There was a comment in response to the "Acceptance" post (thank you, saratoga) about how the submissive must sometimes accept that the Dom/me that one is with isn't the right One, and make the decisioin to move on.
That's incredibly difficult. Having been in the position to have to release a slave before, I can testify that it's no fun, on either side.
But it's more difficult for the submissive, usually. Part of being submissive is, to put it plainly, putting up with stuff. And many submissives, in the quest to be "good," will figure their their capacity to put up with stuff is a direct measure of their worth as a submissive.
Now, up to a point, that's true.
But, really, this is an area where vanilla relationships and D/s reltationships share a something in common: There is a time when it's just over, when it hurts too much to continue to be in the situation. A time when one has put up with everything one can put up with, and there's nothing left.
One of My favorite philosphers, Andy Sipowicz of NYPD Blue, once gave the following advice to his partner: "Marriage is like pulling a piano up to an 8th-story window. You put your all into it, but when the rope breaks, you run like hell." (Trivia freaks please don't come down on Me. . . . the quote probably isn't exact, I acknowledge,)
A D/s relationship is perhaps even more like that, given the incredible intensity of the feelings that exposed, the depths of one's being that one has pulled out of one's self.
In an environment like that, one's limitations, both positive and negative, become apparent.
And, very importantly . . . the limitations of the Other become apparent, too. That, for many submissives, is often a shocking, shaking, revelation. At that point there is a decision, perhaps the submissive's last real decision, in many ways . . . to decide if one can continue . . . to decide if acceptance is bigger than what works against it.
But acceptance is not just accepting the limitations of the Other . . . but coming to terms with our own, as well. And that's by far the hardest part. And another chapter.
How Difficult It Is
A conversation last night reminded Me how difficult it is to be submissive.
I was talking to a girl (not one of Mine), and she mentioned that a Dom she talks to sometimes had complimented her, rather lavishly. she said that she was uncomfortable with compliments, often.
So, in My usual fashion, I dug a little deeper on that . . . and the girl reveals this:
"i guess i feel like i can accept the compliment, if i think it's justified." Or words to that effect.
Well, there's the eye-opener. Ch-ching!
I didn't pursue My "revelation" with her, for reasons of logisitics not having anything to do with her or the conversation.
But consider the underlying thought process of her statement above. In effect, a compliment's only real if the receiver thinks it's deserved.
As they say in France: au contraire, slut.
Here's the thing: At a certain point, being submissive not only means submitting one's will, one's power, etc., to varying degrees, but, as one moves, deepens, in one's submission, there is the point where one realizes that one must also submit to the assessments of Others. And, amazingly enough, that means the positive stuff, too.
Now, obviously, submitting to the assessment's of one's Owner, is a typcial, ongoing thing, that all owned submissives are more or less used to (even if they are not thrilled about it all the time). But if there are Others in one's life that one respects, one has to try to move to a point where one is able to let go of the impulse to "examine" those assessments for validity. Complimentary ones included.
I realize what I am saying. In its most radical form, I am saying that the submissive doesn't get to determine which compliments she should feel good about. And, well, assuming that the compliment doesn't come from a total stranger, a person known to have ulterior motives, or a drunk, that's what I'm saying. It is . . . a very advanced thing along the path . . . it's certainly not "submission 101."
It's not easy.
I was talking to a girl (not one of Mine), and she mentioned that a Dom she talks to sometimes had complimented her, rather lavishly. she said that she was uncomfortable with compliments, often.
So, in My usual fashion, I dug a little deeper on that . . . and the girl reveals this:
"i guess i feel like i can accept the compliment, if i think it's justified." Or words to that effect.
Well, there's the eye-opener. Ch-ching!
I didn't pursue My "revelation" with her, for reasons of logisitics not having anything to do with her or the conversation.
But consider the underlying thought process of her statement above. In effect, a compliment's only real if the receiver thinks it's deserved.
As they say in France: au contraire, slut.
Here's the thing: At a certain point, being submissive not only means submitting one's will, one's power, etc., to varying degrees, but, as one moves, deepens, in one's submission, there is the point where one realizes that one must also submit to the assessments of Others. And, amazingly enough, that means the positive stuff, too.
Now, obviously, submitting to the assessment's of one's Owner, is a typcial, ongoing thing, that all owned submissives are more or less used to (even if they are not thrilled about it all the time). But if there are Others in one's life that one respects, one has to try to move to a point where one is able to let go of the impulse to "examine" those assessments for validity. Complimentary ones included.
I realize what I am saying. In its most radical form, I am saying that the submissive doesn't get to determine which compliments she should feel good about. And, well, assuming that the compliment doesn't come from a total stranger, a person known to have ulterior motives, or a drunk, that's what I'm saying. It is . . . a very advanced thing along the path . . . it's certainly not "submission 101."
It's not easy.
On Being "Off"
I've been "off" lately.
Off. Not quite Me, somehow. It's annoying, frustrating, but temporary, I know.
I worry about it more in terms of the girls than I do for Myself. I know it's as transitory as it is inexplicable. It happens. It's not hormonal, as far as I can tell. It comes, it stays a while, then it's gone and I'm Me again. But I worry that My girls will suffer as a result of it, I feel as though it's not fair to them, in some way. Those fears are unfounded though, when I stop and rationally consider it. But still, part of not being Me is losing a little grip on rationality.
The knowledge that this feeling is temporary doesn't stop Me from examining it in excruciating detail, of course. This is a fruitless and humorous exercise. Fruitless because well, if I knew what was going on, I'd stop it and not have to indulge in the introspection. The humorous aspect comes afterwards when I realize 1) how fruitless it was, and 2) that I will do the exact same thing the next time it happens.
OK, I have an odd sense of humor, maybe.
I don't like the way I am when I'm off like this; that's no laughing matter. My normal patience is not quite there. I'm more likely to come right out and say exactly what I might be thinking without first considering the implications (which isn't always a bad thing, but it's just not Me). I lose My normal appreciation for food -- I barely care what I eat. I seem to sleep a normal amount but wake up tired. I feel as though I might be getting physically sick but nothing actually ever happens.
And the worst part is that when I'm like this, I really have to struggle to "feel" the girls. Normally that's an almost effortless thing among us . . . a gift that flows between us like a smooth current. When I'm like this, I have to work at it, and the results are not nearly as satisfying. And that is true sadness.
Well, enough whining for a Sunday morning. At a certain point, everything will feel completely normal and wonderful again, as mysteriously as it felt wrong and weird. Stuff happens.
Hurry up, stuff! Happen!
Off. Not quite Me, somehow. It's annoying, frustrating, but temporary, I know.
I worry about it more in terms of the girls than I do for Myself. I know it's as transitory as it is inexplicable. It happens. It's not hormonal, as far as I can tell. It comes, it stays a while, then it's gone and I'm Me again. But I worry that My girls will suffer as a result of it, I feel as though it's not fair to them, in some way. Those fears are unfounded though, when I stop and rationally consider it. But still, part of not being Me is losing a little grip on rationality.
The knowledge that this feeling is temporary doesn't stop Me from examining it in excruciating detail, of course. This is a fruitless and humorous exercise. Fruitless because well, if I knew what was going on, I'd stop it and not have to indulge in the introspection. The humorous aspect comes afterwards when I realize 1) how fruitless it was, and 2) that I will do the exact same thing the next time it happens.
OK, I have an odd sense of humor, maybe.
I don't like the way I am when I'm off like this; that's no laughing matter. My normal patience is not quite there. I'm more likely to come right out and say exactly what I might be thinking without first considering the implications (which isn't always a bad thing, but it's just not Me). I lose My normal appreciation for food -- I barely care what I eat. I seem to sleep a normal amount but wake up tired. I feel as though I might be getting physically sick but nothing actually ever happens.
And the worst part is that when I'm like this, I really have to struggle to "feel" the girls. Normally that's an almost effortless thing among us . . . a gift that flows between us like a smooth current. When I'm like this, I have to work at it, and the results are not nearly as satisfying. And that is true sadness.
Well, enough whining for a Sunday morning. At a certain point, everything will feel completely normal and wonderful again, as mysteriously as it felt wrong and weird. Stuff happens.
Hurry up, stuff! Happen!
The Love Thing, Part 2
A couple of weeks ago I wrote about how, for Me, love is an essential ingredient in D/s.
But I do acknowlege that in D/s, love can really complicate things.
1. Sometimes, the people we love just piss us off. This is unavoidable. In a vanilla relationship, it's a difficult enough fact to contend with. In a D/s relationship, there's the added complication of the fact that the two parties necessarily have unequal power.
For the Dominant, there is the responsibility to stop and think and not let one's pissed-off state cause Him or Her to act irresponsibly, to abuse His or Her power.
For the submissive, it's even more complicated, becasue the submissive may have trouble even acknowledging being pissed off, because there may be the thought that he or she isn't somehow entitled to feel that towards the Mistress/Master. And, more commonly, the submissive will often have a huge frustration in feeling that he or she can't adequately express how pissed off he or she is becasue it's so difficult to do that within the bounds of what is typically considered appropriate respect.
And, as much as I write about being calm and taking everything in stride . . . don't get Me wrong: Being pissed off has its place. While I always hope that My girls respond to My overall gentle, Zen-like ways, there are times when I need to be able to let them know, without punishing them per se, that I am not happy with the level of effort being shown. When you love someone, it's inherently more difficult to do that.
2. It is often much more difficult to teach someone that One is in love with. Or sometimes, to learn from Someone that one might is in love with. Every girl who's ever daydreamed through a class taught by a teacher they had a mad crush on knows what I mean.
