One runs into a very simple and obvious truth when one starts to consider how a Dominant conducts the deep examination of "the known." And that truth is that it's difficult if not impossible to lead another somewhere one hasn't already gone Him- or Herself.
This truth is reflected in popular maxims like "One can't Master another until one has Mastered One's self." While I could quibble at length that the issue is not one of Mastery but of simply completing a process (meaning that the "result" of said process is less important than the effort of having done the process faithfully and fully), the basic sentiment is accurate. One can't expect to lead another through a long, tedious, sometimes painful process of self-discovery until One has done the same for One's self (or had it done for them).
This isn't a question of "fairness." It's a question of the submissive's being able to completely trust the Dominant, meaning:
The submissive can't and shouldn't trust the Dominant to lead him or her through the most challenging terrain without at least some inkling that the Dominant has tried it Him- or Herself. And the Dom/me's not having done so will be readily apparent, because the Dom/me's lack of confidence and uncertainty will show through very quickly. It's the nature of the process -- it is merciless, both for Leader and follower.
And what exactly is that process? The easiest, most glib description might be "the process of figuring out why we are the way we are." And while that is a huge topic, (devalued as it might be by decades of talk-show charlatans), the process I'm talking about is more encompassing. Both because it includes more . . . and includes less.
Another riddle? Perhaps. The process includes more because it deals not only with feelings. It deals also with our basic perceptions. It attempts to treat as separate units things that we have never even considered might be separable.
But the process includes less because it takes into account the following crucial concept: Introspection, beyond a certain point, is counterproductive. While, clearly, introspection is unavoidable and often necessary, it reaches a point of diminishing returns fairly quickly, becasue, and this is the crux of the matter, and is the essence of exploring the known: we have used introspection all our lives to reinforce the boundries of the shell. Introspection feeds and strenghtens the shell; it is the feedback loop that continually reaffirms to us that we've "got it right." At a certain point one has to break that pattern. There is no true valuable exploration of the known without addressing the function of the cycle of introspection and working to disrupt it and reassign introsepction back to its proper place in beings. That proper place is somewhere down the steps; not on the throne where most of us have it placed.
Importantly, I should point out that intorspection is not limited to a long, drawn out, often depressive mental recounting of mostly negative things. It's not simply what we often call "being sensitive," or "brooding." The poison of being overly introspective applies equally to the positive as well as the negative. Thinking we're great is at least as damaging as thinking we're worthless. Both are equal, because both serve to reinforce and harden the shell and bury us farther in our own cycles.
It seems so overwhleming that one could certinaly question the wisdom of even starting such a process. I undersand that, truly. Ane there is no good answer other than that the potential payoff is gigantic, even in light of the massive effort. One simnply realizes, on day, and just . . . starts. One leads One's self through it; One emerges so strong that sometimes others practically must follow, driven by feelings they can't articulate, by glimpses of something for which there are no words. And for Me, and Mine, that's enough. In fact, it's everything.
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