Words

slut.

Words are loaded. In the chat medium, with no tone of voice, body language, or facial expression to guide interpretation, words are especially loaded.

One girl I've spoken a lot with, until recently had a major problem with the word "slut." In her case, it wasn't so much the sexual connotation of the word that bothered her as the old-fashioned meaning of slut as an "unkempt" woman. But other sub girls, especially, from time to time, have an issue with the word. Interestingly enough, I've never met a male sub who objected to being called a "slut" LOL . . . make of that what you will. OK, men are sluts. There, I said it.

Around #EP (with Me anyway) . . . it's a commonly-used word. For Me, it's typcially a term of endearment, denoting the familiarity/comfort I feel with the girl in question. And it's more, of course, too . . . and that I suspect is where the problem comes in for some.

It's a reminder of status. There's an implicit humilation in the word. The word itself is transgressive -- in normal polite society calling someone a slut is usually a pretty severe insult.

And of course, the transgressive aspect of the word is what gives it its power. It "objectifies" to a certain extent. For Me, in the chatroom context, it reinforces the norms that allow the environment to function smoothly. While there is no government without the consent of the governed, there is also no government if those in "power" don't set a clear direction, don't have clearly stated expectations. It's not a democracy (and I know few good subs who would want it to be). Little things . . . the use of titles, certain standards of respectful sub behavior, etc., help keep things clear. Terms that subtlely reinforce the message to subs that they are there as subs voluntarily (presumably no one is forcing anyone at gunpoint to be on-line) are another aspect of that.

[Note: I am not talking about the use of certian terms in scenes . . . obviously that's its own realm, worthy of its own entry.]

The message to the sub is clear and consistent: you may not be here to submit to ME, per se, but you are here to explore some aspect(s) of submission (or you are doing research for a term paper) . . . submitting to the norms of a given place, even, perhaps especailly, when they are essentially arbitrary, is submitting, too. And it has a value. An unsexy, non-obvious value. But no less important, no less a building block, if you will, of "bigger" submission.