It's equally difficult to be the teacher in that situation. Thankfully we're all adults here. LOL.
3. When You love someone, it can be really hard to "push" them. This is where One needs to be very strong . . . becasue it's so easy to simply pick up on the submissive's uncomfortability and let things slide. The flip side, of course, if that when You love someone, you're more attuned to when You shouldn't be pushing. But, overall, love isn't at times terribly compatible with dispensing the bad-tasting medicine.
So, I do understand those whose theory of D/s holds that love doesn't belong . . . it does complicate things, sometimes massively. If One's goal is to train, and simply to train, then I might go as far to say that love really has no place there. But for Me, for what I want to achieve, for where I want/need to take Mine . . . the plusses of love far outweigh the minuses.
But I do acknowlege that in D/s, love can really complicate things.
1. Sometimes, the people we love just piss us off. This is unavoidable. In a vanilla relationship, it's a difficult enough fact to contend with. In a D/s relationship, there's the added complication of the fact that the two parties necessarily have unequal power.
For the Dominant, there is the responsibility to stop and think and not let one's pissed-off state cause Him or Her to act irresponsibly, to abuse His or Her power.
For the submissive, it's even more complicated, becasue the submissive may have trouble even acknowledging being pissed off, because there may be the thought that he or she isn't somehow entitled to feel that towards the Mistress/Master. And, more commonly, the submissive will often have a huge frustration in feeling that he or she can't adequately express how pissed off he or she is becasue it's so difficult to do that within the bounds of what is typically considered appropriate respect.
And, as much as I write about being calm and taking everything in stride . . . don't get Me wrong: Being pissed off has its place. While I always hope that My girls respond to My overall gentle, Zen-like ways, there are times when I need to be able to let them know, without punishing them per se, that I am not happy with the level of effort being shown. When you love someone, it's inherently more difficult to do that.
2. It is often much more difficult to teach someone that One is in love with. Or sometimes, to learn from Someone that one might is in love with. Every girl who's ever daydreamed through a class taught by a teacher they had a mad crush on knows what I mean.
It's equally difficult to be the teacher in that situation. Thankfully we're all adults here. LOL.
3. When You love someone, it can be really hard to "push" them. This is where One needs to be very strong . . . becasue it's so easy to simply pick up on the submissive's uncomfortability and let things slide. The flip side, of course, if that when You love someone, you're more attuned to when You shouldn't be pushing. But, overall, love isn't at times terribly compatible with dispensing the bad-tasting medicine.
So, I do understand those whose theory of D/s holds that love doesn't belong . . . it does complicate things, sometimes massively. If One's goal is to train, and simply to train, then I might go as far to say that love really has no place there. But for Me, for what I want to achieve, for where I want/need to take Mine . . . the plusses of love far outweigh the minuses.
Not tonight, Blogger. I have a headache
No headache, but a blank brain at the moment.
Happy weekend!
Happy weekend!
Lessons Are Everywhere
I was talking to sorceress last night about how her day at work had gone. she'd had a great day; she was able to concentrate all of her efforts on a thing that had been bugging her for a long time, and solved it brilliantly. she felt energized, relieved, competent. In short, her day was a total success. she contrasted this with so many other ways where everything seems to pull her in a million different directions, nothing seemsto actually seen from start to finish, and she ends up feeling, in some way, "not good enough."
she then was musing about how much she could get done if every day could be like that.
I pointed out . . . that if she were to sit down and objectively write down a list of ALL the things that could potentially make a given day a bad day, she would find that at the very most, 10% of them were within her control. So many things can conspire to result in her having a less than productive day, and she really can't control any of them, other than getting enough sleep at night and coming to work with her head on straight.
So . . . where's the lesson here?
OK. One of the things I am always saying . . . is:
Not everything that happens to a submissive is about the submissive.
Not to stretch the analogy to the breaking point, but, submission is like most jobs in that in the end, all you can control is your effort. Results are affected by a myriad of factors, many unknown, some unknowable. To be at peace with that fact is a major accomplishment, both in the workplace and in D/s.
Now, the funny part of this is that I didn't see the lesson was there while I was talking with sorceress. It only occurred to Me today, so I didn't make the connection to her about it last night. Good thing she reads this blog!
she then was musing about how much she could get done if every day could be like that.
I pointed out . . . that if she were to sit down and objectively write down a list of ALL the things that could potentially make a given day a bad day, she would find that at the very most, 10% of them were within her control. So many things can conspire to result in her having a less than productive day, and she really can't control any of them, other than getting enough sleep at night and coming to work with her head on straight.
So . . . where's the lesson here?
OK. One of the things I am always saying . . . is:
Not everything that happens to a submissive is about the submissive.
Not to stretch the analogy to the breaking point, but, submission is like most jobs in that in the end, all you can control is your effort. Results are affected by a myriad of factors, many unknown, some unknowable. To be at peace with that fact is a major accomplishment, both in the workplace and in D/s.
Now, the funny part of this is that I didn't see the lesson was there while I was talking with sorceress. It only occurred to Me today, so I didn't make the connection to her about it last night. Good thing she reads this blog!
Acceptance
I was talking tonight with someone who was having some trouble with the way her best friend reacts to things that she says some times, when she discusses her emotions with said friend.
My take on this is, essentially, a thing I always fall back on: People's motives, even the motives of those we know pretty well, are laregly inscrutable. Freindship and love obscure that fact, and give us the illusion that we know more than we do. So it hurts, when what we're reminded of what we don't know.
So it comes down to acceptance. And not the easy kind, either.
The easy kind is where we tolerate, but don't accept. On some totally honest level, we're still pissed at/bothered by the thing we claim to accept, but don't show any outward manifestation of being bothered. That's a lie, even if we never overtly express the lie.
The difficult kind is where we truly accept it, where it truly bothers us so little as to not matter at all any more. It entails a shifting on a deep level, it takes a level of committment most people simply aren't capable of.
To bring this into the D/s context . . . to submit, is to submit to the whole Person. And a big part of that is acceptance, the difficult kind.
The main difficulties are:
1. Not that many Dominants are worth that kind of submission . . . submitting to the whole Person. Not surprisingly, this is NOT a subject We Dominants often dwell on LOL.
2. Since no one's perfect, submitting to the whole person is a lot of work.
3. Many Dominants may not be on this particular wavelength, so the submissive might find him/herself working diligently, struggling to achieve something that the Other doesn't even think about.
More on this another time . . .
My take on this is, essentially, a thing I always fall back on: People's motives, even the motives of those we know pretty well, are laregly inscrutable. Freindship and love obscure that fact, and give us the illusion that we know more than we do. So it hurts, when what we're reminded of what we don't know.
So it comes down to acceptance. And not the easy kind, either.
The easy kind is where we tolerate, but don't accept. On some totally honest level, we're still pissed at/bothered by the thing we claim to accept, but don't show any outward manifestation of being bothered. That's a lie, even if we never overtly express the lie.
The difficult kind is where we truly accept it, where it truly bothers us so little as to not matter at all any more. It entails a shifting on a deep level, it takes a level of committment most people simply aren't capable of.
To bring this into the D/s context . . . to submit, is to submit to the whole Person. And a big part of that is acceptance, the difficult kind.
The main difficulties are:
1. Not that many Dominants are worth that kind of submission . . . submitting to the whole Person. Not surprisingly, this is NOT a subject We Dominants often dwell on LOL.
2. Since no one's perfect, submitting to the whole person is a lot of work.
3. Many Dominants may not be on this particular wavelength, so the submissive might find him/herself working diligently, struggling to achieve something that the Other doesn't even think about.
More on this another time . . .
What Kind of Soul Are You?
I saw this on ling's blog and thought it was a fun thing.
I'm not sure I agree with it all . . . "ambitious," at the least in the traditional sense, doesn't fit Me. I relate to animals better than people? If the animals in question are housecats, I guess that's true. An "explosive personality?" Hmmmmmmm . . .
Did I check the answers I meant to? LOL
Anyway, it's a fun little thing. What kind of soul are you?
| You Are a Hunter Soul |
 An outdoors person, you like animals and relate to them better than people. You tend to have an explosive personality, but also a good sense of humor. People sometimes see you as arrogant or a know it all. You tend to be a bit of a loner, though you hate to be alone. Souls you are most compatible with: Seeker Soul and Peacemaker Soul |
I'm not sure I agree with it all . . . "ambitious," at the least in the traditional sense, doesn't fit Me. I relate to animals better than people? If the animals in question are housecats, I guess that's true. An "explosive personality?" Hmmmmmmm . . .
Did I check the answers I meant to? LOL
Anyway, it's a fun little thing. What kind of soul are you?
When Being Good Entails Being "Bad"
One of the most difficult things for a Dominant to deal with is when the slave(s) in question wants to be so good that s/he holds back important things.
After some intense play today, iris said told Me that she "really needed that." I pointed out that it's important for her to tell Me what she needs/wants on a regular basis, becasue, contrary to what she might think, I am not actually a mind-reader. And, I pointed out that doing that was an important step in deepening her submission.
iris told Me that she couldn't quite see how doing that could deepen her submission, and that it "goes against everything i think should be right." To her, it feels like topping from the bottom. This, among the very submissive, devoted person, is a common thought pattern. And it's easy to see why and how those thoughts develop.
I told iris that there was a short and longer answer to her concerns.
The short answer goes as follows:
1. I want it.
2. Given that I want it, her doing it by definition deepens her submission.
As is often the case, the short answer, while 100% correct, isn't necessarily satisfying or edifying.
