It's All Bouncing Around in There, Somewhere

I was just reading a blog and the girl who writes it talks about messing up a task she was given to perform. (I won't say which blog/post, as I normally would, as it's My policy not to offer a direct opinion on how Another handles His or Her subs unless asked (especially when I am possessed of lmited informatoin), and My comments here could be constued as doing that if I identified the parties I was referring to. The blog post in question is simply a jumping-off point for Me to discuss what I feel are important themes. Whew. End of disclaimer.)

The girl in question, while feeling bad about having messed up the task, is also confused, becasue the task was couched in such terms so as to make it seemingly in contradiction to other dicta her Master had previously issued.

Of course, only reading her side of the story, it's hard to know for sure. But assuming that her rendering/understanding of events is accurate, I can see from where her confusion springs. Essentially, she found herself in a place where performing the task, as she understood it in the light of her Master's statements, would put her in conflict with a preciously-stated wish/order of His.

And this points up a sometihng that happens often. As Dominants, We sometimes lose sight of the fact that by and large submissives remember everything We tell them. Even when We might not think they are listening, even when We think, or even know, that the totality of a given lesosn hasn't been absorbed, at the very least, in My experience, the words have at least been heard. And they are stored away in there somewhere. And while that is overall a good and desireable thing, it can bring to light unintended contradictions when more words are added to the mass as time goes on.

It reminds Me of a boss I use to have. When busniess was good, he would say things like "errors of action are better than errors of inaction," "make something happen," etc. When business was bad, he would say things like "you're not paid to think," and the like. I often found Myself almost completely paralyzed in that job, not knowing whether a trip to his office was going to be a pat on the back for taking the bull by the horns or a ream-out for overstepping My authority. (LOL as if MY authority could be "overstepped!" Ha!)

It happens all the time in D/s. We impart boatloads of information to our submismsives, both by what We say, how We say it, when We say it, etc. And it's all getting recorded, with varying degress of accuracy over time. And the submissive will attempt to act/follow based on the totality of what s/he's heard/absorbed. If the totality of all that is a mish-mash of apparently contradictory things, the submissive is going to be unhappy, the Dom/me is going to be unhappy, and there's going to be a lot of punishments handed out with not much real improvement seen.

So we're back to the three C's: Consistency, Communcation, and Care.

Consistency: The Dom/me's message and bearing should be as consistent as humanly possible. Know what Your way is, and work hard to articulate it clearly. Don't punish in anger; be Master/Mistress of Your own emotions first. Examine Your own statements and actions against the standard of consistency.

Communication: As clear as One might think One is being, the opprotunities for misunderstanding, especially in something as emotionally encomapssing as D/s, and laden with potenitally difficult concepts, are everywhere. Be on the lookout for all of these. And comunication obviously goes both ways -- it's important for the Dom/me to make sure that the submissive feels comfortable bringing things to Him or Her. Which is all about --

Care: A submissive is not a machine. s/he needs to be able to struggle, even to fail, and know that in the end it can be all right. Only the Dom/me can give the submissive that calm certainity of knowing it can be all right, that the journey proceeds with destination unchanged regardless of the occaisional sidestep or stumble.