A cute little takeoff on the heartfelt holiday charity pitch. And a well-known Holywood bimbo type shows at least a little sense of humor about her own image and the roots of her "fame."
Hope . . . And Change
This time of year gets Me thinking a lot about those things that the season is at least theoretically about: Joy, Peace, and Hope. Less comforting sometimes, to think about is the aspect of Change, which is a part of this season, too.
Below is quoted a favorite poem of Mine, The Journey of the Magi, by T. S. Eliot. Eliot's take on the birth of Christ, from the Magi's point of view, isn't exactly Hallmark Card material. But for Me this poem encapsulates the "Change" aspect of the season.
A Happy Holiday season to all . . . with all that the season entails.
'A cold coming we had of it,
Just the worst time of the year
For a journey, and such a long journey:
The ways deep and the weather sharp,
The very dead of winter.'
And the camels galled, sore-footed, refractory,
Lying down in the melting snow.
There were times we regretted
The summer palaces on slopes, the terraces,
And the silken girls bringing sherbet.
Then the camel men cursing and grumbling
And running away, and wanting their liquor and women,
And the night-fires going out, and the lack of shelters,
And the cities hostile and the towns unfriendly
And the villages dirty and charging high prices:
A hard time we had of it.
At the end we preferred to travel all night,
Sleeping in snatches,
With the voices singing in our ears, saying
That this was all folly.
Below is quoted a favorite poem of Mine, The Journey of the Magi, by T. S. Eliot. Eliot's take on the birth of Christ, from the Magi's point of view, isn't exactly Hallmark Card material. But for Me this poem encapsulates the "Change" aspect of the season.
A Happy Holiday season to all . . . with all that the season entails.
'A cold coming we had of it,
Just the worst time of the year
For a journey, and such a long journey:
The ways deep and the weather sharp,
The very dead of winter.'
And the camels galled, sore-footed, refractory,
Lying down in the melting snow.
There were times we regretted
The summer palaces on slopes, the terraces,
And the silken girls bringing sherbet.
Then the camel men cursing and grumbling
And running away, and wanting their liquor and women,
And the night-fires going out, and the lack of shelters,
And the cities hostile and the towns unfriendly
And the villages dirty and charging high prices:
A hard time we had of it.
At the end we preferred to travel all night,
Sleeping in snatches,
With the voices singing in our ears, saying
That this was all folly.
Then at dawn we came down to a temperate valley,
Wet, below the snow line, smelling of vegetation;
With a running stream and a water-mill beating the darkness,
And three trees on the low sky,
And an old white horse galloped away in the meadow.
Then we came to a tavern with vine-leaves over the lintel,
Six hands at an open door dicing for pieces of silver,
And feet kicking the empty wine-skins.
But there was no information, and so we continued
And arrived at evening, not a moment too soon
Finding the place; it was (you may say) satisfactory.
All this was a long time ago, I remember,
And I would do it again, but set down
This set down
This: were we led all that way for
Birth or Death? There was a Birth, certainly,
We had evidence and no doubt. I had seen birth and death,
But had thought they were different; this Birth was
Hard and bitter agony for us, like Death, our death.
We returned to our places, these Kingdoms,
But no longer at ease here, in the old dispensation,
With an alien people clutching their gods.
I should be glad of another death.
You Don't Say
I've written a number of times about the importance of communcaition between Dominant and submissive. But there are times, in D/s, and especially in life, when silence truly is golden.
I'm not talking about those very intense moments of subspace, or Topspace. Words are unnecessary and in any event inadeqaute at those times. Nor am I takking about those times, and every Dom/me and sub has had them, where one just knows that discretion is the better part of valor (or obedience). I'm talking about times when it's simply not necessary to say anything, or, more to the point, to say a particular thing.
I am fond of saying to My girls that "I notice everything." And I think they would concur that I pretty much do. But I only express a small fraction of what I notice. And not only with them; that behavior carries over into other interactions, both in D/s spheres and in daily life.
Certainly it pertains here in the blogosphere. I read a lot of blogs. I comment rarely, and I blog on a small percentage of things that I might blog about.
Why?
The big aspect, for Me, is that it's a matter of control. Control starts with controlling One's own responses. People say and write a lot of things. Often those things could be responded to. But part of Me being Me, and feeling good about Myself, is remembering that other people's negaitvity diminishes them, not Me. When I don't respond, I feel stronger, not because I was the "bigger person," but becasue I'm reminded that I've held onto the one thing that is truly, immutably, totally Mine -- self-control. What others do, and how they do it . . . well, that's on them, for good or ill, ultimately. But watching what I say and how I say it makes Me feel good.
When communcation was almost exclusively one on one, there were natural buffers, unspoken norms that constrained behavior and choice of words, tone, etc. And there were natural constraints on the length of interactions, often. In the net age where there is "anonymity" and asynchronicity all bets are off. In a medum of immediacy and essentially universal access, the goal seems to be to not only say whatever you like however you want to, but also to say absolutely everything that one might be thinking/have thought. I think that overall we are worse off as a result.
And there is no hierarchy of intelligence here. In fact, the smart people are the worst offenders, since, well, being smart, they tend to have more to say.
And speaking of which . . . I've said more than enough already. KAHTATUS.
I'm not talking about those very intense moments of subspace, or Topspace. Words are unnecessary and in any event inadeqaute at those times. Nor am I takking about those times, and every Dom/me and sub has had them, where one just knows that discretion is the better part of valor (or obedience). I'm talking about times when it's simply not necessary to say anything, or, more to the point, to say a particular thing.
I am fond of saying to My girls that "I notice everything." And I think they would concur that I pretty much do. But I only express a small fraction of what I notice. And not only with them; that behavior carries over into other interactions, both in D/s spheres and in daily life.
Certainly it pertains here in the blogosphere. I read a lot of blogs. I comment rarely, and I blog on a small percentage of things that I might blog about.
Why?
The big aspect, for Me, is that it's a matter of control. Control starts with controlling One's own responses. People say and write a lot of things. Often those things could be responded to. But part of Me being Me, and feeling good about Myself, is remembering that other people's negaitvity diminishes them, not Me. When I don't respond, I feel stronger, not because I was the "bigger person," but becasue I'm reminded that I've held onto the one thing that is truly, immutably, totally Mine -- self-control. What others do, and how they do it . . . well, that's on them, for good or ill, ultimately. But watching what I say and how I say it makes Me feel good.
When communcation was almost exclusively one on one, there were natural buffers, unspoken norms that constrained behavior and choice of words, tone, etc. And there were natural constraints on the length of interactions, often. In the net age where there is "anonymity" and asynchronicity all bets are off. In a medum of immediacy and essentially universal access, the goal seems to be to not only say whatever you like however you want to, but also to say absolutely everything that one might be thinking/have thought. I think that overall we are worse off as a result.
And there is no hierarchy of intelligence here. In fact, the smart people are the worst offenders, since, well, being smart, they tend to have more to say.
And speaking of which . . . I've said more than enough already. KAHTATUS.
YouTube Tuesday: Once In A Lifetime
Perhaps My favorite song of any genre of any era. Rarely does a piece of music hit every nerve -- muscial, spritiual, intellectual, physical. When I hear this song I feel it, in every part of Me. Yes, I know this is a shortened version (I assume at the behest of MTV), but the live versions don't do it for Me the same way.
YouTube Tuesday: Totally Wrong, But What The Hell?
I admit to being pretty uninspired tonight in My search for a youtube Tuesday clip.
But when in doubt, Kylie Minogue barely dressed is a pretty good choice. This clip is a lingerie commercial (not shown in the US as far as I know) . . . a mechanical bull, an old lady, a rather lame joke. Doesn't sound promising but as commericals go, but . . . somehow it all works. The music is "Main Offender" by The Hives.
But when in doubt, Kylie Minogue barely dressed is a pretty good choice. This clip is a lingerie commercial (not shown in the US as far as I know) . . . a mechanical bull, an old lady, a rather lame joke. Doesn't sound promising but as commericals go, but . . . somehow it all works. The music is "Main Offender" by The Hives.
New Link/Progress Report
I discovered, thanks to technorati, that I'm linked to from the fabulous Myths and Metawhores. So in accordance with long-standing #TEPB policy, they've been added to the link list. Thanks, and glad to reciprocate . . .
Part 5 of the current Lenora X story is in the works . . . it's taking a bit longer than I'd intended but it's coming along . . .
More soon . . . hope all are well and happy . . . KAHTATUS (kissses and hugs to all the usual suspects).
Part 5 of the current Lenora X story is in the works . . . it's taking a bit longer than I'd intended but it's coming along . . .
More soon . . . hope all are well and happy . . . KAHTATUS (kissses and hugs to all the usual suspects).
YouTube Tuesday: Fashion, Baby!
Tonight's clip is from a fetish fashion show held a couple of months ago in Atalnta by Buckle magazine.
What I like particularly about this clip is that unlike a "straight" fashioin show, the crowd is really into it. At most fashion shows there's nothing going on in the audience except some murmurs and the scribbing of notes by reporters. At this show, the crowd is totally alive, screaming, hollering, making the fashion show an event in and of itself, as opposed to a traditional fashion show which feels much more like an extended introduction to a thing. This show feels like the thing itself.
Also, about midway through, it appears as though one of the models starts to fall off of her platform heels, but she makes a neat move and saves it, making it look at though it's part of the dance and sort of corkscrews herself down to the floor.
Some cool clothes, too. Hmmm . . . think that blue number with the butterflies on it is a bit too much for the office?
What I like particularly about this clip is that unlike a "straight" fashioin show, the crowd is really into it. At most fashion shows there's nothing going on in the audience except some murmurs and the scribbing of notes by reporters. At this show, the crowd is totally alive, screaming, hollering, making the fashion show an event in and of itself, as opposed to a traditional fashion show which feels much more like an extended introduction to a thing. This show feels like the thing itself.
Also, about midway through, it appears as though one of the models starts to fall off of her platform heels, but she makes a neat move and saves it, making it look at though it's part of the dance and sort of corkscrews herself down to the floor.
Some cool clothes, too. Hmmm . . . think that blue number with the butterflies on it is a bit too much for the office?
Tagged!
nina tagged Me . . . the meme in in question is to reveal "six weird things about Me."
Well . . . hmmm. Weird is in the eye of the beholder, I suppose, but here goes.
1. I am deathly afraid of horses. I have no idea why, or how, but I always have been. I can't recall any bad experience.
2. I hate mustard. About to the point of physical revulsion.
3. The stupider something is, the funnier I think it is. Jay and Silent Bob may be the funiest film ever made. Or maybe Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.
4. In college I was that person who lobbied for anchovies on the pizza.
5. I have never ever tattled on another person. Even as a child.
6. While I do not believe in reincarnation, I do believe that I'd have been much better off having lived in the 1940s.
OK . . . I'm supposed to tag SIX people? . . . well, in keeping with My inability to follow rules not of My own creation, I tag two people . . . this girl and taylor . . .
Well . . . hmmm. Weird is in the eye of the beholder, I suppose, but here goes.
1. I am deathly afraid of horses. I have no idea why, or how, but I always have been. I can't recall any bad experience.
2. I hate mustard. About to the point of physical revulsion.
3. The stupider something is, the funnier I think it is. Jay and Silent Bob may be the funiest film ever made. Or maybe Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.
4. In college I was that person who lobbied for anchovies on the pizza.
5. I have never ever tattled on another person. Even as a child.
6. While I do not believe in reincarnation, I do believe that I'd have been much better off having lived in the 1940s.
OK . . . I'm supposed to tag SIX people? . . . well, in keeping with My inability to follow rules not of My own creation, I tag two people . . . this girl and taylor . . .
New Link . . .
A few things this week caught My eye, courtesy of sitemeter.
1. I'm linked to from a Femdom blog that's entirely in Spanish, Las Mujeres Mandan . . . true to the finest link-whore tradition, I'm adding them to the linklist. Any readers fluent in Spanish who might happen to visit there can let Me know if it's any good.
2. My blog was mentioned in a post on a Polish Femdom message board.
3. Just about half of My traffic (48%) comes from outside the US.
Cool.
1. I'm linked to from a Femdom blog that's entirely in Spanish, Las Mujeres Mandan . . . true to the finest link-whore tradition, I'm adding them to the linklist. Any readers fluent in Spanish who might happen to visit there can let Me know if it's any good.
2. My blog was mentioned in a post on a Polish Femdom message board.
3. Just about half of My traffic (48%) comes from outside the US.
Cool.
YouTube Tuesday: Just Plain Funny
Tonight's entry is the second in a series of short films (currently there are four, I think) chronicling the life of Darth Vader's less successful brother, Chad.
Enjoy . . . and seek out the other entries in the series. They're well worth it.
Enjoy . . . and seek out the other entries in the series. They're well worth it.
The Real-Life Adventures of an UberDomme, or, Stupidity Is Its Own Reward
Due to a number of cirucmstances, but mostly becasue I'm an IDIOT, I ended up having to go to the grocery store after work on the afternoon before Thanksgiving.
I was lulled into a false state of optimism by the ease with which I got a parking space. Hey, this isn't going to be so bad. I'm in and out of here in no time! Yessss!
I get up to the entrance to the store and reality slaps Me, hard. There are NO carriages. None. I walk to the other entrance. None there either. So much for getting in and out in short order . . . I can't even get in!
I can wait for the carriage-retriever guy to come back with a load of empties from the parking lot. Or I can try to find him in the parking lot and snag one. I look to My left and to My right -- there are a number of other would-be shoppers standing, carriageless, considering the same options I am. I start cruising through the parking lot. Eventually I find the guy, with all of FOUR empty carts. I grab one and start wheeling it towards the store, My fellow carriage-lottery losers closing in on the carriage guy and this three remaining carts.
OK, I'm in. And it's not as bad as I'd feared.
It's worse. Every aisle is clogged. It's one of those moments when your entire body just gives up for a moment, in some undefineable but very real way. The moment passes, I resist the urge to shout FIRE! at the top of My lungs, and plunge in to the pre-holiday mass of humanity.
Thankfully I don't need that much. It's slow going but I resign Myself and fall into the torturous rhythm of it. I manage not to run up the back of an ultra slow-moving elderly couple. A nifty last-second move prevents Me from running over the toes of a five-year old driving a little "Customer In Training" cart (whose Ipod-wired mother is blissfully unaware of her son's near-brush with injury). I'm not exactly filled with the holiday spirit but I'm making it, I'm getting the grocery shopping done.