The longer answer goes something like this:
1. If I am to totally own her, then I must own her desires, etc., as well.
2. And since I really am NOT a mind-reader, I can't own what I don't know about.
3. In answer to the topping from the bottom consideration, it's important to understand that Me knowing what she wants doesn't mean that I am going to do it, or do it exactly how she might think/expect/want.
4. Even though it feels contrary to what a "good slave" does, it's a very important step. And that I understand the level of difficulty involved, and that I understand that progress will be in fits and starts, and that no deep change can or will happen in a short time.
The longer answer helped some, I think. It often does.
After some intense play today, iris said told Me that she "really needed that." I pointed out that it's important for her to tell Me what she needs/wants on a regular basis, becasue, contrary to what she might think, I am not actually a mind-reader. And, I pointed out that doing that was an important step in deepening her submission.
iris told Me that she couldn't quite see how doing that could deepen her submission, and that it "goes against everything i think should be right." To her, it feels like topping from the bottom. This, among the very submissive, devoted person, is a common thought pattern. And it's easy to see why and how those thoughts develop.
I told iris that there was a short and longer answer to her concerns.
The short answer goes as follows:
1. I want it.
2. Given that I want it, her doing it by definition deepens her submission.
As is often the case, the short answer, while 100% correct, isn't necessarily satisfying or edifying.
The longer answer goes something like this:
1. If I am to totally own her, then I must own her desires, etc., as well.
2. And since I really am NOT a mind-reader, I can't own what I don't know about.
3. In answer to the topping from the bottom consideration, it's important to understand that Me knowing what she wants doesn't mean that I am going to do it, or do it exactly how she might think/expect/want.
4. Even though it feels contrary to what a "good slave" does, it's a very important step. And that I understand the level of difficulty involved, and that I understand that progress will be in fits and starts, and that no deep change can or will happen in a short time.
The longer answer helped some, I think. It often does.
It's Nice to be Nice to the Nice, but . . .
A night that tried My patience last night, and at times made Me wonder.
It was crowded and got crazy. And while that's often fun, and last night did provide its share of laughs (not all of them intentional), in the midst of it, I had to kick someone. Which, honestly, I hate doing.
The situation was fairly straightforward. I have few rules, and I am more than willing to concede the benefit of the doubt in situations.
This girl comes in last night, and, as often the case, isn't aware that Sir and Ma'am are required in the room. No biggie. I gently remind her. With a smile. she does it again. OK, she missed the first one. One of My girls reminds her again, via the Bot.
Then she says . . . "so, is this room about ass-kissing, or what?"
At that point, I kick her. she has the annoying "auto-rejoin on kick" turned on, so she immediately reappears. At which point I have to kick and ban her.
OK, I'm pissed at having had to do that, but stuff happens, I have My rules, they're hardly onerous. But then . . . . she feels the need to PM Me. . . .
she's pissed because she saw other girls not using Sir before she got kicked. I pointed out, not as patiently as I should have, perhaps, that what she saw was a girl referring to two Doms by their names, minus the "Sir," in the third person. OK, that's splitting hairs a bit, admittedly, but I also pointed out that the girl had TWO chances to correct herself and still decided that being a smartass was the way to go.
At that point I said goodbye and put her on IGNORE.
Why must people continually confuse niceness and grace with weakness? What is the virus in human nature at work here?
Oh well, today's a another, better day. Two of My three girls are off work . . . yay.
It was crowded and got crazy. And while that's often fun, and last night did provide its share of laughs (not all of them intentional), in the midst of it, I had to kick someone. Which, honestly, I hate doing.
The situation was fairly straightforward. I have few rules, and I am more than willing to concede the benefit of the doubt in situations.
This girl comes in last night, and, as often the case, isn't aware that Sir and Ma'am are required in the room. No biggie. I gently remind her. With a smile. she does it again. OK, she missed the first one. One of My girls reminds her again, via the Bot.
Then she says . . . "so, is this room about ass-kissing, or what?"
At that point, I kick her. she has the annoying "auto-rejoin on kick" turned on, so she immediately reappears. At which point I have to kick and ban her.
OK, I'm pissed at having had to do that, but stuff happens, I have My rules, they're hardly onerous. But then . . . . she feels the need to PM Me. . . .
she's pissed because she saw other girls not using Sir before she got kicked. I pointed out, not as patiently as I should have, perhaps, that what she saw was a girl referring to two Doms by their names, minus the "Sir," in the third person. OK, that's splitting hairs a bit, admittedly, but I also pointed out that the girl had TWO chances to correct herself and still decided that being a smartass was the way to go.
At that point I said goodbye and put her on IGNORE.
Why must people continually confuse niceness and grace with weakness? What is the virus in human nature at work here?
Oh well, today's a another, better day. Two of My three girls are off work . . . yay.
Pitchers and Catchers Report!
BASEBALL!!!!!!
Pitchers and catchers are reporting . . . in a couple of weeks, spring training games will begin.
This mere fact lifts My spirits and signals the death-knell for winter. It may still be cold here, we may have more snowstorms yet, but psychologically, it's the beginning of the end. Just as the players trickle to the warmth of Florida and Arizona to begin to the long, beautiful ritual that defines the American summer, My thoughts too, slowly turn towards the light . . . and to the restless anticipation, the warming optimism that is the beginning of baseball season.
It is a glorious time. The weak winter sunlight is an illusion . . . the earth is stirring, waking from its winter doldrums. The squirrels chatter to the squawking birds hardy enough to have stayed around . . . the ultimate renewal, both in the air in My heart, is at hand. Everything is gradually quickening, rising to the silent pull of the coming change.
Baseball.
Pitchers and catchers are reporting . . . in a couple of weeks, spring training games will begin.
This mere fact lifts My spirits and signals the death-knell for winter. It may still be cold here, we may have more snowstorms yet, but psychologically, it's the beginning of the end. Just as the players trickle to the warmth of Florida and Arizona to begin to the long, beautiful ritual that defines the American summer, My thoughts too, slowly turn towards the light . . . and to the restless anticipation, the warming optimism that is the beginning of baseball season.
It is a glorious time. The weak winter sunlight is an illusion . . . the earth is stirring, waking from its winter doldrums. The squirrels chatter to the squawking birds hardy enough to have stayed around . . . the ultimate renewal, both in the air in My heart, is at hand. Everything is gradually quickening, rising to the silent pull of the coming change.
Baseball.
Imponderables, Part 2
It occurred to Me about 10 times today that I should have included an example or two in last night's post. Of course, a couple of commenters had the same sensible thought. So here goes.
Consider the following statement:
We are what we let go of, not what we hold onto.
That is the sort of statement I will throw out to My girls, not for them to accept blindly, not for them to believe, but simply for them to think about in a non-pressured, time-independent way.
Then, as time goes on, something will happen that will reinforce the statement. Some other topic of conversation, something that happened to one of them at work, or in some other area of their lives, something that happens in a scene . . . it could be anything. I never know when the oppportunity will come up to hammer on that nail a little bit more. I try hard to always be ready to seize upon these opportunities.
The girls of course immediately know that something's coming, because I'll say . . . "you know how I'm always saying . . . ?" And then I'll go on to explain how I see what just happened connects to a concept we've previously discussed.
In the specific example I stated, there is of course a "goal," if you will. The goal being for them to accept, moreover, to know in their hearts that an important step of moving along the path of submission (and along the path of being a happier, more aware people) is to be able to let go of things, to truly let go of them and not miss them when they're gone. And eventually to train them to be able to do that, to do that without thinking about it. But there is no way to just keep saying that over and over again in straightforward terms and make any progress. Something in human nature reflexively rejects highly foreign concepts when they are plainly stated in professorial fashion.
But a mysterious, seemingly impossible concept, has a built-in "hook" that advances learning -- this is the "trick that is known to be a trick" that I spoke of last night. As the elucidation moves along, it becomes clear that what is to be let go of are things no sane person should want to hold onto anyway. And so, little by little, what was introduced as an impossibility becomes not only possible to contemplate, but possible to achieve.
Consider the following statement:
We are what we let go of, not what we hold onto.
That is the sort of statement I will throw out to My girls, not for them to accept blindly, not for them to believe, but simply for them to think about in a non-pressured, time-independent way.
Then, as time goes on, something will happen that will reinforce the statement. Some other topic of conversation, something that happened to one of them at work, or in some other area of their lives, something that happens in a scene . . . it could be anything. I never know when the oppportunity will come up to hammer on that nail a little bit more. I try hard to always be ready to seize upon these opportunities.
The girls of course immediately know that something's coming, because I'll say . . . "you know how I'm always saying . . . ?" And then I'll go on to explain how I see what just happened connects to a concept we've previously discussed.
In the specific example I stated, there is of course a "goal," if you will. The goal being for them to accept, moreover, to know in their hearts that an important step of moving along the path of submission (and along the path of being a happier, more aware people) is to be able to let go of things, to truly let go of them and not miss them when they're gone. And eventually to train them to be able to do that, to do that without thinking about it. But there is no way to just keep saying that over and over again in straightforward terms and make any progress. Something in human nature reflexively rejects highly foreign concepts when they are plainly stated in professorial fashion.
But a mysterious, seemingly impossible concept, has a built-in "hook" that advances learning -- this is the "trick that is known to be a trick" that I spoke of last night. As the elucidation moves along, it becomes clear that what is to be let go of are things no sane person should want to hold onto anyway. And so, little by little, what was introduced as an impossibility becomes not only possible to contemplate, but possible to achieve.
