Categories and Labels

Talking to a frist-time visitor last night (a submissive), I was running through My more-or-less standard list of "getting to know you" type questions. At some point, I usually ask what a submissive's particular interest(s) are.

Most people have some idea of how to answer this question. Even complete newcomers (usually), have shown up because something has piqued their interest/desire -- a photo, a story, a fantasy, etc.

But people often do need help (especially newcomers) in clarifying/defining their interest, both in "technical" terms, which helps them describe it to others and talk about it in a more "clinical" fashion (it's often helpful to be able to separate emotion from this) and in their own terms, to help them understand it better and, in some cases, accept it (many haven't come to terms with their own desires).

So, while generalizations are often inaccurate and misleading, they are helpful. In talking with submissives, I often ask them (or confirm My assumption from the conversation) which of two broad categories they fall into: serving and pleasing, or pain and humiliation.

This broad distinction works well for three reasons:

1. Binary choices are easy to understand and process . . . our minds seem able to readily grasp either/or situations.
2. In My experience, it tends to be very accurate. Those excited by "serving and pleasing" rarely seek a lot of pain, humiliation, or edgy-type activities. Conversely, those enthralled with pain and humiliation often find "serving and pleasing" not their cup of tea.
3. It establishes a basis for further discussion (this is . . . usually a positive. If the conversation has gotten to this point, generally I've already decided it's a worth pursuing (and presumably the other person has, too.))

Obviously, the number of things that a person can find exciting is huge, and, importantly, capable of evolving with time and the accumulation of experience. Broad classifications are not any sort of "solution" to anything, but they are useful in helping a person more clearly define (and explain) what exactly they might be seeking.

And since, one eventually finds, after a fashion, what one seeks, more clarity about what one is seeking is highly advantageous.