I approach the checkout lines and now the real tricky part comes. Every line has 2-3 people backed up, so the trick is to scan carefully and try to find the line where there won't be the "Customer With A Problem." Nothing sends Me to the edge of grocery store rage faster than a long delay while the cahsier and customer scan the flyer, trying to determine if it's the Maxi Pads or the Thin Freshness variety that's actually on sale this week.
It's an art more than a science, avoiding the Customer With a Problem. There are a few tipoffs, though.
Coupons. Avoid any line where any shopper who has lots of coupons.
A cart piled way over the top with stuff. The law of averages dictates that the more stuff in there, the greater the chance of there being one or more items that won't scan, or which will come up with the wrong price.
Change purses. Anyone with a change purse is a checkout delay waiting to happen.
One of those little clicker things that helps you calucalte your bill as you go along. Enough said.
But in the end, it's a "feel" thing. Some people just have that look. That "I'm ever vigilant that the evil grocery store conglomerate is going to try to rip Me off, so don't fuck with Me, missy!" look.
Well, I actually for once make a good choice and get checked out in a reasonable, delay-free amount of time. Yay. I rock, totally.
I leave the store, and everything's great (except for the three people following Me waiting for My soon to be empty carriage).
I suddenly stop, that totally drained feeling stabbing at Me again. Where the hell did I park?
UberDomme indeed.
I was lulled into a false state of optimism by the ease with which I got a parking space. Hey, this isn't going to be so bad. I'm in and out of here in no time! Yessss!
I get up to the entrance to the store and reality slaps Me, hard. There are NO carriages. None. I walk to the other entrance. None there either. So much for getting in and out in short order . . . I can't even get in!
I can wait for the carriage-retriever guy to come back with a load of empties from the parking lot. Or I can try to find him in the parking lot and snag one. I look to My left and to My right -- there are a number of other would-be shoppers standing, carriageless, considering the same options I am. I start cruising through the parking lot. Eventually I find the guy, with all of FOUR empty carts. I grab one and start wheeling it towards the store, My fellow carriage-lottery losers closing in on the carriage guy and this three remaining carts.
OK, I'm in. And it's not as bad as I'd feared.
It's worse. Every aisle is clogged. It's one of those moments when your entire body just gives up for a moment, in some undefineable but very real way. The moment passes, I resist the urge to shout FIRE! at the top of My lungs, and plunge in to the pre-holiday mass of humanity.
Thankfully I don't need that much. It's slow going but I resign Myself and fall into the torturous rhythm of it. I manage not to run up the back of an ultra slow-moving elderly couple. A nifty last-second move prevents Me from running over the toes of a five-year old driving a little "Customer In Training" cart (whose Ipod-wired mother is blissfully unaware of her son's near-brush with injury). I'm not exactly filled with the holiday spirit but I'm making it, I'm getting the grocery shopping done.
I approach the checkout lines and now the real tricky part comes. Every line has 2-3 people backed up, so the trick is to scan carefully and try to find the line where there won't be the "Customer With A Problem." Nothing sends Me to the edge of grocery store rage faster than a long delay while the cahsier and customer scan the flyer, trying to determine if it's the Maxi Pads or the Thin Freshness variety that's actually on sale this week.
It's an art more than a science, avoiding the Customer With a Problem. There are a few tipoffs, though.
Coupons. Avoid any line where any shopper who has lots of coupons.
A cart piled way over the top with stuff. The law of averages dictates that the more stuff in there, the greater the chance of there being one or more items that won't scan, or which will come up with the wrong price.
Change purses. Anyone with a change purse is a checkout delay waiting to happen.
One of those little clicker things that helps you calucalte your bill as you go along. Enough said.
But in the end, it's a "feel" thing. Some people just have that look. That "I'm ever vigilant that the evil grocery store conglomerate is going to try to rip Me off, so don't fuck with Me, missy!" look.
Well, I actually for once make a good choice and get checked out in a reasonable, delay-free amount of time. Yay. I rock, totally.
I leave the store, and everything's great (except for the three people following Me waiting for My soon to be empty carriage).
I suddenly stop, that totally drained feeling stabbing at Me again. Where the hell did I park?
UberDomme indeed.
YouTube Tuesday: One Person's Answer
People start blogs for all sorts of reasons . . . tonight's youtube Tuesday offering is one woman's reason.
Potpourri for $1000, Alex
1. New Link: Butterfly Temptress . . . I haven't had a lot of time to read this blog yet, but she's linked to Me -- so how bad can it be?
2.
2. Nice tattoo.
3. This week coming up is a really wonderful work week -- three days in length, with no one who's there particularly interested in doing much of anything productive. A little slice of Western Europe right here in the USA.
4. I had a chat with a very talented "sex blogger" last night. She is feeling burnt out a bit on the whole "sex blogging" thing, and wants to turn her talents to something she feels will be more substantial and fresher. I say go ahead and do it! It's going to be great.
5. Thanksgiving approaches, and as corny as it is, perhaps, it is a really good time to express My thanks.
a. To My girls, for their continual love and devotion and for their unwavering committment to a way that I know is not always easy.
b. To everyone who reads this blog, and to those who take the time to comment. I appreciate every view, every comment. Thanks for being out there, and for coming here. And please, if you read but don't comment, feel free to de-lurk some time . . . it's good for the soul.
c. To the bloggers out there, writing insightful, funny, sexy, crazy things. You inspire Me, and doubtless others, in ways you can never know.
d. To My friends and family, here and offline. Thanks for being you.
e. To a presence I can't name, and certainly can't begin to fathom, for giving Me the gift of being able to pursue the ultimate freedom, for having that tiny tiny chance.
6. There really is a new Lenora X story in the works, honest!
7. Everyone have a great weekend and a happy and fulfilling Thanksigiving. Big kisses and hugs to all the usual suspects.
2.
2. Nice tattoo.
3. This week coming up is a really wonderful work week -- three days in length, with no one who's there particularly interested in doing much of anything productive. A little slice of Western Europe right here in the USA.
4. I had a chat with a very talented "sex blogger" last night. She is feeling burnt out a bit on the whole "sex blogging" thing, and wants to turn her talents to something she feels will be more substantial and fresher. I say go ahead and do it! It's going to be great.
5. Thanksgiving approaches, and as corny as it is, perhaps, it is a really good time to express My thanks.
a. To My girls, for their continual love and devotion and for their unwavering committment to a way that I know is not always easy.
b. To everyone who reads this blog, and to those who take the time to comment. I appreciate every view, every comment. Thanks for being out there, and for coming here. And please, if you read but don't comment, feel free to de-lurk some time . . . it's good for the soul.
c. To the bloggers out there, writing insightful, funny, sexy, crazy things. You inspire Me, and doubtless others, in ways you can never know.
d. To My friends and family, here and offline. Thanks for being you.
e. To a presence I can't name, and certainly can't begin to fathom, for giving Me the gift of being able to pursue the ultimate freedom, for having that tiny tiny chance.
6. There really is a new Lenora X story in the works, honest!
7. Everyone have a great weekend and a happy and fulfilling Thanksigiving. Big kisses and hugs to all the usual suspects.
The Cosmic Pep Talk (Extended Remix Part 1)
Those who've been reading this blog for a while might have seen Me make reference to something I've called "The Cosmic Pep Talk."
The CPT comes into play when a submissive feels his or her world spinning out of control, when he or she feels incapable of doing "this whole thing" right, etc. The CPT is summed up in one simple but powerful statement:
Not everything that happens to the submissive is necessarily about the submissive.
Faithfully applied, the CPT works wonders. The submissive, feeling the freedom of knowing that the only thing s/he can really control is his or her effort and not the results of said effort, lets go more and is more fluid, more alive to the possibilites, and ultimately more submissive.
But as with everything, there's more . . . because human nature tends to be acquisitive -- it tends to grab, to pile up, to intensify and magnify. Sadly we don't come equipped with very good filtering mechanisms to accompany that acquisitive nature, so we end up piling up good and bad stuff in more or less equal measure.
Many of us, especially women, have been raised to "take it upon ourselves," to go out of our way to assume the fault, to take the reponsibility for fixing what's wrong, and to look inward first in that pursuit. Among those of a submissive nature that tendancy is often even stronger.
Taking the CPT to heart not only means not letting yourself get too full of yourself, but also, just as importantly, not getting too down on yourself, either. Putting ourselves at the center of the universe or relegating ourselves to the dustbin both amount to the same thing -- namely, making it about us. It never is, at least never to the degree that we, in our highs and lows, feel that it is.
Finding and maintaining that balance is the most difficult, and ultimately the most rewarding thing we can possibly do.
The CPT comes into play when a submissive feels his or her world spinning out of control, when he or she feels incapable of doing "this whole thing" right, etc. The CPT is summed up in one simple but powerful statement:
Not everything that happens to the submissive is necessarily about the submissive.
Faithfully applied, the CPT works wonders. The submissive, feeling the freedom of knowing that the only thing s/he can really control is his or her effort and not the results of said effort, lets go more and is more fluid, more alive to the possibilites, and ultimately more submissive.
But as with everything, there's more . . . because human nature tends to be acquisitive -- it tends to grab, to pile up, to intensify and magnify. Sadly we don't come equipped with very good filtering mechanisms to accompany that acquisitive nature, so we end up piling up good and bad stuff in more or less equal measure.
Many of us, especially women, have been raised to "take it upon ourselves," to go out of our way to assume the fault, to take the reponsibility for fixing what's wrong, and to look inward first in that pursuit. Among those of a submissive nature that tendancy is often even stronger.
Taking the CPT to heart not only means not letting yourself get too full of yourself, but also, just as importantly, not getting too down on yourself, either. Putting ourselves at the center of the universe or relegating ourselves to the dustbin both amount to the same thing -- namely, making it about us. It never is, at least never to the degree that we, in our highs and lows, feel that it is.
Finding and maintaining that balance is the most difficult, and ultimately the most rewarding thing we can possibly do.
YouTube Tuesday: Refreshing Candor
As television technology has grown wider and deeper, the effects on the broadcasting of sports have been profound. That there are now 300 channels where there used to be a handful means, among other things, that practically any sporting event of any magnitude (or non-magnitude) is now televised. (ESPN has recently broadcast, among other events, competitive Scrabble, juggling, dominoes, cheerleading, poker, billiards, and hot-dog eating.)
For the "name" events, Major League Baseball, the NFL, major college sports, etc., not onlty is every game on TV, it's covered more and longer and deeper. Longer pre- and post-game shows. Live post-game press conferences. 20 cameras where two or three used to be the norm. And the "media coverage" spills over to the Internet. Reporters and bloggers and fans deluge team message boards, sports network sites, etc.
For coaches in major sports, carefully controlling what the media has access to and parcelling out cliches as though they were revelations from the Dead Sea Sscrolls are common. In the case of the NFL, where most coaches take the words "control freak" to new heights, the relationship with the media is akin to the that of the dark days of the late Nixon White House.
There are always a few coaches, however, who are simply quote machines. Walking sound-bites. And it's those coaches who contribute some of the most priceless moments in TV sports.
Tonight's YouTube Tuesday offering is a montage of some of the finest moments of ex-Colts coach Jim Mora . . . a guy who would never hesitate to let you know how he honestly felt about his team's just-concluded game. Mora was a breath of fresh air in a sport consumed with presenting a tightly wrapped, homogonized media product. But in the end, leaving NFL coaching was probalby very good for this health.
For the "name" events, Major League Baseball, the NFL, major college sports, etc., not onlty is every game on TV, it's covered more and longer and deeper. Longer pre- and post-game shows. Live post-game press conferences. 20 cameras where two or three used to be the norm. And the "media coverage" spills over to the Internet. Reporters and bloggers and fans deluge team message boards, sports network sites, etc.
For coaches in major sports, carefully controlling what the media has access to and parcelling out cliches as though they were revelations from the Dead Sea Sscrolls are common. In the case of the NFL, where most coaches take the words "control freak" to new heights, the relationship with the media is akin to the that of the dark days of the late Nixon White House.
There are always a few coaches, however, who are simply quote machines. Walking sound-bites. And it's those coaches who contribute some of the most priceless moments in TV sports.
Tonight's YouTube Tuesday offering is a montage of some of the finest moments of ex-Colts coach Jim Mora . . . a guy who would never hesitate to let you know how he honestly felt about his team's just-concluded game. Mora was a breath of fresh air in a sport consumed with presenting a tightly wrapped, homogonized media product. But in the end, leaving NFL coaching was probalby very good for this health.
We're All Legos
I find that insights into the spiritual aspects of this lifestyle often come out of very odd, random, places.
I was talking to a girl last night about an epiphany she had about her place in this life. she is the kind of person who processes things better in images, preferring to assimiliate the image whole as opposed to learning/seeing in small intellectual bits at a time. she had arrived at the image of herself as a bar of hard soap -- something that can change its shape, when molded by a strong hand and water under the right conditions.
We talked about this some, and, wel, the soap image doesn't work for Me all that well, becasue, as hard as it might be, soap eventually turns into nothing. And for Me that is exactly the opposite of where I want the submissive to end up (not to mention Me).
I then got an image of what I was trying to convey.
Imagine there is a gigantic vat of Lego pieces, of all different colors and shapes and sizes. Some unseen hand, at the moment of birth, reaches into that impossibly large vat of Legos and pulls out a big, unique handful.
That collection of Legos . . . is who we are. Whatever happens to us, we are that, in some unchanging way.
But those Legos can be assembled and re-assembled in many different ways. When we think we are "changing," we are simply finding new arrangements, new priorities. Some configurations will not last long -- there are unused pieces laying off to the side, somehow, and we feel that something is missing. Other configurations can last a very long time, sometimes for good, sometimes to our detriment.
And of course, the intruiging thing about these Legos is as the same time the most dangerous. It's easy, and enthralling, sometimes, to get caught up in the multitude of possibilites inherent in the big big handful we've been dealt, losing focus on any one design. Or we can lose our way, obsessed with the Legos not in our basket, losing sight of all those possibilities.
And therein lies the role of the Dominant. If S/he has His or Her eyes firmly on the design, the submissive is freed to concentrate on moving the pieces around to His or Her command, secure that even if the ultimate design is unknown to him or her, it is known to the Other. Implicit in this process is that the Dominant is at the same time moving His or Her blocks around, as well; being in control doesn't imply that One has reached any ultimate state. And not to overlooked is that fact through this process, both submissive and Dominant, if they are open to it, will find pieces they never realized were a part of themselves.
As borderline silly as it can sound, the Legos image is a powerful one for Me . . . becasue it reflects what for Me is a basic truth of existense, and powerfully addresses the dilemma of change, and growth.
