Spiritual Aspects, Part 4: Fully Exploring the Known (4)

Fully exploring the known isn't just talking. My previous three posts on this subject more than likely have left that impression. But, if excessive intorspection is to be avoided, there's a lot more perceiving and a lot less thinking that needs to go on.

And talking, almost invariably, feeds the introspection cycle. That is why this whole area is so tricky. The Dominant has to talk, obviously, and, depending upon personal style, seomtimes talk a lot. But ideally the submissive listens, really listens, takes what s/he hears to heart, but doesn't dwell on what's s/he's heard.

This is crucial. Because the shell is composed of our perception of the world. We continually bolster the shell with our habitual patterns of thought and introspection. That is why introspection rarely leads to change, even though it seems like the path to change -- the crazy, very difficult-to-handle thing is that introspection, over and above a certin healthy point, hardens the things we think we want to change. Even when that introsepction is negative (perhaps especially when it's negative.)

An almost trivial example: Suppose one eats too much. There is a healthy point in saying to one's self "I eat too much." Beyond that point, one's engaged in a deadly game with one's self wherein that mantra, "I eat too much," isn't a call to change but a reinforcement of the things causing one to eat too much.

So the Dom/me has to be careful, and has to be very perceptive to be able to see when the submissive is truly setting the stage for change, or lapsing into a self-perpetuating cycle of damaging introspection.

That's where the non-talking part becomes paramount. To move the submissive from an orientation of thought to one of perception. To feel, without attempting to explain or analyze those feelings. I am not talking about subspace or anything like that. What we call subspace (and Top-space) are part of the unknown, and not germane to this discussion. I am talking about learning to appreciate the simple, known feelings, both sexual and otherwise, without feeling
compelled to assign verbal values to them.

That is a daunting task. More next time.