Not the Best of Days

A long, semi-frustrating day. People over whom I have no control (UGH!!) didn't come through in a timely fashion, causing Me some problems.

So it was a day of fairly constant crankiness, along with that uncomfy crunched feeling. Long periods of frustrated working on less important things, waiting . . . followed by a frenzy of activity when what I need is finally delivered.

It doesn't make for a happy Domme. But I'm slowly pressing all that out of Myself. I find that working on the blog helps. It re-orients Me to the things that make Me happy, it reminds Me that My girls will soon be around . . . it lets Me know that it really doesn't matter. And reminds Me what does.

Thoughts on multi (The Female Submissive, Part 1.5)

Having more than one slave presents its own special set of challenges.

I've been told, but wouldn't know, that owning more than one girl is a lot more challenging than owing more than one boy (wouldn't know becasue I have no experience of owning multiple male slaves).

A Dom once said to Me . . . "when a Woman owns multiple girls, it's like a slumber party. When a Man does, it's a catfight waiting to happen."

OK, I konw that's a loaded statement, since it implies that girls get more jealous and all that. But, politically dicey as it might be to some . . . it's pretty much true, from what I've observed. With My girls and I, it really IS like a slumber party a lot of the time. (A slumber party with a Head Bitch in charge, of course.) And I've seen, more than once . . . multiple girls belonging to the same Master seemingly finding ways to be unhappy, looking for things to get pissed off at their sisters about. I guess I could attribtue that to the old-school explanation that each girl secretly really wants the Guy all for herself (and doubtless sometimes that is the main reason), but I'm guessing there's more going on there.

A LOT more, most likely. But here's a few things I've learned . . . some, the hard way, some, I just figured out, and some I just knew, being the same gender.

1. The girls in question have to be basically nice, good people. Dominants overlook this fact when they collar multiple slaves. You are expecting two (or more) people . . . to be incredibly intimately involved with each other, in emotional terms. If one or more of those people is jealous, spiteful, obnoxious, catty, maniuplative, etc., by nature, it's NOT going to work, regardles of how good a Dominant You are.

2. Even good people don't always get along with each other. The responsible Dominant will judge the personalities involved and consider the potenital mix before proceeding. As with most things, act in haste, repent at leisure.

3. A girl needs to feel "special." she can intelluctually accept the premise that her Master/Mistress is a dynamic Person, with needs and wants not capable of being totally met by just one submissive. (If she can't, she is not going to ever be successful in a multi situation.) But emotionally, she needs to feel, fairly often, that her unqiue blend of beauty, sexuality, emotional support, smarts, etc., is valued.

This is a long-winded way of saying that each girl badly needs her "alone" time with her Master/Mistress in a multi situation. And that, goes back to the "time" thing that I wrote about in yesterday's entry. The biggest mistake I've seen, and I've seen it over and over, is a Dominant collaring a second slave when S/He barely had enough time for one. It always, always, ends badly.

4. What's Your motive? Personally, I love My three girls. I love them, each individually. I am in love with each of them. They each respond to something unqiue in Me, they each fill a part of Me I want/need filled. Individually, and as a group, they complete Me.

This is rare, obviously, I have no illusions about it. And not a day goes by that I don't think about how lucky, how blessed, I am.

The point is, don't go multi lightly. Don't collar a second slave to train the first one, don't collar a second slave out of unchecked Ego, don't act on impulse or momentary desire. It should be the result of a long, thought-out, careful process. What You are asking from one You collar is nothing short of everything. Take that into account.

5. The potential joys, if One is smart, and careful, and humble, and lucky, in the end, are indescribable, for all concerned. The dangers and complications are equally intense.

The female submissive, Part I

I received the following comment on Friday night's entry, from anonymous:

It has been stated that women better understand women than do men. Given this to be true, is there a chance that you will divulge your views on how best to keep female slaves? Others might learn.

Appetizers:

1. It's a huge topic, of course. So, since I can't sit down and write War and Peace (nor would I subject readers to it all in one piece), this is Part I.

2. I want to think that it's not that much different. Submission should be a genderless thing. But that's a highly idealized view that disregards important realities.

3. A certain amount of generalization is inevtiable in what follows. The ineherent inaccuracies of that to specific situations/people are a given. I do firmly believe that there is no "Bible," per se. My "book" is My own. It works for Me . . . as the advertising disclaimer goes, your results may vary.