It's all there, in each of us. The perfect arrangement is there, already, and has been our whole lives. That that is even possible is a wonder of immense magnitude.
I was talking to a girl last night about an epiphany she had about her place in this life. she is the kind of person who processes things better in images, preferring to assimiliate the image whole as opposed to learning/seeing in small intellectual bits at a time. she had arrived at the image of herself as a bar of hard soap -- something that can change its shape, when molded by a strong hand and water under the right conditions.
We talked about this some, and, wel, the soap image doesn't work for Me all that well, becasue, as hard as it might be, soap eventually turns into nothing. And for Me that is exactly the opposite of where I want the submissive to end up (not to mention Me).
I then got an image of what I was trying to convey.
Imagine there is a gigantic vat of Lego pieces, of all different colors and shapes and sizes. Some unseen hand, at the moment of birth, reaches into that impossibly large vat of Legos and pulls out a big, unique handful.
That collection of Legos . . . is who we are. Whatever happens to us, we are that, in some unchanging way.
But those Legos can be assembled and re-assembled in many different ways. When we think we are "changing," we are simply finding new arrangements, new priorities. Some configurations will not last long -- there are unused pieces laying off to the side, somehow, and we feel that something is missing. Other configurations can last a very long time, sometimes for good, sometimes to our detriment.
And of course, the intruiging thing about these Legos is as the same time the most dangerous. It's easy, and enthralling, sometimes, to get caught up in the multitude of possibilites inherent in the big big handful we've been dealt, losing focus on any one design. Or we can lose our way, obsessed with the Legos not in our basket, losing sight of all those possibilities.
And therein lies the role of the Dominant. If S/he has His or Her eyes firmly on the design, the submissive is freed to concentrate on moving the pieces around to His or Her command, secure that even if the ultimate design is unknown to him or her, it is known to the Other. Implicit in this process is that the Dominant is at the same time moving His or Her blocks around, as well; being in control doesn't imply that One has reached any ultimate state. And not to overlooked is that fact through this process, both submissive and Dominant, if they are open to it, will find pieces they never realized were a part of themselves.
As borderline silly as it can sound, the Legos image is a powerful one for Me . . . becasue it reflects what for Me is a basic truth of existense, and powerfully addresses the dilemma of change, and growth.
It's all there, in each of us. The perfect arrangement is there, already, and has been our whole lives. That that is even possible is a wonder of immense magnitude.
New Link
I've added Brazen Brunette to the link list. She writes well on a range of topics . . . worth a look.
Speaking of which, anyone who might be linked to Me . . . please let Me know so I can link back.
Speaking of which, anyone who might be linked to Me . . . please let Me know so I can link back.
YouTube Tuesday: "River"
For today's selection . . . a figure skating montage set to Joni Mitchell's "River."
A lot of songs can affect Me emotionally . . . "River" is one of the few that is genuinely, routinely, tear-inducing whenever I hear it. Perhaps it's the juxtapositoin of personal loneliness expressed in the context of the Christmas season, I'm not sure. But the song gets to Me in a way few songs can.
The ice-skating montage works with this song, for Me. The loneliness of the figure skater, there, amidst the packed arena -- every flaw or success instantly, totally on view. And almost perversely, the shots of pairs skating seem to actually intensify that effect, as if there being two people sharing the wrong end of the microscope together accentuates the loneliness of that pursuit.
Update: I was told just now that today happens to be Joni Mitchell's brithday . . . serendiptiy rules.
A lot of songs can affect Me emotionally . . . "River" is one of the few that is genuinely, routinely, tear-inducing whenever I hear it. Perhaps it's the juxtapositoin of personal loneliness expressed in the context of the Christmas season, I'm not sure. But the song gets to Me in a way few songs can.
The ice-skating montage works with this song, for Me. The loneliness of the figure skater, there, amidst the packed arena -- every flaw or success instantly, totally on view. And almost perversely, the shots of pairs skating seem to actually intensify that effect, as if there being two people sharing the wrong end of the microscope together accentuates the loneliness of that pursuit.
Update: I was told just now that today happens to be Joni Mitchell's brithday . . . serendiptiy rules.
Negative . . . and Positive
I read somehwere that the secret of life lies in the ability to balance positive and negative forces.
I am, today, this week, lately . . . out of balance.
The way I look at the world, at life, is at base, lonely, non-comforting. For better or worse, I know too much to get comfort from the simple reassurances that once used to have the ability to fill Me up and keep Me going. I see the world for what it is: A carefully, relentlessly maintained collective agreement. Real, but hardly all-encompassing. That fact can be deeply reassuring, and often is. At times that fact is crushingly draining. Like now.
I have been not well physically for a week or so now, and I know that the main reason for it is emotional, spiritual, whatever word one wants to put to it. I have no symptoms other than a terrible lack of energy. I left work early yesterday, went home, and slept for hours. I awoke more tired than when I went to sleep. That's not physical.
I have written often about how what I seek in D/s requires many iterations, may tellings and retellings, teachings and reteachings. To believe in that, to stay on that course, requires maintaining that fine balance between the positive and the negative. In My UberDomme moments I can make Myself honestly, sincerely think that I can maintain that balance indefinitely and continually throw handfuls of sand aginst the stone, knowing that in the end the sand wins out, infinitesimal bits at a time. At times like this I wonder how I will ever have the strength to pick up that next handful of sand.
Two things keeps Me going.
1. The love and devotion of My girls.
2. The feeling of standing on the ground, feeling it's alive, the knowing that it is being a part of that, of everything, small as My part of it may be, is in the end everything. The smallest thing is everything that matters. There is no "comfort" in the things I was raised and taught to think comfort could be derived from; there is comfort only in pressing on, acting as if, continuing the struggle to understand the way to embrace that smallest thing and use it to become everything. And to help My girls every way I can in that same effort.
I am, today, this week, lately . . . out of balance.
The way I look at the world, at life, is at base, lonely, non-comforting. For better or worse, I know too much to get comfort from the simple reassurances that once used to have the ability to fill Me up and keep Me going. I see the world for what it is: A carefully, relentlessly maintained collective agreement. Real, but hardly all-encompassing. That fact can be deeply reassuring, and often is. At times that fact is crushingly draining. Like now.
I have been not well physically for a week or so now, and I know that the main reason for it is emotional, spiritual, whatever word one wants to put to it. I have no symptoms other than a terrible lack of energy. I left work early yesterday, went home, and slept for hours. I awoke more tired than when I went to sleep. That's not physical.
I have written often about how what I seek in D/s requires many iterations, may tellings and retellings, teachings and reteachings. To believe in that, to stay on that course, requires maintaining that fine balance between the positive and the negative. In My UberDomme moments I can make Myself honestly, sincerely think that I can maintain that balance indefinitely and continually throw handfuls of sand aginst the stone, knowing that in the end the sand wins out, infinitesimal bits at a time. At times like this I wonder how I will ever have the strength to pick up that next handful of sand.
Two things keeps Me going.
1. The love and devotion of My girls.
2. The feeling of standing on the ground, feeling it's alive, the knowing that it is being a part of that, of everything, small as My part of it may be, is in the end everything. The smallest thing is everything that matters. There is no "comfort" in the things I was raised and taught to think comfort could be derived from; there is comfort only in pressing on, acting as if, continuing the struggle to understand the way to embrace that smallest thing and use it to become everything. And to help My girls every way I can in that same effort.
YouTube Tuesday: Pancakes
Tonight's video exemplifies some of the best of what youtube can be: An outlet for creative people, with little or no budget, no connections, with basically a camera and an idea. A way for one's creativity to be seen and appreciated by a wide audience, financial gain or motivation aside.
This is a very clever, cute little video about, well, making pancakes. I have no idea about the song -- I'm assuming that the video's author created the music as well.
My only little quibbles are that what ends up being made in this video I'd call a crepe as opposed to a pancake, and well . . . Nutella? There is something deeply weird and vaguely disturbing about Nutella.
This is a very clever, cute little video about, well, making pancakes. I have no idea about the song -- I'm assuming that the video's author created the music as well.
My only little quibbles are that what ends up being made in this video I'd call a crepe as opposed to a pancake, and well . . . Nutella? There is something deeply weird and vaguely disturbing about Nutella.
Lonely on the Pedestal?
I was talking last night with iris . . . I wasn't in a good mood. I'd been vaguely sick all weekend, not truly ill, but not quite right either. Last night a couple of things happened that got Me rather annoyed. The details don't matter; but the conversation was somewhat tense.
At a certain point, frustrated, I felt compelled to explain to iris that Me being the Dominant deosn't make Me immune from having to learn, to change, to grow . . . to "move." There are a lot of lessons I'm trying to impart to My girls -- some of them I'm still working on, too.
iris confessed that she never thinks about that aspect of things. To her, I've always got all the answers.
What to make of that? In one sense, iris' perception of Me is exactly what I want it to be -- I strive to always know the right thing to do or say, to really be that, for her and for her sisters.
But there's another side to it of course. I want and need to be seen, felt, loved for the person I really am . . . and love, even in a D/s relationship, means being able to show all of one's self, to be able to have all the highs and lows and in-betweens that we're all subject to.
I am not sure there is a 100% solution. It's more or less impossible to achieve the level of submission that I want from My girls and then have them see Me as . . . well . . . just Me.
I end up feeling it's a necessary tradeoff. My girls can feel who I am, they understand that in a very real sense I am learning much of what I'm teaching them as we move through this incredible journey together. But all that doesn't preclude them from wanting, and needing, to have Me "up there" on that pedestal. And it doesn't preclude Me from wanting to be there.
At a certain point, frustrated, I felt compelled to explain to iris that Me being the Dominant deosn't make Me immune from having to learn, to change, to grow . . . to "move." There are a lot of lessons I'm trying to impart to My girls -- some of them I'm still working on, too.
iris confessed that she never thinks about that aspect of things. To her, I've always got all the answers.
What to make of that? In one sense, iris' perception of Me is exactly what I want it to be -- I strive to always know the right thing to do or say, to really be that, for her and for her sisters.
But there's another side to it of course. I want and need to be seen, felt, loved for the person I really am . . . and love, even in a D/s relationship, means being able to show all of one's self, to be able to have all the highs and lows and in-betweens that we're all subject to.
I am not sure there is a 100% solution. It's more or less impossible to achieve the level of submission that I want from My girls and then have them see Me as . . . well . . . just Me.
I end up feeling it's a necessary tradeoff. My girls can feel who I am, they understand that in a very real sense I am learning much of what I'm teaching them as we move through this incredible journey together. But all that doesn't preclude them from wanting, and needing, to have Me "up there" on that pedestal. And it doesn't preclude Me from wanting to be there.
YouTube Tuesday (ok, one day late): Sexual Harrassment In The Workplace
Family obligations kept Me from meeting My self-imposed schedule last night. So here's youtube Tuesday, Wednesday edition.
A Saturday Night Live skit spoofing 1950s training films and giving a somewhat cyncial slant on the topic of sexual harrassment in the workplace.
Yes, iris . . . that is Tom Brady, but you should still watch this video.
A Saturday Night Live skit spoofing 1950s training films and giving a somewhat cyncial slant on the topic of sexual harrassment in the workplace.
Yes, iris . . . that is Tom Brady, but you should still watch this video.
Random Stuff
1. The link list has been pared down a little, eliminating the dead links, and the blogs not updated in more than 3 months. Also noted a couple of blogs that have ceased new publication.
2. I realized this morning that it's been a while since I did a gratuitous picture post. Well, that state of affairs is easily addressed.
OK . . . who needs medicine?
3. To n . . . thank you so much for the beautiful card. That was a wonderfully thoughtful gesture, and much appreciated. Talk to you soon.
4. A new Lenora X episode is in the works . . . is it just Me, or is "creative" writing draining in a way that "analytical" writing can't approach?
5. More soon. Have a great weekend.
2. I realized this morning that it's been a while since I did a gratuitous picture post. Well, that state of affairs is easily addressed.
OK . . . who needs medicine?3. To n . . . thank you so much for the beautiful card. That was a wonderfully thoughtful gesture, and much appreciated. Talk to you soon.
4. A new Lenora X episode is in the works . . . is it just Me, or is "creative" writing draining in a way that "analytical" writing can't approach?
5. More soon. Have a great weekend.
Perfection and Reassurance
The other night I ended up having essentially the same conversation with both iris and natasha, independent of each other. Tonight, I found a couple of comments on the "Struggle" post, that fit, in a way, with the subject of those parallel conversations. Not surprisingly the subject was an important one.
Perfection. And Reassurace.
I've never met a submissive who at some point didn't think/worry that s/he "wasn't good enough." For some it's a fleeting thought, brought on by the submissive's natural and intense devotion to his or her Owner. For others it's almost a syndrome . . . they're unable to move past the point of feeling "not good enough" and they return to it again and again, trapping themselves in a poisonous thought pattern and depriving the Other of all of themselves.
In talking to My girls on this subject, I set for them a simple definition of perfection.
Perfection is doing the thing you are doing at this moment perfectly. Then doing the next thing perfectly. If the thing being done is too "big" to do perfectly, break it down for yourself into small enough pieces so that each piece can be done perfectly.
I used the image that a submissive "builds" perfection . . . by creating a necklace of tiny perfect stones. When one is totally immersed in finding and placing the current stone, the issue that the necklace is infinite in length loses its debilitating force.
Perfection is not some massive plan with 15,893 steps and sub-steps. It's one thing, done perfectly. Then the next.
I find that this is the only way a submissive can approach the issue of perfection that doesn't lead to feelings of failure and depression. And for the Dominant as well, perfection approached in this way allows the Dominant to see, note, and reward progress without falling into the traps of expecting too much or settling for too little.
So where does reassurance come in?
Commenting on the "Struggle" post, this girl wrote (in part):
"Yet on one hand that (needing reassurance) seems childish, doesn't it? it is something i try to come to understand..."
And Englishman wrote in response:
"Surely this girl is missing a point here? Do not all subs need reassurance, given constantly?"
Again, this girl echoes the feeling I hear from many submissives . . . that needing reassurance is somehow evidence that the submissive is not moving fast enough, not trusting enough, that s/he is somehow missing something fundamental and important.
Nothing could be further from the truth. The endeavor to be a "perfect" submissive, even under My simplified definition, is horrendously difficult. There are going to be times when the submissive simply feels as though it's all too much, or that it's too big: The limitless nature of submission can sometimes come crashing home to a submissive with a force that can make the strongest person doubt if s/he has what it takes.