Imponderables
I was asked in a comment, a while back, to talk about "method." I am pretty much always talking about method, or at least it feels like it.
One thing that I do with My girls (and others, at times) is use a lot of what I call "imponderables." Statements that on their face, seem self-contradictory, or nonsensical, or just, impossible. I toss these out there to them, in a pressure-free sort of way. The statement is given with the admonition that, for now, it should be nosensical; it doesn't have to mean anything. It's simply someting to think about now and again, in odd moments, with no pressure or expectation that "sense" will ever be made of it.
These statements are, of course, NOT nonsensical -- they are all 100% true. The idea is for the slave to gradually see the sense of the statement. I help the process along by pointing out situations that reinforce the truth of the statement when such occur. Thus there is a steady, if not necessarily predictable, course of learning.
This method, I've found, is just about the only way to teach the "imponderables." A direct frontal assault will almost always fail; the momentum of the statement often goes against what we've learned all our lives. My method is, if you will, a trick of sorts. A trick that works despite (or becasue of?) the fact that the "trickee" knows she's being tricked. And, as things proceed, there is a fair amount of straight-out explaining that goes on -- when situations arise that illustrate My point, that creates the opening for a more formal expansion on the idea. It's easier to talk about, and much easier to understand at that point.
And, aside from being the best way to teach these things, it turns out to be . . . fun! (For Me; the girls I think often just get a headache LOL). Seeing it unfold in them, feeling their knowledge expand, and their submission deepen as that happens . . . creates in Me a feeling I can only describe as a "full body smile." There is little better in life.
One thing that I do with My girls (and others, at times) is use a lot of what I call "imponderables." Statements that on their face, seem self-contradictory, or nonsensical, or just, impossible. I toss these out there to them, in a pressure-free sort of way. The statement is given with the admonition that, for now, it should be nosensical; it doesn't have to mean anything. It's simply someting to think about now and again, in odd moments, with no pressure or expectation that "sense" will ever be made of it.
These statements are, of course, NOT nonsensical -- they are all 100% true. The idea is for the slave to gradually see the sense of the statement. I help the process along by pointing out situations that reinforce the truth of the statement when such occur. Thus there is a steady, if not necessarily predictable, course of learning.
This method, I've found, is just about the only way to teach the "imponderables." A direct frontal assault will almost always fail; the momentum of the statement often goes against what we've learned all our lives. My method is, if you will, a trick of sorts. A trick that works despite (or becasue of?) the fact that the "trickee" knows she's being tricked. And, as things proceed, there is a fair amount of straight-out explaining that goes on -- when situations arise that illustrate My point, that creates the opening for a more formal expansion on the idea. It's easier to talk about, and much easier to understand at that point.
And, aside from being the best way to teach these things, it turns out to be . . . fun! (For Me; the girls I think often just get a headache LOL). Seeing it unfold in them, feeling their knowledge expand, and their submission deepen as that happens . . . creates in Me a feeling I can only describe as a "full body smile." There is little better in life.
Seether
Keeping one's self "under control" is so hard sometimes. It was the kind of day where I found Myself just wanting to scream, seemingly every 10 minutes.
Somehow, of course, I didn't . . . the workplace was spared any displays of raw emotion.
I strive for that same control in the rest of My life, too . . . with varying degrees of success. This is, I will admit, part of what I think a Dominant should do: To be the Mistress of others necessitates that One is frst the Mistress of One's self. This is often easier said than done, and certainly I have My moments.
The girls, of course, being the dovted slaves that they are . . . would gladly accept just about any mood from Me. I love them for that, but, I strive (strive being the oeprative word, it's by no means a cinch) to always let them know that I'm in control of Myself, and thus, they can rely on Me.
But, some days . . . wow. It's tough. This song pretty much summed up My day today:
Seether is neither loose nor tight,Seether is neither black nor white.
I tried to keep her on a short leash,I tried to calm her down.
I tried to ram her into the ground, yeah.
Can’t fight the seether
I can’t see her ’till I’m foaming at the mouth.
Seether is neither big nor small.
Seether is the center of it all.I tried to rock her in my cradle,
I tried to knock her out,I tried to cram her back in my mouth, yeah.
Can’t fight the seether ( seether )
I can’t see her ’till I’m foaming at the mouth.
Keep her down, boiling water,Keep her down, what a lovely daughter.
Oh, she is not born like other girls,
But I know how to conceive her.
Oh, she may not look like other girls,
But she’s a snarl-toothed seether, seether!
Can’t fight the seether ( seether )
I can’t see her ’till I’m foaming at the mouth.
Seether . . . Can’t fight the seether ( seether )
I can’t see her ’till I’m foaming at the mouth.Yeah.
--Veruca Salt
The Love Thing (An Introduction)
I've read a number of essays that put forth the idea that love complicates/interferes with a successful D/s relationship. I am guessing that this idea comes from the "Old Guard," classical style of D/s.
As such, I don't dismiss that concept, but I have figured out, in no uncertain terms, that it does not and can not work for Me.
The only way I can really Dominate, the only way I can own, is with love. I can scene with various and sundry, and be very good at it, with no particular emotional connection going in, but, for the "real" thing . . . the kind of Ownership I want with My girls, for the goals that I have in mind, I must not only love them, but be in love with them.
Again, I stress that this is My way . . . I have no doubt that for some people, love really IS anthithetcial to D/s the way they want to practice it.
But for Me . . . especially for the spiritual aspects of what I want to impart to My girls, the places I want to take them (or more accurately, convince them they are capable of going), love is essential. It underpins everything that I am with and to them. It allows Me to pour all of Myself into owning them.
I say to them, often, "all of you is for all of Me." But, in a very real way, all of Me is for all of them. It is becasue I love them so deeply that I am able to maintain (heopfully) the level of intense focus, of committment, that what I seek requires.
Loving them does not preclude Me from being able to correct them, or to punish them in the (very rare) instances that it's necessary. On the contrary, it makes it, in My view, easier, because correction, or punishment, is always informed by My love for them -- it helps ensure that I am not punishing in anger or over something trivial. And it makes it easier for them to accept and understand what has happened and why. Loving them shows them that even when My authority seems arbitrary, there is the fact of My love to fall back on, to help them understand that what is not necessarily clear in the moment is a component of something more encompassing.
Love is not antithetical to discipline, to respect. It is, for Me, a necessary ingredient. It is the bedrock of those things, regardless of which might have come first by the accident of time and experience. It is what makes Me capable of being what I am to them, and what makes them capable of being Mine, which, I have no illusions, is not always easy.
Happy Valentine's Day, sweet girls of Mine . . . I love you, so incredibly much.
As such, I don't dismiss that concept, but I have figured out, in no uncertain terms, that it does not and can not work for Me.
The only way I can really Dominate, the only way I can own, is with love. I can scene with various and sundry, and be very good at it, with no particular emotional connection going in, but, for the "real" thing . . . the kind of Ownership I want with My girls, for the goals that I have in mind, I must not only love them, but be in love with them.
Again, I stress that this is My way . . . I have no doubt that for some people, love really IS anthithetcial to D/s the way they want to practice it.
But for Me . . . especially for the spiritual aspects of what I want to impart to My girls, the places I want to take them (or more accurately, convince them they are capable of going), love is essential. It underpins everything that I am with and to them. It allows Me to pour all of Myself into owning them.
I say to them, often, "all of you is for all of Me." But, in a very real way, all of Me is for all of them. It is becasue I love them so deeply that I am able to maintain (heopfully) the level of intense focus, of committment, that what I seek requires.
Loving them does not preclude Me from being able to correct them, or to punish them in the (very rare) instances that it's necessary. On the contrary, it makes it, in My view, easier, because correction, or punishment, is always informed by My love for them -- it helps ensure that I am not punishing in anger or over something trivial. And it makes it easier for them to accept and understand what has happened and why. Loving them shows them that even when My authority seems arbitrary, there is the fact of My love to fall back on, to help them understand that what is not necessarily clear in the moment is a component of something more encompassing.
Love is not antithetical to discipline, to respect. It is, for Me, a necessary ingredient. It is the bedrock of those things, regardless of which might have come first by the accident of time and experience. It is what makes Me capable of being what I am to them, and what makes them capable of being Mine, which, I have no illusions, is not always easy.
Happy Valentine's Day, sweet girls of Mine . . . I love you, so incredibly much.
Words
slut.
Words are loaded. In the chat medium, with no tone of voice, body language, or facial expression to guide interpretation, words are especially loaded.
One girl I've spoken a lot with, until recently had a major problem with the word "slut." In her case, it wasn't so much the sexual connotation of the word that bothered her as the old-fashioned meaning of slut as an "unkempt" woman. But other sub girls, especially, from time to time, have an issue with the word. Interestingly enough, I've never met a male sub who objected to being called a "slut" LOL . . . make of that what you will. OK, men are sluts. There, I said it.
Around #EP (with Me anyway) . . . it's a commonly-used word. For Me, it's typcially a term of endearment, denoting the familiarity/comfort I feel with the girl in question. And it's more, of course, too . . . and that I suspect is where the problem comes in for some.
It's a reminder of status. There's an implicit humilation in the word. The word itself is transgressive -- in normal polite society calling someone a slut is usually a pretty severe insult.
And of course, the transgressive aspect of the word is what gives it its power. It "objectifies" to a certain extent. For Me, in the chatroom context, it reinforces the norms that allow the environment to function smoothly. While there is no government without the consent of the governed, there is also no government if those in "power" don't set a clear direction, don't have clearly stated expectations. It's not a democracy (and I know few good subs who would want it to be). Little things . . . the use of titles, certain standards of respectful sub behavior, etc., help keep things clear. Terms that subtlely reinforce the message to subs that they are there as subs voluntarily (presumably no one is forcing anyone at gunpoint to be on-line) are another aspect of that.