Main course:

1. Certain things are truly universal, regardless of the sex of the submissive. In My experience, the most important thing, by far is seemingly the simplest: Time. The attention, the presence of another person is most valuable currency there is. It can't be forced, it can't be bought, it can't be faked. You are either there, or You're not. Yogi Berra is reported to have once said: "90% of success is just showing up." Truer words were never spoken. Being there, regardless of the specific activities or lack thereof taking place, is overridingly important.

2. I've heard it said: "The only thing worse than being treated like a sex object is NOT being treated like a sex object." A woman's sense of self is highly tied up, often, in how desireable or undesireable she feels. What makes it complicated for the Dominant of either Gender is that, often maddeningly, that perception on the girl's part of how desireable she feels changes often . . . sometimes hourly LOL. The good Dominant is aware of this and is able to often diffuse a potential major meltdown with a simple word, or gesture, or look, that conveys to the slave just how much she is desired. (Of course, tossing her down and fucking her brains out works well, too.)

3. I touched on the following simple maxim in a previous post: subs want to submit. It's very simple, but often Dominants lose sight of that fact. Female submissives, especially, often, for various reasons, are loath to ask for what they want/need. While One should encourage the submissive to voice those desires (NOT becasue You are necesarily going to fulfill them, but to make the girl understand that being owned means that everything is owned -- her desires included), often the best way to proceed is to simply DO WHAT YOU FEEL LIKE DOING.
(Within the normal bounds of safe, sane, legal, limits as applicable, etc.)

4. I hate to drag out the old saw, but truly communcation is the basis of everything. Communication builds trust, strenghtens the bond, and, for the female submissive, fills that extra need there is for her to know that her feelings are being listened to. This sort of goes hand in hand with 3, above. If the girl feels that You are hearing her . . . what You want is much more likely to become what she wants.

More on this topic another time.

Winding Down . . . and Gearing Up

Finally, a very long work week is over. The client's happy (as happy as clients get), My bosses seem to love Me, and I have that feeling of satisfaction that I don't get nearly often enough from any form of "work."

It's fleeting of course. By Sunday night any feeling of satisfaction will have been replaced with the feeling of vague dread of the thought of Monday. That's life, and I'll leave Sunday night thoughts for Sunday night. Because . . .

IT'S THE WEEKEND!

The work week's over, I'm happy and in a good mood, and I can't wait to see storm tonight (sorceress and iris are out for the evening . . . . I don't expect them tonight -- I'm going to miss them terribly). I'm hoping for a decent crowd in the room, some laughs and, hopefully, a scene or two or three that brings Me into that wonderful state of being, when it's just right, that some have called "Topspace."

Topspace is a thing I could write a long entry about and still end up far from conveying anything important about. Because, like subspace, it truly is "wordless." The feelings I feel in that place I find basically impossible to describe adequately, and, in case you didn't notice, I don't usually have a problem finding something to say. I'll leave My futile attempts at describing Topspace for another time . . . tonight I'd rather just feel it.

I'm wound down and geared up. Bring on the subs!

Thoughts on Punishment

I was reading rivka's blog tonight and she was talking about consistency, and, her reactions when her Master would punish her.

Which has got Me thinking about punishment.

Some principles up front.

1. Obviously, the goal is to NEVER have to punish. I do not mean to never use pain . . . I mean that the goal is that My slaves never disappoint Me to the extent that I feel puinishment is warranted.

2. I always keep the punishment close, in time, to the offense. I feel that one of the worst things a Dominant can do is let the offense linger. It's confusing for the slave and creates needless potenital animosity on both parts.

3. The punishment must always be measured, and appropriate to the "scene of the crime." Meaning, a private trangression results in a private punishment, a public one in a public punishment.

4. Once it's over, it's over. Mistake made, correction applied, lesson learned, is My approach. No negative feelings linger.

5. Punishment is always the same thing, applied in more or less the same way. There is no confusion between "play pain" and punishment.

The above expresses what I strive for . . . the consisent approach I hope I always use. No one's perfect but in general I do pretty well with that.

Of course, My three fantastic slaves . . . make that easy. The number of times I've had to punish them is very small.

What do I (or would I) punish for? Well . . .

A. Repeat mistakes. The first mistake is always "free." Occaisionally, the second one is. Never the third (and there have been almost no third mistakes).