And this is where the Dominant has to be at His or Her best -- reassuring without coddling, correcting without berating, understanding without condoning -- knowing when to push a little more and when to let her just have a good cry.
Perfection requires not only the submissive to see perfection for what it truly is; it requires a Dominant to understand that as well, and to be able to remind the submissive of that.
Perfection. And Reassurace.
I've never met a submissive who at some point didn't think/worry that s/he "wasn't good enough." For some it's a fleeting thought, brought on by the submissive's natural and intense devotion to his or her Owner. For others it's almost a syndrome . . . they're unable to move past the point of feeling "not good enough" and they return to it again and again, trapping themselves in a poisonous thought pattern and depriving the Other of all of themselves.
In talking to My girls on this subject, I set for them a simple definition of perfection.
Perfection is doing the thing you are doing at this moment perfectly. Then doing the next thing perfectly. If the thing being done is too "big" to do perfectly, break it down for yourself into small enough pieces so that each piece can be done perfectly.
I used the image that a submissive "builds" perfection . . . by creating a necklace of tiny perfect stones. When one is totally immersed in finding and placing the current stone, the issue that the necklace is infinite in length loses its debilitating force.
Perfection is not some massive plan with 15,893 steps and sub-steps. It's one thing, done perfectly. Then the next.
I find that this is the only way a submissive can approach the issue of perfection that doesn't lead to feelings of failure and depression. And for the Dominant as well, perfection approached in this way allows the Dominant to see, note, and reward progress without falling into the traps of expecting too much or settling for too little.
So where does reassurance come in?
Commenting on the "Struggle" post, this girl wrote (in part):
"Yet on one hand that (needing reassurance) seems childish, doesn't it? it is something i try to come to understand..."
And Englishman wrote in response:
"Surely this girl is missing a point here? Do not all subs need reassurance, given constantly?"
Again, this girl echoes the feeling I hear from many submissives . . . that needing reassurance is somehow evidence that the submissive is not moving fast enough, not trusting enough, that s/he is somehow missing something fundamental and important.
Nothing could be further from the truth. The endeavor to be a "perfect" submissive, even under My simplified definition, is horrendously difficult. There are going to be times when the submissive simply feels as though it's all too much, or that it's too big: The limitless nature of submission can sometimes come crashing home to a submissive with a force that can make the strongest person doubt if s/he has what it takes.
And this is where the Dominant has to be at His or Her best -- reassuring without coddling, correcting without berating, understanding without condoning -- knowing when to push a little more and when to let her just have a good cry.
Perfection requires not only the submissive to see perfection for what it truly is; it requires a Dominant to understand that as well, and to be able to remind the submissive of that.
YouTube Tuesday: PaxilBack
Tonight's entry is a brilliant parody of Justin Timberlake's "Sexy Back." It's hilarious on one level, and sobering on another.
Struggle
freya recently wrote:
"On my side, wrists bound to ankles in front, I'm bent and he's behind me. Fucking into me with feral intensity. This angle is deep. I can't move and struggling is futile.
Yet I pull against my bonds anway, held fast. Not because I want free but because it's in my nature.
I have gooseflesh even now as I think about the feeling."
This post struck Me, even though I know that freya is not submissive outside the bedroom. It got Me to thinking about the concept, "yet I pull against my bonds anway, held fast. Not because I want free but because it's in my nature."
Many submissives have similar feelings -- the struggle against the force that seeks to be overwhelming, that needs to be overwhelming, is for many a large part of the thrill, the attraction. They want (need) to struggle, yet seek to ultimately "fail" in that struggle.
This hits on a very deep thing for Me. Because what I seek, is ultimately the end of struggling.
My power, My authority, seek to be total, final. I need them to be. For Me, there is no eroticism in the struggle. The question, as I see it, has been decided. For the other to struggle against empirical truth is debiliating for her and frustrating for Me.
But there is a deeper point here as well. It is only when the struggle ceases that the real learning can begin. The lessons I seek to impart can't be heard and absorbed over the noise of lingering struggle.
It's a difficult, narrow way to proceed. And there are hazards. I am blessed in that My girls embrace and udnerstand all this . . . and their embracing of it allows Me to not only dominate the way I must, but also to love them -- completely, unreservedly. The way I have to. There are no questions on either side of that equation.
"On my side, wrists bound to ankles in front, I'm bent and he's behind me. Fucking into me with feral intensity. This angle is deep. I can't move and struggling is futile.
Yet I pull against my bonds anway, held fast. Not because I want free but because it's in my nature.
I have gooseflesh even now as I think about the feeling."
This post struck Me, even though I know that freya is not submissive outside the bedroom. It got Me to thinking about the concept, "yet I pull against my bonds anway, held fast. Not because I want free but because it's in my nature."
Many submissives have similar feelings -- the struggle against the force that seeks to be overwhelming, that needs to be overwhelming, is for many a large part of the thrill, the attraction. They want (need) to struggle, yet seek to ultimately "fail" in that struggle.
This hits on a very deep thing for Me. Because what I seek, is ultimately the end of struggling.
My power, My authority, seek to be total, final. I need them to be. For Me, there is no eroticism in the struggle. The question, as I see it, has been decided. For the other to struggle against empirical truth is debiliating for her and frustrating for Me.
But there is a deeper point here as well. It is only when the struggle ceases that the real learning can begin. The lessons I seek to impart can't be heard and absorbed over the noise of lingering struggle.
It's a difficult, narrow way to proceed. And there are hazards. I am blessed in that My girls embrace and udnerstand all this . . . and their embracing of it allows Me to not only dominate the way I must, but also to love them -- completely, unreservedly. The way I have to. There are no questions on either side of that equation.
One Post at a Time
One of the little frustrations of blogging is that it's single-threaded. Meaning one can only write about one thing at a time. While that's good for the resulting posts (it helps when posts actually make sense and move from point A to point B) and good for the readers, it doesn't reflect the fact that at any given time, most of the stuff I've ever written about is going on in Me. (Full disclosure: OK, I am not actually a private detective.)
So by the nature of blogging, certain things get left behind, because once one' s words roll off the front page they more or less never existed. Until you write about them again. While I'm aware of and not entirely unhappy with the tradeoff of persistence for immediacy, it doesn't give a totally accurate picture.
Case in point. I did a long series of posts on the spritual side of things, then a few more posts at intervals following those. It occurred to Me how long it's been since I addressed that topic, and the inconvenience/inaccuracy of "single-threading" made its presence felt, strongly.
But of course I can't leave well enough alone. I start to think about whether this is a common phenomenon, the frustration of knowing that what one writes about today is just one little part of the big picture, and that most parts of that picture are "lost" in the archives, or somehow not able to be addressed. I can't come to any reliable answer about that without doing massive one on one research. So . . .
From there, I start to theorize that blogs, rather than just being the expression of the effect, might actually be an element of the cause. Because thinking, writing, editing, editing some more, thinking, writing, editing more then finally pushing it out to the world for immediate digestoin and feedback isn't exactly a normal or natural way to approach thinking about one's life and the issues that affect it. So is it possible that blogs actually create a new way of thinking in us? An inherently different approach to finding our place in the world and coming to terms with that place?
Blogging about blogging. I have wandered into a Fellini film, I think. But like any good character trapped by that fourth wall I'll carry on. More on this another time.
So by the nature of blogging, certain things get left behind, because once one' s words roll off the front page they more or less never existed. Until you write about them again. While I'm aware of and not entirely unhappy with the tradeoff of persistence for immediacy, it doesn't give a totally accurate picture.
Case in point. I did a long series of posts on the spritual side of things, then a few more posts at intervals following those. It occurred to Me how long it's been since I addressed that topic, and the inconvenience/inaccuracy of "single-threading" made its presence felt, strongly.
But of course I can't leave well enough alone. I start to think about whether this is a common phenomenon, the frustration of knowing that what one writes about today is just one little part of the big picture, and that most parts of that picture are "lost" in the archives, or somehow not able to be addressed. I can't come to any reliable answer about that without doing massive one on one research. So . . .
From there, I start to theorize that blogs, rather than just being the expression of the effect, might actually be an element of the cause. Because thinking, writing, editing, editing some more, thinking, writing, editing more then finally pushing it out to the world for immediate digestoin and feedback isn't exactly a normal or natural way to approach thinking about one's life and the issues that affect it. So is it possible that blogs actually create a new way of thinking in us? An inherently different approach to finding our place in the world and coming to terms with that place?
Blogging about blogging. I have wandered into a Fellini film, I think. But like any good character trapped by that fourth wall I'll carry on. More on this another time.
YouTube Tuesday: Life Begins at the Hop; it ends . . . ?
Well, the inevitable happened. YouTube is to be acquired by Google for $1.65 billion. What this means for youtube is difficult to know right now, but from what I've read, Google intends to meet the copyright issue head on, by means of making deals with rights holders where it makes financial sense and aggressively keeping the other stuff off of the service. Meaning that you will most likely be paying in many cases for what's free now. Add to that the massive increase in advertising that is sure to happen and well, I'm not sure that the resulting youtube is going to be nearly as much fun as the one we currently enjoy.
I don't know what this means for youtube Tuesday (and I know you're all on pins and needles here) . . . I've no interest in "Google Video Tuesday" . . . we'll see what happens. As long as I can keep finding stuff that appeals to Me out there for free and with a minimum of hassle, I'll keep YTT going. If some upstart picks up youtube's mantle and keeps it fun and free with the same uninhibited attitude about copyright, perhaps YTT becomes presenations from whatever that new service is, if and when that happens.
But I do have to enjoy all this copyrighted stuff while I still can. So tonight, a video of one of My favorite songs ever -- "Life Begins At The Hop" by XTC. The video is cheesy and silly in a way that only a group of gifted but overly clever lads in the late 1970s could pull off. But the song is so uplifting and mood-brightening for Me I was thrilled to find the video out there and happy to post it here.
I don't know what this means for youtube Tuesday (and I know you're all on pins and needles here) . . . I've no interest in "Google Video Tuesday" . . . we'll see what happens. As long as I can keep finding stuff that appeals to Me out there for free and with a minimum of hassle, I'll keep YTT going. If some upstart picks up youtube's mantle and keeps it fun and free with the same uninhibited attitude about copyright, perhaps YTT becomes presenations from whatever that new service is, if and when that happens.
But I do have to enjoy all this copyrighted stuff while I still can. So tonight, a video of one of My favorite songs ever -- "Life Begins At The Hop" by XTC. The video is cheesy and silly in a way that only a group of gifted but overly clever lads in the late 1970s could pull off. But the song is so uplifting and mood-brightening for Me I was thrilled to find the video out there and happy to post it here.
YouTube Tuesday: Watching the Detectives
This week's clip is apropos -- Elvis Costello performing his classic "Watching the Detectives" from a 1977 episode of Saturday Night Live. Costello's homage to film noir is entrancing, from the halting rhythms to the razor-sharp lyrics. This song is one of the inspirations for the "Lenora X" character.
I'm not totally thrilled with this version . . . the audio is not great, and Costello has the tempo jerked up a bit, throwing the song off a bit in My mind. The bass player overdoes the flourishes to the extent that it's distracting, and the keyboards came out sounding like a bad accordion.
But the alternatives on youtube were a much later version, where an older, bloated Costello hardly seems interested in one of his best songs ever, and a much better, older version from Top of the Pops, but that one's abbreviated, the dancing British teens around the stage are annoying and the video quality is poor.
But ultimately, any version of "Watching the Detectives" is a good one.
I'm not totally thrilled with this version . . . the audio is not great, and Costello has the tempo jerked up a bit, throwing the song off a bit in My mind. The bass player overdoes the flourishes to the extent that it's distracting, and the keyboards came out sounding like a bad accordion.
But the alternatives on youtube were a much later version, where an older, bloated Costello hardly seems interested in one of his best songs ever, and a much better, older version from Top of the Pops, but that one's abbreviated, the dancing British teens around the stage are annoying and the video quality is poor.
But ultimately, any version of "Watching the Detectives" is a good one.
The Proper Way to Link-Whore
A look at sitemeter tells Me I've had 23,467 visitors to this point.
For a blog in existence eight months that is hardly impressive, and in the great blogging scheme of things I am, as the song goes "A-1 on the Jukebox But Nowhere on the Charts."
But that's fine. I never went into this to be a star. I write what I like, some people respond to it. It works for Me.
But one does have to have some readers, else having a blog doesn't make a whole bunch of sense. And of course, getting readers is largely the result of being linked to. And getting linked to is largely a function of linking to others.
Thus, link-whoring.
Starting out, I realized in short order that I needed some damn links . . . in order to hopefully start getting some inbound links.
So I started out, plugging some search terms into Blogger and reading what came up that seemed remotely relevant. Fortunately, since all bloggers understand the importance of link-whoring, most blogs I found had many links . . . well, that tree quickly gets out of hand but out of that process I did find a number of good blogs. So I linked to them.
OK . . . step 1 of the whoring process complete -- "putting out." Now, as is sometimes the case in real whoring, step 2, getting paid, is a lot harder than putting out.
1. The blog you're linked to has to know you've linked to them.
2. The owner of that blog has to then take the affirmative step of linking back to you.
Well, as to Item #1. One could just go into the blog owner's profile, e-mail them all nice and friendly like, and hope for the best. A la:
"Hi . . . just read your blog and I love it! I'm really picky about who I link to but I enjoyed your writing and insights so much that it was a no-brainer! I've linked to you now. Keep up the good work -- I can't wait until your next update!"
Now, note that nowhere in there is there an actual request for a reciprocal link. But, by pointing out that "I'm really picky about who I link to," you make the recipient feel like someone special, and make yourself seem like not an abject link-whore at all. The downside of this approach is that the recipient might actually visit your blog and see that you have 452 links there. But for a first approach it's not too bad -- you might be perceived as an airhead but not as an abject link-whore.
But subtlety is like single-malt Scotch -- wasted on most people. A more direct approach might be called for . . . .
"Hi . . . just read your blog and I really enjoyed it. I don't usually do this, but I've added a link to your blog on my own (http://www.will-suck-cock-for-links.com) . . . I'd appraciate a reciprocal link, since I think we have convergent readerships and a really powerful synergy could develop."
Note the touches here. The lack of !'s immediately lends a more serious air to the message.
"Convergent readerships" and "synergy" really crank up the scholarly quotient; it's obvious to anyone reading that you are truly interested in the intellectual benefits of blogging and most definitely not an abject link-whore.
