, werewolf-like creatures created by the vampires to be a servant race.
I picked this clip because even though I loved the two films, I realize that they might not be everyone's cup of tea. But what should have more or less universal appeal is the absolutely gorgeous Kate Beckinsale, often in leather. Immortal indeed.
Penny Wise and Pound Foolish
I happened to find Myself last week in the unenviable position of having to return something to a major chain store, without a receipt.
Not good. But I was going to be happy with store credit. It's not like I'm going to get all nuts and demand cash back when I no longer had had the receipt.
The cashier, upon learning that I had no receipt, summoned the second-demi-hemi-quasi-assistant manager over to deal with My non-standard transaction.
Things did not start off well. The managerial type, who I'll call Brutus, regarded Me with instant dislike and disdain. And I react to that sort of treatment . . . well you can most likely guess.
I am trying to return three items.
Item 1, I bought from their website, and thus can't return at the store. Wow, isn't that convenient?
Item 2, they claim isn't in their database. OK, maybe this is My error . . . I guess I didn't buy it there (I did, of course, but no point in arguing).
Item 3 they can't find a reason to deny the return of and My non-standard transaction is underway.
Well, sort of. Brutus asks for My driver's license and starts entering things into some other machine (not the register).
"What's that?" I ask.
"The Fraud Detection System," Brutus says, unhappier now, not looking up. "Every time there's a return without a receipt we have to run it through the Fraud Detection System."
"Oh," I say pleasantly. "And what is it all about?" I know exactly what it's all about but I'm going to make this self-important little bastard explain. In fabulous fucking detail.
"It checks to see how many returns have been done with this license . . . " Brutus says, more impatient, more annoyed, now.
"Ohhhhh, I see." I"m sounding very impressed by Brutus' grasp of high-tech security measures. "Over what period of time does it check?"
Brutus mumbles something unintelligible, and I stifle a laugh. Brutus has no idea what the answer is.
This goes on for a while and I'm being nice and making Brutus more and more miserable with each passing moment, when I realize how fucking long this is taking.
Finally, the Fraud Detection System has determined that I am not an Al-Qaida operative bringing Death To America by making a bogus return for $27.14 and the actual transaction can begin.
Which doesn't take too long. Brutus creates and authorizes the gift card, and hands it to Me, along with My license back. But he's handed the license back to Me upside-down.
"That's how they teach you to hand a license back in Manager's Training School?" Brutus hands Me back My license properly, no longer maintaining even the previous minimal effort to hide his contempt.
Thanks.
Bitch.
Leaving the store, I resolve to never ever shop there, or on their website again. And then I wonder. Is the Fraud Detection System really worth it? Plus it amounts to profiling, which is going at some point to get this store in some very hot water when the Fraud Detection System fingers the wrong person and the wrong person decides to make a big issue out of it.
You can tell Me that it's people, that My bad experience was caused more by Brutus' assholish behavior than by the Fraud Detection System. But you'd be only partially right. Yes, Brutus made it worse, but I had to stand there for 10 minutes while I was put through what amounts to a "guilty until proven innocent" procedure. And the nicest second-demi-hemi-quasi-assistant manager in the world isn't going to make that better. Throw in the "can't buy on-line and return at the store" policy and it's a done deal.
I am, and will remain, an ex-customer.
Not good. But I was going to be happy with store credit. It's not like I'm going to get all nuts and demand cash back when I no longer had had the receipt.
The cashier, upon learning that I had no receipt, summoned the second-demi-hemi-quasi-assistant manager over to deal with My non-standard transaction.
Things did not start off well. The managerial type, who I'll call Brutus, regarded Me with instant dislike and disdain. And I react to that sort of treatment . . . well you can most likely guess.
I am trying to return three items.
Item 1, I bought from their website, and thus can't return at the store. Wow, isn't that convenient?
Item 2, they claim isn't in their database. OK, maybe this is My error . . . I guess I didn't buy it there (I did, of course, but no point in arguing).
Item 3 they can't find a reason to deny the return of and My non-standard transaction is underway.
Well, sort of. Brutus asks for My driver's license and starts entering things into some other machine (not the register).
"What's that?" I ask.
"The Fraud Detection System," Brutus says, unhappier now, not looking up. "Every time there's a return without a receipt we have to run it through the Fraud Detection System."
"Oh," I say pleasantly. "And what is it all about?" I know exactly what it's all about but I'm going to make this self-important little bastard explain. In fabulous fucking detail.
"It checks to see how many returns have been done with this license . . . " Brutus says, more impatient, more annoyed, now.
"Ohhhhh, I see." I"m sounding very impressed by Brutus' grasp of high-tech security measures. "Over what period of time does it check?"
Brutus mumbles something unintelligible, and I stifle a laugh. Brutus has no idea what the answer is.
This goes on for a while and I'm being nice and making Brutus more and more miserable with each passing moment, when I realize how fucking long this is taking.
Finally, the Fraud Detection System has determined that I am not an Al-Qaida operative bringing Death To America by making a bogus return for $27.14 and the actual transaction can begin.
Which doesn't take too long. Brutus creates and authorizes the gift card, and hands it to Me, along with My license back. But he's handed the license back to Me upside-down.
"That's how they teach you to hand a license back in Manager's Training School?" Brutus hands Me back My license properly, no longer maintaining even the previous minimal effort to hide his contempt.
Thanks.
Bitch.
Leaving the store, I resolve to never ever shop there, or on their website again. And then I wonder. Is the Fraud Detection System really worth it? Plus it amounts to profiling, which is going at some point to get this store in some very hot water when the Fraud Detection System fingers the wrong person and the wrong person decides to make a big issue out of it.
You can tell Me that it's people, that My bad experience was caused more by Brutus' assholish behavior than by the Fraud Detection System. But you'd be only partially right. Yes, Brutus made it worse, but I had to stand there for 10 minutes while I was put through what amounts to a "guilty until proven innocent" procedure. And the nicest second-demi-hemi-quasi-assistant manager in the world isn't going to make that better. Throw in the "can't buy on-line and return at the store" policy and it's a done deal.
I am, and will remain, an ex-customer.
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