B. Obviously, outright disrespect, straight-out disobeidence, and the like would result in punishment. Again, the instances of those . . . are so rare as to be almost not worth considering for Me.

C. I do as rule give the benefit of the doubt, also. I never want to punish based on what could have legitimately been a misunderstanding. Often, We Dominants think we are being totally clear, but further discussion and thought will reveal that We weren't being quite as clear as We first thought.

Thankfully, I have never had to deal with any of them "acting out" in order to provoke a punishment. That is topping from the bottom . . . and that's poison to any relationship that strives to be a meaningful D/s relationship.

If a submissive of Mine . . . every did try that, she'd find herself in a truly horrible position: having to endure a long, probing conversation about why she was acting the way she was. For an "act out" type submissive, there are few more unpleasant things.

Discouragement

I talk to a lot of submissives (aside from My own). Tonight, was talking to a sub girl I know well, and the subject of feeling discouraged came up. Discouraged because, well . . . there was an opportunity recently for her to make a potentially significant move deeper into her submission, and, for a number of reasons she dind't sieze that opportunity, and in fact, didn't even see the opportunity at the time.

My argument to her on this point is summed up in the following snipet of the conversation: (as always, the other person's name has been changed)

Lenora: see, this is the thing
Lenora: it was an oportunity to do so
Lenora: but that you didn't [sieze it] isn't a good or bad thing.
Lenora: this is vitally important to understand.
enchantress: it really does not feel that way Ma'am..
Lenora: it feels like a bad thing
enchantress: of course, Ma'am
Lenora: see? . . . "of course" ... there's NO "of course" . . . these things are time-independent.
Lenora: I'm sure I've mentioned to you that I say the same things to My girls, over and over and over? . . . that I keep returning to the same themes, the same lessons?
enchantress: yes, Ma'am
Lenora: the reason I do that is becasue I KNOW that each of us takes our opportunity when the time is right. there is no good or bad in that.
Lenora: there is no value judgement in that statement . . . it's simply a fact of human nature.

This is one of those "simple" things about submission that people routinely, alsmot automatically, lose sight of. It's not a race to some finish line. I certainly can understand a sub's eagerness and desire and devotion to be all she can be, and fast, and her disappointment when that doesn't happen. But disappointment and discouragement warp the spirit, over time. Being a good submissive is, in large measure, not only feeling that "fire" inside, but being able to balance that fire with a calm, clear, measured, approach.

So very simple . . . but so hard to do -- to remember that "progress" is almost always a series of almost imperceptibly small steps, strung together, as opposed to a big leap. Not sexy, not satisfying in the short term, but infinitely better over the long haul. The Good Dominant keeps the submisisve on track by reminding her of this fact, and showing her, from time to time, a glimpse of how far she actually has come, even when she thinks she's been standing still all this time.

Fun With Dolls

Some people have way too much time on their hands, and thank goodness for it. This site contains loads of very cool D/s-style pictures constructed with Barbie-type dolls.

One example is at left. The photos are marred by large copyright notices (don't get Me started), but well worth a look.

Funny, though, I don't ever recall seeing a strap-on in any store among the Barbie accessories.

The Place of Dead Blogs

Wandering around, I see a lot of blogs that haven't been updated in some time.

When is a blog "dead?" Is there some standard, somehow loosely agreed-upon by the Internet community at large, that defines a dead blog?

I confess I don't know. But that won't stop Me from making a pronouncement: A blog is officially dead when it hasn't been posted to in two months.

I really wanted to say "three weeks." To Me, one of the most important things about a blog is continuity. The most valuable personal blogs give the reader some sense, at least, of the rhythm of the author's life. His or Her experiences and thoughts thus can be read in the context of what is happening to and around the author. I personally would rather read a series of short, not necessarily earth-shaking little entries that are posted almost every day as opposed to two weeks of nothing followed by a 10-inch tome folowed by another two weeks of silence.

But, ok, allowances have to be made. For most people, blogging can't be the primary focus of life. Life happens. Computers die, people get sick, etc. So two months it is. After that the blog is question is dead. You heard it here.

And of course that leads to all sorts of fascinating and blind (made more fascinating, perhaps by the very blind nature of it?) speculation. What happened? Did the blogger lose interest? Die? Go through some cathartic life change? Sell everything and move to a tiny island in the Pacific?

