Too "nice?"

A lot of Doms make their way through the room over time.

As the room is also home to a number of submissive girls (both collared and uncollared), there is a lot of interaction -- scening often, but obviously also a lot of normal conversation, non-sexual service, etc. And well, after the interaction we talk. Often a lot LOL.

And there's a recurring theme as the girls and I talk.

A lot of Doms are just . . . no other way to say this . . . too nice.

I know that statement opens up a whole can of worms . . . that I'll try to untangle a bit.

There's "nice" in simple interpersonal terms. That's one thing, and it's important and valuable, especially in a flat medium like IRC where one has no access to tone of voice, body language, facial expression, etc., to give others a context/subtext for one's words. So, "nice" is something to be valued. Those who come in a room belligerent, nasty, intent on causing trouble, etc., get quickly dispatched.

But when a Dom is too "nice" . . . in terms of His "Domliness" . . . most submissives end up turned off.

One has to understand -- over time, submissives become connoisseurs of Dominance. They don't necessarily seek to become that, it's simply that long-term exposure to many Doms, and many styles of Dominance, create it. As a result, submissives with half a brain quickly learn to spot a weak Dom from a stronger one.

And here is where many Dominants fall prey to a lazy thought process . . . They lose sight of a very simple fact: subs want to submit.

It's as simple and as complicated as that. Many Doms, not wanting to come on too strong, often take it too far the other way.

This manifests itself in the subtlest of ways. Here's a very common snippet of conversation from the room:

girl: May i get you a drink, Sir?
Dom: Yes, girl, thank you . . . I'll have . . .
(conversation continues about them as the Dom tries to decide what He wants)
(five minutes later . . . )
Dom: What would you suggest?
girl: er, . . . we have everything, Sir . . . what's Your pleasure?
Dom: Well . . .
(at this point I'll usually jump in and try to get the Dom to narrow it down, alcoholic vs. non-alcoholic, for starters)

Then, later in PM . . the girl will say something like this to Me:

girl: How is He supposed to Dom anyone when He doesn't even know what He wants to drink?

A trivial example, perhaps, but indicative of the point. Even our subtlest actions (and non-actions) are fraught with meaning in this flat medium. The Dom who knows what He wants, in His glass and in His desire, is the more attractive Dom, on multiple levels.