Each submissive has a certain distance s/he's willing to go, with little or no prodding. This is a thing that varies from person to person, a function of any number of factors.
And that is waht makes many D/s relationships easy and fun in the early going. It feels good to the submissive . . . and it's heightened by the overall excitement of a new relationship.
But that's not enough, for many Dom/mes, or for many submissives.
When I say "willing to go," I'm not talking about limits, per se. Limits are determined by so many variables that One can't really address them head-on, and what I'm talking about in terms of "more" really isn't about limits.
A submissive goes a certain way on his or her own . . . and then One runs up against what I call "the shell."
The shell is the barrier between what we're willing to give, what we're willing to let go of, and what we feel we must hold onto. All of us have one . . . and how hard, how resilient, it is depends on a multitude of things.
The Dom/me has to crack that shell. Not to destory it, but to allow the submissive to be able to begin to consider another way. We are highly geared towards our shells being non-permeable; even poeple who think of themselves as highly flexible are by and large flexible only in the part outside the shell. But there is no real depth of submission unless the shell can be cracked.
This is of course a dicey proposition, and has to be highly tailored to the particualr submissive. It may take many iterations; it calls for creativity and finesse and a certain amount of cunning on the part of the Dominant. It takes also a certain amount of suspension of disbelief on the submissive's part, since One never wants to trick anyone into anything.
It ends up being like a magic trick, where the magician explains how the trick works ahead of time, yet the audience ends up amazed nonetheless. Certainly, no trivial feat.
There is a lot more to say about this . . . in future isntallments.
2 comments:
Yes, there's a lot more to say, and I hope you can get to it soon. What you are saying is I think more or less the same as 'breaking' the sub, rather like one breaks a horse. Once you've done it you don't necessarily have to get to the limits every time or try to push them. But you do know that she has given everything. Then, when she is broken, you must put her back together again, with infinite amounts of tlc.
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