[Note: I am not talking about the use of certian terms in scenes . . . obviously that's its own realm, worthy of its own entry.]
The message to the sub is clear and consistent: you may not be here to submit to ME, per se, but you are here to explore some aspect(s) of submission (or you are doing research for a term paper) . . . submitting to the norms of a given place, even, perhaps especailly, when they are essentially arbitrary, is submitting, too. And it has a value. An unsexy, non-obvious value. But no less important, no less a building block, if you will, of "bigger" submission.
Words are loaded. In the chat medium, with no tone of voice, body language, or facial expression to guide interpretation, words are especially loaded.
One girl I've spoken a lot with, until recently had a major problem with the word "slut." In her case, it wasn't so much the sexual connotation of the word that bothered her as the old-fashioned meaning of slut as an "unkempt" woman. But other sub girls, especially, from time to time, have an issue with the word. Interestingly enough, I've never met a male sub who objected to being called a "slut" LOL . . . make of that what you will. OK, men are sluts. There, I said it.
Around #EP (with Me anyway) . . . it's a commonly-used word. For Me, it's typcially a term of endearment, denoting the familiarity/comfort I feel with the girl in question. And it's more, of course, too . . . and that I suspect is where the problem comes in for some.
It's a reminder of status. There's an implicit humilation in the word. The word itself is transgressive -- in normal polite society calling someone a slut is usually a pretty severe insult.
And of course, the transgressive aspect of the word is what gives it its power. It "objectifies" to a certain extent. For Me, in the chatroom context, it reinforces the norms that allow the environment to function smoothly. While there is no government without the consent of the governed, there is also no government if those in "power" don't set a clear direction, don't have clearly stated expectations. It's not a democracy (and I know few good subs who would want it to be). Little things . . . the use of titles, certain standards of respectful sub behavior, etc., help keep things clear. Terms that subtlely reinforce the message to subs that they are there as subs voluntarily (presumably no one is forcing anyone at gunpoint to be on-line) are another aspect of that.
[Note: I am not talking about the use of certian terms in scenes . . . obviously that's its own realm, worthy of its own entry.]
The message to the sub is clear and consistent: you may not be here to submit to ME, per se, but you are here to explore some aspect(s) of submission (or you are doing research for a term paper) . . . submitting to the norms of a given place, even, perhaps especailly, when they are essentially arbitrary, is submitting, too. And it has a value. An unsexy, non-obvious value. But no less important, no less a building block, if you will, of "bigger" submission.
What's going on here?
Lately, I read a lot of blogs and the current entry is titled "Goodbye" or similar. It seems as though a lot of blogs are being killed off, and many others have been abandoned.
Since I only recently started blogging, it's harder for Me to undersatnd, I think. Two years from now, I might be in exactly that same spot . . . saying goodbye. Right now, I feel like there's so much to say. I suppose that in the early stages that's very common.
I know we all have our own reasons for starting, and blogging, and then for stopping. I personally hate to see any blog go away. The mass of personal experience and thought out there, should always be increasing -- even if everything isn't for everyone (and certainly no one could even try to read even a fraction of the blogs out there, or would want to), blogs really do represent a unique form of expression, one that can create greater understanding between people, one reader at a time.
I read today that it's estimated that there are 27,000 new blogs started every day. Even if that's high, and assuming that many of the started blogs will be quickly abandoned, or contain gibberish, or spam, that still leaves a lot of "real" blogs out there, growing the blogmass. Slowly, almost imperceptibly, increasing the understanding, creating new bridges between people.
That's a heartening thought.
Since I only recently started blogging, it's harder for Me to undersatnd, I think. Two years from now, I might be in exactly that same spot . . . saying goodbye. Right now, I feel like there's so much to say. I suppose that in the early stages that's very common.
I know we all have our own reasons for starting, and blogging, and then for stopping. I personally hate to see any blog go away. The mass of personal experience and thought out there, should always be increasing -- even if everything isn't for everyone (and certainly no one could even try to read even a fraction of the blogs out there, or would want to), blogs really do represent a unique form of expression, one that can create greater understanding between people, one reader at a time.
I read today that it's estimated that there are 27,000 new blogs started every day. Even if that's high, and assuming that many of the started blogs will be quickly abandoned, or contain gibberish, or spam, that still leaves a lot of "real" blogs out there, growing the blogmass. Slowly, almost imperceptibly, increasing the understanding, creating new bridges between people.
That's a heartening thought.
Magic . . . and Science
I don't get a lot of comments on what I write here, so I value those I do get.
OK, end of bitching.
In the entry "Plan and Process," I wrote:
"I do prefer the romantic, the emotional, to the clinical."
In a comment, Englishman said:
"Romantic and emotional preferrable to the clinical? This suggests you are far more in favour of the arts than the sciences. If this is so, then more of my theories hold up. (If wrong, then back to the drawing board!) "
My comment was referring to the fact that I have to sometimes ask the girls things that I wish I just knew without having to ask. It would be wonderful to never have to have a "checking in" conversation. Ideally, My love for them, their love for Me, and My wonderfully insightful nature (ha!) would carry the day and there'd be no need for mundane Q and A.
Alas, as much as I do know a lot of what they're feeling, where they "are" in their submission, without having to ask, there are times when there's no getting around having to just ask.
And it turns out that those conversations are necessary not only for Me to know . . . but sometimes for My girls to understand intellectually what they might intutively know but have never actually thought about/verbalized. My bringing it up forces them to think deeply about things that typcially they might be content to just be a part of, to simply experience. And that turns out to be extremely valuable, both for them, and for Me, to see how they react to the insights that they themselves acquire by the process of disucssing it.
So, really, the intuitive and the clinical both have their place, their time, their function. I greatly value the wordless flash of insight, the instant unspoken knowing, and always have. It's been a longer process, more of a struggle, for Me to give the intellectual side its proper status as well.
OK, end of bitching.
In the entry "Plan and Process," I wrote:
"I do prefer the romantic, the emotional, to the clinical."
In a comment, Englishman said:
"Romantic and emotional preferrable to the clinical? This suggests you are far more in favour of the arts than the sciences. If this is so, then more of my theories hold up. (If wrong, then back to the drawing board!) "
My comment was referring to the fact that I have to sometimes ask the girls things that I wish I just knew without having to ask. It would be wonderful to never have to have a "checking in" conversation. Ideally, My love for them, their love for Me, and My wonderfully insightful nature (ha!) would carry the day and there'd be no need for mundane Q and A.
Alas, as much as I do know a lot of what they're feeling, where they "are" in their submission, without having to ask, there are times when there's no getting around having to just ask.
And it turns out that those conversations are necessary not only for Me to know . . . but sometimes for My girls to understand intellectually what they might intutively know but have never actually thought about/verbalized. My bringing it up forces them to think deeply about things that typcially they might be content to just be a part of, to simply experience. And that turns out to be extremely valuable, both for them, and for Me, to see how they react to the insights that they themselves acquire by the process of disucssing it.
So, really, the intuitive and the clinical both have their place, their time, their function. I greatly value the wordless flash of insight, the instant unspoken knowing, and always have. It's been a longer process, more of a struggle, for Me to give the intellectual side its proper status as well.
Let it Snow
There's suposed to be a big snowstorm around here tomorrow afternoon, into Sunday. Strangely, I'm looking forward to it. That weather can intervene and pretty much stop everything is a comforting thought.
To be able to laze around and watch it snow, even on a weekend, is such a treat. You can drift into naps, feeling wonderfully warm under the blankets, wake up and roll over, look out at the snow, then decide that nothing is really so pressing afetr all and turn over and go back to sleep.
To be able to laze around and watch it snow, even on a weekend, is such a treat. You can drift into naps, feeling wonderfully warm under the blankets, wake up and roll over, look out at the snow, then decide that nothing is really so pressing afetr all and turn over and go back to sleep.
Then it keeps snowing all night and it's still snowing when you wake up in the morning, and it feels like it's been snowing forever. You look outside and nothing is moving but the snow blowing by . . . flip to the news channel for the obligatory footage of stuck cars and snowplows . . . the voice drones on about flight delays and cancellations . . . it's perversely soothing and your eyes close . . .
Eventually you drag yourself out of bed, root aorund for some comfort food, and think about casseroles and stews and other long-cooking wonderful smelling things filling the house with their aromas. It's a day to be warm, try on everything you never wear but for some reason hold on to, paint your toenails then decide it's terrible and do it all over again. It's a day to be indulgent and comfortable and feel good and sexy about being so.
A snowy weekend. Nature's remedy for normal life.
Plan and Process
Every so often, I touch base with My girls, in a very straightforward manner, to see how they feel about their submission, about their situation, etc. It's a way for Me to be able to gauge if the the things I'm doing a
re working, and how well.
It is, of course, pretty much torture (and not the good kind) for the girls. They are more geared to acting and feeling than to talking about it. That is a wonderful thing, and really it's how it should be, but there are times when there needs to be a clear expression of things.
I need the verbal checkpoints, becasue while I have a process, I don't have a plan, per se.
That's worthy of some clarification. I have a "plan," in big terms. I know, exactly how and where I want them . . . the desired future state is clear to Me. The "process" is the strucutre, the overall strategy, by which the desired future state is someday achieved.