Wandering through the place of dead blogs . . . I am filled with a sense of wonder, and, strangely enough, sadness. Bouncing from one dead blog to another blog, that turns out to be dead, too, is sort of like walking through a maternity ward and tripping over gravestones.

Cruising Through Spankoville . . .

I was surfing around last night, looking for like-themed blogs to link to, and trying to get some handle on what D/s bloggers tend to write about. . . . and one thing became quickly apparent.

Lots of people are into being spanked.

Now, this is not My thing, but OK, there are lots of flavors out there and I applaud everyone who's pursuing what they need within the bounds of safety and legality and respect/concern for others.

Being Domme, I of course think of spanking from the giver's persepctive. And that viewpoint seems under-represented, at least from My admittedly unscientific recent survey.

The giving of pain is a tricky affair, and I don't mean in the "technical" (i. e., safety) aspect. That's important but ultimately a matter of technique/practice. Where's it tricky is what is means to and how it's used by the giver. There are sadists, who actually receive gratification from the mere inflicting of the pain, from the recipient's reaction to feeling that pain. For sadists, I am guessing it is a less complicated affair.

For Me, pain is a gateway, an opening to something else. Or, more correctly, an opening to the possibility of something else, and that something else is hopefully deeper, more "important" than the actual pain itself. For that reason I tend to avoid true pain sluts, as I find them . . . hmmm . . . ultimately uninteresting. Greed in a submissive is useful, because it can be played with, molded, to increase the level of submission. But pain sluts (often) are so singularly focused on getting the requisite amount of pain that submission gets lost in the process. They will top from the bottom, Top outright, etc., to advance their singular agenda. Like all "clinical" fetishists, true pain sluts end up being extremely self-limiting. This is not a judgement, simply a recognition of the fact that what I seek in a submissive encompasses so much that anyone who is focsued on one thing is usually incapable of expanding herself to serve Me adequately.

Now there is pain and there is pain. Spanking is pain, technically, but certainly it's vastly different from, say, whipping, or needles, for instance. And in that, perhaps is part of its appeal? I don't know, I'm specualting here that perhaps the (usually) limited nature of it and the obvious connection to infantilization offer a kind of inherent safety to those who enjoy being spanked. Since I abhor all forms of age play, that's one obvious reason that spanking per se is not in My repetoire.

As the giver, I want pain, when used, to mean something, to be that gateway I spoke of above. So, what's that "something?"

Hm . . . hard to express in words (harder still that I sit down and try to explain it clearly in more or less clinical fashion). The short but unstaisfying answer is I konw it when I see it, and the submissive knows it when she feels it. The more complicated answer is . . . "the shrinkage of the self." All of us . . . a have a shell, that's pretty hard. I seek, in My slaves, to systematically loosen/soften that shell . . . in order to help them embrace the ultiamte freedom that lies in giving that up. At times the shell must be cracked, hard, at other times, tricked, massaged, gently manipulated. Pain is one tool for making a crack, or widening an existing one. It's a commodity, another tool in My Magic Bag. Humilation is another. The giving or withholding of orgasm is another. The point is that, for Me, pain's just a tool . . . and as such no better or wrose than other tools in the bag. A hammer's no better than a screwdriver, inherently. But many Dominants fall prey to using the hammer to loosen a screw, overly influenced perhaps by Their submissives' desires (or simply becasue they like the hammer best, which then makes it not a trap at all, but an expression of what the Dominant wants, which, lest we forget, is what this is all supposed to be about).

So, I guess it ends up for Me that spanking, as a certain form of pain, is just a another kind of tool. It's not one that I want/need to use, is all. And it's popularity . . . well, that's something I'm still sturggling a bit to comprehend.

Brenda Starr

Brenda Starr came up in the room today . . . and the consensus was:

Brenda Starr is hot.

And well . . . Brenda Starr in bondage . . . that's just too good.

Brenda's trying to signal for help, but . . . hmmmmm . . . doesn't really seem like she's trying all THAT hard.

Too "nice?"

A lot of Doms make their way through the room over time.

As the room is also home to a number of submissive girls (both collared and uncollared), there is a lot of interaction -- scening often, but obviously also a lot of normal conversation, non-sexual service, etc. And well, after the interaction we talk. Often a lot LOL.