The other way to let the blog owner know you've read/linked to his or her blog is by leaving a comment. These can vary from the extremely unsubtle to the truly sublime. It's important to be careful here so as not to strike the wrong note. For example:
Bigger Breasts in Three Weeks!
http://www.will-suck-cock-for-links.com
Isn't likely to get a reciprocal link no matter how much the blog owner wants bigger breasts.
This one isn't much better:
Great site! Where can I get the layout for mine?
http://www.will-suck-cock-for-links.com
The important thing about the comment, of course, is getting the reader to look at, and, hopefully, link to you. (Well, ok, forget the readingpart, that's optional -- you want the damn link.) But leaving a comment with no substance but your blog address makes you look like, yes, an abject link whore. And the single most important thing about being an abject link whore is: Not looking like an abject link- whore. So your comment must:
a) Show that you actually read the post in question. Think of it like the reading comprehension section of the SATs. It might be painful but actually stick it out and read the blog post you're going to comment upon.
b) Add something to the discussion. When in doubt, go for a little humor. Doesn't matter if it's funny or not . . . make a little joke, drop your link, and get the hell out.
c) Not contain the phrase: "I am an abject link-whore -- please link to me!"
Carefully applied, you'll get in-links, readers, and general admiration for "doing it the right way," i.e., not coming off like an abject link-whore.
For a blog in existence eight months that is hardly impressive, and in the great blogging scheme of things I am, as the song goes "A-1 on the Jukebox But Nowhere on the Charts."
But that's fine. I never went into this to be a star. I write what I like, some people respond to it. It works for Me.
But one does have to have some readers, else having a blog doesn't make a whole bunch of sense. And of course, getting readers is largely the result of being linked to. And getting linked to is largely a function of linking to others.
Thus, link-whoring.
Starting out, I realized in short order that I needed some damn links . . . in order to hopefully start getting some inbound links.
So I started out, plugging some search terms into Blogger and reading what came up that seemed remotely relevant. Fortunately, since all bloggers understand the importance of link-whoring, most blogs I found had many links . . . well, that tree quickly gets out of hand but out of that process I did find a number of good blogs. So I linked to them.
OK . . . step 1 of the whoring process complete -- "putting out." Now, as is sometimes the case in real whoring, step 2, getting paid, is a lot harder than putting out.
1. The blog you're linked to has to know you've linked to them.
2. The owner of that blog has to then take the affirmative step of linking back to you.
Well, as to Item #1. One could just go into the blog owner's profile, e-mail them all nice and friendly like, and hope for the best. A la:
"Hi . . . just read your blog and I love it! I'm really picky about who I link to but I enjoyed your writing and insights so much that it was a no-brainer! I've linked to you now. Keep up the good work -- I can't wait until your next update!"
Now, note that nowhere in there is there an actual request for a reciprocal link. But, by pointing out that "I'm really picky about who I link to," you make the recipient feel like someone special, and make yourself seem like not an abject link-whore at all. The downside of this approach is that the recipient might actually visit your blog and see that you have 452 links there. But for a first approach it's not too bad -- you might be perceived as an airhead but not as an abject link-whore.
But subtlety is like single-malt Scotch -- wasted on most people. A more direct approach might be called for . . . .
"Hi . . . just read your blog and I really enjoyed it. I don't usually do this, but I've added a link to your blog on my own (http://www.will-suck-cock-for-links.com) . . . I'd appraciate a reciprocal link, since I think we have convergent readerships and a really powerful synergy could develop."
Note the touches here. The lack of !'s immediately lends a more serious air to the message.
"Convergent readerships" and "synergy" really crank up the scholarly quotient; it's obvious to anyone reading that you are truly interested in the intellectual benefits of blogging and most definitely not an abject link-whore.
The other way to let the blog owner know you've read/linked to his or her blog is by leaving a comment. These can vary from the extremely unsubtle to the truly sublime. It's important to be careful here so as not to strike the wrong note. For example:
Bigger Breasts in Three Weeks!
http://www.will-suck-cock-for-links.com
Isn't likely to get a reciprocal link no matter how much the blog owner wants bigger breasts.
This one isn't much better:
Great site! Where can I get the layout for mine?
http://www.will-suck-cock-for-links.com
The important thing about the comment, of course, is getting the reader to look at, and, hopefully, link to you. (Well, ok, forget the readingpart, that's optional -- you want the damn link.) But leaving a comment with no substance but your blog address makes you look like, yes, an abject link whore. And the single most important thing about being an abject link whore is: Not looking like an abject link- whore. So your comment must:
a) Show that you actually read the post in question. Think of it like the reading comprehension section of the SATs. It might be painful but actually stick it out and read the blog post you're going to comment upon.
b) Add something to the discussion. When in doubt, go for a little humor. Doesn't matter if it's funny or not . . . make a little joke, drop your link, and get the hell out.
c) Not contain the phrase: "I am an abject link-whore -- please link to me!"
Carefully applied, you'll get in-links, readers, and general admiration for "doing it the right way," i.e., not coming off like an abject link-whore.
Quick Hits
This and that . . .
--New Link: A Spanking Good Time . . . thanks for the link, Tiggr.
--Everything's really good . . . the girls are great, work is well, work, but it could always be a lot worse.
--Tiggr: I have a number of thoughts about the question you posed but don't necessarily want to share them with the world. Click on the profile link and e-mail Me, and I'll reply by e-mail.
--The chat room currently is experiencing one of those periods of lower popularity. Which is really good, in one way, since it allows Me to focus better on the girls and other things. These things come and go; we ride them out and find what there is to enjoy in each phase.
--This girl: Was sooooooooo sad to read what I read. I wish you all the best . . . hang in there and don't hestiate to e-mail/IM Me if you want to talk . . . hugs . . .
--I am really very impressed with people, in general. About three(?) months ago I put that link up that shows My Yahoo IM status, and in all that time I've not recieved one inappropriate contact. Obviously I have a pretty high-class readership . . . (in truth I never doubted it).
--I can't speak for all of you out there, but I always play the piano in lingerie and boots.
--Taylor: Thanks for adding Me . . . your blog brightens My day.
OK, that's it. Have a great weekend. More incisive analysis, thought-provoking humor, detective fiction, and general obscurity soon. Kisses and hugs to all the usual suspects . . .
YouTube Tuesday: Lego Gangsters
Lots of people are doing lots of creative, funny, and sometimes truly sick stuff with Legos. Thankfully a lot of those people are also recording their work and sharing it with the world.
Today's youtube Tuesday presents a nicely-done "trailer" for a video game that really should exist -- Grand Theft Auto: Lego City. The director has done a really nice job of hitting many of the "high notes" from the much adored/villifed/feared/praised/played Grand Theft Auto series of video games. And, just to rein in the surrealism a bit, bear in mind that there actually is a video game, based on Star Wars, that uses Lego characters.
Legos. Video game thuggery. Perfect match.
Today's youtube Tuesday presents a nicely-done "trailer" for a video game that really should exist -- Grand Theft Auto: Lego City. The director has done a really nice job of hitting many of the "high notes" from the much adored/villifed/feared/praised/played Grand Theft Auto series of video games. And, just to rein in the surrealism a bit, bear in mind that there actually is a video game, based on Star Wars, that uses Lego characters.
Legos. Video game thuggery. Perfect match.
Grabbing On
I've written several times on the importance of a submissive moving from an orientation of holding on to an orientation of letting go. I write about it often because it's crucial, ultimately, not only for the deepening of submission and for the value of the reationship for both parties, but also for the overall emotional health of the submissive in question.
But nothing has value in a vacuum, so it's important to discuss the converse. Namely, that the Dominant has a responsibility to "grab on" when S/He feels the submissive let go.
Properly motivated, a submissive can handle almost anything. But one thing that no submissive can handle and remain submissive for very long is that feeling of being adrift. That horrendous feeling in the pit of the stomach when the realizatoin hits that one has put something very big out there, at great emotional risk, and there is no converse feeling flowing back from the Other.
It's surprisingly easy for the Dom/me to miss it, too. I know. I've missed it at times. And too often missed, it starts a slow cycle of deterioration wherein the submissive, despite his or best intentions, begins to drift away, disengage. The Dominant either wises up and puts the hammer down, and probably thus saves the situation, or doesn't, and then things are doomed.
But there is a very fine line. For a D/s relationship to function long-term, it cannot become "mercantile." I mean by that the Dominance and submission can't be seen as "transactions." Often in life, we adopt this mentality. "I did X for her . . . I am entiteld to Y in return," etc. Whether or voiced or not, those sorts of thoughts are the root cause of much of people's unhappiness in life, because people are forever not following through with what we think we've got a right to expect. And in a D/s relationship that transactional mentality is deadly.
However there are going to be expectations. It's unavoidable. And this letting go/grabbing on area is one where the submissive is entitled to expect that the Dom/me will, well, do the Dom/me thing and take what's being offered up. In fact, if the Dom/me sees/feels what's being let go of and can't/won't grab it, then that's a fairly strong indicator that the two people are mismatched on a basic level in D/s terms.
But nothing has value in a vacuum, so it's important to discuss the converse. Namely, that the Dominant has a responsibility to "grab on" when S/He feels the submissive let go.
Properly motivated, a submissive can handle almost anything. But one thing that no submissive can handle and remain submissive for very long is that feeling of being adrift. That horrendous feeling in the pit of the stomach when the realizatoin hits that one has put something very big out there, at great emotional risk, and there is no converse feeling flowing back from the Other.
It's surprisingly easy for the Dom/me to miss it, too. I know. I've missed it at times. And too often missed, it starts a slow cycle of deterioration wherein the submissive, despite his or best intentions, begins to drift away, disengage. The Dominant either wises up and puts the hammer down, and probably thus saves the situation, or doesn't, and then things are doomed.
But there is a very fine line. For a D/s relationship to function long-term, it cannot become "mercantile." I mean by that the Dominance and submission can't be seen as "transactions." Often in life, we adopt this mentality. "I did X for her . . . I am entiteld to Y in return," etc. Whether or voiced or not, those sorts of thoughts are the root cause of much of people's unhappiness in life, because people are forever not following through with what we think we've got a right to expect. And in a D/s relationship that transactional mentality is deadly.
However there are going to be expectations. It's unavoidable. And this letting go/grabbing on area is one where the submissive is entitled to expect that the Dom/me will, well, do the Dom/me thing and take what's being offered up. In fact, if the Dom/me sees/feels what's being let go of and can't/won't grab it, then that's a fairly strong indicator that the two people are mismatched on a basic level in D/s terms.
YouTube Tuesday: Financing Your Project?
Today's youtube offering is a "trailer" for a movie that hasn't yet been made. In the comment introducing the clip, the author writes:
"Preview trailer for 'sexually-infused murder mystery.' We are seeking funding or a Sugar Daddy to make the rest of this Indie."
Now, I'm sure youtube isn't the most efficient way to go about finding financing for an artistic endeavor, and maybe right now youtube's demographics aren't conducive to the "right" people seeing the pitch, but in the coming disintermediated world, maybe this is the cutting edge of movie financing. Maybe someone who could make film happen sees this, and finances it. Or maybe 25 people out of the thousands that will see it and each put up a little $$ and the thing gets made that way. Or perhaps a studio hates the filmmakers but loves the concept and script and buys the project up. Etc.
The sky's the limit.
"Preview trailer for 'sexually-infused murder mystery.' We are seeking funding or a Sugar Daddy to make the rest of this Indie."
Now, I'm sure youtube isn't the most efficient way to go about finding financing for an artistic endeavor, and maybe right now youtube's demographics aren't conducive to the "right" people seeing the pitch, but in the coming disintermediated world, maybe this is the cutting edge of movie financing. Maybe someone who could make film happen sees this, and finances it. Or maybe 25 people out of the thousands that will see it and each put up a little $$ and the thing gets made that way. Or perhaps a studio hates the filmmakers but loves the concept and script and buys the project up. Etc.
The sky's the limit.
A Wonderfully Difficult Week
I've been absent from here the past few days . . . but for a very good reason.
About 2 1/2 months ago, My girl sorceress asked for her release. I reluctantly, sadly, granted it.
This past week, she asked Me to take her back.
Even thought I'd never stopped loving her, I went into a long think about her request. I've written before about how for Me, love is an essential ingredient in relationship D/s, but I've also written a lot more (implicitly) about how love in and of itself isn't enough.
And looking back on the two-plus years we'd been together, there were problem areas. And those hadn't improved in late June when sorceress asked to be released. So there was a lot to think about.
For three days I rolled this over in My mind, really examined everything. her failures, and just as importantly Mine. We had, some important ways let each other down." The issue now was how would it be different, if I took her back? Would I be capable of what I for whatever reason wasn't totally capable of before? For her part, the same questions . . . would she be able to get over certain hurdles that in the past were serious stumbling blocks?
I am process-oriented. That is, I seek a defineable path, at least on the strateic level. The actual tactical steps to be taken can be devised/adjusted as the situatoins dictate. So, I tried to define a process for this. Perhaps for Me, the mere existence of a process was more important than the actual contents of the process, as it allowed Me to start to consider the big questions in a calmer, more rational way.
The process itself was very simple.
1. she made a formal request to be taken back.
2. I then had her write Me an e-mail, addressing the following questions:
a. What had gone wrong?
b. Why?
c. How would things be different this time?
d. Is it reasonable to expect that improvement could be achieved?
3. I would then give her My answers to the above questions.
4. We would then discuss the oue answers to those questions at length.
5. At the conclusion of that process I would make My decision.
The process was valuable for her, too -- she needed a structure in which work through this, too.
Thus My absence from here. It was very difficult to blog, to even think about much else the past few days.
And the process was valuable, regardless of the result. In thinking over the questions above, I had to examine My own handling of certain situations and emotions, and My entire approach to Dominace as a result. I've written before about a Dom/me's humility; this exercise was humbling in a very good way. Becasue I was able to see (to re-establish to Myself, as it were) that:
1. I'm not perfect (of course), but
2. I'm pretty darn good.
The process also reinforced a number of other themes I"ve written about here, both practical and spiritual. So it was highly benefical, even if the original reason for it (sorceress leaving) was painful and horrendous in the extreme.
But, as the saying goes, the world doesn't care about the labor pains . . . they just want to see the baby. So I know the results of the process are of interest more than are the details of said process.
I have taken her back. I am so incredibly joyful that she is back. Words honestly can't express how joyful.
she has been re-named. she is natahsa now.
Welcome back home, natasha. I love you so incredibly much.
About 2 1/2 months ago, My girl sorceress asked for her release. I reluctantly, sadly, granted it.