Within that, there is a "plan" . . . the tacitcs, if you will, that, presumably, successfully carried out, advance the strategy. When I say I don't have a plan, I mean that I don't have every single step laid out in advance. I don't think such is possible, really. The dynamics of the situation are too complex, things are too fluid to think that a prearranged plan will work more than a small percentage of the time. I accept that I have to continually montior, adjust, and re-think.
Thus My need to touch base, in very upfront and clear terms, every so often. I would just as soon not have to do this; I do prefer the romantic, the emotional, to the clinical. And certainly, a lot of times in these things, the more one talks about a subject, the farther one gets from understanding it.
It's all part of the "job." The world's best, most fulfilling, thrilling, exciting job. I wouldn't have it any other way.
re working, and how well.It is, of course, pretty much torture (and not the good kind) for the girls. They are more geared to acting and feeling than to talking about it. That is a wonderful thing, and really it's how it should be, but there are times when there needs to be a clear expression of things.
I need the verbal checkpoints, becasue while I have a process, I don't have a plan, per se.
That's worthy of some clarification. I have a "plan," in big terms. I know, exactly how and where I want them . . . the desired future state is clear to Me. The "process" is the strucutre, the overall strategy, by which the desired future state is someday achieved.
Within that, there is a "plan" . . . the tacitcs, if you will, that, presumably, successfully carried out, advance the strategy. When I say I don't have a plan, I mean that I don't have every single step laid out in advance. I don't think such is possible, really. The dynamics of the situation are too complex, things are too fluid to think that a prearranged plan will work more than a small percentage of the time. I accept that I have to continually montior, adjust, and re-think.
Thus My need to touch base, in very upfront and clear terms, every so often. I would just as soon not have to do this; I do prefer the romantic, the emotional, to the clinical. And certainly, a lot of times in these things, the more one talks about a subject, the farther one gets from understanding it.
It's all part of the "job." The world's best, most fulfilling, thrilling, exciting job. I wouldn't have it any other way.
More About "Time"
I got a couple of comments on the "Time" entry, and they fit with the additonal things I wanted to talk about regarding that.
Englishman wrote: Regarding time, and considering method, might you be kind enough to give us chapter and verse?
I will, but it will be a here and there kind of apparoach. But I was reminded of one important aspect/effect of the concept, by the following.
rivka wrote: Not easy or natural is definitely the definition. I feel so bad because Rico is having such a rough time with me... the things that have been programmed and drilled into my head and heart for so long are now meaningless. Yet the remnants from those things still induces impulses and instinctive actions that I *must* change.
I understand the sentiment, but one aspect where I use time is to reinforce the concept with My girls that it's not a race. There is no "finish" line.
That statement requires an important disclaimer: I'm not talking about My being complacent, or about Me condoning the submissive messing up elemantary concepts long past the point where she should have them down.
I am talking about understanding that, in the final analysis we are all pretty much where we should be at the given moment we are there.
Of course, this leads to some obvious questions: Does that mean that Dom/me shouldn't push the submissive? Does it mean that the Dom/me should just be satisfied whith whatever the submissive does?
The answer of course is "no." And this where the whole concept of "lots of time" comes in.
What I try to do, all the time, is "push with patience." I am pushing My girls, all the time. Where the patience comes in is in understanding that results are a long-term thing. So, I strive to not get too excited or too upset as a result of individual moments/activitites. I measure progress by stopping and looking back, every so often, to see the progress they've made over time. And when I do that I'm pleased by what I see.
It's very easy to confuse intensity with haste. The submissive, feeling that fire raging inside, wants desperately to be it all, do it all, to be perfect, NOW. The Dominant, feeling that from him or her, can get caught up in that (along with His or Her natural demanding nature). But rushing, in all things, rarely leads to the best result. As cliched as it sounds, the journey of a thousmand miles starts with a single step . . . the reality is that certain things are simply going to take a long time. Certain lessons are going to have be heard many many times. Each time, hopefully, both Dominant and submissive understand a little bit more of the bigger picture. It is an iterative process.
I liken it to putting together a complicated jigsaw puzzle That takes not only massive intense effort but also an abiding patience. The patience of the Dominant lies in understanding that the submissive is attempting to put together the puzzle without having access to the picture showing the completed puzzle. The patience of the submissive lies in realizing that the Dominant might have access to the picture of the completed puzzle, but will still end up having to try a lot of different pieces in the same spot before the fit is found.
And both must realize that they need to act with purpose but not in haste, and to trust that where T/they are is where T/they should be.
Englishman wrote: Regarding time, and considering method, might you be kind enough to give us chapter and verse?
I will, but it will be a here and there kind of apparoach. But I was reminded of one important aspect/effect of the concept, by the following.
rivka wrote: Not easy or natural is definitely the definition. I feel so bad because Rico is having such a rough time with me... the things that have been programmed and drilled into my head and heart for so long are now meaningless. Yet the remnants from those things still induces impulses and instinctive actions that I *must* change.
I understand the sentiment, but one aspect where I use time is to reinforce the concept with My girls that it's not a race. There is no "finish" line.
That statement requires an important disclaimer: I'm not talking about My being complacent, or about Me condoning the submissive messing up elemantary concepts long past the point where she should have them down.
I am talking about understanding that, in the final analysis we are all pretty much where we should be at the given moment we are there.
Of course, this leads to some obvious questions: Does that mean that Dom/me shouldn't push the submissive? Does it mean that the Dom/me should just be satisfied whith whatever the submissive does?
The answer of course is "no." And this where the whole concept of "lots of time" comes in.
What I try to do, all the time, is "push with patience." I am pushing My girls, all the time. Where the patience comes in is in understanding that results are a long-term thing. So, I strive to not get too excited or too upset as a result of individual moments/activitites. I measure progress by stopping and looking back, every so often, to see the progress they've made over time. And when I do that I'm pleased by what I see.
It's very easy to confuse intensity with haste. The submissive, feeling that fire raging inside, wants desperately to be it all, do it all, to be perfect, NOW. The Dominant, feeling that from him or her, can get caught up in that (along with His or Her natural demanding nature). But rushing, in all things, rarely leads to the best result. As cliched as it sounds, the journey of a thousmand miles starts with a single step . . . the reality is that certain things are simply going to take a long time. Certain lessons are going to have be heard many many times. Each time, hopefully, both Dominant and submissive understand a little bit more of the bigger picture. It is an iterative process.
I liken it to putting together a complicated jigsaw puzzle That takes not only massive intense effort but also an abiding patience. The patience of the Dominant lies in understanding that the submissive is attempting to put together the puzzle without having access to the picture showing the completed puzzle. The patience of the submissive lies in realizing that the Dominant might have access to the picture of the completed puzzle, but will still end up having to try a lot of different pieces in the same spot before the fit is found.
And both must realize that they need to act with purpose but not in haste, and to trust that where T/they are is where T/they should be.
Imbalance
One thing that's tricky, in a room that's at least partially geared towards scening, is balance. That is, the number of Dominants looking to play vs. the number of available submissives at a given time.
There's nothing one can do about it, of course. One never knows who's coming in, or when, or how many.
Then there is the situation we had last night, late . . . three girls, all ready willing and able . . . and a number of Doms . . . but none of Them wanting to play.
A few thoughts on that.
1. Stuff happens. It's frustrating for Me, because I like to see the room active, and for Dominants to make use of the girls that are available.
2. But, OK . . . if it's about the Dominant(s), then what They want or don't want to do . . . is primary. I accept that.
3. But there's a phenomenon I've been noticing, a lot, lately. And that is this tendency for many Doms to be soooo tentative. I am not 100% sure of why this is, but I think it's least partially attributable to the following, in varying degrees:
A. A lot of the Doms seem to want to be "courting" . . . obsessed with not being seen as an HNG or a troller, and going too far in the "nice" direction.
B. A number of the Doms are not really Doms, and are actually looking to submit. This is a very common phenomenon . . . many men, especially, do not want to identify as sub or even as switch. Often a girl will PM Me to report that a Dom is making subby hints to her in PM.
C. Performance anxiety. Some are not confident of their scening technique (or of their own Dominance), and thus shy away from scening in public. Of all the possible reasons this one I can at least sympathize with the most. The girls in #EP are a sexy, talented, creative, lot . . . submissive, respectful, but in need of a Dom/me who's able to match their talent and creativity with His or Her own. And that can feel very challenging, I understand that.
4. In the end, it's all good. Mainly because well, it has to be. As I said I can't do anything about it (other than encourage in My wonderfully oh-so-subtle way lol). And often enough, the balance is good enough. And when the room is crowded but not scening-focused, there are a lot of laughs and insightful conversations.
It works, overall.
There's nothing one can do about it, of course. One never knows who's coming in, or when, or how many.
Then there is the situation we had last night, late . . . three girls, all ready willing and able . . . and a number of Doms . . . but none of Them wanting to play.
A few thoughts on that.
1. Stuff happens. It's frustrating for Me, because I like to see the room active, and for Dominants to make use of the girls that are available.
2. But, OK . . . if it's about the Dominant(s), then what They want or don't want to do . . . is primary. I accept that.
3. But there's a phenomenon I've been noticing, a lot, lately. And that is this tendency for many Doms to be soooo tentative. I am not 100% sure of why this is, but I think it's least partially attributable to the following, in varying degrees:
A. A lot of the Doms seem to want to be "courting" . . . obsessed with not being seen as an HNG or a troller, and going too far in the "nice" direction.