And there's a recurring theme as the girls and I talk.

A lot of Doms are just . . . no other way to say this . . . too nice.

I know that statement opens up a whole can of worms . . . that I'll try to untangle a bit.

There's "nice" in simple interpersonal terms. That's one thing, and it's important and valuable, especially in a flat medium like IRC where one has no access to tone of voice, body language, facial expression, etc., to give others a context/subtext for one's words. So, "nice" is something to be valued. Those who come in a room belligerent, nasty, intent on causing trouble, etc., get quickly dispatched.

But when a Dom is too "nice" . . . in terms of His "Domliness" . . . most submissives end up turned off.

One has to understand -- over time, submissives become connoisseurs of Dominance. They don't necessarily seek to become that, it's simply that long-term exposure to many Doms, and many styles of Dominance, create it. As a result, submissives with half a brain quickly learn to spot a weak Dom from a stronger one.

And here is where many Dominants fall prey to a lazy thought process . . . They lose sight of a very simple fact: subs want to submit.

It's as simple and as complicated as that. Many Doms, not wanting to come on too strong, often take it too far the other way.

This manifests itself in the subtlest of ways. Here's a very common snippet of conversation from the room:

girl: May i get you a drink, Sir?
Dom: Yes, girl, thank you . . . I'll have . . .
(conversation continues about them as the Dom tries to decide what He wants)
(five minutes later . . . )
Dom: What would you suggest?
girl: er, . . . we have everything, Sir . . . what's Your pleasure?
Dom: Well . . .
(at this point I'll usually jump in and try to get the Dom to narrow it down, alcoholic vs. non-alcoholic, for starters)

Then, later in PM . . the girl will say something like this to Me:

girl: How is He supposed to Dom anyone when He doesn't even know what He wants to drink?

A trivial example, perhaps, but indicative of the point. Even our subtlest actions (and non-actions) are fraught with meaning in this flat medium. The Dom who knows what He wants, in His glass and in His desire, is the more attractive Dom, on multiple levels.

New and Improved!

Well, here it is. The new look for the blog. It took many hours and a lot of sorceress' help, but the results I think are worth it. And not just because of how the it looks. I learned a lot about CSS, and figured out a few new tricks in PhotoShop.

It will be fun to think about what to post again as opposed to thinking about design issues. The past few days it's been all about the design.

There are still a couple of changes to make: A couple of colors need tweaking, and one or two other little things, possibly.

Anyway, hope you enjoy the new look. Drop Me a comment and let Me know.

Colors, Schemes, and Themes

I've spent a lot of time the past few nights playing around with the blog template, trying out other templates, investigating color schemes, etc.

It's frustrating work . . . without sorceress' help I'd be totally lost. That's the bad news. The good news is that progress is being made, albeit slowly, meaning that soon-ish this blog will have a different look.

But in the course of playing around, trying to pick a color scheme, etc., sorceress and I talked a little about web page design in general, and BDSM wedsite design in particular.

For whatever reason, black and red and grey and white is pretty much the de rigeur BDSM website design color pallette. With lots of bloody roses and iron crosses and chain graphics. I don't necessarily think it's all bad . . . it's just that there's too much of it. We went through a similar discussion in reviewing the design of the #EP website . . . sorceress wisely went with the tropical theme as opposed to a more traditional BDSM look, with excellent results.

Time to fire up Photoshop and start squinting at HTML. The new improved blog IS coming . . . really . . .

Holiday Monday

So much better today. Thankfully those angry moods never last with Me.

A good crowd in the room on this non-work day (for most). I like the daytimes. Normally there is no one around . . . (including Me, lately . . . My working at home is quickly mutating into working at the office, ugh). But on those rare occaisions when people are around on a weekday, they seem more animated, more active.

Which is a good thing. There are a lot of times where I feel as though all the pressure is on Me, to make the room go. I accept that pressure, in general . . . . it is My room after all. But at times it seems as though I have a roomful of people waiting for something to happen . . . waiting for Me to make it happen. And that wears on Me at times.

Plus . . . and this is the part that really mystifies Me: it's a chat room. So . . . say something! It's meant to be largely a scening room . . . so do something! I have never understood the concept of "lurking" in a chat room. I do understand being quiet at first, getting to know the "lay of the land," as it were, but after a while it's important to actually ineteract. How can we add someone to the #EP family if they're never involved in what's going on?