This past week, she asked Me to take her back.
Even thought I'd never stopped loving her, I went into a long think about her request. I've written before about how for Me, love is an essential ingredient in relationship D/s, but I've also written a lot more (implicitly) about how love in and of itself isn't enough.
And looking back on the two-plus years we'd been together, there were problem areas. And those hadn't improved in late June when sorceress asked to be released. So there was a lot to think about.
For three days I rolled this over in My mind, really examined everything. her failures, and just as importantly Mine. We had, some important ways let each other down." The issue now was how would it be different, if I took her back? Would I be capable of what I for whatever reason wasn't totally capable of before? For her part, the same questions . . . would she be able to get over certain hurdles that in the past were serious stumbling blocks?
I am process-oriented. That is, I seek a defineable path, at least on the strateic level. The actual tactical steps to be taken can be devised/adjusted as the situatoins dictate. So, I tried to define a process for this. Perhaps for Me, the mere existence of a process was more important than the actual contents of the process, as it allowed Me to start to consider the big questions in a calmer, more rational way.
The process itself was very simple.
1. she made a formal request to be taken back.
2. I then had her write Me an e-mail, addressing the following questions:
a. What had gone wrong?
b. Why?
c. How would things be different this time?
d. Is it reasonable to expect that improvement could be achieved?
3. I would then give her My answers to the above questions.
4. We would then discuss the oue answers to those questions at length.
5. At the conclusion of that process I would make My decision.
The process was valuable for her, too -- she needed a structure in which work through this, too.
Thus My absence from here. It was very difficult to blog, to even think about much else the past few days.
And the process was valuable, regardless of the result. In thinking over the questions above, I had to examine My own handling of certain situations and emotions, and My entire approach to Dominace as a result. I've written before about a Dom/me's humility; this exercise was humbling in a very good way. Becasue I was able to see (to re-establish to Myself, as it were) that:
1. I'm not perfect (of course), but
2. I'm pretty darn good.
The process also reinforced a number of other themes I"ve written about here, both practical and spiritual. So it was highly benefical, even if the original reason for it (sorceress leaving) was painful and horrendous in the extreme.
But, as the saying goes, the world doesn't care about the labor pains . . . they just want to see the baby. So I know the results of the process are of interest more than are the details of said process.
I have taken her back. I am so incredibly joyful that she is back. Words honestly can't express how joyful.
she has been re-named. she is natahsa now.
Welcome back home, natasha. I love you so incredibly much.
YouTube Tuesday: Tivo For Everyone
A lot of the videos out on youtube are clips, and in some cases, entire episodes of various TV programs from around the world. Miss something on TV the first time around? Or just feel like sampling what the rest of the world thinks is good TV? It's out there on youtube. It's kind of like having access to a gigantic (albeit somewhat random) TiVo that's free and searchable.
Technically, I'm sure, none of this should be out there, of course. But either the rights-holders don't know (increasingly unlikley as youtube's popularity escalates), or, more likely, they know but don't care all that much, since no one's charging for it, and really, having a hundred "trailers" for your program(s) out there accessible to the whole world anytime isn't really such a terrible thing.
For this week's offering a hot little clip from "The L Word."
Technically, I'm sure, none of this should be out there, of course. But either the rights-holders don't know (increasingly unlikley as youtube's popularity escalates), or, more likely, they know but don't care all that much, since no one's charging for it, and really, having a hundred "trailers" for your program(s) out there accessible to the whole world anytime isn't really such a terrible thing.
For this week's offering a hot little clip from "The L Word."
Of Depression and Giant Sausages
Funny how the stupidest little things can shake One out of a funk.
I pretty much hate Labor Day. The childhood experience of it, the last hurrah of summer vacation, the gateway to the numbing repetition and regimentation of the educational process, has never left Me, I suppose. So I was feeling pretty blah.
A baseball game in on the TV . . . The Brewers and Dodgers. Baseball at least survives Labor Day, like a defiant Indian Summer it blazes on into October, its heat rising with each passing day, a stark counterpoint to the suddenly chilly evenings and the slowly-fading green.
And, in baseball games played in Milwaukee they have a quaint custom. At a certain point between innings, mascots dressed liked a hot dog, a Polish suasage, an Italian sausage, and a Bratwurst race around the field, much to the delight of the crowd. (In the interest of diversity, Chorizo will be added next season. I kid you not.)
Just now, before resuming live action, they showed a little snippet of the just-concluded sausage race. And, amazingly, stupidly, confoundingly, just seeing that little bit of completely unrepressed goofiness has lightened My mood considerably.
Now, some would stop and think about that, to really try to get at "why." Not Me. "Why" is the question of gift-horse dentists. I'll pass, and simply enjoy the improvement in My mood.
Hope everyone is doing well. Kisses and hugs to all the usual suspects.
I pretty much hate Labor Day. The childhood experience of it, the last hurrah of summer vacation, the gateway to the numbing repetition and regimentation of the educational process, has never left Me, I suppose. So I was feeling pretty blah.
A baseball game in on the TV . . . The Brewers and Dodgers. Baseball at least survives Labor Day, like a defiant Indian Summer it blazes on into October, its heat rising with each passing day, a stark counterpoint to the suddenly chilly evenings and the slowly-fading green.
And, in baseball games played in Milwaukee they have a quaint custom. At a certain point between innings, mascots dressed liked a hot dog, a Polish suasage, an Italian sausage, and a Bratwurst race around the field, much to the delight of the crowd. (In the interest of diversity, Chorizo will be added next season. I kid you not.)
Just now, before resuming live action, they showed a little snippet of the just-concluded sausage race. And, amazingly, stupidly, confoundingly, just seeing that little bit of completely unrepressed goofiness has lightened My mood considerably.
Now, some would stop and think about that, to really try to get at "why." Not Me. "Why" is the question of gift-horse dentists. I'll pass, and simply enjoy the improvement in My mood.
Hope everyone is doing well. Kisses and hugs to all the usual suspects.
What Al Gore Intended?
Very late one night, a policeman was walking his beat and saw a man, looking a bit tipsy, furtively searching around the base of a lamppost. He asked what the man was doing.
"I lost my keys," the inebriated man said. The policeman wondered, "well, is this where you dropped them?" The man said "no, I lost them over there," pointing down the dark street. The policeman somewhat incredulously asked "then why aren't you looking over there?" The man, slightly exasperated, replied "because the light's better over here."
--Old Story
A recent post on Sugarbank points out that half of the top 10 most-read articles on Wikipedia in August had to do with sex. The top 10 list:
Going to the ultra long-term view, here are the top 10 search terms of the last 10 years, from Lycos:
1. Pamela Anderson
2. Dragonball
3. Pokemon
4. Britney Spears
5. WWE
6. Tattoos
7. Las Vegas
8. NFL
9. September 11
10. Christmas
Not a porn search in the bunch. (Although some might consider the entire top 10 list "pornographic" in the larger sense.) But 10 years is way too long a timeframe. The net and its usage patterns have changed too much over that time.
Google has an interesting site called Google Trends, that measures the popularity of search terms.
Below is a graph comparing the popularity of the search terms "porn" and "terrorism."
The blue line represents porn, the red line, terrorism. The top chart is relative searches, the bottom chart is relative news references. Strikingly, terrorism is in the news a lot more than porn is, but people are searching for porn a whole lot more than they are for terrorism. (The letters represent the dates of (apparently) randomly selected news items about terrorism).
Well, in turns out that that doesn't necessarily prove too much. The following terms all trumped terrorism handily in searches:
Mircosoft
Biology
Spyware
Coffee
Diabetes
And so it goes. Substituting "current events, "current affairs," or "politics" for "terrorism" yields similar results. And it's not just news, per se. Porn and the above terms were searched for a lot more than investments, health care, Democrats, Republicans, Congress, etc. (For what it's worth, the search volumes of "porn" and "weather" run pretty much neck and neck over the last 2-plus years. Make of that what you will.)
But the Internet, it would seem, is not so much "for porn" as it is a convenient place to look for it. If one wants to know about terrorism, one has multiple sources for that -- most cable subscribers have access to three or more 24-hour news channels, for instance. Porn's harder to get at anywhere else. Similarly, the term "mp3" is searched on more than "porn" is. Another item where the Internet is the primary place to look.
People look for stuff where they can find it and quickly become efficient at it. The stuff they can find elsewhere (or are exposed to without their necessarily requesting to be exposed to it), they're less likely to go and find the streetlight to look under.
"I lost my keys," the inebriated man said. The policeman wondered, "well, is this where you dropped them?" The man said "no, I lost them over there," pointing down the dark street. The policeman somewhat incredulously asked "then why aren't you looking over there?" The man, slightly exasperated, replied "because the light's better over here."
--Old Story
A recent post on Sugarbank points out that half of the top 10 most-read articles on Wikipedia in August had to do with sex. The top 10 list:
- Wikipedia
- Pluto
- United States
- List of gay porn stars
- Sexual intercourse
- Wii
- Wiki
- List of sex positions
- Kama Sutra
- Pornography
Going to the ultra long-term view, here are the top 10 search terms of the last 10 years, from Lycos:
1. Pamela Anderson
2. Dragonball
3. Pokemon
4. Britney Spears
5. WWE
6. Tattoos
7. Las Vegas
8. NFL
9. September 11
10. Christmas
Not a porn search in the bunch. (Although some might consider the entire top 10 list "pornographic" in the larger sense.) But 10 years is way too long a timeframe. The net and its usage patterns have changed too much over that time.
Google has an interesting site called Google Trends, that measures the popularity of search terms.
Below is a graph comparing the popularity of the search terms "porn" and "terrorism."
The blue line represents porn, the red line, terrorism. The top chart is relative searches, the bottom chart is relative news references. Strikingly, terrorism is in the news a lot more than porn is, but people are searching for porn a whole lot more than they are for terrorism. (The letters represent the dates of (apparently) randomly selected news items about terrorism).
Well, in turns out that that doesn't necessarily prove too much. The following terms all trumped terrorism handily in searches:
Mircosoft
Biology
Spyware
Coffee
Diabetes
And so it goes. Substituting "current events, "current affairs," or "politics" for "terrorism" yields similar results. And it's not just news, per se. Porn and the above terms were searched for a lot more than investments, health care, Democrats, Republicans, Congress, etc. (For what it's worth, the search volumes of "porn" and "weather" run pretty much neck and neck over the last 2-plus years. Make of that what you will.)
But the Internet, it would seem, is not so much "for porn" as it is a convenient place to look for it. If one wants to know about terrorism, one has multiple sources for that -- most cable subscribers have access to three or more 24-hour news channels, for instance. Porn's harder to get at anywhere else. Similarly, the term "mp3" is searched on more than "porn" is. Another item where the Internet is the primary place to look.
People look for stuff where they can find it and quickly become efficient at it. The stuff they can find elsewhere (or are exposed to without their necessarily requesting to be exposed to it), they're less likely to go and find the streetlight to look under.
Marking the Occaision
Today is 2 years that iris has been with Me.
In a way that makes it a very special day; in another, it's a day like any other, becasue that is the beauty of iris -- the absolute consistency and depth of her submission and love and devotion, the unwavering focus she brings to all things, big and small.
Happy second anniversary, iris. I love you so incredibly much. Thank you for being you.
In a way that makes it a very special day; in another, it's a day like any other, becasue that is the beauty of iris -- the absolute consistency and depth of her submission and love and devotion, the unwavering focus she brings to all things, big and small.
Happy second anniversary, iris. I love you so incredibly much. Thank you for being you.
YouTube Tuesday: No Commercial Is Safe
There's a large sub-genre on youtube that consists of parodies of popular/notorious TV commercials.
So it's not surprising that the self-congratulatory "Mac vs. PC" ads from Apple are a prime target. There are hundreds of spoofs of the Apple ads on youtube, ranging from really terrible to very funny. I picked this one almost ramdomly from among several I couldn't decide between.
Enjoy watching . . . and remember to give your PC a hug every now and then.
So it's not surprising that the self-congratulatory "Mac vs. PC" ads from Apple are a prime target. There are hundreds of spoofs of the Apple ads on youtube, ranging from really terrible to very funny. I picked this one almost ramdomly from among several I couldn't decide between.
Enjoy watching . . . and remember to give your PC a hug every now and then.
Joining The Club That Wants You As A Member
swan recently wrote:
"I know that I long for "companions" on this path. When I get lonely, frightened, confused, lost... I wish there were others who could see what I am seeing, hear the voices in my head, speak to my heart with wisdom and experience and calm. I wish there were mentors and guides. That is the one thing that I have longed to find as long as I have written in the online universe. Those people are as rare as hen's teeth."
I'm sure many share or have shared swan's feelings on this, perhaps more strongly at times than at others.
And while finding someone who sees that one sees or "hears the voices" in one's head has to be exceedingly rare, in My experience, companions are lot easier to come by.
The first impulse, and it's certainly a sensible and useful one, is to be wary . . . . there are a lot of players and bozos out there. Potential stalkers, too. There are people who gravitate to D/s, esepcially on-line, for the wrong reasons. And obviously one needs to have enough radar to avoid those people.
The obvious evil types avoided, there's a large segment of people who are perfectly nice, apparently sane, but simply, well, not very dynamic. It's not a matter of intelligence -- I've met tons of very smart, very boring people on-line. Some people simply aren't particularly insightful, creative, funny, or sexy. Sometimes just it's the combination of two people that isn't right. For whatever reason, one will encounter a lot of people who one can be friendly with, but with whom friendship will never develop.
In the remaining small segment are the potential friends, companions, mentors, or guides. And here is where many people, I find, cut themselves off from the possibilities. The title of this post refers to the old joke (Groucho Marx?), chacterizing a person who "wouldn't join any club that would have him as a member." I find we do that a lot. Why does another person go down somehow in our estimation when it's apparent they want to be friends with us?
Now there are friends and there are friends. Perhaps no one will ever be in one's head to the degree swan wrote about, but there's a continuum there, that stretches from a person who one can casually talk about one's day with to a very trusted friend/mentor/guide, someone who understands and truly helps one navigate the complexities of this lifestyle. But it has to start somewhere. I think that often we're too picky, sometimes from fear, from the lingering pain of bad past experiences, or simply from holding others to an imposisble standard that we, perhaps unconsciously, are also holding ourselves to.
Mentoring/Guiding is more complex, especially for a submissive, since the mentor in question will almost always be a Dominant, and there can be a confusion of feelings there as the mentoring process (perforce) delves into sensitive, edgy areas. I consider Myself to have been a mentor to several people, in varying degrees, and in My experience finding a mentor is mostly a matter of dumb luck. Dumb luck and being open to the possibility that one might actually find one.
