Dommes and Doms

I was asked recently if I thought that Male Dominance and Female Dominance were fundamentally different energies.

My immediate answer was that actually, I thought that they were the same energy, but that said energy gets manifested in such different ways that they appear to be inherently different.

On further reflection, I'm inclined to stick with that answer. Here's why:

Take sex out of it for a moment, and consider what exactly D/s is about. OK, this will vary from person to person, admittedly, but there are certain underlying common themes that will resonate with just about everyone with any experience of D/s that has gone any bit beyond so-called "kinky sex."

1. Control/Power. The giving/taking thereof . . . how it feels, on each side.
2. Will. The strength of One to impose it . . . and the strength of the other to submit to it.
3. Focus. The concentrated, absolutely intense and sweet feelings that can arise from total focus on one potentially very simple task/idea/action.


Doubtless there are more, but the point is that those, above . . . feel gender-independent to Me. The differences in the sexes are how they are expressed. So I would say the difference in more in styles than in the underlying energies.

Without getting too much into "Men are from Mars" territory, and ackowledging the troublesome nature of generalizations . . . I think there is one underlying important principle in differentiating the styles/approach of Male and Female Dominants.

Men largley see their self-worth in terms of what they achieve, while Women see their worth, often, more in terms of thier connectedness. My own pet theory here is that, in Dominants, those natural(?) tendencies are heightened. So what differences there are will be more stark when the two are compared.

So, if one sex sees Dominance as something to be achieved, and the other sees it as another, deeper way of connecting . . . the manifestations of those are perforce going to look very different. I don't ascribe any bigger value to one or the other . . . and certainly, one's preference in a Dom/me is tangled up with one's sexual preference, so there is less aspect of actually "choosing."

But even if that's true, and it really is the same energy simply manifested in differing ways, does that matter, in practical terms? In many cases, the submissive is going to react a lot more strongly to what's felt than to how it's presented, stylistically. But in important ways, Dominance is like sushi . . . presentation often makes the difference between a magical sensory experience and dead raw fish. And this is where many Dom/mes do fall victim to LTPS (Lazy Thought Process Syndrome) . . . and where some Women might have an advantage, since in My observations Women tend to be more flexible in Their approach to a given submissive. Not compromising Their own desires, but more willing to look for different ways to the same end that take into account the submissive's unqiue self/situation.

So I guess I end up thinking that they are underlyingly the same, and that it does matter, but that, in the end, We're different in ways that are wondrous, exciting, and sometimes maddeningly frustrating. And worth celebrating.