Stop Me Before I Think Again!

freya commented on My most recent post (that was inspired by a recent post of hers) that she "tends to overthink things."

It's an area where many submissives get hung up. The temptation is overwhleming at times -- D/s brings things out in a person that make the mind reel. But when the reeling subsides one's left with a huge load of stuff that one feels compelled to analyze.

And the smarter, the more thoughtful one is, the greater the temptation and the more involved and consuming the thinking/analyzing often become.

This isn't all bad of course. A certain amount of analysis/introspection is necessary; we can't learn certain things and correct certain mistakes without it. But introspection is like Vitamin A -- necessary for proper functioning but toxic in overly large doses.

What I've observed is this:

1. Excessive introspection thrives in a vacuum. We have a need to fill that space. And in this is the Dominant's role is key -- by communicating, actually often overcommunicating, the Dom/me can help the submissive stay focused on experiencing and doing what s/he knows to be right as opposed to dwelling on what-ifs, abstractions, and perceived issues.

2. Minimize the negative. When you do wrong, admit it to yourself, but don't wallow in that knowledge. For whatever reason, human beings seem programmed to more readily accept negative things about ourselves than positive or even neutral ones. If we could look at both compliments and slights, from without and from within as being equal, in that they are both simply things that are trying to stick to us, then perhaps they'd have an equal chance of doing so and a result we'd be a much more emotionally balanced and ultimately happy race.

3. Stop. Breathe. So often we race to the place of comfort inside. By "comfort" I mean the patterns of self-perception that's we've developed over a lifetime. A little pause. the proverbial counting to 10, works wonders. In that moment, there is the chance that the reality of statement #2 above can seep in a little bit. And as with everything, it can become a habit, just as one's usual way of reacting/processing has become.

4. Engage the mind and body in other things. Not just at the moment of pain/anger, but as an ongoing thing integrated into one's life. It doesn't matter what it is. Exercise, finger painting, Sodoku puzzles, reading a complicated essay, anything that is consuming will do. Mix them up if need be so that you stay interested/engaged. Use it break a mold. Be different from the "you" you're used to, simply by doing something on a regular basis you don't normally do. you may find that that "you" isn't so compelled to endlessly dwell on things.

5. "Render to Caesar . . . " There's a lot of things that one's Master/Mistress should deal with. Give those up, eagerly, joyfully. Dump them in His or Her lap, where they belong. And let them stay there.

6. When in doubt, simplify. Serve. Please. Obey. Refocus on performing the simplest tasks absolutely perfectly. The peaceful moments created by being able to do that are of more value than a mountain of introspection.