D/s is like a job . . . and that's a good thing

I jokingly remarked to someone in the course of this busy weekend, "I can't wait to get back to work on Monday so I can finally relax."

Like many oft-repeated jokes there's more than a grain of truth in that one. And that got Me to thinking about how work is often less stressful than the other parts of life.

And I think that happens because at work:

1. Expectations are typically much clearer.
2. Short-term outcomes are much more controllable.

(In fact, if one's job doesn't have those two attributes to a reasonable degree it's almost a sure bet that one's job in a source of great stress.)

I've written a lot about how D/s is a magnifying glass of emotions, and thus, overall more difficult than vanilla. But in this aspect, D/s is (or should be) actually easier. Because like most jobs, in a D/s relationship:

1. Expectations are typically much clearer. Just as in the job category, consider the situation in the absence of this in a D/s relationship. I've seen many very devoted, dedicated submissives thrown off the track, sometimes to the point of leaving the lifestyle entirely, because they've been with a one or a series of weak, indecisive, mercurial Dominants. In the absence of clear expectations, clearly stated and re-stated, the submissive can feel set adrift, because the sub's anchor is the certainty that they at least know the "right" thing to do, regardless of whether they actually achieve it in a given situation. Not doing it right, as it were, is something that one can accept and practice and correct, but only if the "right thing to do" isn't a moving target.

For the Dom/me, having clear expectations and expressing them helps ensure that the Dominant will get the best from the submissive, and fuels that magical, oh-so-exciting process by which Dominance and submission feed and boost each other.

2. Short-term outcomes are much more controllable. All of us, to varying extents have some long-term plans/hopes/expectations/goals, etc. Having these, aside from being more or less a given of human nature, also gives us some feeling of "control," some sense of not feeling completely at the mercy of random inscrutable forces. In reality, though, our actual control diminishes in massively inverse proportion to time moving forward from the moment.

It's in the short term where our control over the outcome is maximized. This is an important principle for the submissive, as it helps him or her to not overthink, to remember that "growth" for a submissive is in reality a string of tiny successes. Conversely, it's up to the Dominant to help the submissive bear that in mind by setting things up so that the string of small victories is more possible, and, importantly, easy to see and appreciate.

This is not to say that the Dominant shouldn't have a long-term plan, goals, etc. Nor should the submissive lose sight of that goal that's out there in the far distance somewhere. But it's important for both to remember that control, in the larger sense, is an illusion; to remember that we do what we can, one thing at a time. Far from being a source of frustration, that should be a source of satisfaction for the Dominant and the submissive both.

P. S. I was remiss, in the course of this crazy weekend, to not post on Friday that Friday marked the 2-year anniversary of sorceress being Mine. Thank you, My wonderful girl, for all that you are and do . . . owning you is a pleasure, a joy, and a thrill, always. I love you.