A girl very new to the lifestyle came into the room last night.
I tend to give people in that situation a lot of attention . . . everyone was new at one point, and it's not easy. And often one's early experiences largely determine one's overall outlook on things in D/s. So I see it both as something nice to do on a personal level and a service to the community at large to help new people any way I can. [Obviously My output is proportional to what the other person contributes, at a certain point . . . if the new person's desire is to hide in the corner, I respect that and leave the person be after a couple attempts at drawing him or her out a bit.]
her backstory was not that unusual . . . married to a very vanilla man, bi-curious, and looking for some way(s) to express her submissive yearnings. I saw My contribution as more than anything letter her know that she's in an environment where she can ask questions, and not be afraid of making a misstep.
The frustrating part, at times, is that One usually doesn't know how things end for the person, since they usually move on. Or give up, or whatever ends up happening. At times I've been questioned as to why I "bother."
It's not a bad question, and My answer is satisfying to Me, if not to most. And the asnwer is simply this: What I give, I give. The value of what's given is not to be measured by "results" or lack thereof, since those results are governed by multiple variables, only one or two of I can ever be aware of. The value of what's given is in the mere act of offering it. "Success" will be measured by each person in his or her own ideosyncratic terms; the "success" for Me in this situation is holding true to My desire to try to be of help. For Me, that's enough, and it avoids Me falling into the traps of regret, disappointment, or uncertainty. I wish everyone a happy and safe journey, of course, but I know what I can't know, so I never feel cheated by not knowing.
3 comments:
I like your answer. :) In real life, I'm very much in a position where I help people out and become a part of their lives... only for them to constantly dissapear suddenly leaving me no idea of what sort of lasting input I've had or in what direction they've headed. The conclusion you came to is much like the one I had to come to myself... otherwise, I'd find myself very hurt and/or discouraged often.
In an earlier age, before the more self-centered times of today, what you are doing would be called being "ethical," and having "values."
It is living a values-centered life, simply because it is the right thing to do. One is defined by one's actions. When governed by our values, those actions express our values, and ourselves as reflective of, and known by, those values. Such as they may be.
In your case, Lenora, they are rather Kantian, i.e., of a categorically imperative sort. That is, treating people as ends, not means. And behaving according to values that are not situation-specific, nor governed by the results.
Having written my prior comment upon your post, I reflected further. This came to mind.
I recall the woman of whom you wrote, as I was in your channel that evening.
Let us, for a moment, consider her actions, versus your own.
You have identified yourself as one who acts according to values, regardless of outcomes, or the knowledge of them.
How about the woman in question? The one question I wished to ask her, but did not, as I felt uncomfortable doing so in the forum, was, "do you have children from this marriage?"
I am divorced. My divorce had nothing to do with D/s. Had my marriage proved able to be "saved," or sufficiently improved, to make life with my ex better for my children than life without, I would not have let D/s get in the way. My obligation is and was to those who had no choice in the matter- my children.
If I had had none, than my ex's accepting D/s, or at least experimenting with it, would have reasonably been within the scope of the "for better or worse..." clause of our contract.
I wonder if the woman in question has values which allow her honor her marriage contract? Does she have the capacity to think of dependents, if she has any, who may be adversely affected by her newfound interests, should her husband not share them? Or should she not have the courage to approach him about them?
It's not about judging her. As you noted, it seems many now-married people decide they have changed, and, rather than find this lifestyle in their marriage, or open their marriage to it, they run outside the marriage to seek it elsewhere.
It is, as Lenora, you have stated, being true and faithful to oneself. One's actions expressing one's beliefs and values.
Post a Comment