It's like some of the classes you had in high school . . . participation in class is a big percentage of your grade! The benefit in this case is that everyone who shows a pulse basically gets an "A" if s/he's not completely clueless.

Cranky

I was soooooo cranky last night.

Sometimes it all just goes to hell like that. I was a little tired, then one or two little annoying things happened, and then WHAM . . . everyting was hitting Me wrong and I was totally pissed.


Of course, My girls end up bearing the brunt of it, which in one way isn't right, of course. But in another, that's a submissive's existence, to some degree: one doesn't get to choose one's Owner's mood, and it's a mark of submissive character to be able to ride the not so good times out. And the good times are so much more numerous that well, I'm entitled now and then.

Stuff happens. The operating principle of the universe.

Images . . .

Still (slowly) trying to get the hang of some of the things that Blogger can do. Working on images at the moment . . .


OK . . . that seems to have worked. I love that picture. Cute cat.

Snowy, windy, Sunday

Last night, after a week of unseasonable warmth, the temperature dropped about 20 degrees in 2 hours and the wind whipped up ridiculously -- tree limbs all over the road. I'm amazed that I woke up to electricity this morning. The rain quickly chnged over to sleet and then snow . . . winter's back, at least for the moment.

Spent the day/night at the Mohegan Sun Casino . . . a fun time. Won small, and had a great dinner courtesy of "points." Had to laugh at the prices, which are geared to the fact that no one's paying with real money. King crab . . . $44. Shrimp coctail . . . $13. And don't forget the gas on the way home -- $3.29 a gallon. It's like some elegant Bizarro World, where everything is topsy-turvy, but pleasantly, almost dreamily so.

Grrrrr . . . lights still flickering . . . I may have spoken too soon about the electricity.

Before I go, one thing to all the bloggers out there. Please DISABLE the Javascript comments option. Twice this morning I saw blog entries I wanted to comment on but couldn't. Browser settings are like one's panty drawer -- deeply personal and not to be lightly messed with.

Time to go see who's online. More soon. Better go while I still have power. Byeeeeeeeee . . .

Testing

Don't mind Me. I seem to have messed up something with a Blogger setting . . . just testing.

Time zones

Talking to a room regular as I write this. she's getting collared on Monday, to a Man who's 7 (or 8, depending on the time of year) time zones ahead of her.

It wreaks havoc on all but the strongest on-line relationships. As I wrote last night, the simple act of being here for someone . . . is what creates the strong, long-lasting bonds between Master/Mistress and slave. In the absence of it, most on-line relationships, partticularly in D/s, suffer, and ultiamtely fail -- either directly because of the time zones issue or as a result of other issues that fester and mount, exacerbated by the time difference.

In the particular case of the girl I'm talking to right now . . . I think, as well as hope, that the relationship will be successful. she has the maturity and the inner strength (when she allows herself to relaize that she has that strength) to hande the ups and downs of a very long-distance relationship. she has been in this big time difference situation before -- it didn't work out well, but that was mainly because the Man in question simply couldn't be here enough for her. This situation, so far at least . . . looks to be different.

But in general, My advice is to look for a Master/Mistress/slave close to home, time-zone wise. It removes one potnetially huge obstacle. And truthfully, there are so many to begin with that no one needs any additional ones.

Frayed at the ends

Have been working a lot lately, and so feel generally very tired the moment I hit the door at the end of the day.

This makes Me feel guilty (shocking, I know!). I feel as though My girls are getting shortchanged.

Not that they've said anything (they pretty much wouldn't) . . . but I feel the pressure of it. See, all the time I run into slaves whose Owner doesn't have enough time for them. And I'm always saying how it's irresponsible to take a slave that One can't be here enough for. The old Yogi Berra line applies here: "90% of success is just showing up." Because time, and attention, are the most valuable thing there is. Many Dominants lose sight of this fact, thinking that all interactions must involve intense play, etc. Often, just being together is the most important thing. It's the constancy of One's presence, and the slave's feeling and knowing that, that matter most over time.

And now, I feel "not here," a lot, lately. And wow is that a sucky way to feel.

But, we've been through worse, and this too, shall pass. In this particualr case, at least, I know that love conquers all. But it's easy to lose sight of that as day-to-day toil inexorably wears away at the fabric of things.