B. A number of the Doms are not really Doms, and are actually looking to submit. This is a very common phenomenon . . . many men, especially, do not want to identify as sub or even as switch. Often a girl will PM Me to report that a Dom is making subby hints to her in PM.
C. Performance anxiety. Some are not confident of their scening technique (or of their own Dominance), and thus shy away from scening in public. Of all the possible reasons this one I can at least sympathize with the most. The girls in #EP are a sexy, talented, creative, lot . . . submissive, respectful, but in need of a Dom/me who's able to match their talent and creativity with His or Her own. And that can feel very challenging, I understand that.
4. In the end, it's all good. Mainly because well, it has to be. As I said I can't do anything about it (other than encourage in My wonderfully oh-so-subtle way lol). And often enough, the balance is good enough. And when the room is crowded but not scening-focused, there are a lot of laughs and insightful conversations.
It works, overall.
Time
I have a few guiding principles that I use with My slaves. Perhaps the most important principle for Me is this: Time doesn't matter.
Since none of us knows how much time we do or don't have, one might as well assume that time is unlimited. This is not to say that One should be content doing nothing . . . when I say that I assume time is unlimited, I mean that there is time to impart the same lesson, as many times as necessary.
This is vitally important. Human nature is such that much of what the Dominant wants to teach, to impart to the submissive, isn't necessarily natural. And certainly not easy. No matter how much inner desire the submissive might have, certain things are going to be a struggle. And, to add the to the complexity, for each submissive what is easy and is what is difficult is going to differ. Thus, time is what the Dominant needs, to figure all this out, to figure out what the important lessons are, and how to teach them. And more time, because this is an iterative process . . . some things are going to need to be shown, to be taught, ten, or fifty, or 339 times until the real understanding has been achieved.
Pitfalls of course are everywhere in this approach. It can be boring. It can be frustrating. And boredom and frustration can send everything down the tubes . . . we all have to struggle against taking the path of least resistance; working through the complexities is a real test of the Dominant's strength, will, creativity, patience, and, depending upon the kind of relationship there is, love. And it's a test of the submissive's desire and dedication.
Thank goodness there is so much time. No time to waste, but lots of time to use. I know I need every second of it.
Since none of us knows how much time we do or don't have, one might as well assume that time is unlimited. This is not to say that One should be content doing nothing . . . when I say that I assume time is unlimited, I mean that there is time to impart the same lesson, as many times as necessary.
This is vitally important. Human nature is such that much of what the Dominant wants to teach, to impart to the submissive, isn't necessarily natural. And certainly not easy. No matter how much inner desire the submissive might have, certain things are going to be a struggle. And, to add the to the complexity, for each submissive what is easy and is what is difficult is going to differ. Thus, time is what the Dominant needs, to figure all this out, to figure out what the important lessons are, and how to teach them. And more time, because this is an iterative process . . . some things are going to need to be shown, to be taught, ten, or fifty, or 339 times until the real understanding has been achieved.
Pitfalls of course are everywhere in this approach. It can be boring. It can be frustrating. And boredom and frustration can send everything down the tubes . . . we all have to struggle against taking the path of least resistance; working through the complexities is a real test of the Dominant's strength, will, creativity, patience, and, depending upon the kind of relationship there is, love. And it's a test of the submissive's desire and dedication.
Thank goodness there is so much time. No time to waste, but lots of time to use. I know I need every second of it.
A Post That Made Me Smile . . . And Think
this girl wrote, Friday:
It never ceases to amaze me how a little harshness, a little discipline, a good session, pain, hard work and tender words can change this girl from a screaming she-cat: evil and mean, pouty and jealous, stubborn and angry, to a sweet kitten: soft and loving, pliable and willing, quiet and happy. Thank you, Sir.
I love that post because in a few short lines she expressed something very powerful about this lifestyle: the transformative power of simple things, when done with ultimate focus.
That was the "smile" part. But of course, I'm never (well, rarely, at any rate) content to just smile. I have to start thinking.
The transformative power of discipline is an amazing, beautiful thing. The danger of course, at least to My way of thinking, is that over time, unless One is careful, it stops becoming transformative and thus loses much of its power.
The idea, of discipline, to Me, is that eventually, discipline works so well that it makes itself over time unnecessary. If the aftermath feels "good," in some sense, as this girl expressed, there is always the danger that the bigger lesson is lost, or obscured. (Note: This is not a comment on this girl, but rather a discussion of theory.) If the Dominant is not careful, and if the submissive doesn't understand the bigger lesson, discipline can become something more like a fetish: An activity with predictable antecedents and results, valuable in a sense for its momentary fulfillment of desire, but now devoid of the possibility of imparting and enforcing the bigger lesson.
Again, people will differ as to the importance of that "bigger lesson." To Me, it's overridingly important: My goal is for the submissive to achieve the ultimate liberation of the self by totally embracing her submission. Discipline is a transitory tool that helps the submissive move through various stages to reach the point where obedience is second nature and discipline has made itself obsolete.
Sometimes I think too much, of course. One more burden My girls have to carry LOL.
Thank you, this girl, for a succinct and thought-provoking expression of something important.
It never ceases to amaze me how a little harshness, a little discipline, a good session, pain, hard work and tender words can change this girl from a screaming she-cat: evil and mean, pouty and jealous, stubborn and angry, to a sweet kitten: soft and loving, pliable and willing, quiet and happy. Thank you, Sir.
I love that post because in a few short lines she expressed something very powerful about this lifestyle: the transformative power of simple things, when done with ultimate focus.
That was the "smile" part. But of course, I'm never (well, rarely, at any rate) content to just smile. I have to start thinking.
The transformative power of discipline is an amazing, beautiful thing. The danger of course, at least to My way of thinking, is that over time, unless One is careful, it stops becoming transformative and thus loses much of its power.
The idea, of discipline, to Me, is that eventually, discipline works so well that it makes itself over time unnecessary. If the aftermath feels "good," in some sense, as this girl expressed, there is always the danger that the bigger lesson is lost, or obscured. (Note: This is not a comment on this girl, but rather a discussion of theory.) If the Dominant is not careful, and if the submissive doesn't understand the bigger lesson, discipline can become something more like a fetish: An activity with predictable antecedents and results, valuable in a sense for its momentary fulfillment of desire, but now devoid of the possibility of imparting and enforcing the bigger lesson.
Again, people will differ as to the importance of that "bigger lesson." To Me, it's overridingly important: My goal is for the submissive to achieve the ultimate liberation of the self by totally embracing her submission. Discipline is a transitory tool that helps the submissive move through various stages to reach the point where obedience is second nature and discipline has made itself obsolete.
Sometimes I think too much, of course. One more burden My girls have to carry LOL.
Thank you, this girl, for a succinct and thought-provoking expression of something important.
Rough Blogger Weekend
Looks like Blogger is back to normal, at least for the moment.I lost two posts Friday night. One was mostly bitching about Blogger; that one I don't mind losing that much. The other was more "weighty," some thoughts that had occurred to Me while reading a post on a blog that I link to. I'll try to reconstruct that post.
If anyone left a comment over the past couple of days, I think it's been blown away. Please re-post if you would. I enjoy finding and reading people's comments. Thanks.
Another thing I couldn't do over the past couple of days is upload images. That seems to work, too . . . yayyyy.
OK, back to finding the entry the lost post was based on and trying to remember what I thought/wrote about it Friday night.
The Female Submissive, Part 2
A continuation. As before, I am painting with a broad brush here, somewhat, so don't take it personally. No one can say anything that applies to everyone on a topic like this. I am writing from My own observations, which, not while not scientific, are still probably right. So there!
1. One fairly obvious thing that I've seen is that male submissives often retain that male sense of entitlement, despite their submissive role. This sounds all bad, but actually isn't. See, men are really good at expressing what they want. And that is a very handy thing for a Dominant. I always want to know what My slaves want. Again, not because I am going to cater to those desires, but so that both parties understand Who Owns What. And desires, though less tangible perhaps, are part of that. Holding back one's desires is walling off a piece of one's self from one's Owner . . . and that just won't do. A man's ability to say what he's desirous of often makes a Dominant's task easier.
Girls, on the other hand, often will, in an effort to be "good," hold back a lot of their wants, afraid of being seen as too needy, or topping from the bottom, etc. As I explained above, nothing could be further from the truth. It takes a long process of explaining, coaxing, ordering (which really doesn't work that well in this area), etc., to get most girls to open up about that.
Now, there are girls (and some boys, too, I'm guessing) who really have pushed their own "wants" down to the point where there is, in effect, nothing to express. Their desire really is charged by what the Other wants. It can take a long time to figure out that this is where a submissive is coming from (maybe that's just Me LOL) . . . with a submissive like this, trying to draw out her "desires" is going to be mutually frustrating for both parties.
Another situation is more prosaic, but no less real. As sorceress once said to Me . . . "the good part about being submissive is not having to think about what to do." Sounds funny, but it masks an important truth. As I've said previously, subs want to submit. Expressing desires can feel a lot like exercising control; saying what one wants to happen is a fist step towards making that happen (in one's thinking). Again, the Dominant will have to be patient and creative in getting the point across that the expression of desire and the fulfillment of desire are not necessarily related. Which leads Me right to another situation:
The submissive who holds onto her desires as a way of exerting control. This is not topping from the bottom, which I define as a purely manipulative activity. The submissive who doesn't voice her desires typically is looking for safety . . . for the perception of safety that such control seems to provide. This is an area where female and males will often differ greatly . . . females, for obvious and non-obvious reasons, are much more likely to be concerned with safety. Not physical safety, but emotional safety. Desires held onto are desires that can't hurt you, the thinking seems to go. This situation can be a real challenge; to get across the point that the only truly "safe" course of action is to let go what's held onto and give it over to one's Owner can be a very long process.
