On Being Tired

It was a tiring day today, and driving home, I had a typcial "tired" reaction to things. When you're tired, little things get magnified. Every red light I came upon suddenly seemed sinister somehow, instead of an innocent accident of timing. My fellow drivers, who I admit I have little patience for at the best of times, seemed to be driving even worse than usual tonight. There seemed to be higher than normal number of a-hole pedestrians darting across roads, looking first optional. Getting home felt like the end of a boxig match more than the end of a drive. I arrived home punchy, irritiable, and pretty much "done."

What's this got to do with D/s?

D/s, takes more energy than any other form of human endeavor I've encountered. On the face of it, this seems wrong. It should be that discovering, exploring, being that you truly are should be an energizing, uplifting thing, shouldn't it? It shouldn't make one tired.

The answer is a definite "yes and no."

Yes, it is uplifting and energizing. I've felt in this lifestyle the most indescribable, wonderful things. There are times when My energy does feel boundless; My girls I know have felt that too. I've seen it in others, many times. It's what should happen, and often does. The times when one is really feeling the beauty and depth of D/s, from either side, are truly stunning, and the word "tired" never comes into play.

But the "no" part of the answer stems from the fact that being successful in D/s (however one's going to define "success") is, ultimately the product of long, hard, often tedious work. Long conversations, seemingly simple lessons repeated, re-explained, over and over, in different ways. Lots of practice. Very draining introspection, as one contemplates the journey so far and asks one's self any number of pertinent, difficult questions.

It's all that tedious stuff that largely makes the amazing wonderful stuff possible. As a result, it's important to:

1. Remember that, and don't slack off on putting the time in. Oddly enough, I find that Dom/mes are more likely to blow off the less exciting stuff, as a rule.

2. Take the energy required into acocunt, and be willing to give yourself a break at those times when you feel drained. D/s in, ultiamately, for both parties, a re-making, a re-arranging of some very basic things in us. That requires tremendous amounts of energy; don't beat yourself up when you don't have that energy; stuff happens. In D/s it happens more frequently and more intensely.