OK. end of whining. storm and iris are here . . . the room's filling up . . . got to run.

The Empress' New Clothes

Obviously this blog is not very widely read, at this point. I fully expect/accept a slow start. Aside from subtlely advertising it in the channel, and links from the stats and home pages, its existence isn't widely known about yet.

Last night, I was talking with sorceress about her wonderful work on the website . . . we were talking about web page graphics, etc., when the following exchange took place:

Me: I'm really excited. There were 10 hits to the blog today, and none of them were Me.
sorceress: giggles . . . ummmm, they were all me, Mistress.

Oh well. Pride goeth before a fall. Obviously I need a better marketing plan.

Categories and Labels

Talking to a frist-time visitor last night (a submissive), I was running through My more-or-less standard list of "getting to know you" type questions. At some point, I usually ask what a submissive's particular interest(s) are.

Most people have some idea of how to answer this question. Even complete newcomers (usually), have shown up because something has piqued their interest/desire -- a photo, a story, a fantasy, etc.

But people often do need help (especially newcomers) in clarifying/defining their interest, both in "technical" terms, which helps them describe it to others and talk about it in a more "clinical" fashion (it's often helpful to be able to separate emotion from this) and in their own terms, to help them understand it better and, in some cases, accept it (many haven't come to terms with their own desires).

So, while generalizations are often inaccurate and misleading, they are helpful. In talking with submissives, I often ask them (or confirm My assumption from the conversation) which of two broad categories they fall into: serving and pleasing, or pain and humiliation.

This broad distinction works well for three reasons:

1. Binary choices are easy to understand and process . . . our minds seem able to readily grasp either/or situations.
2. In My experience, it tends to be very accurate. Those excited by "serving and pleasing" rarely seek a lot of pain, humiliation, or edgy-type activities. Conversely, those enthralled with pain and humiliation often find "serving and pleasing" not their cup of tea.
3. It establishes a basis for further discussion (this is . . . usually a positive. If the conversation has gotten to this point, generally I've already decided it's a worth pursuing (and presumably the other person has, too.))

Obviously, the number of things that a person can find exciting is huge, and, importantly, capable of evolving with time and the accumulation of experience. Broad classifications are not any sort of "solution" to anything, but they are useful in helping a person more clearly define (and explain) what exactly they might be seeking.

And since, one eventually finds, after a fashion, what one seeks, more clarity about what one is seeking is highly advantageous.

The Cosmic Pep Talk

A friend was feeling pretty down tonight about her prospects for ever finding a good Master.

I talked to her about it some . . . and gave her the Cosmic Pep Talk.

Which goes, more or less, like this: (short form)

1. There is an underlying principle to the universe.
2. That principle is "stuff happens."
3. That being the case, when things romantic blow up . . .
4. It's no one's fault.
5. And if it's no one's fault, there's nothing really to feel bad about.
6. Espescially there's no reason to feel bad about one's self, given #5.
7. Now, everything does happen for a reason, but:
8. That reason is unknowable.
9. Given that, don't obsess. Feel what you feel . . . even wallow in it for a day or two, if need be. But don't obsess on the unknowable.
9A. Ask yourslef, honestly. Two weeks from now, is this going to feel as bad?
9B. Given that you know it won't -- pretend it's two weeks from now.
10. If you think you see a pattern . . . that's a phantom reflection of that unknowable order, and not nearly of the consequence that we in our obsessive natures that we think it is.

Upshot is . . . she feels better. Don't sell the Cosmic Pep Talk short.

Good crowd in the room tonight . . duty calls . . . byeeeeee for now . . .

Random conversations

When you run a room . . . they happen. Well, they happen to Me, at any rate.

Someone did a drive-by our room last night . . . twice. The person in question has come in before, and actually stayed for a little while, once or twice.

So last night, after the second drive-by . . . I PM the person . . . it goes something like this: (name has been changed)

Me: why the drive-by?
rawhide: which room?
Me: #Enchanted_Palms

(Hmmm, OK . . . this person must do a LOT of drivebys to not be sure WHICH room it was, 2 minutes after the fact.)

Me: you drove by TWICE tonight.
rawhide: no one was talking.

(I go and check the channel. And burst out laughing, because . . . )

Me: Ummm, you were in the room for FOUR SECONDS!