2. The other night a female submissive was talking to Me about something that a Dom did (didn't do, really) during a scene that upset her. As often happens, little pearls are found in these random conversations. I ended up telling her that what happens TO a submissive is not always ABOUT the submissive.
This is an area boys might have a more difficult time understanding than girls, I'm not sure. Or, I should say, males and females will struggle with different aspects of this. While a male might have trouble NOT thinking of himself as the focus, a girl will often take on burdens that aren't hers to carry. In the above situation, the Dom in question was just having a bad day, got distracted, etc. There was no sinister intent. It's difficult, especially mid-scene, when one feels vulnerable, to stop and take that deep breath and remember that one is there for The Other. That often, remaining focused and attentive has to be its own reward.
A difficult thing. Where the good Dominant can make this easier is in that old bugaboo, communication, again. Letting the submissive know, clearly, what is and isn't about him/her. boys and girls will often need this explained to them in very different terms.
1. One fairly obvious thing that I've seen is that male submissives often retain that male sense of entitlement, despite their submissive role. This sounds all bad, but actually isn't. See, men are really good at expressing what they want. And that is a very handy thing for a Dominant. I always want to know what My slaves want. Again, not because I am going to cater to those desires, but so that both parties understand Who Owns What. And desires, though less tangible perhaps, are part of that. Holding back one's desires is walling off a piece of one's self from one's Owner . . . and that just won't do. A man's ability to say what he's desirous of often makes a Dominant's task easier.
Girls, on the other hand, often will, in an effort to be "good," hold back a lot of their wants, afraid of being seen as too needy, or topping from the bottom, etc. As I explained above, nothing could be further from the truth. It takes a long process of explaining, coaxing, ordering (which really doesn't work that well in this area), etc., to get most girls to open up about that.
Now, there are girls (and some boys, too, I'm guessing) who really have pushed their own "wants" down to the point where there is, in effect, nothing to express. Their desire really is charged by what the Other wants. It can take a long time to figure out that this is where a submissive is coming from (maybe that's just Me LOL) . . . with a submissive like this, trying to draw out her "desires" is going to be mutually frustrating for both parties.
Another situation is more prosaic, but no less real. As sorceress once said to Me . . . "the good part about being submissive is not having to think about what to do." Sounds funny, but it masks an important truth. As I've said previously, subs want to submit. Expressing desires can feel a lot like exercising control; saying what one wants to happen is a fist step towards making that happen (in one's thinking). Again, the Dominant will have to be patient and creative in getting the point across that the expression of desire and the fulfillment of desire are not necessarily related. Which leads Me right to another situation:
The submissive who holds onto her desires as a way of exerting control. This is not topping from the bottom, which I define as a purely manipulative activity. The submissive who doesn't voice her desires typically is looking for safety . . . for the perception of safety that such control seems to provide. This is an area where female and males will often differ greatly . . . females, for obvious and non-obvious reasons, are much more likely to be concerned with safety. Not physical safety, but emotional safety. Desires held onto are desires that can't hurt you, the thinking seems to go. This situation can be a real challenge; to get across the point that the only truly "safe" course of action is to let go what's held onto and give it over to one's Owner can be a very long process.
2. The other night a female submissive was talking to Me about something that a Dom did (didn't do, really) during a scene that upset her. As often happens, little pearls are found in these random conversations. I ended up telling her that what happens TO a submissive is not always ABOUT the submissive.
This is an area boys might have a more difficult time understanding than girls, I'm not sure. Or, I should say, males and females will struggle with different aspects of this. While a male might have trouble NOT thinking of himself as the focus, a girl will often take on burdens that aren't hers to carry. In the above situation, the Dom in question was just having a bad day, got distracted, etc. There was no sinister intent. It's difficult, especially mid-scene, when one feels vulnerable, to stop and take that deep breath and remember that one is there for The Other. That often, remaining focused and attentive has to be its own reward.
A difficult thing. Where the good Dominant can make this easier is in that old bugaboo, communication, again. Letting the submissive know, clearly, what is and isn't about him/her. boys and girls will often need this explained to them in very different terms.
Idle Workday Thoughts
Channel Stats Updated. The channel stats page has been updated. Thanks as always to sorceress, whose tireless work keeps the stats and the home page in shape. Check out her work.
Thursday. When today's done, 80% of the work week is over. Mathematically at least. Psychologically, it's more than 80%, because Fridays almost don't count. Even a difficult work Friday is still Friday.
Groundhog Day. Punxatawney Phil saw this shadow. Well, I'll galdly settle for six more weeks of non-winter type weather like today. As gophers go, however, I prefer the little guy from Caddyshack. He's damn cute.
Mary Jane Watson is Hot. Forget Spider-Man. I'll take his girlfriend. Preferably bound and kneeling at My feet. Yummmmmmy.
Thursday. When today's done, 80% of the work week is over. Mathematically at least. Psychologically, it's more than 80%, because Fridays almost don't count. Even a difficult work Friday is still Friday.
Groundhog Day. Punxatawney Phil saw this shadow. Well, I'll galdly settle for six more weeks of non-winter type weather like today. As gophers go, however, I prefer the little guy from Caddyshack. He's damn cute.
Mary Jane Watson is Hot. Forget Spider-Man. I'll take his girlfriend. Preferably bound and kneeling at My feet. Yummmmmmy.
Three Realizations That Pissed Me Off.
1. I still haven't seen Underworld: Evolution. If you've seen it, please leave a comment and let Me know if I should be pissed about not having seen it yet.
2. Not working at home sucks. Not only do I have to be somewhere at a certain time, I have to actually look halfway good when I get there and be semi-nice to people. Tyranny beyond reason!
3. Waaaaaay too many people stop at the grocery store after work. And they are all in line in front of Me.
Three Realizations That Made Me Smile.
1. It's February. The suckiest month is the shortest. Spring is actually closer than it feels.
2. Baseball season is not far away at all.
3. I see My girls tonight. The best part of any day.
Humility
I was talking with one of My girls the other night, and that evening's blog entry came up. The one entitled "Thoughts on multi . . . "
It became clear to Me, quickly, that that entry felt one way to her, but felt quite another way to Me. To wit: What I had written there, I intended as an expression of an ideal, i.e., the way things should be. But she took it much more to heart -- to her it felt like I was expressing that that is how it always is in My/our personal situation, and isn't that wonderful, etc.
And if course, it isn't, can't, always be ideal. I strive with all that I am to have it be that way, all the time , but stuff happens, life gets in the way, etc. A million different things can upset the pursuit of that ideal.
And thinking more on that leads to a point I didn't mention in either of those entries (the "mutli" one and the one that preceded it), but one that is incredibly important, and for Some, quite difficult.
Humility. The Master's/Mistress' humility.
Difficult becasue Our position as Dominants, the very nature of it, tends to mititgate against Our ever feeling "humble."
And the humility I'm talking about is not the humility of a submissive. It is the humility that one should feel in the face of the incredble repsonsibilty that the other(s) has entrusted Us with. The humility that tempers power, that enlightens power with concern, with joy, with wonder. The humility that One feels when One stops and realizes that a submissive, when s/he really submits, puts his or her very life in the Dominant's hands. The humility One should feel when one looks back, and then ahead, and realizes that to guide another(s) along the narrow, twisting, dangerous, but amazingly rewarding and beautiful path that submissive and Dominant travel, is a task so immense, so encompassing, that humility in the face of that realization is the only reasonable and sane reaction.
After a long struggle, the wise Dominant realizes that the kind of humility I'm talking about, true humility in wielding of power, makes One stronger, not weaker.
And to Mine . . . these three completely loving and devoted girls that have thrown their lot in with Me, I promise always to do My best to have that sense of ultimate humility in mind as I lead.
It became clear to Me, quickly, that that entry felt one way to her, but felt quite another way to Me. To wit: What I had written there, I intended as an expression of an ideal, i.e., the way things should be. But she took it much more to heart -- to her it felt like I was expressing that that is how it always is in My/our personal situation, and isn't that wonderful, etc.
And if course, it isn't, can't, always be ideal. I strive with all that I am to have it be that way, all the time , but stuff happens, life gets in the way, etc. A million different things can upset the pursuit of that ideal.
And thinking more on that leads to a point I didn't mention in either of those entries (the "mutli" one and the one that preceded it), but one that is incredibly important, and for Some, quite difficult.
Humility. The Master's/Mistress' humility.
Difficult becasue Our position as Dominants, the very nature of it, tends to mititgate against Our ever feeling "humble."
And the humility I'm talking about is not the humility of a submissive. It is the humility that one should feel in the face of the incredble repsonsibilty that the other(s) has entrusted Us with. The humility that tempers power, that enlightens power with concern, with joy, with wonder. The humility that One feels when One stops and realizes that a submissive, when s/he really submits, puts his or her very life in the Dominant's hands. The humility One should feel when one looks back, and then ahead, and realizes that to guide another(s) along the narrow, twisting, dangerous, but amazingly rewarding and beautiful path that submissive and Dominant travel, is a task so immense, so encompassing, that humility in the face of that realization is the only reasonable and sane reaction.
After a long struggle, the wise Dominant realizes that the kind of humility I'm talking about, true humility in wielding of power, makes One stronger, not weaker.
And to Mine . . . these three completely loving and devoted girls that have thrown their lot in with Me, I promise always to do My best to have that sense of ultimate humility in mind as I lead.
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