I've written before about how attention is, to Me, the most valuable currency there is between two people. Attention can't be faked; it can't be forced. A lot of problems in relationships, vanilla or D/s, are casued by the warped ways(s) in which one or both parties handle attention.
One of the most prominent warpages I encounter is the attention slut. I meet My share in real life, of course, as we all do, but online the proportion of attention sluts seems even more pronounced. I believe that's partially a reflection of the fact that many people treat online as their own personal litter box, and partially that in a flat medium like text chat, certain behaviors come across much more blatantly.
Attention sluts, that I've seen, are mainly of two types: the overcompensator (making up for a lack or perceived lack of attention) and the addict (used to getting loads of attention). Odd, in a way, that the lack of something over a prolonged period and an overdose of the same thing can have the same effect. And while the overcompensator might come off as more desperate at first, since the addict will often have (on the surface at least) apparently higher self-esteem, all attention sluts end up in the same boat: unable to sustain any meaningful relationship for any length of time, including platonic friendships, usually.
Another one of My old saws is that D/s is like a magnifying glass -- things that are potentially small in a vanilla relationship are often overwhleming in a D/s situation.
As a result, an attention slut in either role is a draining experience that has few rivals. The trait is perhaps more annoying in a submissive, but maybe that's just how it feels from My side. Attention-slut Dom/mes are often a little more subtle, but to all but the least perceptive submissives They quickly are seen as shallow and not very interesting.
It sounds like I'm bitching without really offering any practical suggestions. That's because, well, there are precious few. Personally, I ignore attention sluts as completely as possible. As for curing the malady? I have to fall back on a couple of My guiding principles:
1. Not everything that happens to the subsmissive is about the submissive.
2. Not everyone is instantly enthralled with Your Wonderful and Amazing Dominance.
More on this topic soon.
3 comments:
Well written and insightful, Lenora. As usual.
I can attest that there are attention-slut Dommes. I was in a ltr with one. It takes a bit more reflection than you might guess to identify this trait in a Domme.
The natural focus on the Domina can mask the lack of Her sensitivity to training, developing and monitoring Her property.
As for solutions, I find that simply "pruning" or "purging" relationships that are too asymmetric does wonders. If you find that a 'partner' rarely, if ever, initiates with you, unless it's to tell you about themselves, something in their life, etc, then you may want to consider confirming that person as an attention slut. And then seeing if the energy you are putting into such a one-sided affair is worthwhile.
Very good insight. Thought provoking...soul searching..
thank You
D/s, like any other variety of sex or relationship, is meant to be a dance.
Over the years, I have chosen many a one-sided dance. That is to say, I have wanted to dance but instead felt as if I was being dragged across the floor by an ox instead of dancing.
As Saratoga said, "I find that simply "pruning" or "purging" relationships that are too asymmetric does wonders.".
Hit the nail on the head. The pruning of asymetry. Brilliant.
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