So consider that simple posisbility that the club that wants you as a member really really likes you, and that liking you is a rational, normal thing, since you have lots of good qualities and should be liked.
What a concept!
"I know that I long for "companions" on this path. When I get lonely, frightened, confused, lost... I wish there were others who could see what I am seeing, hear the voices in my head, speak to my heart with wisdom and experience and calm. I wish there were mentors and guides. That is the one thing that I have longed to find as long as I have written in the online universe. Those people are as rare as hen's teeth."
I'm sure many share or have shared swan's feelings on this, perhaps more strongly at times than at others.
And while finding someone who sees that one sees or "hears the voices" in one's head has to be exceedingly rare, in My experience, companions are lot easier to come by.
The first impulse, and it's certainly a sensible and useful one, is to be wary . . . . there are a lot of players and bozos out there. Potential stalkers, too. There are people who gravitate to D/s, esepcially on-line, for the wrong reasons. And obviously one needs to have enough radar to avoid those people.
The obvious evil types avoided, there's a large segment of people who are perfectly nice, apparently sane, but simply, well, not very dynamic. It's not a matter of intelligence -- I've met tons of very smart, very boring people on-line. Some people simply aren't particularly insightful, creative, funny, or sexy. Sometimes just it's the combination of two people that isn't right. For whatever reason, one will encounter a lot of people who one can be friendly with, but with whom friendship will never develop.
In the remaining small segment are the potential friends, companions, mentors, or guides. And here is where many people, I find, cut themselves off from the possibilities. The title of this post refers to the old joke (Groucho Marx?), chacterizing a person who "wouldn't join any club that would have him as a member." I find we do that a lot. Why does another person go down somehow in our estimation when it's apparent they want to be friends with us?
Now there are friends and there are friends. Perhaps no one will ever be in one's head to the degree swan wrote about, but there's a continuum there, that stretches from a person who one can casually talk about one's day with to a very trusted friend/mentor/guide, someone who understands and truly helps one navigate the complexities of this lifestyle. But it has to start somewhere. I think that often we're too picky, sometimes from fear, from the lingering pain of bad past experiences, or simply from holding others to an imposisble standard that we, perhaps unconsciously, are also holding ourselves to.
Mentoring/Guiding is more complex, especially for a submissive, since the mentor in question will almost always be a Dominant, and there can be a confusion of feelings there as the mentoring process (perforce) delves into sensitive, edgy areas. I consider Myself to have been a mentor to several people, in varying degrees, and in My experience finding a mentor is mostly a matter of dumb luck. Dumb luck and being open to the possibility that one might actually find one.
So consider that simple posisbility that the club that wants you as a member really really likes you, and that liking you is a rational, normal thing, since you have lots of good qualities and should be liked.
What a concept!
Housecleaning Successful
Finally updated the link list to remove dead links and adjust a couple of URLs where people had moved.
On a few entries, I've added the phrase "not updated recently" after the name . . . these blogs haven't been updated in 3 months or so . . . I'll remove them the next time I update the link list if there's no updates by then.
Newest Links (I think I've isolated them all): Art Through Service . . . Destiny and Her Pet Chance . . . Fit to be Tied . . . Notes on an Unremarkable Life . . . Pleaseletme's Progress . . .
OK . . . time for My toal veg-out weekend to resume . . . few things in life are better than absolutely nothing that has to be done.
On a few entries, I've added the phrase "not updated recently" after the name . . . these blogs haven't been updated in 3 months or so . . . I'll remove them the next time I update the link list if there's no updates by then.
Newest Links (I think I've isolated them all): Art Through Service . . . Destiny and Her Pet Chance . . . Fit to be Tied . . . Notes on an Unremarkable Life . . . Pleaseletme's Progress . . .
OK . . . time for My toal veg-out weekend to resume . . . few things in life are better than absolutely nothing that has to be done.
A Familiar Theme
Sometimes an idea for a post will occur to Me, but then I'll decide against it, on the basis that "I've already written about that before." But in thinking on it, I realize that:
1. Certain ideas bear repeating.
2. The nature of this ever-rolling medium means that anything not on the current front page more or less never happened.
So, in the spirit of repeating something that bears repeating . . .
I was talking to a girl the other night. she was talking about a certain area in D/s that frequently gives her trouble as a submissive. And that had to do with her unease when she feels out of control. This is a common problem area, in My experience. Few submissives are a blank canvas, and truthfully, as a Dominant I wouldn't want that -- personally I can't image D/s being much fun without the unqiue contributions of the submissive.
But as with so much in this lifestyle there's a fine line. And it's not always clear where that line is. What some Dominants might see as playful, creative, or funny, Others might see as Toppy, bratty, or disrespectful. It's not easy for the submissive to always know when to "contribute uniqueness" and when to let go and just "be good." And the submissive, no matter how strong his or her desire to please, still has his or her own motivations, things that he or she responds to especially strongly. Those compulsions can be nearly irresistible. Add physical restraint and/or sexual excitement and/or teasing, humilation, etc., and the submissive often finds him- or herself in a sitaution that can feel impossible, even scary, sometimes.
Here's where I haul out the previously-discussed idea: The submissive, in the end, has only one thing to worry about controlling: the quality and completeness of his or her effort. Because that is the only thing the submissive can ever be sure about. And, importantly, pursued correctly, there is a great comfort in that. It is a clear, easily understood goal. An unwavering direction.
The tough part of course is that while the statement is simple, the execution is far from simple. The reason it's so difficult is that really focusing on that requires a change in one's basic orientation. A change from acting from the standpoint of holding on to acting from the standpoint of letting go.
This is very difficult since it goes against much of what we've been taught throughout our lives. Every fiber of our being tells us to hold on. Being "submissive" generally is no antidote to those poisonous thoughts. The bad news, interestingly enough, is the same as the good news: There is no way to "practice" it -- it starts as a mater of "Acting as If" consistently (another old post) and over time becomes a change in basic orientation. The reason I say that that's equally bad and good news is that it's not as if anyone's "missing out" -- it is what it is, and thus is universally and equally embraceable. (And of course universally and equally unattainable, viewed the other way.)
The final "proof" is that every time I talk to a submissive about this issue, they always end up feeling that the times when they have attained the "control" they felt they needed, they invariably feel bad about it.
Hm.
Waste of energy.
Makes you feel bad.
Illusory.
That's the trifecta. Try another way.
1. Certain ideas bear repeating.
2. The nature of this ever-rolling medium means that anything not on the current front page more or less never happened.
So, in the spirit of repeating something that bears repeating . . .
I was talking to a girl the other night. she was talking about a certain area in D/s that frequently gives her trouble as a submissive. And that had to do with her unease when she feels out of control. This is a common problem area, in My experience. Few submissives are a blank canvas, and truthfully, as a Dominant I wouldn't want that -- personally I can't image D/s being much fun without the unqiue contributions of the submissive.
But as with so much in this lifestyle there's a fine line. And it's not always clear where that line is. What some Dominants might see as playful, creative, or funny, Others might see as Toppy, bratty, or disrespectful. It's not easy for the submissive to always know when to "contribute uniqueness" and when to let go and just "be good." And the submissive, no matter how strong his or her desire to please, still has his or her own motivations, things that he or she responds to especially strongly. Those compulsions can be nearly irresistible. Add physical restraint and/or sexual excitement and/or teasing, humilation, etc., and the submissive often finds him- or herself in a sitaution that can feel impossible, even scary, sometimes.
Here's where I haul out the previously-discussed idea: The submissive, in the end, has only one thing to worry about controlling: the quality and completeness of his or her effort. Because that is the only thing the submissive can ever be sure about. And, importantly, pursued correctly, there is a great comfort in that. It is a clear, easily understood goal. An unwavering direction.
The tough part of course is that while the statement is simple, the execution is far from simple. The reason it's so difficult is that really focusing on that requires a change in one's basic orientation. A change from acting from the standpoint of holding on to acting from the standpoint of letting go.
This is very difficult since it goes against much of what we've been taught throughout our lives. Every fiber of our being tells us to hold on. Being "submissive" generally is no antidote to those poisonous thoughts. The bad news, interestingly enough, is the same as the good news: There is no way to "practice" it -- it starts as a mater of "Acting as If" consistently (another old post) and over time becomes a change in basic orientation. The reason I say that that's equally bad and good news is that it's not as if anyone's "missing out" -- it is what it is, and thus is universally and equally embraceable. (And of course universally and equally unattainable, viewed the other way.)
The final "proof" is that every time I talk to a submissive about this issue, they always end up feeling that the times when they have attained the "control" they felt they needed, they invariably feel bad about it.
Hm.
Waste of energy.
Makes you feel bad.
Illusory.
That's the trifecta. Try another way.
The Place Is A Mess . . .
I know I'm behind on the housekeeping stuff. There's new links over there -- I added them but forgot to note that they're there in a post. Now I'm not totally sure which ones they were.
And I know some of the links over there are dead, and some of the blogs linked to have apparently been apparently abandoned. One or two, I think, have moved to new URLs . . . if your blog is one of those in that latter cateory, please leave a comment or drop Me a line and let Me know the new address and I'll change the link.
Well, as with real housework, hopefully the weekend will be the time to catch up.
And I know some of the links over there are dead, and some of the blogs linked to have apparently been apparently abandoned. One or two, I think, have moved to new URLs . . . if your blog is one of those in that latter cateory, please leave a comment or drop Me a line and let Me know the new address and I'll change the link.
Well, as with real housework, hopefully the weekend will be the time to catch up.
YouTube Tuesday: More Alike Than Different?
I'm always amazed by how we're all so different. So different that even a notion of "community" becomes hard to define and harder still to hold on to in practice.
And yet, every so often something reminds Me that we're alike in so many ways. This video, for whatever reason, reminded Me of that today and made Me smile. Your mileage can and most likely will vary . . .
And yet, every so often something reminds Me that we're alike in so many ways. This video, for whatever reason, reminded Me of that today and made Me smile. Your mileage can and most likely will vary . . .
Back . . .
Back from vacation -- it was fun but it's great to be back. Thanks to those who have read and commented in My absence . . . I'll start catching up on things tomorrow. Hope everyone's had a wonderful week . . . byeee for now . . .
Standards
Some recent conversations with saratoga and reading various blog posts have got Me thinking about the whole concept of "standards" in D/s.
Specifically: Is it all so unqiue and personal that there is no point in trying to define/pursue standards of any kind?
The "uniqueness" argument for Me is the most compelling one mitigating against the existence of practical standards. No two Dom/mes are going to be alike, either in what They want or how They want it, exactly. That's simply a fact, and that fact argues strongly against there being any realistic common standard, against any set of "norms" that One might seek to generally "train" a submissive to that is not One's own.
The "growing and learning each other argument" I feel is weak. A Dom/me and a sub will have a million things to learn about each other once together in a relationship, regardless of how much or how little formalized "training" the sub may or may not have had at the hands of Another. One could even argue that the more experiences the submissive has had, of whatever kind, create the opportunity for a richer learning experience once in a relatoinship with an Owner.
But the strength of the uniqueness argument more than makes up for the weakness of the growing and learning argument. But perhaps there is another way around this.
I posed Myself the following question: "If there was a 'boot camp' for submissives, what would it consist of?" This is important becasue if that question can be answered, intuitively, without pouring a ton of analysis into it, then that fact creates a sort of emprical reductio ad absurdum disproof of the hypothesis that standards are not possible. And if they are possible, then it's a very short distance to "desireable" and "achieveable," and at least in the neighborhood of "enforceable."
So, what would subbie "boot camp" consist of? I think it's fairly clear that the sexual stuff, by and large, isn't worth training for. Aside from a very basic knowledge of anatomy, and certain basic aspepcts of physical training, the uniqueness monster is way too formidable to make "How to Eat Pussy" a worthwhile "class." In the non-sexual arena . . . I can see where a sub knowing how to make a bed or fold a T-shirt is a useful thing, or knowing that fabric softener doesn't go in the pot roast, etc. But do those really require a formalized "training?" They are more or less average adult skills (to varying degrees, of course). And, since there is no government without the consent of the governed and no "school" without a minimally engaged student body, I find it hard to imagine "subbie school" that consisted of "how to iron" and "the handling of delicate washables" a very rewarding educational experience for the typcial submissive. (As saratoga has writen, learning those things at the behest of one's Owner, however, is a totally different thing.)
So, no "subbie boot camp" cirriculum immediately and convincingly suggests itself. No help there, and that lack of such lends a bit more support to the "no standards" argument.
The "light," as it were, in this muddle, is a two-part sort of answer. And that is:
In a 1-on-1 situation, there is comparatively little value to a submissive having been trained by Another (little value to the current Owner and thus by extension to the submissive). But, where (if?) there is or could be a community, then standards and training can have significant value.
Why? Because any community runs more smoothly where there are agreed-upon (or least assented-to) norms. These norms define interactions between people who don't know each other intimately and allow all parties to function with at least surface safety and harmony.
Our daily vanilla lives are full of them, many of which we have never explicitly been taught and don't think about but which we know instantly and expect others to also. Example. You are waiting for a elevator. The doors open. There is one other person you don't know, already in the elevator. You enter the elevator and push your button. Now, everyone knows you don't stand six inches from the other person. You don't stand facing the other person. You don't sit down. Etc., etc. There are probably 50 "rules" about riding elevators that we all know intimately without ever having been taught them.
Now, elevators are fairly simple. As the interactions get more complex, it's necessary to write them down, analyze them, and undertake specialized training in order to understand them. We all know that "a deal's a deal," but there are lawyers who specialize in contracts because "deals" in the modern world can take on a complexity far beyond what our native "knowledge" of them can encompass. Society reognizes that complexity by not letting those who haven't passed the bar exam practice contract law.
D/s is, similarly, a highly complex set of interactions (again, this is a community setting we're discussing here -- whether such community does or can exist is a separate question). The norms are going to differ greatly in such a setting (perhaps submisisves kneel in elevators in this community?) and complexity and difference from what one's accustomed to are two strong arguments for formalized training.
It's a small thing to have salvaged from the whole issue, because D/s communities are rare, of course. For Me it was important, though, becasue while I endorse the "big tent," and judge no one's kink, etc., I do worry about any field of endeavor where the practice becomes so unique, so esoteric, so "roll your own" that there is no commonality at all.
Interestingly enough, on-line is the closest thing there is for most people to a D/s community. What norms I seek and enforce in that arena (and why) is the subject of another post.