(FOUR SECONDS! What was supposed to happen in four seconds to grab rawhide's attention?)

rawhide: yeah, i'm funny that way. if no one's talking, i split.

(I can barely see the screen, I"m laughing so hard, but I manage: )

Me: Well, four seconds . . . people were still typing 'hello rawhide' when you left.


You never know where the head-scratchers and the laughs are going to come from. Thank goodness for random conversations.

Progress . . .

Wrote up a lot of content for the website today. It's difficult, when one has to sit down and put words to paper, expressing what one thinks/feels about people and places that one's so close to . . . all these feelings and thoughts that I take for granted, that are such a part of Me . . . to sit down and think about how to clearly express that, to put across what one really wants . . . it's challenging. I think I've done a good job . . . visit the site and let Me know what you think.

In any event . . . the content will be appearing on the website soon . . . the room's crowded so My attention's needed there . . .

Logisitics

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The Vanished

One thing that's hard to get used to in the on-line life is that people simply disappear. In normal life, people as a rule go for any number of typical reasons. Even if we don't like those reasons, don't understand them, etc., they are at least known,

On-line, people are here, then they're not, often. Some aren't around long enough to get attached to, but many are. Here, then gone. With no knowing. Have they died? Taken greviously ill? Had a terrible accident of some sort? Left on-line entirely? Or simply ended one persona and adopted a completely new one, with all bridges instantly and conveniently burned?

My gut feeling is that the latter is more often than not the case. People get into situations . . . and, in life, it can be hard to remove onesself from those situations -- on-line, it's staggeringly easy. And the number of people who've "gone" and then come back (as "someone else") tells Me this is the most common explanation for "sudden IRC departure syndrome."

Personally, I don't care to hold a grudge. If someone leaves, and comes back, by and large I still welcome them with open arms (if the person is looking to be welcomed). Friends, real and on-line, are too valuable to write off. It's never too late to do the right thing . . . and what good does it do Me to keep being angry becasue someone's gone?

Those out there in the net-void somewhere who I miss -- you know who you are. I'm still here, and wish you were still around.

Crowds

An active night in The Palms last night. 16 people at one point, and a steady 10-12 all night. (6 is more like what we usually have.)

I find that there's an upper limit to chat room "effectiveness." When there's more than 25 people in a room, one ro two things generally happens: 1) The public chat dies away, replaced by a stream of hellos, goodbyes, and welcome backs, or 2) The conversation becomes more or less impossible to follow as multiple conversational threads spring up and people are often replying to things said minutes previously.

A lot of factors go into what happens, of course. Some people clam up in crowds. Others seem to overcompensate and feel a need to fill every possible conversational void with something.

I'm of two minds about whether having a popular room is a good thing, or not. There are times when a crowd makes for a very fun, lively night -- there are others when a crowd makes simply for frustration and irritation. It's very different for the people running the room than for the regular participants. I'm thinking about a lot of things that the guests obviously aren't.

The other issue with crowds has to do with the fact that I think of #Enchanted_Plams as largely (but not totally) a scening channel. Large crows often make good scenes harder to pull off, both for the participants and for those interested in watching/appreciating it. This is because while etiquette generally dictates that people be quiet during a scene, it's difficult and not necessarily fair to expect 15 people not involved to say absolutely nothing for 20, 30, even 60 minutes, possibly.

But crowds can be fun . . . often when there is a crowd there will be some great conversations, a lot of laughs and occaisionally, multiple good scenes going on simulataneously.

Well, it's Friday night . . .Happy Weekend! Time to head in and see if any of My girls are about. Sometimes just Me and the three of them is all the "crowd" I ever want.

Stats . . .

Over there (---->) is a link to the channel stats page. mIRCstats is a very clever program that analyzes channel logs and creates all sorts of cute and intermittently interesting statistics. It's worth a look, and mIRCstats is definitely worth the small registration fee if you run an IRC channel . . . the author has put a lot of work into it, and it shows.

New year, familiar place

#Enchancted_Palms is a chat channel on the IRC server irc.bondage.com . It's populated by Me, My three slaves, a fun but sometimes dysfunctional family of regulars, and whoever happens to wander in on a given night.

This blog is just starting, so . . . it's not going to look like much, for the time being. But that will come in time.

But keep checking, and by all means . . . come see us in #Enchanted_Palms, if you've any interest in D/s at all.