Specifically: Is it all so unqiue and personal that there is no point in trying to define/pursue standards of any kind?
The "uniqueness" argument for Me is the most compelling one mitigating against the existence of practical standards. No two Dom/mes are going to be alike, either in what They want or how They want it, exactly. That's simply a fact, and that fact argues strongly against there being any realistic common standard, against any set of "norms" that One might seek to generally "train" a submissive to that is not One's own.
The "growing and learning each other argument" I feel is weak. A Dom/me and a sub will have a million things to learn about each other once together in a relationship, regardless of how much or how little formalized "training" the sub may or may not have had at the hands of Another. One could even argue that the more experiences the submissive has had, of whatever kind, create the opportunity for a richer learning experience once in a relatoinship with an Owner.
But the strength of the uniqueness argument more than makes up for the weakness of the growing and learning argument. But perhaps there is another way around this.
I posed Myself the following question: "If there was a 'boot camp' for submissives, what would it consist of?" This is important becasue if that question can be answered, intuitively, without pouring a ton of analysis into it, then that fact creates a sort of emprical reductio ad absurdum disproof of the hypothesis that standards are not possible. And if they are possible, then it's a very short distance to "desireable" and "achieveable," and at least in the neighborhood of "enforceable."
So, what would subbie "boot camp" consist of? I think it's fairly clear that the sexual stuff, by and large, isn't worth training for. Aside from a very basic knowledge of anatomy, and certain basic aspepcts of physical training, the uniqueness monster is way too formidable to make "How to Eat Pussy" a worthwhile "class." In the non-sexual arena . . . I can see where a sub knowing how to make a bed or fold a T-shirt is a useful thing, or knowing that fabric softener doesn't go in the pot roast, etc. But do those really require a formalized "training?" They are more or less average adult skills (to varying degrees, of course). And, since there is no government without the consent of the governed and no "school" without a minimally engaged student body, I find it hard to imagine "subbie school" that consisted of "how to iron" and "the handling of delicate washables" a very rewarding educational experience for the typcial submissive. (As saratoga has writen, learning those things at the behest of one's Owner, however, is a totally different thing.)
So, no "subbie boot camp" cirriculum immediately and convincingly suggests itself. No help there, and that lack of such lends a bit more support to the "no standards" argument.
The "light," as it were, in this muddle, is a two-part sort of answer. And that is:
In a 1-on-1 situation, there is comparatively little value to a submissive having been trained by Another (little value to the current Owner and thus by extension to the submissive). But, where (if?) there is or could be a community, then standards and training can have significant value.
Why? Because any community runs more smoothly where there are agreed-upon (or least assented-to) norms. These norms define interactions between people who don't know each other intimately and allow all parties to function with at least surface safety and harmony.
Our daily vanilla lives are full of them, many of which we have never explicitly been taught and don't think about but which we know instantly and expect others to also. Example. You are waiting for a elevator. The doors open. There is one other person you don't know, already in the elevator. You enter the elevator and push your button. Now, everyone knows you don't stand six inches from the other person. You don't stand facing the other person. You don't sit down. Etc., etc. There are probably 50 "rules" about riding elevators that we all know intimately without ever having been taught them.
Now, elevators are fairly simple. As the interactions get more complex, it's necessary to write them down, analyze them, and undertake specialized training in order to understand them. We all know that "a deal's a deal," but there are lawyers who specialize in contracts because "deals" in the modern world can take on a complexity far beyond what our native "knowledge" of them can encompass. Society reognizes that complexity by not letting those who haven't passed the bar exam practice contract law.
D/s is, similarly, a highly complex set of interactions (again, this is a community setting we're discussing here -- whether such community does or can exist is a separate question). The norms are going to differ greatly in such a setting (perhaps submisisves kneel in elevators in this community?) and complexity and difference from what one's accustomed to are two strong arguments for formalized training.
It's a small thing to have salvaged from the whole issue, because D/s communities are rare, of course. For Me it was important, though, becasue while I endorse the "big tent," and judge no one's kink, etc., I do worry about any field of endeavor where the practice becomes so unique, so esoteric, so "roll your own" that there is no commonality at all.
Interestingly enough, on-line is the closest thing there is for most people to a D/s community. What norms I seek and enforce in that arena (and why) is the subject of another post.
YouTube Tuesday: Extraordinary
Remember when music videos didn't have to be $3 million mini-movies? Or the time when music videos existed for some reason other than as promotional tool for some other form of entertainment?
Today's youtube Tuesday feature is an alternate version of "Extraordinary" by Liz Phair. This is an alternate version -- a black-and-white low budget rendering of Liz just well . . . singing her song. The "official" video is largely a promo for the movie "Raising Helen," and while it has some cool effects and such, there's something about one of one's favorite songs, simply rendered, no bogus story line, no movie tie-in, no 3-week location shoots or cameos by various and sundry B-list celebrities, that can't be beat.
This video is simple, and like the song, simply extraordinary.
Today's youtube Tuesday feature is an alternate version of "Extraordinary" by Liz Phair. This is an alternate version -- a black-and-white low budget rendering of Liz just well . . . singing her song. The "official" video is largely a promo for the movie "Raising Helen," and while it has some cool effects and such, there's something about one of one's favorite songs, simply rendered, no bogus story line, no movie tie-in, no 3-week location shoots or cameos by various and sundry B-list celebrities, that can't be beat.
This video is simple, and like the song, simply extraordinary.
About Pain, Part 1
saratoga has a nice recent post about pain play. Some semi-rambling thoughts on the subject.
I'll start out by saying that I don't "get" sadism. That is, I derive no particular thrill from the infliction of pain in and of itself. But that said, pain play has a lot going for it in My mind, still.
Pain, for Me, is a gateway -- in those moments when the submissive is focused on taking all that she can, on taking as much as she thinks I want to give, something magical can happen. The submissive (and Me, by extension) can move beyond the here and now -- her into what some call "subspace" and Me into "Topspace," for lack of better words. At those moments, it can become a communion between Owner and owned that, as a true voyage into the unknown, is more encompassing, deeper, than seems rationally possible.
In terms I've used in earlier posts about the spiritual side of things, pain is, for Me, another way of "cracking the shell" . . . or opening it further. And as such its value can't be underestimated. Which tool(s) get used when is a function of the circumstance, time, and the individual personalities and quirks of the people involved.
Given that, a true pain slut is not going to find Me very satisfying. Once it becomes obvious to Me that the submissive is chasing her own singular desire ahead of the shared, guided goal, that's the end of the pain I'm dispensing (at least the physical kind). Note that I am not condemning anyone here -- we all need what we need and I support anyone's sane and considerate efforts to get that. Being with a pain slut makes Me feel like a ProDomme, and that's something I'd rather not feel like (especially for free! :) )
I should also differentiate punishment from pain play. A number of spanking-oriented blogs seem to use the terms interchangibly. That's understandable, given the orientation of those blogs. But for Me, the two are inherently different:
Pain Play is 1) the discretionary use of pain by Me as a means to addressing the deeper connection between Owner and owned, or 2) serves a non-corrective "educational" purpose.
Punishment is the direct expression of My displeasure. It involves pain but there is no "pleasure" involved in the dispensing or receiving of it.
I think My girls can attest that it's unmistakeable which is which, when. (I should add that I can count on one hand the number of times I've had to punish them.)
More another time.
I'll start out by saying that I don't "get" sadism. That is, I derive no particular thrill from the infliction of pain in and of itself. But that said, pain play has a lot going for it in My mind, still.
Pain, for Me, is a gateway -- in those moments when the submissive is focused on taking all that she can, on taking as much as she thinks I want to give, something magical can happen. The submissive (and Me, by extension) can move beyond the here and now -- her into what some call "subspace" and Me into "Topspace," for lack of better words. At those moments, it can become a communion between Owner and owned that, as a true voyage into the unknown, is more encompassing, deeper, than seems rationally possible.
In terms I've used in earlier posts about the spiritual side of things, pain is, for Me, another way of "cracking the shell" . . . or opening it further. And as such its value can't be underestimated. Which tool(s) get used when is a function of the circumstance, time, and the individual personalities and quirks of the people involved.
Given that, a true pain slut is not going to find Me very satisfying. Once it becomes obvious to Me that the submissive is chasing her own singular desire ahead of the shared, guided goal, that's the end of the pain I'm dispensing (at least the physical kind). Note that I am not condemning anyone here -- we all need what we need and I support anyone's sane and considerate efforts to get that. Being with a pain slut makes Me feel like a ProDomme, and that's something I'd rather not feel like (especially for free! :) )
I should also differentiate punishment from pain play. A number of spanking-oriented blogs seem to use the terms interchangibly. That's understandable, given the orientation of those blogs. But for Me, the two are inherently different:
Pain Play is 1) the discretionary use of pain by Me as a means to addressing the deeper connection between Owner and owned, or 2) serves a non-corrective "educational" purpose.
Punishment is the direct expression of My displeasure. It involves pain but there is no "pleasure" involved in the dispensing or receiving of it.
I think My girls can attest that it's unmistakeable which is which, when. (I should add that I can count on one hand the number of times I've had to punish them.)
More another time.
YouTube Tuesday: Ritual
This week's installment of youtube Tuesday is from paperlillies, a young British woman. This video is a sped-up clip of her putting on and then taking off heavy makeup, inspired to try a geisha-type look by Memoirs of a Geisha.
There is something oddly compelling, and even more oddly, relaxing about this short video. Perhaps it's the music. Somehow, the sped-up motion doesn't feel cartoony, as fast motion video often does. But it ends up being a fascinating peek inside another's world, a tiny slice of life that reveals nothing, per se, but somehow the viewer comes away with something. An amazing little piece of work. Enjoy . . .
There is something oddly compelling, and even more oddly, relaxing about this short video. Perhaps it's the music. Somehow, the sped-up motion doesn't feel cartoony, as fast motion video often does. But it ends up being a fascinating peek inside another's world, a tiny slice of life that reveals nothing, per se, but somehow the viewer comes away with something. An amazing little piece of work. Enjoy . . .
Who I Never Knew
I came upon a blog today that consists entirely of the following single post:
I deleted it and then I felt bad, but deleting it was symbolic I suppose.
Talking here about my hopes and dreams was just leaving me frustrated. No point on dwelling on something you can never have.
So I've decided I have to try and move on. To try and bury my hopes and dreams. To try and live as that grey creature in that grey world from before I let myself dream. I don't see that I have any choice.
I just wanted to thank the nice people who offered me their kindness and friendship. I do appreciate it more than you know.
It's at times like this that I realize that this massive soup of information, emotion, experience, intellect, opinion, whining, nastiness, joy, hope, love, and rampant PMS that is the BlogVerse includes not only the known (those we've come to "know" in some sense through their words here), the unknown (those we don't know yet), but also the unknowable -- those we will never know, not because they didn't give us the chance, but because they winked out, a little star in the sky one night, suddenly gone the next.
Now this isn't necessarily an earth-shattering insight, to be sure . . . but it stays with Me. In a real sense I "miss" what I've never had to the chance to know (or at least the chance to figure out if I wanted to know). Silly, perhaps, but there you have it.
As for the actual "blog" itself, I've talked before about "What's Left Behind," and how I don't think it's raelly possible to, as she (I'm guessing the author is female) put it, to "live as that grey creature in that grey world from before I let myself dream." There's no putting the toothpaste back into the tube. Perhaps, for her, putting it all aside is a necessary step, something that has to happen right now . . . I personally choose to believe that that's the case.
And, in the spirit of "lessons are everywhere," I stop and realize that even the words that almost no one reads have an impact, that they matter, in some way . . . we are often caught up in a quest to understand how they matter, when the wisest course, to Me, seems to be to work at being content with the knowledge that they do matter, and to not need constant tangible evidence of such to hold onto that knowledge. Not an easy task . . .
Whoever you are, whoever you were, might have been . . . what you will be is really all that matters now. Perhaps next time I will have the chance to know you.
"I didnt mean to take up all your sweet time
I'll give it right back to ya one of these days
I said I didnt mean to take up all your sweet time
I'll give it right back one of these days
If I dont meet you no more in this world then
Ill meet ya in the next one
And dont be late
Dont be late . . . "
--Jimi Hendrix, "Voodoo Child"
* * *
Saturday, July 15, 2006
I had a blog about submission and spanking
with about 60 or so posts and lots of lovely comments from nice people.I deleted it and then I felt bad, but deleting it was symbolic I suppose.
Talking here about my hopes and dreams was just leaving me frustrated. No point on dwelling on something you can never have.
So I've decided I have to try and move on. To try and bury my hopes and dreams. To try and live as that grey creature in that grey world from before I let myself dream. I don't see that I have any choice.
I just wanted to thank the nice people who offered me their kindness and friendship. I do appreciate it more than you know.
* * *
It's at times like this that I realize that this massive soup of information, emotion, experience, intellect, opinion, whining, nastiness, joy, hope, love, and rampant PMS that is the BlogVerse includes not only the known (those we've come to "know" in some sense through their words here), the unknown (those we don't know yet), but also the unknowable -- those we will never know, not because they didn't give us the chance, but because they winked out, a little star in the sky one night, suddenly gone the next.
Now this isn't necessarily an earth-shattering insight, to be sure . . . but it stays with Me. In a real sense I "miss" what I've never had to the chance to know (or at least the chance to figure out if I wanted to know). Silly, perhaps, but there you have it.
As for the actual "blog" itself, I've talked before about "What's Left Behind," and how I don't think it's raelly possible to, as she (I'm guessing the author is female) put it, to "live as that grey creature in that grey world from before I let myself dream." There's no putting the toothpaste back into the tube. Perhaps, for her, putting it all aside is a necessary step, something that has to happen right now . . . I personally choose to believe that that's the case.
And, in the spirit of "lessons are everywhere," I stop and realize that even the words that almost no one reads have an impact, that they matter, in some way . . . we are often caught up in a quest to understand how they matter, when the wisest course, to Me, seems to be to work at being content with the knowledge that they do matter, and to not need constant tangible evidence of such to hold onto that knowledge. Not an easy task . . .
Whoever you are, whoever you were, might have been . . . what you will be is really all that matters now. Perhaps next time I will have the chance to know you.
"I didnt mean to take up all your sweet time
I'll give it right back to ya one of these days
I said I didnt mean to take up all your sweet time
I'll give it right back one of these days
If I dont meet you no more in this world then
Ill meet ya in the next one
And dont be late
Dont be late . . . "
--Jimi Hendrix, "Voodoo Child"
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